Fallen Angel, Part III

by Tracie Podger

  “What can I do? Robert and I have spoken to him. He was so shocked I guess he’s buried his head in the sand.”

  “What does he say?” she asked.

  “He’s scared. Like Robert, having a child hasn’t figured in their lives.”

  “Does he love me?” I heard the catch in her voice as she asked.

  “I don’t think he knows what love is, Caroline. He can’t understand how he feels. He needs to talk to you about it though. Can I tell you about Robert, when we first met? I imagine Travis is feeling the same right now.”

  I told her the trouble Robert went through understanding his feelings and the time he ran off and smashed up the car. I had to be careful, I had no idea what Travis had told her about his past. I just hoped that if Robert could come through, so could Travis. But then Robert loved me, I wasn’t sure of Travis’s feelings.

  The waiter topped up my wine, placed the glass of water Caroline had asked for on the table and took our order.

  “So what do I do? I can’t hang around for him, Brooke. I have Harley and a job to think about. I can’t do this on my own. Mom is getting on, I can’t expect her to look after a baby and I can’t afford to quit work.”

  “How would you feel if we engineered a meeting between you two?”

  “If he can’t come to me because he wants to then, no. I don’t want him to meet me because he’s been forced to. He’s thirty-seven, a grown man. I can’t believe he’s run. For all his tough man image, he’s a coward inside.”

  She was getting angrier as we spoke and I was growing more concerned that this wouldn’t get resolved. I didn’t blame her. She was pregnant, she was scared and all she wanted was to talk it through.

  “Have you told your mum?” I asked.

  “No, not yet. I need to make some decisions before I do. You, Robert, Travis and work of course are the only ones who know.”

  I didn’t want to tell her that wasn’t true. Our meals were placed in front of us, halting the conversation for a bit. I watched as she picked at her meal not enjoying it, pushing her food around the plate.

  “Have you had any morning sickness?” I asked.

  “Morning, noon and night,” she replied and then laughed. “I’m sorry, I’m really not great company right now, am I? Can we change the subject for a bit?”

  “Of course. How’s Harley?”

  We chatted back and forth, she told me about Harley winning an award at school, her job and it was good to see her smile, to see her perk up a bit. Although I was aware her smile was forced.

  “So what happened with the car and that woman?” she asked.

  “What car?” I replied, caught out.

  “The woman who threw the brick at your car, I saw it in a gossip mag.”

  “Oh, it was nothing really.”

  “It said she was the mother of that girl, the one that got killed, Kerry wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, Kerry. I haven’t seen the article. Someone threw a brick at the window but we didn’t see who had,” I lied.

  Whether she knew I was lying or not, I wasn’t sure.

  “Do you mind if we don’t talk about that, it’s still painful for me,” I said.

  “Of course, I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

  “It’s okay, just not something I want to dwell on right now.”

  The waiter cleared our plates and we skipped dessert, opting for a coffee instead. There was a shift in the atmosphere around us, a slight uneasiness. She reached forward to take my hand.

  “I am sorry, Brooke. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Travis told me a little about what happened. It must have been awful for you. We won’t say anymore.”

  I smiled at her. “Thank you.”

  I noticed her subtle glance at her watch and folded my napkin on the table.

  “It’s been great to meet, I only wish I could do something to help. I will keep on at Travis though, he knows he needs to speak to you, talk it through. He did say he would call you today, I guess he didn’t,” I said.

  “No, and you know what? I don’t want him to now, I’m done with him. I can’t trust him, Brooke. Even if he got his shit together, I can’t trust that in a few months he won’t run again and by then it would be too late.”

  “What do you mean, too late?”

  “Oh, you know. I’ve got to think about what’s best for me and Harley now. Ignore me, I’m rambling,” she said as we stood.

  “It was good to see you, let’s keep in touch.”

  We walked to the front door together, the concierge helped us on with coats before opening the door and stepping out first. Gary had the car idling by the curb and I offered Caroline a lift.

  “Thanks but I have an appointment, my car’s around the block,” she replied.

  “I’ll call in a couple of days, see how you are,” I offered before giving her a hug and climbing in the Range Rover.

  Somehow though, I knew that was probably the last time I would see her. If she was done with Travis, she was done with all of us.

  “Good meal?” Gary asked.

  “It was, thank you.” I relaxed back into my seat and took out my phone. I sent a text to Robert to tell him I was on my way home.

  ***

  “Hey baby, how was it?” Robert called out as I went through the front door.

  “Not good, got a bad feeling about this,” I replied as I walked up the stairs.

  He was sitting at the breakfast bar eating a bowl of cold pasta.

  “You want me to heat that for you?” I asked, shrugging off my coat.

  “No, it’s fine. I didn’t want anything earlier, found this in the fridge.”

  “You found the fridge? Wow, good boy,” I teased. Robert wasn’t particularly domesticated.

  “Yeah, amazing what’s in there and guess what? Next door to it is another, full of wine. How about you pour me a glass?”

  I shook my head and laughed. I poured him a wine, a soft drink for me and sat next to him.

  “So? What did she say?” he asked.

  “I think it’s too late. She’s angry and doesn’t want us to arrange a meeting between them. I’m not sure, but I get the impression she isn’t keeping this baby,” I said sadly.

  “What do you mean, she isn’t keeping it?”

  “She didn’t say anything definite, just that she couldn’t afford it. She has a job and Harley to think of, she has to make some decisions and soon. The soon, I imagine, is because she only has a limited time to have a termination. She’s done with him.”

  “Fuck, he needs to know.”

  “Does he? He isn’t exactly taking an interest now, is he?” I replied, getting angry with Travis myself.

  “Of course he has to know.”

  “I might have it wrong so don’t go rushing over there but we need to get him to talk to her soon.”

  “I can’t believe she would even consider killing her baby. If that was you, I’d go fucking mad.”

  I looked at him in surprise. For someone with not a paternal bone in his body, he was acting all, well, paternal.

  “We’re married, that’s different. I’m not saying I agree with her, I couldn’t do it. But I’m not about to be a single parent with two kids and no income.”

  “Travis would make sure she’s financially secure.”

  “Having money and having the father to help are two different things, Robert. I might have this all wrong. Just work on him talking to her and don’t say anything unless we know for sure. Can you imagine how she would feel if he went running over there only because he thought she was terminating the pregnancy, not because he wanted her and the baby?”

  “So how do we find out?”

  “It’s her life, we can’t interfere anymore. It’s not our decision nor does she have to listen to us. You don’t know that Travis might not be relieved.”

  I let him ponder on that. I was taken aback though. Robert had always said he didn’t want children, I couldn’t have any so that kind of conversation never came up with u
s. I had thought I might have adopted but pushed that idea out of my mind some time ago. I wasn’t sure where these feelings he was having were coming from.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

  “Talk about what?”

  “You seem very concerned that Caroline might terminate, why?”

  He didn’t say anything for a while, he did, however, push his hand through his hair. A sign he was stressed. He opened his mouth to speak then shut it again, opting to take a sip of his wine instead. He wasn’t ready to talk.

  “Another time, okay?” I said, giving him the out he needed.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I said with a smile. Thankfully he smiled back, his tension gone.

  As I undressed a few thoughts flashed through my mind. The time in the gym with Gerry, the closeness they seemed to have developed, and I wondered whether that was unlocking any paternal feelings inside him. It made me nervous though. If he, all of a sudden, decided he wanted his own children, where did that leave me? I’d had so many tests in the past. I wasn’t a candidate for IVF because of a hormonal imbalance. It was unlikely I would carry a child full term, if I could have ever got pregnant to start with. I stepped under the jets of water, my mind whirling.

  I felt him come into the bathroom, I heard him step into the shower behind me and of course, I felt his arms wrap around my waist. More importantly I could feel his erection pushing into my back. I turned in his arms. Water ran down his face, catching on his long eyelashes as he bent his head to kiss me. He curled one hand in my hair, holding my head to his. His other ran down my thigh, lifting my leg to wrap around his hips. He caressed my thigh and one cheek of my backside. I slid my arms around his neck as he lifted me and walked us backwards to the wall. His body pinned me, his arms held me up and he pushed into me. I was ready, I was always ready for him. He was still for a moment just looking at me, his hand smoothing hair from my face.

  “Fuck me,” I whispered.

  I felt him pull back until the tip of him was teasing me and then he slammed into me taking my breath away. I angled my pelvis taking him deeper, my back scraped against the wall with his thrusts and I tangled my fingers in his hair, gripping. Each thrust had me crying out his name. His mouth sucked on my neck, my shoulder and his moans had my stomach clenching with desire. The sound of him aroused was enough to send me over the edge. I dug my fingers into his scalp, squeezed tight with my thighs as an orgasm shook me to the core. He released my legs and fell to his knees burying his face between my thighs. His tongue licked, his teeth nipped, drinking in every last drop. Before my head had stopped spinning he took my hand and led me from the bathroom. Soaking wet, we fell onto the bed. Our bodies slid against each other. He held my hands above my head while he took a hard nipple in his mouth.

  As his cock pushed into me again, I arched my back off the bed. His teeth clamped down, biting. The pain and the pleasure coursing through my body became one sensation, that of pure ecstasy. The blood pumped faster around my body, bringing a heat to my skin. He knew exactly when I was about to come, only giving in to his release when I did.

  But he wasn’t done with me yet.

  “Turn over, keep your hands above your head,” he whispered.

  I rolled to my front, my hands holding the bed frame. He kissed the back of my neck, down my spine while his hands ran down the sides of my body. He held my hips as his teeth grazed over my backside. One hand slid down between my thighs and his fingers found my clitoris. As he slid his fingers back up lubricating me, I knew where he was going. My hands tightened around the post I was holding, my stomach clenched and my legs began to quiver. His thumb gently caressed that secret place, waiting for me to relax and when I did, he pushed in. There was something very naughty about him fingering my backside, but I loved it. His other hand reached underneath me and when his two fingers pushed against the wall of my womb, his thumb pushing back, I screamed. My orgasm hit me like a bolt of lightning, hot, powerful and mind blowing.

  I didn’t think my legs would hold when he gripped my hips to lift them and he fucked me again. As I lay down on the bed, he collapsed on top of me getting his breathing under control and a thought ran through my head. What was that? Sometimes, if he was stressed, sex was his way of releasing that. This had been very different. He was needy and he had never been needy before. Don’t get me wrong, I had enjoyed every second of it, he had made sure I had, but something felt off.

  Although our bodies had dried, the duvet we were lying on was wet. It was becoming uncomfortable. I wriggled myself out from under him and turned on my side. Facing him, I placed my hand on his cheek.

  “What was that about?” I asked gently.

  “What do you mean? Can’t I fuck my wife now?” he answered a little aggressively.

  “Anytime you want, just as long as your mind is on me, on us.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” he said, but I saw a flash of something in his eyes.

  “Did you fuck me because you were angry?”

  “God no. Brooke, no, you don’t believe that do you?”

  “I’m not sure. You just, you didn’t seem with me that’s all.”

  He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my body. I was grateful because I was getting chilly and his body was always so hot.

  “There’s something inside, Brooke. I don’t know what or how to explain it,” he whispered.

  “Okay, we’ll figure it out don’t worry. We do need to get rid of this duvet though, it’s soaked.”

  I climbed off the bed dragging the duvet with me. I headed to one of the spare bedrooms to collect another and then a thought hit me. I sat, my head was spinning and my heart sunk. That wasn’t a stress fuck, it was animalistic mating.

  I closed my eyes, a tear leaked from one. I prayed I was wrong and how I had come up with that conclusion, I didn’t know. Something deep inside told me I was right. Robert wanted a child, whether he realised that or not, I could sense it. These new feelings he was having, hadn’t started just then. I recalled his face when he had held Gerry in his arms comforting him. It was a pained look, a look of wanting. The way his arms had tightened around Gerry’s body, he was protecting him. He hadn’t just picked Gerry up, he had held him to his heart. The worst of it all was remembering the conversation we’d had once. He had out and out dismissed adoption. Perhaps now he wanted something I couldn’t give him.

  “Are you okay?” I heard.

  I jumped off the bed, pulling the duvet to me and hiding my face.

  “Sorry, just thinking,” I said, turning and giving him a smile.

  “You were crying.”

  “No I wasn’t. I was thinking, nothing important,” I said as I walked towards the door.

  He held out his arm, stopping me.

  “Talk to me.”

  “Honestly I’m fine. You know I get emotional after sex, nothing more.”

  He didn’t believe me I could see, but we walked back to our bedroom and snuggled under the dry duvet. I closed my eyes hoping sleep would come fast. I didn’t want to think anymore. I knew he wasn’t asleep, his breathing hadn’t deepened but we didn’t speak. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted right then.

  ***

  Robert was distant the following morning. We talked, he smiled and joked but it felt a little forced. His kiss as we parted at work was brief, his eyes not quite meeting mine. I was at a loss. For the first time, I didn’t want him to open up about his feelings because I knew how painful it was going to be for both of us. Somehow I got through my day. I had sent him a text asking if he wanted me to pick him something up for lunch, his reply was brief, he would wait until dinner. It felt like he was shutting me out and I was letting him. I wondered whether to skip the gym session with the kids that night. As much as it pained me, I still needed a little more time before I faced Robert and I knew I was letting my anxiety get the better of me.

  I sent him a text. “Working late, I’ll skip my training but meet you in the gym later. I lov
e you. XX”

  Again, his reply was brief. “Okay.” No kisses, just one word. He wasn’t okay, neither of us were.

  I didn’t have to stay late, in fact the work I had done was coming to an end. I would soon be moving on to work on the rentals. I sat for an hour lost in my own thoughts before plucking up the courage to head down to the gym. I didn’t change, I wasn’t up for a training session, I kicked off my heels and opened the door. Robert and Travis were boxing, the kids hanging around the ring and watching. They both looked angry, they were pounding each other as if they were in a real fight. I caught Ted’s eye who was immediately by my side.

  “What’s with these two?” he asked.

  “Stressed, but I don’t like this especially with the kids here,” I replied, looking at them.

  Both had sweat running down their faces and their T-shirts were soaked. “Can you stop them, Ted?”

  “I think the kids time is up anyway, might be better to take them home and let those two idiots fight it out.”

  Just as Ted finished his sentence, I heard a shout. Travis had said something and Robert had lost it. Ted ran to the ring and climbed under the ropes, I called the kids to me, ushering them to the door. It wasn’t until I turned back to the gym that I realised I had missed one. Gerry was trembling, tears were rolling down his face and his mouth was moving but no sound came out. But then he screamed.

  “Stop it. Stop hitting each other.”

  I ran to him.

  Ted had grabbed Robert’s arm, he was nowhere near strong enough to stop him but both he and Travis must have heard Gerry. They stilled, their breathing ragged. Travis paced, angry.

  I scooped Gerry in my arms. “It’s all right darling they’re not fighting for real, just practising their boxing.” I glared at Robert.

  Robert whipped off his sodden T-shirt and climbed under the ropes. He pulled the strap of his gloves with his teeth, hooking them between his legs to release his hands. He walked straight to me and without a word, took Gerry from my arms. One hand cradled Gerry’s head to his chest and he walked away, whispering to him. I turned, furious.

  “What the fuck was that all about?” I asked Travis. He had the good grace to lower his gaze.