From Your Heart

by Shannyn Schroeder

  “Mom.”

  “Are you going to let me in?”

  “Sure.” She opened the door and set her cookie dough on the table. Her mom came in. She was obviously dressed for the party, wearing a simple black skirt and blue blouse. Kathy stared at her, still in shock and half expecting to be yelled at.

  “You can stop staring like an open-mouthed fish now. I’m the same woman you’ve known your whole life.” She pointed to the cookie dough. “Still too lazy to bake them I see.”

  “It’s better raw.”

  “No. You used it as comfort when you were too young to use the oven.” Her mom gripped her hands together and looked her in the eye.

  The statement was true, but Kathy had no idea that her mother had known.

  “We need to talk.”

  “I don’t need a lecture, Mom.”

  “This isn’t a lecture, although you do deserve one. Sit down.”

  Kathy sighed, but did as she was told. She curled her feet up and sat in the corner of the couch. Her mother sat beside her, close enough to touch. Weird.

  “I’m not sure where to start,” Mom said.

  “The beginning is usually the best.”

  She shot Kathy a look. “Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone?”

  Kathy shrugged.

  “Don’t give me that.”

  “Because I really liked him. It was special.”

  “And?”

  “And I didn’t want you to ruin it.” Kathy slapped a hand over her mouth.

  “Truth gets easier after a time, doesn’t it? We messed up with you. We knew it, but we didn’t know how to fix it. And you made it easy because you never stirred the waters. On the phone today, you said Christy treats you poorly, but you’ve never said anything. Why?”

  “Why would I? It would just start a fight.”

  “So what? Sometimes you need to fight to get to the other side. To air the problems instead of stepping around them and pretending they aren’t there.”

  Kathy sat in silence. She’d often spoke to her therapist about healthy fighting. The thing was, she wasn’t sure she could distinguish healthy versus unhealthy arguing. All of it made her feel horrible.

  Her mom’s stare weighed heavily on her and Kathy began to fidget while she waited for her mom to speak again. “You spoke rudely to me today. It made me very angry, just as it did the other day when we talked.”

  “I know.”

  “I got mad and I hung up on you.”

  Kathy nodded. She didn’t need the play-by-play.

  “What did you think was going to happen?”

  Kathy shrugged. “After today? I was pretty sure I was never going to hear from you again.”

  “What?”

  Kathy stared at her.

  “You seriously thought that the bit you said to me would do more damage than the crap I endured from your father over the years? That I would stop talking to you, my daughter, over it?” She laughed. “People fight, Kathy. Sometimes the fights are ugly and people need a break.”

  “I was really surprised to see you today.”

  “You said you were heartbroken. There is no place I belong but here.”

  Even though she thought she was done crying, Kathy managed to find more tears that slid down her face.

  After a good cry, the first thing her mother did was try to convince her that the cookie dough really was better if it was baked. Fresh, warm chocolate chip cookies topped cold dough any day of the week, or so she said. So while Kathy took a shower and put on fresh clothes, Darcy baked cookies. By the time she came back to the kitchen, cookies sat on a plate waiting for her. Chocolate melted on her tongue. Maybe her mom was onto something.

  “Now tell me about this man who broke your heart.”

  “He didn’t. I broke his.”

  “Then why are you the one sitting around crying?”

  Kathy sat at the table and played with a cookie. She explained her past with Kevin and what happened over the last few days.

  “Do you believe nothing was going on with the blonde in the office?”

  Kathy nodded.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “Now you sound like Kevin. The problem is me. I saw him with another woman and my immediate thought was that he was cheating on me just like five years ago. I don’t trust him, even though I thought I could. I want to, but I don’t.”

  “That is a problem with you. It’s a choice you make. The problem is not in the thought you had, but what you did about it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Did you go to him and ask him who the woman was? Did you spill a drink on him? Slap her and tell her to keep her hands off your man?”

  Kathy snorted at the image of her mother doing any of those things. “No. I left.”

  “That was your mistake. If you want him, you have to be willing to fight for him.”

  “So every time I see him with another woman I should slap her?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying and you know it. You’re smarter than that. You shouldn’t be running away with your tail between your legs, that’s for sure.”

  Kathy opened her mouth to argue and realized that her mom was right. She always ran away so she didn’t have to deal with any conflict. “I can’t. Just the thought of starting a fight ties me up in knots.”

  “Get over it. You can’t live life without fighting.” She paused and looked at Kathy. “Well, I suppose you could, but it wouldn’t be much of a life worth living. Who wants a life where you’re not willing to fight for anything?”

  “But you and Dad fought all the time. It was horrible. I can’t live like that.”

  Her mother grunted. “You should know by now not to use us as an example of anything other than how not to do marriage.” She shook her head slightly. “We were a mess, but we kept trying to hold on. We weren’t fighting for anything, just against each other. All the time.”

  “But where’s the line? How do I know when I’ve stepped too far in fighting for something I want that will ruin what we have? At some point the two of you did that and didn’t realize it.”

  “I don’t have an answer. You have to pay attention. We didn’t.”

  “That doesn’t help. I can’t spend my life wondering if this fight will be the one that sends him packing. That’s why I don’t fight.”

  Her mother offered a mirthless smile. “If one fight can do that, he was never yours. That’s not love. If it’s love, he’ll be fighting to hold on. You’ll know he’s trying to hold on to you.”

  Kathy wanted to believe her mother. She’d come back after all, even after Kathy had been mean and hurtful. But she was Kathy’s mother. It was probably in the mom handbook that she had to give Kathy countless chances. How many chances would Kevin give her?

  * * *

  Kevin worked through the weekend with a hangover and moved right into the week. He filled his days with meetings and memos and his nights with alcohol so that he wouldn’t think about Kathy. If he didn’t give his brain the ability to rest, she had no chance to invade his senses to remind him how lonely his days were or how cold his bed was. Jimmy and Moira had taken to nagging him via text incessantly every day.

  When he stopped answering them, Jimmy sent their other siblings in his stead. He was half tempted to block all their numbers, but he couldn’t do that. He knew they were worried about him. Right now, though, he wished they understood that he needed to be left alone.

  A sharp knock sounded on his closed office door. “Yes.”

  The door swung open and Deb stuck her head in. “Hey. Long time, no see. I like the new digs,” she said with a smirk.

  “It’s an office. And I don’t have to share.”

  She let herself in and closed the door behind her before taking the seat across from his desk. “You haven’t responded to the invitation for the cocktail reception for tonight.”

  “Why do you need me to respond? You know I’m expected to be there, so I’ll be there.”
He dropped his pen. “Why does Park want me there for this thing anyway? I’ve been swamped with getting the new tourism board stuff off the ground. Why pull me into this meet and greet? He doesn’t need me for that.”

  Deb leaned an arm on his desk. “Park likes you. Most of the city council is going to be there tonight. Your tourism board thing is working. I think Park wants to show you off. You’re the face of it after all.”

  Kevin rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to be the face of anything.

  “Speaking of . . .” She pointed in a circle at him. “You might want to do something about yours. You’re looking a little ragged these days.”

  Kevin scrubbed a hand over his chin. Damn. He’d forgotten to shave again.

  “The scruff isn’t half bad, but the dark circles that say you haven’t slept won’t win you any awards.”

  “Good thing I’m not looking for any.” He grew more suspicious by the minute with this conversation. “Why are you really here, Deb?” It wasn’t like her to stop by to chat.

  “Some of us are a little worried about you.”

  “Us?” Who the hell even paid attention to him?

  “Look, I’ve tried the nice approach, but that’s not working. And let’s face it, I suck at beating around the bush. Sheila noticed first, you know, since you walk past her desk every morning. You’ve scared no fewer than three interns with your growling this week. You look like hell, O’Malley. What’s going on with you?”

  He really didn’t want to bring his personal life into the office. He never did, and it had served him well over the years. “Nothing. Haven’t been sleeping well.”

  Her snort would’ve rivaled any Moira would’ve given him. “Yeah, I believe that. Guess that means it’s woman trouble. Do I want to know what you did to screw it up?”

  “First, I’m not discussing my personal life with you. Second, even if I were, what’s to say I was the one who screwed up?”

  “Because most of the time, it’s the guy who does the screwing up. I’m sorry your love life is a mess, and I hate to be the bearer of inconvenient news, but your girl is providing the flowers and centerpieces for tonight. Hope that won’t be a problem.”

  “No problem with me.” Except when Deb referred to Kathy as his girl it was like a knife to his heart. Yeah, he still thought of her as his, and it was painful to remind himself that she didn’t want him to have those thoughts.

  Deb stood and smoothed her already perfect skirt. “See you tonight then. You might want to go home and take a nap or something. Stay away from the hair of the dog though. You won’t make a good impression on the council members if you smell of whiskey.”

  Then she spun on her heel and left. Deb was a sharp woman, both in speech and intellect. She was downright frightening. Kevin processed everything she’d said. He needed to make a good impression with the city council. Chicago was still very much a you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours kind of city.

  But more importantly, Kathy might be there, especially if he showed up early enough. He could totally arrive during setup under the pretense of work and be able to see her. He hadn’t seen her since he’d shown up drunk at her apartment last weekend and even then he’d only seen a glimpse of her through a partially open door.

  He closed his computer and cleared his desk. Tonight he’d make his move. Seeing Kathy would be a test. If she looked as miserable as he felt, he’d confront her. But if she looked like she’d moved on, unaffected by their breakup, he would accept that Jimmy was right. He can’t make her want him or fight for them. And maybe he was wrong all along and she didn’t love him.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Kevin had talked with Marnie on his way home to make sure she planned on being at the meet and greet. They both needed to promote the partnership to the city council together. She assured him that not only would she be there, but that she’d also worked with Deb closely to fix another ball Brent had dropped. She’d personally contacted venues and caterers and event coordinators and then Kevin tuned her out because he didn’t give a damn who would be in attendance.

  He showered and considered shaving, but decided not to. He’d grown accustomed to the scruff. He trimmed it a little and thought about maybe growing a beard. He wore a suit even though he would’ve preferred jeans and a T-shirt. The lack of sleep, the overconsumption of alcohol, and constant tug of sadness couldn’t be disguised by a suit, no matter how classy.

  He drove to the venue and entered through the back entrance, as if he needed to make sure things were on track. He scoped the area looking for Deb, Kathy, or Anna, but only found the catering staff. He went into the dining area and saw Deb barking orders stiffly at the head caterer. She could be such a hard-ass sometimes. But the caterer took it in stride. Deb turned and saw him. She didn’t say anything, but gave him a look with an arched brow.

  He held his arms out for her to inspect his appearance. She offered a sharp nod and went back to her business. He returned to his quiet search for Kathy. The front door opened, and Kathy came in carrying two small centerpieces. She didn’t look up or notice him at all. She was completely focused on her task. She placed the centerpieces on tables and then walked the room making small adjustments.

  She didn’t look out of sorts, but she wasn’t herself either. He’d seen her work, watched her get lost in her love of designing the perfect arrangement. That’s not what he was witnessing here. She stepped away from a table, tilted her head, spun the piece, and then turned it back. Kathy was doubting the work in front of her.

  He couldn’t see her face, but her body was stiff. She moved to another table and yanked a flower from the arrangement and tucked it into her pocket. Then she shook her head, still unhappy with the appearance.

  “It’s fine, Kathy,” Deb called from the other side of the room.

  Kevin got the impression that they’d been at this awhile. Kathy disappeared out the front door again and returned with an armful of flowers. This time, when she came through the door, she did see him. Her feet froze, but her arms loosened, and she dropped the flowers.

  “Crap,” she mumbled.

  Kevin raced across the room to help pick up the mess.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked in a sharp whisper as she grabbed a bundle.

  “I have to be at the event,” he answered.

  “The event doesn’t start for two hours. You never come during setup. I would’ve been long gone before you got here.”

  “I know.” He gently placed a pile of flowers in her arms and stared directly into her eyes. There he saw what he needed. She was as lost and upset as he was. “Can we talk?”

  “No. Not now. I’m not ready for this. I have to prep. I—”

  “Take a breath.”

  She slowly inhaled and stood with her flowers. She set them on the table and turned to face him. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’d like to talk to you if you’re willing to talk to me.”

  He stepped closer and touched the curls that were springing around her face. “Of course I’ll talk to you.”

  She swallowed hard. “Maybe later tonight. When you’re done here? I’ll come back, and we can have a drink and talk?”

  “We should be done by eight. I’ll wait for you.”

  “Okay.” She smiled and ducked her head before turning away to finish her work.

  For the first time in nearly a week, Kevin felt a glimmer of hope. He found a quiet corner to sit and wait for the event to start. He worked on his phone sending e-mails and making notes on ideas he had now that his brain started to clear. He did his best not to stare at Kathy while she worked, but she distracted him as she buzzed around making minor adjustments that he didn’t think anyone would notice. But she would. She noticed the small things.

  A little while later, Deb came and sat across from him. “For a guy who didn’t want to cop to having woman trouble, this is pretty telling.”

  “What? I came to the event early to se
e if you need any help.”

  She glared at his blatant lie. “Things straightened out?” she asked as she hitched a thumb over her shoulder to where Kathy worked.

  “Not yet, but we’re meeting later to talk.”

  “Good because a mopey florist cannot be good for business. Don’t get me wrong, she still does good work, but she’s just . . . flat.”

  It hurt to hear someone like Deb, who barely knew Kathy, describe her that way. But he knew that he’d done nothing wrong. He just needed Kathy to realize that he loved her enough that they could make this work. They could be happy.

  She had to want to get back together. That was the only reason why she would want to talk, right? Otherwise, she would’ve just told him to get out of her way and let her work. He held tight to that thought, the idea that she wanted to fix this. They just needed a plan.

  * * *

  Kathy finished setting up for the reception for the mayor and went home. Anna was closing up for the night, so Kathy was free. She’d spent every day thinking about calling Kevin and what she would say and how to say it. She’d been trying to work up the nerve to do it. She hadn’t considered that he would show up early tonight to confront her.

  But she should have. She should’ve known that was exactly the kind of thing he’d do. Except she’d dismissed all thoughts of him trying because she’d pushed him away so hard. She was convinced he’d really given up. It had been nearly a week, and he hadn’t attempted to contact her at all.

  Seeing him tonight had stolen her breath. He’d looked every bit as sexy as he usually did in his suit, but he hadn’t shaved in at least a few days. He had the beginning of a beard going on, and she’d wanted to reach out and stroke it. Then their eyes met and the incredible sadness in his struck her. It matched what she’d been feeling since he left.

  God, how she’d missed him.

  She wasn’t sure if she could convince him that they could fix this. That she was fixable. But she wanted to try. So after she showered and changed and practiced what she wanted to say to Kevin, she watched the clock tick by. She didn’t want to get there too early because she’d interrupt his work. This was a big night for him. She didn’t know exactly what the reception was about, but she’d heard Deb talk about it enough to know that Mayor Park was showing Kevin off to a lot of people. Part of her had wanted to be by his side to celebrate his success with him, but she no longer had that right.