The Quality of Love

by Rosie Harris

Quickly she pushed such sad thoughts from her mind. This was a time for celebrating, not dwelling on the past, she told herself as she raised her glass and sipped at the wine in response to the toast Owen was making.

  Alvia and Marie were equally delighted when Sarah told them the news. Both of them pointed out that from now on she really must take things easy. Alvia even went as far as to say she hoped that Sarah was going to give up work soon so that she could sit and put her feet up for part of the day.

  ‘I’d grow fat and lazy if I did that,’ Sarah laughed. ‘No, I want to go on working for as long as I possibly can.’

  Bryn Morgan warmly congratulated them but when he called her into his office afterwards Sarah found that he, too, was concerned about her working too long.

  ‘You’ll have to give up when the baby arrives so why not stop work a couple of months earlier,’ he pointed out.

  ‘I wasn’t planning on giving up work,’ Sarah told him quietly. ‘We need the money; three of us can’t manage on one pay packet, and when the baby arrives that will be four of us.’

  ‘What does Owen think about you going on working?’ Bryn asked frowning and fiddling with the pens on his desk.

  ‘I haven’t said very much to him about it as yet but I’m sure he’ll understand.’

  Bryn looked worried. ‘I don’t think that he will approve for one minute,’ he told her bluntly.

  Sarah shrugged uneasily. ‘It really depends on you, though, doesn’t it? If you say I have to leave then I suppose I’ll have no option, but I am hoping you won’t do that.’

  ‘Look, perhaps we can have a compromise of some sort. I don’t want to lose your expertise but I don’t see that it will be feasible for you to come into the office every day.’

  ‘Surely I can do a great deal of the work from home?’ Sarah said hopefully. ‘I’ve already proved that it’s possible.’

  ‘Yes, you can do quite a lot of it at home, I agree. There are always those occasions when you have to meet people either here in our office or in theirs and that’s something we really do have to take into consideration.’

  ‘That hasn’t proved to be a stumbling block up until now,’ Sarah pointed out, sitting bolt upright and squaring her shoulders as if to prove how alert and efficient she was.

  ‘I know that over the past few months you have managed to do this,’ Bryn agreed, fiddling again with the pens on his desk and avoiding her eyes as he added, ‘but I’m sure it has not always been easy.’

  ‘I can go on doing it, I can make arrangements,’ Sarah told him confidently.

  There was an ominous silence before Bryn spoke again. He continued rearranging things on his desk almost as if by doing so it would help him to reach a decision.

  ‘What about if we take on a young lawyer, one who has just left university, to do the leg work,’ he said at length, looking her straight in the eye.

  Sarah frowned as if she didn’t altogether approve of the idea, but she remained silent.

  ‘You will still remain in charge of all our legal matters,’ Bryn assured her. ‘You can instruct him about what he has to do, but you will only have to come into the office very occasionally at times to suit yourself. In fact, if it makes things easier for you, he can always come and talk matters over with you at your home.’

  Although it seemed an admirable arrangement neither Owen nor Lloyd were in full agreement with it.

  ‘I think that once the baby arrives you’ll find that caring for it takes up so much of your time that you won’t have time to deal with all that,’ Owen pointed out.

  ‘Anyway, who is going to look after the baby when you do have to go into the office?’ Lloyd demanded. ‘You can’t leave it with me, much as I’d like you to be able to do so,’ he sighed. ‘I blame myself for the obsession you have with work. I pushed you so hard when you were at school; I was always so anxious that you would make something of yourself. And you have. I’m very proud indeed of how you have turned out.’

  ‘I can either take the baby along with me or I can ask Alvia or Marie to look after it. I’ll only be away from the house for a couple of hours at the most.’

  The two men looked at each other questioningly. Neither of them said anything and Sarah had an uneasy feeling that it was because they didn’t approve of her idea.

  ‘Perhaps we should wait and see what happens,’ she told them. ‘It’s still several months off before we have to take any decision and in the meantime we can go on as we are.’

  For Sarah, the spring and early summer of 1929 seemed to pass in a flash. There was so much to do both at work and at home that there were days when she felt so stressed out that she wondered if perhaps her father and Owen were right after all. How on earth was she ever going to manage to do her job and look after the baby when it arrived if she was constantly tired as she seemed to be these days, she pondered.

  Marie and Alvia were both very helpful and took care of her father so well that she didn’t know how she would have managed without them. Even so, with so many people organising everything she sometimes felt like a stranger in her own home.

  Her only chance of escape from the gruelling routine was when her father was safely settled for the night and she and Owen could seek the solace of their bedroom.

  She often wondered if he ever felt the same way as she did. Although he never mentioned it there were times when she felt sure that he must long for the peace and privacy they would have been able to enjoy if they had a place of their own, like the rooms he’d found for them in Plasnewedd Place and which they would have moved into if her father hadn’t had his stroke.

  At work, Bryn Morgan was as accommodating as he possibly could be. True to his word he’d hired an assistant to help her; a serious young man who had only recently obtained his law degree.

  He was thin and dark haired, with horn-rimmed glasses. His name was Ion Quinn and he was exceedingly prim and proper. He always had a worried look on his face as if he was afraid he was going to do something wrong.

  Ion was constantly asking questions and demanding detailed explanations about almost everything. At first Sarah found this very irritating, but he learned her system of working very quickly and he was extremely efficient.

  He proved to be so dependable that Sarah found that as the time for her confinement drew ever closer she was quite happy to pass considerably more of her work over to him. She knew that she could trust him not only to do it well but also to do it in exactly the same way as she would have done it herself.

  The month of June was hot and rather humid and Sarah found that her increasing bulk was something of a burden. The nights were warm and muggy and she often found it difficult to sleep, which added to her feeling of tiredness.

  Both Bryn and Owen constantly pleaded with her to take things more easily and to spend more time at home resting but she took no notice of them at all.

  ‘I’m quite all right and I feel better working than moping around the house waiting to go into labour,’ she insisted.

  ‘Surely there are things you still need to get ready for when the baby arrives?’ Bryn suggested.

  ‘No, I have everything ready and waiting and I even have a bag packed ready to take into hospital.’

  She was stubbornly determined to work right up until the very last minute. The only thing she had relented over was agreeing with Owen that she would go into hospital for her confinement rather than having the baby at home.

  ‘I’m thinking of your father as much as I am of you,’ he told her. ‘I think it might be rather an upheaval for him if it took place here. Alvia and Marie will take every care of him for a couple of days and it will give you the chance to have a really good rest.’

  When she protested that they couldn’t really afford it and that it would be much better to save the money for things they really needed, Owen admitted that it was not simply his idea but Bryn’s as well.

  ‘Bryn is paying for it and it would be very discourteous to refuse,’ he pointed out.

&nbs
p; Sarah was still not completely happy about the arrangement but in the end she had no option. She went into labour early one afternoon at the end of June and there was no time to argue about where she was going.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Sarah’s baby arrived on the first of July. She weighed seven pounds and had a mop of dark hair and a rosebud mouth and Sarah thought that she looked like a little angel.

  The first time she held the baby in her arms Sarah wept as she remembered Cladylliss, her first baby, and the dreadful experience of her being so frail and weak and then eventually dying when she was only a few weeks old. She never wanted to go through something like that ever again.

  This baby was plump and perfect in every way, though, with strong lungs, and Sarah resolved that she would watch over her every minute of the day to make sure that no harm came to her.

  When Owen was allowed in to see them a few hours later he couldn’t believe that a newborn baby could be quite so beautiful. He stared down at her in awe and seemed to be almost afraid to touch her, she looked so delicate and lovely.

  ‘She won’t break,’ Sarah smiled when she asked him if he wanted to hold her and saw that he was nervous in case he held her too tightly and hurt her.

  ‘She’s so tiny, so fragile,’ he protested as he took her from Sarah and cradled her in the crook of his arm, gently stroking her face with his forefinger.

  ‘Not really,’ Sarah assured him. ‘She weighs over seven pounds and that is a very good start in life. Most newborn babies are a great deal smaller.’

  ‘She’s still like a little doll,’ Owen murmured, looking down at her proudly.

  ‘Give her a couple more years and she’ll be a little tomboy, and will probably be climbing all over you and wanting you to toss her up into the air or give her rides on your knee.’

  Lloyd was equally delighted and proud of the baby and eager to hold his granddaughter.

  ‘I’ll be able to help you for a change when you need someone to rock her off to sleep.’ He smiled as Sarah placed her in his arms.

  His one regret was that he would only be able to help look after her while she was in a pram and someone else was on hand in case she needed more attention because he knew that he probably wouldn’t be capable of picking her up or doing anything for her.

  ‘Tell me, have you and Owen decided what you are going to call this little angel?’

  ‘We have talked about it but not really made up our minds yet. We did think of Rhoslyn if it was a girl because it’s a name we both like,’ Sarah told him thoughtfully.

  ‘Rhoslyn! Well, that sounds a pretty name for a lovely baby who looks so much like you did that I know she will one day be a gorgeous little girl.’ He beamed. ‘Yes, I like the sound of Rhoslyn. I think we should have a little party so that you can tell everybody what her name is going to be.’

  ‘Party!’ Sarah stared at him in astonishment because it was so unlike her father to want something like that. ‘I think that’s a wonderful idea,’ she agreed quickly before he could change his mind. ‘I’ll have a word with Owen first and see if he agrees with us. Is there anyone you’d like me to ask?’

  ‘Well, Bryn Morgan for a start, and Marie and Alvia, of course, and anyone else you’d like to be there.’

  ‘I think that’s probably enough, don’t you? We haven’t room for too many people and I’m not used to entertaining. I can’t really expect either Alvia or Marie to help with the preparations, not if they are going to be guests.’

  ‘No, that’s true enough,’ Lloyd agreed. ‘In fact, don’t say anything to either of them until the last minute or else they will insist on taking over and it would be nice to give them a surprise.’

  Sarah smiled and agreed but as she went to change Rhoslyn’s nappy and feed her she did wonder what on earth had got into her dad because normally he wasn’t all that keen on entertaining.

  As she sat feeding the baby in the armchair that had been her mother’s favourite, she wondered why a party, even a small one, was of such great importance to him and why he was so keen on the idea. He obviously didn’t realise that she was still feeling extremely tired and also that she was finding it difficult to cope with the baby because Rhoslyn seemed to be very demanding.

  Still, she reflected, her dad didn’t have much fun in his life these days and if he’d set his heart on having a party so that they could show off little Rhoslyn, then she didn’t mind going along with it.

  She decided that Sunday would be the best day because Owen would be at home and would be able to help with the arrangements. When she mentioned it to him he seemed almost as keen on the idea as her dad had been.

  ‘I’ll buy some champagne so that we can celebrate in style,’ he insisted. He also suggested that they should ask Bryn Morgan to bring his wife along.

  The thought of what a grand house she probably had and the several full-time servants she must employ, made Sarah feel nervous about doing so, but she could see that it might be considered rude to invite Bryn without her so she kept her thoughts to herself.

  As it turned out Celina Morgan was a motherly middle-aged woman with grey hair and a warm smile. Sarah felt comfortable in her company from the moment they shook hands. When Celina offered to sit and nurse the baby Sarah was more than happy to let her do so while she sorted things out.

  After they’d all helped themselves to the variety of sandwiches and savouries that she’d laid out ready, Sarah cut the iced cake that Alvia had made in honour of the new baby. Owen poured out the champagne and made sure that everyone had a glass. He then announced that they were going to call the new baby Rhoslyn and asked them to drink a toast to her.

  There were murmurs of delight and surprise at the name as they clinked glasses and sipped their wine.

  In the weeks that followed, Sarah found that having a baby in the house certainly made a tremendous difference. As well as the daily routine of bathing and feeding Rhoslyn, which seemed to take up far more time than Sarah remembered from caring for Cladylliss, there was also all the additional washing and ironing.

  They also had several sleepless nights and even after the baby had adjusted to her routine there was still night-time feeding to be undertaken. Sarah very soon found that having to feed the baby late at night and again in the early hours of the morning meant that she was not getting anywhere near enough sleep herself.

  For a few weeks she struggled to undertake as much office work at home as she possibly could but in the end she was forced to admit that she wasn’t able to cope any longer and that the time had come to hand everything over to Ion.

  ‘Remember, I’m always here if you want to ask me about anything or check over anything you are not sure about, so don’t hesitate to get in touch,’ she told him.

  ‘Thank you, Sarah, but I feel quite confident that I have most things under control now; you’ve been a splendid teacher but I’ll certainly take advantage of your expertise if I need to do so.’

  Bryn agreed that she’d made the right decision. He added that, like Owen, he felt that her main concern for the present should be concentrating on looking after Rhoslyn and her father and that was a full-time job.

  He also suggested that she took the baby along to see his wife now and again if she could spare the time.

  This suggestion surprised Sarah but, remembering how kind and helpful Celina had been, she fully intended to do so. To her delight, however, Celina took matters into her own hands and paid her a visit.

  Sarah felt rather nervous as she invited her in, conscious that she was wearing an apron to protect her dress because she’d been changing Rhoslyn’s nappy. Nevertheless, she asked her to sit down and offered her a cup of tea.

  ‘That would be lovely but only if you let me nurse Rhoslyn while you make it,’ Celina said smiling.

  ‘Of course.’ Sarah indicated a comfortable armchair and then settled the baby in her arms before she went through to the kitchen. When she returned a few minutes later she found Celina and her father chatt
ing away as if they’d known each other all their lives.

  After that, Celina became a regular visitor and both Sarah and Lloyd greatly enjoyed her company. Sarah found that she was extremely knowledgeable about young babies, but when she asked her if she had any grandchildren of her own, she saw the disappointment in the other woman’s face and wished she’d said nothing.

  ‘No, I haven’t any grandchildren, I’m afraid,’ Celina said in a sad voice. ‘We only had one son and he was killed in an accident when he was twenty-four.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, that must have been heart-breaking,’ Sarah exclaimed.

  ‘Yes, it left a great gap in our lives. Bryn never talks about it these days, but I find that never a day passes when I don’t remember some small incident,’ she admitted.

  The baby had now become the centre of her life and Sarah was more than happy to concede that they were right and that she needed to be at home full time. As Rhoslyn began to develop a personality of her own Sarah delighted in her every look and gesture and didn’t want to miss out on a single minute of Rhoslyn’s babyhood.

  Although she said nothing to either Owen or Lloyd she also watched anxiously to see if there were any signs that perhaps Rhoslyn was going to suffer any of the same effects that Cladylliss had developed when she was a small baby.

  When Rhoslyn was four months old, she was not only alert and taking notice of everything that went on around her but also physically fit and well in every way. Sarah felt that her cup of happiness was overflowing. Owen had received a substantial pay rise so the fact that she wasn’t working no longer mattered.

  Even Lloyd seemed to have taken on a new lease of life since Rhoslyn had been born. He delighted in watching over her while she was asleep and Sarah was busy with household chores.

  Together they noted when her first tooth came through, listened to her first words, and applauded the first time she managed to sit up on her own.

  ‘You would have missed out on all this if you’d stayed on at work,’ Lloyd reminded her the day Rhoslyn started crawling.