The Quality of Love

by Rosie Harris

  ‘Your family is my family now and I feel as responsible for your father as you do,’ he told her firmly as he pulled her into his arms and held her close.

  She felt so distressed by it all that she couldn’t even cry. Her head was aching and the tears were there, preventing her from speaking, and she longed for some form of release.

  She was too scared to think ahead, to even contemplate what sort of a future they were going to have. At the moment all she wanted was to go back to the hospital and find that it had all been a mistake; to find her father sitting up in bed, laughing with them as they told him about the trauma of his falling over, clutching at the tablecloth and pulling everything, including their wedding cake, on to the floor.

  It all seemed such a fiasco, all so unreal, and the sight of his distorted mouth and face haunted her. The sister had said that he was paralysed all down one side so she supposed that meant he couldn’t walk or perhaps even stand.

  All they could hope for now was that it wasn’t going to be a permanent disability. If he ever fully regained his senses then he would hate the disfigurement and he’d be terribly distressed if someone had to help him all the time with everything he wanted to do.

  She wasn’t at all sure that she was going to be capable of looking after him for the rest of his life, yet she was aware that it was her duty to do so. She wondered how Owen would react when he’d had time to think everything through and realise that possibly her father might be a permanent invalid, and that there would be an enormous responsibility involved in looking after him.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  It was almost the end of October before Lloyd was discharged from hospital. He looked frail and shaky and his face and mouth were still slightly twisted.

  Although he could now speak and had regained almost full use of his limbs and he could now walk with two sticks, he still had trouble grasping things with his left hand and he had to use both hands when he was picking up a cup or a glass.

  Eating was a slow struggle as he tried desperately hard to control any shaking so as not to spill anything. Even though Sarah made a point of cutting up his meat and vegetables into a manageable size he frequently found it difficult to lift the food from his plate to his mouth without dropping it.

  Sarah and Owen had already given up the rooms they’d taken in Plasnewedd Place, even though it was only a few streets away. Instead they’d changed things around in Cyfartha Street so that Lloyd could have his bedroom downstairs because they thought it would be too great a strain for him to have to go up and down the stairs.

  Sarah wasn’t too sure how he was going to feel about this because she had redecorated the big bedroom that her parents had used all their lives, changed the curtains, and moved all her and Owen’s belongings in there.

  As it happened, Lloyd was so pleased to be out of hospital and back home that he made no comments whatsoever when he found that he now had a bedroom downstairs other than to say how sorry he was to be causing them so much trouble.

  ‘You had your own place all set up and I know you were both looking forward to being there,’ he said sadly. ‘I’ve messed up everything for you one way or the other.’

  ‘Nonsense, we’re extremely comfortable living here and it is much better for us to be on the spot so that we can keep an eye on you than having to be dashing backwards and forwards to Plasnewedd Place,’ Owen assured him.

  ‘If Sarah has to look after me and isn’t working, how on earth are we going to manage?’ Lloyd asked worriedly.

  ‘We will, don’t you worry about it. I’ve got a good job and you’ll have your sickness pay,’ Owen reminded him.

  ‘That’s only ten shillings a week and it is only for twenty-six weeks,’ Lloyd pointed out.

  ‘Well, that’s months away,’ Owen reassured him. ‘And by then you’ll probably be as fit as a fiddle again,’ he added cheerfully.

  ‘Morgan’s can’t keep my job open until then,’ Lloyd pointed out worriedly.

  ‘Perhaps not, but I’m sure Bryn Morgan will be able to find some other work you can do.’

  ‘You mean you will,’ Lloyd said dryly. ‘That’s if we haven’t all starved to death in the meantime,’ he muttered gloomily. ‘With all the special foods and medicines I seem to need these days it isn’t going to be at all easy existing on your wage alone, Owen.’

  When Sarah and Owen discussed the matter between themselves they both agreed that there was very little hope of Lloyd ever going back to work.

  ‘In that case, it looks as though I will have to go on working for a while,’ Sarah said firmly.

  Owen shook his head. ‘I’m inclined to agree with your father; it’s not right for a married woman to be working.’

  ‘Oh, why is that?’ Sarah laughed. ‘Is it because you don’t like the idea that I can earn almost as much as you or because you feel people might think you can’t afford to keep me?’ she teased.

  ‘It’s no laughing matter, Sarah,’ he told her sternly. ‘A man should be the provider. You’ll have enough to do nursing your father, there’s no possibility of you working as well.’

  Sarah was insistent. ‘He’s my responsibility, not yours, and although I am grateful that you are so willing to take care of him, it will not only make things so much easier for all of us if I keep my job on, but I’ll also feel better about it as well.’

  ‘I’m not sure what Bryn Morgan will say about that. Morgan’s have never employed married women before.’

  ‘Well, there’s a first time for everything and if you think it might worry him then I’ll go and have a talk to him before we make any firm decision.’

  Bryn was more than cooperative. He told Sarah that he’d been dreading the thought of having to replace her because she was such a valuable asset to his business.

  ‘Sarah, take all the time you need off,’ he told her. ‘You might even find that you can do some of your work at home if it makes things easier for you,’ he suggested.

  ‘That’s all very well, cariad, but I think you’ll find it means you are going to be rushed off your feet all the time,’ Owen warned her when she told him what Bryn Morgan had said and how she was determined to go on working.

  ‘Not necessarily. Alvia and Marie can come in every day, like they started to do after Mam died. I’ll fix it all up with them,’ she promised.

  ‘Your Dad might object and, if he does, then it will mean he’s left on his own for a greater part of the day.’

  Lloyd was divided in his reaction. He understood that with all her learning and experience Sarah wanted to go on working, but he was also afraid that it was all going to be too much for her.

  ‘We don’t want you cracking up, cariad,’ Lloyd pointed out, his voice full of concern.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to let myself be overworked,’ she promised.

  ‘Duw anwyl, I hope not. We’d really be in a fix if you were ill now, wouldn’t we?’

  ‘I’m planning for Alvia and Maria to take it in turns to pop in during the day and make sure you’re all right,’ she assured him. ‘They’ll make you a cup of tea at mid-morning and again in the afternoon. What’s more they’ll bring in a midday meal for you and make up the fire. If there is anything else you want doing you have only to ask them while they’re here.’

  For the first few months everything went like clockwork. Even so Sarah knew that without Owen’s wonderful support she would never have been able to manage to do so much and that things would not have run as smoothly as they did.

  For the first time she felt that she really knew what being married was all about. Owen was so completely different from Gwyn or Stefan. He was not only tender and loving when they were alone but also so caring and considerate, always putting her needs first, and so understanding when it came to looking after her father.

  Two or sometimes even three days a week she worked from home and she had to rely on Owen to bring home all the documents and relevant papers she needed. Frequently he would also have to take them b
ack in again the next day for Bryn Morgan’s approval and signature.

  Although they were not able to spend very much time on their own, Owen left her in no doubt about how much he loved her. He expressed his love in so many thoughtful little ways that sometimes she felt quite overwhelmed.

  Fond though they both were of Lloyd, their bedroom became a haven of retreat as soon as they’d settled Lloyd for the night. It was the only time they could relax and feel comfortable about fully expressing their feelings for each other.

  Lloyd could do very little for himself but in other ways he had adjusted well to his health problems. They now all accepted that there was very little chance of him making any further improvement so each of them, in their own way, did their utmost to help him to cope with his disability.

  While Sarah and Owen were out at work, Alvia and Marie were his mainstay. Although both women had family responsibilities and homes of their own to run they arranged between them to take excellent care of Lloyd.

  Sarah left them to arrange a rota between them, and it worked well. She had complete confidence that at all times one or the other would come in at regular intervals to make sure that her father was all right.

  Sundays should have been a day of relaxation for Sarah and Owen but they were unable to do very much because they couldn’t leave Lloyd on his own.

  ‘I’ll be all right if you two want to go for a walk,’ he would insist whenever it was a fine Sunday.

  ‘It’s all right, Dad, we’ve plenty of odd jobs to do around the house,’ Sarah reminded him. ‘I’m going to do the ironing,’ she told him as she spread an old blanket over the dining table and put a flatiron on the trivet in front of the fire to heat up.

  ‘Rubbish, cariad! You shouldn’t be ironing, not on a Sunday. It’s enough to make your mam turn in her grave!’

  ‘You’re quite right, Lloyd,’ Owen agreed, whisking the blanket away and folding it up. ‘It’s a lovely afternoon and I’m going to take your advice and take Sarah for a walk. She looks as though she could do with some fresh air.’

  ‘Right you are, boyo. I promise that I’ll stay right here in my chair and not move a muscle so you needn’t worry about me falling over or coming to any harm.’

  When they took him at his word and went for a short walk to Roath Park Sarah was on tenterhooks all the time and kept suggesting they should go home.

  ‘Supposing he tries to go into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water or something and has a fall?’ she said worriedly.

  ‘Now why would he want to do that?’ Owen laughed. ‘We left him with a cup of tea on the table beside his chair and a plate of biscuits, so why on earth would he want a glass of water?’

  Sarah had to admit that he was right but after Christmas they went out less and less on Sunday afternoon. This was not only because it was often very cold but because by Sunday Sarah found that all she wanted to do in the afternoon was curl up in front of the fire in Owen’s arms and sleep.

  She was always so tired that Owen became worried about her. He was convinced that trying to do her job and having all the worry of her father was proving to be too much for her. In the end he insisted that she went to see the doctor.

  ‘What you really need, what we both need, is a holiday. I wonder if we could arrange with Alvia and Marie to take it in turns to sleep here overnight and look after your dad full time while we go away for a few days?’ Owen pondered. ‘A late honeymoon,’ he added, his eyes twinkling.

  ‘That’s out of the question, they have their own commitments. It would be a waste of money, anyway. Why pay to sleep in a hotel at this time of year when we’ve got a perfectly good bed upstairs and all the things we need right here?’

  ‘Think about it, cariad,’ Owen urged. ‘Wouldn’t you like to be waited on, have someone bring you your breakfast in bed, and have your meals on the table all ready for you to enjoy without having to worry about shopping for groceries or having to do any cooking?’

  ‘I’m waited on now most of the time. Alvia and Marie do all the housework, and a good deal of the shopping and cooking, so what more can I ask for?’

  ‘More time to yourself? More time for me,’ he added with a wide grin.

  ‘Well, that probably would be nice, but Dad does go off to bed pretty early and once we’ve tucked him in we do have the rest of the evening to ourselves.’

  ‘Yes, and by then you are usually too tired to do much more than crawl into bed. There must be some occasions when you long for more time to do other things? We never even find time go to the pictures these days.’

  ‘Are you complaining?’ Sarah teased.

  ‘Far from it; that’s the best part of the day as far as I am concerned,’ he whispered. Possessively he pulled her into his arms, running his hands down her back and kissing her deeply as they started to make love.

  ‘I think it’s all to do with winter; it’s cold and wet and dark in the mornings and dark again the evening. All I need is some warm weather and sunshine,’ she murmured as she relaxed in his arms and gave herself up to his tender caresses.

  More to please Owen and put his mind at rest than anything, Sarah finally agreed that she would go along to the doctor’s and ask him if he could give her a tonic or something.

  ‘Mind you, he must get countless people asking him that at this time of the year,’ she sighed. ‘It’s been a long hard winter for most people and at least we’ve not been struggling to make ends meet.’

  ‘All the more reason why you shouldn’t be feeling so tired all the time.’

  ‘Stop worrying about me. I really am quite all right,’ she protested smiling.

  ‘Even so, cariad, promise me you will. Do you want me to come with you?’

  ‘You mean to make sure I go?’ Sarah asked a trifle irritably.

  ‘Of course not,’ he exclaimed, pulling her into his arms and stroking her hair. ‘I’m concerned about you, cariad, that’s all.’

  ‘I’ve said I will and you needn’t worry, I’ll keep my word,’ she told him pulling away.

  A week later when she did go to see the doctor she came home in a daze and when Owen questioned her about what he’d said she merely shook her head. ‘I’ll tell you later, when we are on our own,’ she said quietly.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The moment they went up to their bedroom that night Owen asked her again what it was that the doctor had said that she didn’t want to tell him in front of her father.

  ‘I think you’d better sit down,’ she told him gravely as she sat down herself on the bed and patted the space beside her.

  Looking very concerned he did as she asked. When she told him her news he was as startled as she had been.

  ‘A baby? Are you quite sure about that?’ he asked in a bewildered voice. He stared at her in disbelief for a moment then pulled her towards him and crushed her in his arms, holding her close and burying his face in her hair.

  ‘Yes, I’m quite sure. I should have recognised the symptoms,’ she added ruefully.

  Owen pulled back, holding her by the arms and looking at her in awe. ‘A baby! Our baby! I can hardly believe it, cariad. Do you know when it is due?’

  ‘Not precisely, but somewhere around the beginning of July. I wasn’t too sure about my dates but the doctor seemed to be pretty certain that was when it would be.’

  ‘That’s only about five months away! You must stop work at once, you need to rest up and take care of yourself. No wonder you’ve been so tired lately.’

  ‘I don’t need to stop work for ages yet. We will certainly have to start making some plans, though. There’s my job to be considered as well as looking after Dad and—’

  ‘I wonder what your father is going to say?’ Owen interrupted, frowning slightly.

  ‘I haven’t said anything to him yet because I wanted to tell you first but I’m sure he’ll be delighted.’

  ‘It’s going to make a tremendous difference to all our lives.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘It’s come as quite a shock and cer
tainly not something we’d planned.’

  ‘I know, but you are pleased about it, Owen?’ Sarah asked rather dubiously.

  ‘Pleased? I’m over the moon! It’s just such wonderful news that it has winded me.’

  ‘I know, I felt taken aback, too, when the doctor told me.’ She smiled. ‘I must admit it was the last thing I expected to hear. In fact, his face was so grave, and he asked me so many questions when he examined me, that I was afraid he was going to tell me that I had something very seriously wrong with me.’

  ‘A baby of our own; yours and mine.’ Owen pursed his lips in a silent whistle. ‘I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl?’

  ‘Which do you want it to be?’ Sarah asked smiling at him indulgently.

  Owen shook his head. ‘I don’t know; in fact, I don’t mind. I shall love it whatever it is. I still can’t believe this is happening. A family of our own. I’m so happy that I want to shout it to the whole world,’ he added with a boyish grin.

  ‘Well, I think we’d better tell my dad first before you do that,’ Sarah teased.

  ‘Tomorrow! We’ll tell him tomorrow, the minute I get in from work. I’ll buy a bottle of wine on the way home so that we can drink a toast,’ Owen promised.

  Lloyd seemed to be as delighted by the news as they were and agreed that it was certainly something to celebrate. ‘It will be wonderful to have a grandchild running around here,’ he told them. ‘When I first got married I always hoped that we’d have three or four children, but there was only ever Sarah. Mind you, she’s been the joy of my life and she still is,’ he added as he reached out and took her hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze.

  Sarah blinked back her tears, remembering poor little Cladylliss, the baby she’d had when she’d been only nineteen; the baby her father had never even seen. After that there had also been the baby who’d been stillborn and she felt a sudden fear in case anything went wrong with the baby she was carrying now.