Soaring Free

by Becca Van

  He stood up straight and hurried over to her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Are you sure? You look a little…scared.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Okay.” Nic opened the door for her and then lifted her in before racing around to the driver’s seat. “Are you nervous about tonight?”

  Fuck yes. “A little.”

  “You have nothing to be scared about, baby.”

  So you say. You’re not the one with the crumbling walls falling from around your heart.

  “I know.”

  “You’ll enjoy it, Joni. Haven’t we shown you how good BDSM can be?”

  How can I say no when he’s right? “Yes.”

  “Just trust us, baby. We only have your best interests at heart. You know we won’t hurt you.”

  “Yeah, I know.” She sighed because she knew that they would never hurt her on purpose. The ride home seemed to be over much faster than normal and she hurried to the shower. Joni wanted to be smooth and clean for the play scene she knew they were going to do tonight.

  She hoped she was doing the right thing. Her mind was in turmoil, but her body and heart seemed to be jumping a jig of excitement. But what worried her was how Gabe, Tom, and Nic seemed to be able to get her to spill her guts. She’d told them about Angus nearly at the start but she didn’t want them to know about how her father had left her and then came back years later to kill her mom.

  She had a feeling that if she ever spoke of that horrific time in her life that she would break and never get herself back. There always seemed to be a knot of terror lodged in her heart but she’d pushed it down deep and tried to keep it there. But sometimes the memories came to the surface and no matter how hard she tried to box them up again, they wouldn’t be contained. When that happened she usually sequestered herself in her apartment and cried for hours on end before drinking herself into oblivion. She never drunk any other time because she’d seen the affect alcohol had and didn’t like the way people lost their inhibitions and behaved in ways they wouldn’t normally.

  Would she end up crazy like her father? That was her deepest fear and, although she’d spoken to her counselor about that terror and been told the likelihood of that happening was about a million to one, she just couldn’t let the fear go.

  Joni stepped into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around her and stopped when she saw Gabe sitting on the edge of the bed.

  He pointed beside him. “This is what we want you to wear tonight. Nothing else. Do you understand, little sub?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good. Be ready in ten minutes.” He rose to his feet and after giving her a pointed look as if to reiterate his command, he left.

  Joni picked up the top and frowned when she saw it was a corset-looking thing with hooks down the front. It was blue and black and felt soft in her hands. With another sigh of resignation she dropped the towel and put the top on. She picked up the leather-type black skirt and pulled it on over her hips. She guessed she wasn’t getting any underwear to wear since none was laid out. After quickly braiding her hair, she held onto the wall and slipped her feet into the stiletto-style shoes.

  She was ready to go and no doubt was running out of time. She glanced in the mirror and froze when she saw herself. The outfit formed to her curves like a second skin but she was surprised that she liked the way she looked wearing it. It made her feel sexy and feminine and the heels made her legs look much longer than they were. She just hoped she didn’t break her neck trying to walk on them. She’d never worn anything so high before.

  When she heard voices coming from the living room, she drew in a deep breath, pushed her shoulders back, and headed out.

  She just hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake by agreeing to go to their club.

  * * * *

  Gabe was anxious to get the night started. This was the night they were going to get Joni to open up to them fully. They’d spent the last week training and easing her into BDSM and she’d responded beautifully. But he and his friends were sick of her holding back with them.

  He knew she trusted them because he could see it in her eyes, but that wasn’t all they could see. She had no idea that when she looked at them that they could see how much she loved them. He, Nic, and Tom loved her just as much, if not more, but she wasn’t ready to hear it yet. They’d shown her in so many ways how they felt but she still had a wall around her heart and wasn’t seeing.

  All of that ended tonight. They were going to send her into subspace and get to the crux of her fears. She needed to purge whatever was holding her back before they could move forward, and move forward they would. Failing wasn’t an option. He loved her so damn much, he wanted to collar her and then ask her to marry them.

  He looked up when she tottered down the hall toward them. His breath caught in his throat and his heart stuttered when he saw how fucking beautiful and sexy she was. When she looked at each of them her eyes softened and the love shone out, but he wasn’t sure if she even realized what she felt. She would before this night was over. He wasn’t letting her hide from them anymore.

  And once they got her to open up he and his friends would reveal their love for her, too. She needed to hear what they wanted from her besides the physical aspect of their relationship. He’d often caught her watching them with a frown on her face and worry in her eyes as if she were trying to work out what their angle was.

  Tonight was the night she would stop hiding. He couldn’t wait to make love to her with his friends. They’d been holding that back from her but had prepared her for it. He, Nic, and Tom had decided that they would only make love to her together when she knew how much they loved her. They didn’t just want their joining to be about lust, they wanted it to be about the emotions, too.

  “Ready?” he asked as he held his hand out to her.

  “Yes,” she answered softly and put her hand in his. So much trust without any equivocal hesitation.

  “Let’s go.” Nic nodded and headed out with Tom on his heels.

  Gabe guided her to the garage and helped her into the backseat of the truck. He held her hand and, although she remained quiet on the drive to the club, he knew she was nervous. Her palm was sweaty and, even though she tried not to fidget, she was restless.

  When they arrived he lifted her out and wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her steady. “Remember the rules, little sub. Keep your head down and don’t speak unless asked a question. Okay?’

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good girl.” He led her up the steps and introduced her to Aurora and Tank.

  Aurora explained the club rules to her and then gave her the documents to sign. Joni read over them quickly, inhaled deeply, and then signed on the dotted line.

  “Have a good night,” Aurora called out and Joni was about to reply but a stern look from Gabe had her clamping her lips tight.

  “Good girl.”

  “Sir, may I have permission to ask a question?”

  “Very pretty, Joni,” Nic said as he paused at the closed double doors to the club interior. “Ask.”

  “Is Kara going to be here?”

  Gabe almost smiled at the nervous squeak in her voice, but held it in. “Yes, but we’ve asked that her Doms keep her away from you tonight. And don’t think that will happen all the time, sub. You’re going to have to get over your aversion to being naked in front of people you know and seeing them naked, but we’ll give you a little more time.”

  “Thank you, sirs.” She sighed with relief and some of the tension in her shoulders diminished.

  Nic opened the doors and took one of her hands in his. Gabe kept his arm around her waist and Tom walked behind her. All three of them knew how important this night was and the determined sparkle in their eyes belied their nervousness.

  They didn’t have to speak to know that everything was on the line, but Gabe and his friends were determined to come out on top. Losing wasn’t an option.

  He stopped outs
ide one of the semiprivate rooms. “Wait here, sub.”

  Gabe walked into the room and made sure that everything was set up the way he wanted. They planned on some bondage with impact play and wax play. When he saw everything they needed was here, he motioned Nic and Tom to bring her in.

  “Strip!”

  He kept his eyes on her as his friends moved to stand beside him and was pleased when she did as he’d ordered, again without hesitation.

  “I’m very happy with you, sub,” Gabe praised and knew his praise had pleased her by the slight blush to her cheeks.

  “Come here, Joni,” Tom demanded as he moved to the spanking bench and she walked over to him. “Kneel on the step and put your hands here.”

  Again she complied with Tom’s commands.

  Gabe walked to her head and secured her wrists to the hooks after enfolding her skin with the fur-lined cuffs while Nic and Tom wrapped the large straps over her thighs, restraining her so she couldn’t move.

  “Do you remember your safe words, sub?” Nic asked.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Go through them for me,” Tom said.

  “Green, yellow, and red, sir.”

  “Good girl,” Gabe praised and caressed his hands over her shoulders and down her back. “Hmm, you’re nice and relaxed. You trust us to take care of you, don’t you, Joni.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good.” Gabe moved away so she couldn’t see him but made sure he could see her. He needed to keep his attention on her to make sure they didn’t go too far. If they did that, he knew they were lose her completely. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and nodded to Tom to begin.

  * * * *

  Tom massaged and kneaded Joni’s ass before caressing his way up her back to warm her skin. He was going to spank her but didn’t want to start out cold and damage her beautiful, soft skin. When he felt she was warm enough he smacked first one ass cheek and then the other.

  She remained still and quiet but as he continued to spank her ass he hit harder and harder. When he counted fifteen smacks to each buttock, he stepped back to admire her pink skin and was glad to see she was breathing heavily. His cock was so fucking hard, all he wanted to do was strip off and plunge into her wet cunt, but this was about more than sex and he wasn’t going to do anything to ruin their chances of a long, lasting relationship with the woman he loved.

  “How are you feeling, sub?”

  “Green, sir.”

  “Good girl.” He moved closer again and grabbed her ass cheeks lightly, pleased when she moaned. Her pussy was glistening with dew and her thighs were wet.

  “Did you like my hand smacking your pretty ass, sub?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Then you’re going to love what Nic does next.” Tom nodded at Nic and moved around so he could see Joni’s face. Her face was flushed, her eyes were closed, and there was a dreamy smile on her face, but he could tell by her fast aroused breathing she wasn’t anywhere near subspace yet.

  Nic grabbed the paddle off the small table off to the side and then walked toward Joni. He smoothed it over her ass. “Do you know what I’m going to do to you, sub?”

  “No, sir.”

  “I’m going to paddle your ass and you are going to love every minute of that, aren’t you, Joni?” Nic asked in a gravelly voice.

  Tom met his eyes and nodded to let him know that Joni was on board with what he’d said. Her face was a pinker hue and her nipples engorged even more.

  “Yes, sir.”

  * * * *

  “Good, sub,” Nic said before he slammed the paddle onto her ass. He kept his eyes on her body, watching her body language as well as taking cues from Tom. This was about Joni, not him, or Gabe and Tom. This was about freeing her from the walls she constricted around herself and, hopefully, by the time they’d finished with her she wouldn’t hold back with them anymore. He and his friends wanted her flying free so she could love them like she needed and they could love her right back. Not that he didn’t love her already, because he did with his whole heart, but this relationship wouldn’t work the way things stood.

  He wanted the whole nine yards with her. Wanted to marry her and have kids with her. Nic kept paddling her ass and by the time he reached thirty-five he wasn’t sure she was going to reach subspace.

  Gabe moved to stand beside Tom but made sure to keep out of her line of sight. When Gabe and Tom gave him the thumbs-up at the same time he knew she was getting close.

  “Now, Gabe,” Nic said.

  Gabe stepped to Joni’s side, knelt down, and began to rub her clit. She moaned and gasped and tried to arch up, but couldn’t since she was restrained. Her skin was coated with a light sheen of sweat and her pussy was dripping wet.

  “Two more,” Tom murmured.

  Nic pounded on her ass twice more and then stopped. He hurried to her side and looked at her face. The muscles in her face were relaxed as if she were asleep but he knew she was hyperaware of every move he and his friends made. His muscles and body was pumped with adrenaline and was in a heightened state of arousal and awareness, too, and, as much as he wanted to fuck her with his friends, they needed to get answers from her.

  “Joni, why do you keep your heart closed off?” Nic asked softly, not wanting to break her out of the semitrance she was in.

  “Hurts, so much,” she slurred.

  “What hurts, sub?” Tom asked as he squatted down in front of her.

  “When everyone…leaves.”

  “Who left you, sweetheart?” Gabe asked.

  “Father,” she sobbed. “He left me. He killed her.”

  “Who killed who?”

  “Dad, left, long…ago. Came back,” she sobbed. “Years. Ran over my mom.”

  Nic wanted to roar with anger at the pain he could hear in her voice, but he held it in. He took a deep breath and then asked his next question.

  “Do you think it was your fault you dad left?”

  “Yes. Naughty girl.”

  “Fuck!” Gabe muttered.

  “How old were you, Joni?” Tom asked.

  “Eight.”

  “You were just a little girl. Your father leaving had nothing to do with you, love.”

  “He was crazy. He came back after years of being gone, hunted my mom down, and ran her over with his car.” Joni sobbed and Nic’s heart ached and filled with anger as well. He’d bet his last dollar that was when the asshole, Peace, had found her.

  “I’m sorry,” Gabe said as he began to undo the restraints around her thighs and Tom worked on the wrist cuffs.

  “What if I end up crazy like him? I don’t want to love anyone, it hurts too much.” She started sobbing uncontrollably and Nic scooped her up into arms and held her tight. “I can’t tell you how much I love you all. You’ll get tired of me and then where will I be?”

  Nic’s heart ached for the wealth of pain she’d kept trapped inside of her heart. She was sobbing so hard her whole body was jerking and shuddering. Gabe hurried across the room, grabbed a blanket, and wrapped it around her naked body. Tom hurried from the room and came back a few minutes later with Turner in tow.

  “What’s going on?”

  Nic could hear Tom explaining to Turner but didn’t look up from Joni. He hated that she was crying so hard and hoped they hadn’t killed any chances they had with her, by what could be considered as using subterfuge.

  “Bring her to the guest room,” Turner said before turning on his heel and leading the way.

  Nic’s eyes burned with unshed tears as Joni continued to cry. He was worried she was going to make herself ill. He followed after Gabe and Tom, down the glassed-in hall, to the far door leading to Turner’s private quarters.

  He entered the room and rushed over to the large bed where he laid down, spooning himself around Joni.

  Her tears had lightened up a little but her head and body were jerking with shuddering hiccups.

  “Shh, it’s all right, baby. Don’t cry anymore. You’re breaking my
heart.”

  Finally her tears ceased but then the shakes began. He knew it was because she was coming down from being so emotionally overwrought as well as the endorphins from being in subspace.

  “I’m sorry, Joni,” Tom said in a hoarse voice as he climbed on the bed next to her and stroked a hand over her head.

  Gabe got onto the bed near her feet and placed his hand on her leg, rubbing up and down to offer her comfort.

  Nic nodded his thanks to Turner when he walked out, closing the door behind him.

  “I know it’s probably the last thing you want to do right now, baby, but you need to tell us what happened. There’s poison inside you that needs to come out.”

  Joni shook her head and drew in a deep, ragged breath before exhaling gustily.

  “I already…told you.” She hiccupped and pressed her body back into Nic’s seeking his warmth.

  “I–I…Can I have some water?”

  “Shit! Sorry, sweetheart.” Gabe hurried to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, rushed back to the bed, and then handed it to Joni.

  “You need to tell us, love.” Tom helped her sit up and Nic shifted until he was sitting beside her. He slung an arm over her shoulders and pulled her into his side, being careful not to jostle her as she drank deeply.

  “My dad left my mom and me when I was eight. For the longest time I thought it was because I’d been naughty. It didn’t matter that my mom had told me that it wasn’t my fault. You know how kids are and I remember I’d been a brat the day he left, so it just sort of made sense to self-blame.

  “It wasn’t until years later that my mom explained that my dad had become verbally abusive and he’d hit her. Apparently I witnessed that but I’d somehow managed to block the incident out.

  “Anyway he was gone and I never saw him again. The day after I turned twenty I was waiting for my mom to come home from work. I had dinner already cooked and kept it on low to keep it warm. She was late but I figured that she’d been kept back at work.”