My Now & Forever

by HJ Bellus

  The doctors wanted me to stay overnight for observation. There was no way in hell I was going to stay here the rest of the day and into the night. I belonged with Cree and Annie on the farm. It took some major words to convince Cree to take me home. He finally called for a nurse when he realized I was leaving with or without his help. I signed all the papers refusing further observation and care from the hospital and doctors.

  Lacey and Cree were obviously disgruntled with my choice. I knew that my health was of their highest concern, but all I had was a broken arm and some bruising. The discharge nurse taped my arm with some gauze where the IVs had been, and then Cree scooped me up out of the bed and carried me to his truck. He was a heroic, little pirate.

  He stopped at the grocery store to get all my prescriptions filled. He insisted that Lacey come with us, so he had Lacey stay in the truck with me while he went into the store. He was treating me like a three year-old, but I had no complaints. I sat in the middle of the front seat and Lacey sat next to me. When Cree hopped out of the truck, I laid my head on her shoulder.

  “Thank you Lacey. I was preparing myself for death right before I saw your face.”

  “Milly, I uh, I was scared to fucking death when I heard your screams. I was unlocking the salon, and I heard you. I ran as fast as I could. I fucking love you. You are the only family I have. I love you.”

  “Lacey you are my family. You are my sister. I fucking love you too!”

  We were both crying when Cree returned to the truck with his bags. He stiffened immediately at the sight of the two of us crying and holding each other. He sat there for a minute and let us finish our cry and sob fest. Then he did what Cree does best.

  “I grabbed some food from the deli for lunch. The chicken strips are mine, but I bought a corndog and burrito for you two. I figured you two could wrestle naked and the winner gets the corn dog.”

  I snatched the bag from Cree and searched for the corn dog.

  “Screw that, Captain! The corn dog is mine! And you better have a damn mustard packet in your back pocket, or you are gonna get cut. Here’s your burrito, ho-bag!”

  We all laughed and then sat in the parking lot eating our greasy lunch. We didn’t need to talk to express what we were thinking. We needed a moment together, just the three of us, to reflect on what happened this morning. I had to nibble on my corn dog because my top lip was split-open and it made it a bitch to eat, so I finally gave up and threw my corn dog at Lacey.

  “I need to tell you two something.”

  Cree and Lacey didn’t say a word or move, they just sat there.

  “I fell in love with both of you with a shattered heart that barely remembered how to love. You two gave me a reason to love again. It scared the hell out of me when you guys kept on loving me with all my scars showing. You two make me a better person and because of you guys, I can love without reservations. You two stole my heart. Cree, you are the love of my life and I couldn’t go on without you. Lacey, you are my sister that I need to breathe. Because of you guys, I am not ashamed anymore.”

  Dead silence settled over the truck. Then Lacey did what she did best. She slapped me with the half-eaten corn dog and said, “I love you too, sister! Now enough with this sappy shit, you hooker!”

  With that, Cree drove us home. Lacey offered to stay home with me, but I made her go to work. I knew Cree had lots of tractor work to do today. Cree wasn’t going to leave my side and for the record, I wasn’t leaving his. I knew he would stay with me all day at the house and then go drive tractor while everyone was sleeping tonight. He was always making sacrifices for his girls without thinking twice.

  I went upstairs and changed into a pair of boy shorts and a tank top. I threw one of Cree’s hoodies over the top and slipped on a pair of flip flops. I grabbed a pillow and some blankets off of our bed and headed down to the kitchen to find my Cree.

  “Okay, let’s go!”

  “Um, Milly…you are not going anywhere.”

  “Yes, I am. You have work to do, and I am going with you. I just took two pain pills. I have my pillow and blanket. Now move your ass, Captain!”

  Cree knew he wasn’t going to win this battle. We made our way down the dirt road out to the field. Cree climbed up into the tractor and situated my blankets and pillows. I didn’t think about the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to climb up into the tractor with a broken wrist and a sore body. Cree climbed back down and said, “Pull yourself up with your one good hand and I will hoist your ass up there from down here.”

  “Gee! Thanks…”

  Cree settled into the driver seat and I snuggled up in my blankets, up against him. I wrapped my arms around his middle.

  “I love you Captain!”

  “I love you more Miss Milly!”

  “My eyelids are kind of getting heavy.”

  “Just close your eyes and sleep, Dolly.”

  Chapter 27

  Annie’s Birthday

  It had been two weeks since the attack, and I have healed quite nicely. My face was almost back to normal. The hardest part of the whole ordeal was when Cree explained it all to little Annie. There was no way of hiding the bruises and broken bones from her. She cried, I cried. We hugged each other for a long time. She asked a lot of questions about mean people. Cree answered every one of her questions even the hard, ugly ones. Annie lightened the mood by drawing pictures on my cast of our family. She didn’t leave one empty spot.

  ***

  Cree: What should we do for Annie’s birthday?

  Milly: Party here at The Shop & then a sleepover?

  Cree: sounds good

  Milly: Does that mean you will let me plan it without getting jealous?

  Cree: I’m never jealous and yes you can plan it

  Milly: I love you

  Cree: Just because you are getting your way

  Milly: yep!

  The girls and I planned an amazing party for Annie. She invited five friends over. We had a tea and dress up party at The Shop, and then came home to BBQ. Cree bought Annie a huge above-ground swimming pool for her birthday. He had it all set up when we came home to BBQ. I could tell he would rather be swimming and playing in the pool with the girls, so I took over the grilling duties.

  Willow made Annie the most gorgeous cake I have ever laid my eyes on. It was a three tier cake in neon colors, with different animal prints all over it. Annie’s name was splayed across the front in funky large letters. Willow even put pictures of Cree and Annie on the cake. The cake made me cry it was so beautiful. I think I even cried harder when I tasted it. It was the best cake I had ever eaten. It was so good, I planned on hiding a layer of it in my closet to eat all by myself.

  We made the girls get out of the pool when it was dark, and we all retreated into the living room to make our humongous tent. Cree crashed in the recliner. Willow, Lacey and I crawled into the tent with the girls. We painted toes, lips and eyes. Annie painted my toes and her Aunt Willow’s fingernails. She was loving her new make-up kit from Willow.

  “I have an idea Annie, let’s paint up your dad!”

  Oh, Willow was truly an evil little sister. I was completely exhausted. My body felt like it had been drug through a freaking car wash ten times on the deluxe cycle. Planning a six year-old’s birthday party was rough!

  So I sat back on the couch, too tired to defend my Cree. I snapped pictures of the girls painting his fingernails and applying make-up. Annie put on bright red lipstick and kissed his face, leaving her little red lip prints everywhere. After Cree had been attacked by the girls, we herded them back into the tent. I crawled into Annie’s sleeping bag with her and fell asleep instantly. In the back of my mind, I knew this was a bad idea, because I would be Willow and her evil minion’s next victim, but I was too tired to care!

  We delivered all the girls back to their homes by eleven the next morning. Cree got a good laugh out of the make-up all over his face. He thought it was even funnier that I had matching make-up. He wasn’t so impressed to fi
nd out we didn’t have fingernail polish remover. I promised him I would pick some up at the store.

  “Honey, I think you will be hot driving your tractor with pink polish on!”

  “Milly, you are so not being funny right now!”

  “Okay, I will bring some to you when I bring your lunch out. Remember, we need to head into town at six for Annie’s dance recital”

  I kissed Cree goodbye, and looked around at the disaster left by six little eager girls. I only had one thought “Fuck-It”. I went up to Annie’s room, to find her having an absolute meltdown.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Nothing made sense that came out of her mouth. She was an absolute blubbering mess! She was an exhausted, emotional wreck from all of the excitement the day before. She had turned into a beast child before my eyes. I am pretty sure that I made an epic rookie move by having a sleepover the night before her recital. I went down and got a slice of cake for me and a bowl of ice cream for her. I’m pretty sure this wasn’t the right move either, but I wanted cake.

  “Okay pretty girl, we are going to eat our snack and then lay down together to get some rest for your dance recital tonight.”

  “Mommy, I don’t know why I keep crying and being naughty to you.”

  “It’s okay sweetie, you are just tired.”

  I polished off my cake and texted Cree.

  Me: Lacey will bring you lunch today…try not to seduce her

  Cree: I want my normal lunch delivery girl

  Me: Not gonna happen! Our princess is having a meltdown. She is exhausted and I told her I would lay down with her.

  Cree: Do you need me?

  Me: No, not yet. We are going to lie down and see how it goes.

  Cree: I’ll be in at 5 to get ready…love you

  Me: Love you 2!

  “Pick a movie and come snuggle up with me.”

  Annie popped in a movie and crawled into my arms on her bed. I felt her tears subside and her rhythmic breathing begin. I needed to pick up the house from the party, but I let my eyes close for just a second. My body was just as tired as poor Annie’s. I guess we really knew how to party. Willow’s voice started to echo in my dream.

  “Get up you two! It’s five, and we still have to do Annie’s hair and make-up.”

  I felt a hand shaking the shit out of my shoulder, but I couldn’t move…I wanted to sleep. I finally opened my eyes to see Cree and Willow standing above us. Cree scooped up Annie and started to wake her up by nuzzling his nose in her ear. I heard her squeal with laughter.

  “Daddy, I’m sorry I was so mean after my party, but I couldn’t quit crying and being mad.”

  “It’s okay sweetie, that happens when you have too much fun! You probably need to tell that to Milly when she wakes up.”

  “I did dad, I told her when I was crying so hard.”

  Ahhh silence finally! I rolled over and went back to sleep. I needed more sleep, and I was going to get it. I felt Cree pick me up out of the bed.

  “You have to wake up Milly, it is 5:40.”

  “I’m tired Cree.”

  “Honey, you slept all day!”

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am tired. Put me back to bed.”

  “Nope. You have to get ready!”

  Cree sat me on the counter in his bathroom and I now became the “beast girlfriend”. I threw a hissy fit and stuck my tongue out at him. I even threw a bottle of lotion at him when he kept trying to convince me to get ready.

  “Fine! If you aren’t going to get yourself ready, I will do it for you!”

  “Fine!”

  “You really are cute when you’re throwing a fit.”

  I chucked another bottle at him.

  “I’m tired Cree and need sleep.”

  He went into my closet and came back with a dress, and nestled his way between my legs. He began undressing me and then dressing me in my dress. I’m pretty sure I started to doze off while he did this. He slipped a pair of my flat strappy sandals on my feet, and then started combing my hair.

  “No make-up please.”

  “You don’t need make-up baby!”

  “Coffee now.”

  “Yes, coffee for my brat!”

  Willow and Lacey took Annie into town because we were running so late. Cree fed me cake and coffee to wake me up. I was finally awake enough to function, without having to be cared for by Cree. I really needed to start taking some vitamins to pep me up or something. We climbed into Cree’s truck and I laid down across the bench and put my head in his lap. His strong, gentle hands brushed my hair away from face and continued to stroke my hair.

  “I want you to go to the doctor Monday. Something is wrong with you. I have noticed how tired you have been lately.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I’m making the appointment, Milly. You are going.”

  “Yes, daddy!”

  He bent down and slapped my ass hard, and pulled over his truck. He picked me up so I was sitting on his lap and my back was resting on the steering wheel. He didn’t look happy and playful like usual.

  “I’m fucking serious, Milly. I am not going to lose you. I am worried that something is wrong with you and you are not going to play it off like some joke. I didn’t have control over my parents’ death, but by god I will have the control over the health of the people I love. Do you fucking hear me?”

  I was utterly shocked. I had no idea that Cree was so worried. This was silly… I am sure it was a virus or something little. Nothing to get all flustered over. I grabbed his face and kissed him.

  “I will go. Baby, it is nothing but sheer exhaustion, or I may have picked up a virus from being around the kids at school or dance. Don’t worry, not tonight!”

  I climbed off his lap and laid back down across his front seat. I would go to the doctor for him just to ease his mind. Until then, I would hide just how shitty I felt. I grabbed onto Cree’s hand that rested on my shoulder and squeezed it tightly. I would never let go of this man.

  Just like always, Annie was the shining star of the recital - or at least we thought so. I had become the parent who thought her child was clearly way more talented than the others, because clearly she was. Each dance student brought flowers to their parents after the recital. Annie had no hesitations of grabbing a flower from the bucket labeled, “For Moms” and then she grabbed one out of the, “For Dads” bucket, and bounded over to us. She jumped up into Cree’s arms with a huge smile plastered on her face. She was wearing her very shiny hip-hop outfit. Annie leaned over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  “Here you go, mommy. Thanks for taking me to dance lessons.”

  “Oh, you are so welcome baby girl.”

  “Here you go, daddy. Thanks for paying for dance lessons.”

  “You are so welcome. Now tuck that flower behind my ear.”

  “My teacher told us we had to say something nice to our parents when gave them these. I snuck two more flowers out of the bucket.”

  A huge grin spread across her face, and she handed a flower to Willow and one to Lacey.

  “Aunt Willow, thanks for all the make-up. Aunt Lacey thanks for making my hair always the bestest.”

  That little rascal totally redeemed herself from her earlier meltdown today. I did a little victory dance on the inside for surviving my daughter’s first birthday party and dance recital, all in one weekend. I silently took a second to cherish this moment. I loved being a mom and Cree’s girlfriend, and Lacey’s sister, and one of Willow’s best friends. This was so not the picture of normalcy that I thought I wanted my entire life. It was mine and it was perfect, and that’s all that mattered now.

  Chapter 28

  Luau Time

  It was the last day of school for Annie. She wanted her whole family with her on the last day. She had her field day in the morning, and Cree was helping grill for the school BBQ. He was the only father helping. He looked so out of place between the room mothers and lunch ladies. He caught me staring at him w
hile I waited in line with Annie. He just gave me a sheepish grin and a shrug of his shoulders.

  After the last grade level was served, Cree joined us on the grass to eat lunch. He was covered in grease splatters and smelled like a grilled hot dog himself. Annie crawled up into his lap and started eating off his plate, even though she just finished hers.

  “My friend Molly said that her mom said you could serve her a hot dog any day daddy. I told her you were the bestest cooker ever.”

  We started laughing at her comment…she had no idea what Molly’s mom was talking about. I gave him a wink.

  “Captain, you better just keep your hot dog cooking abilities to the family, you hear me!”

  “Only for my girls, will I grill!”

  “Daddy! You know it is the last day of school and you promised me all year I could ride the bus home one time this year. Pretty, pretty, please Daddy? I’m ready.”

  “Oh, Annie. I really don’t feel comfortable with you riding the bus home sweetie.”

  “Please dad! I will be okay. I promise. Molly gets to ride it every day!”

  “Okay squirt, but you make sure that Milly puts you on the bus, and she will be waiting for you at the bus stop. No funny business!”

  “I love you daddy!”

  I was really rooting for Annie on this one, but didn’t offer my opinion because I knew how hard it was for Cree to let go of his baby girl. Cree peppered all of his girls with kisses and left after lunch. He was married to the farm, but always took time out for us.

  The girls and I were throwing Annie’s class a huge Luau-themed party to end her kindergarten year. We decorated the room while the kids were at recess. We strung lights across the ceiling, set up fake tiki torches and used Cree’s portable air pump to blow up three five-feet-tall pineapples. We bought grass skirts for all the kids to wear. I had to make Lacey take off her coconut bra before the kids came in from recess.

  Lacey was in charge of the games. I created a craft station for the kids, and Willow helped each kid make a smoothie. We had music blaring and a limbo contest set up in the middle of the room. It was the best classroom party yet. I thought we could make a business of this party stuff. Yeah, we were getting that good at it!