Back to Life Series Box Set

by Danielle Allen

  The DJ decided to slow the music down in honor of the guests of honor and played a song that was romantic from the lyrics to the way the music yearned with want and desire. A man asked me to dance and I obliged. When that song rolled into a second slow and sexy song, I decided to cut out of the dance since I was not interested and the man kept trying to pepper me with flirty questions.

  I’d only taken two steps when it happened. I was about to leave the dance floor when my stomach fluttered. I didn’t know why or how, but I knew CJ was near me. Turning my head to the left, I saw him and our eyes locked.

  I froze.

  With his fresh haircut, broad shoulders and perfectly tailored suit, he astounded me. I wasn’t sure if it was the last thing he said to me or the way his beautiful eyes stared into me that caused my mouth to go dry. Never breaking eye contact, he lifted his glass to his lips and finished the clear liquid. Although it was affecting my breathing, I held his gaze. Subtly, CJ motioned his head toward the exit.

  Caught off guard, I blinked rapidly. Am I reading too much into that or was that a sign?

  As if he could hear me, he tilted his head again and then sat his empty glass on the bar and walked toward the exit.

  With his back to me, my eyes flitted down the length of his body, appreciating how incredible he looked.

  “Would you like to dance?” A man asked, as I stared a hole into the dark grey suit jacket of the man I wanted to follow.

  “I have to go,” I replied, barely registering the man, his face, or anything else around me.

  I had tunnel vision.

  As I got closer to the exit, I started to get nervous and I didn’t really get nervous around CJ.

  “Hey,” I greeted him, as I approached.

  “Hey.” He grinned.

  For someone whose face stayed emotionless, I was disturbed by the blatant happiness that was displayed on his features. I frowned.

  “Are you drunk?”

  “No. I’m not good to drive though.” He smiled again. “So I’m taking a taxi home and I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry about what I said earlier. It was out of line. I overstepped. I apologize.” He chewed his bottom lip and lifted his shoulders in a confused gesture. “I’m not sure what got into me. But since I’m leaving, I wanted to make sure I said that. And of course, I wanted to be sure I said goodbye.”

  I searched his eyes and although they weren’t wild or bleary, they were a little stormy.

  What are you thinking Cedi? I wondered, searching his more expressive face. The alcohol seemed to have broken down his first layer of emotional protection—his hard demeanor.

  “Where are your keys?” I asked. Once he pulled them out of his pocket, I took them. “Thank you.”

  Utter bewilderment twisted his handsome features comically. “How am I supposed to get into my house if you have my keys?”

  I put my hand on his arm and the spark between us startled me. I snatched my hand away and took a stutter step back. “I um I’m taking you home,” I informed him, avoiding eye contact. When I was able to talk without stumbling over my words, I asked, “Are you okay to walk? Do I need to pull Big Mike from his pity party and get him to help me?”

  “I’m really not that drunk,” he chuckled, his entire face lighting up. “I just know that it’s not safe for me, or anyone else, if I get behind the wheel; so I’m not doing it.” He ran his tongue across his bottom lip. “I’m okay to walk.”

  I turned away from him, hoping to stop the desire that ragged within me. “Wait right here,” I tossed over my shoulder. “I’m going to get my sweater and then we can go.”

  I went to grab my sweater from coat check and once I spotted Addison and Ty, I made a beeline for them.

  “Tonight was amazing!” I yelled over the music. “You two are a beautiful couple and I’m so excited about next weekend.”

  “Thank you, Em!” Addison squealed, throwing her arms around me. “I’m so sad you have that recital and you can’t come to Vegas for my bachelorette party, but I’m glad you were able to make it to this.”

  “I know. I wish I would’ve known earlier or I would’ve told the school I couldn’t help out. But since my mom is on the board and they are using Studio E, I should probably be there.” I grinned. “But know that I will be drinking and partying in spirit.”

  “The timing is a little difficult for short notice since it’s a Monday through Thursday thing. But maybe it’ll be a little cheaper and there will be less people.” She shrugged.

  I gave her a look as she let me out of the hug. “There are always a bunch of people in Vegas. Believe me.”

  “Yeah, I hope. Oh! Did you see Addo? He was looking for you earlier. He said he was leaving.”

  I nodded, pulling on my sweater. “I’m going to give him a ride home since he had a few too many.”

  Her eyebrows flew up. “Oh!”

  I looked over at Tyree and he did a bad job of acting as if he wasn’t listening.

  “What?” I questioned warily, eyeing them both.

  Addison lifted her shoulders like a child with a secret. “Drive safely.”

  I poked her in her sides where she’s ticklish. “I can’t stand you right now.”

  Slapping Tyree on the arm, I added, “You either!”

  They were positively beaming.

  “How are you getting home?” I asked them.

  “Ty has a horse-drawn carriage picking us up in thirty minutes and it’s going to take us around the city and drop us off somewhere; he won’t tell me where.” She looked up at him with so much love and adoration that even I felt it.

  “Anything to show the love of my life how much she means to me,” Ty responded, planting a light kiss on her forehead, her nose and then her lips.

  “Okay, you two are disgustingly happy and as beautiful as you two are, there’s only so much I can take before I toss my cookies,” I joked as they laughed.

  “Maybe this will sit better with your stomach,” Tyree offered, turning toward Addison and gripping her shoulders. His deep voice got even deeper. “Addy, this is bullshit and you know it. Who is he? He’s over there flirting with Dora from Accounting! She can do better than him. She doesn’t need some asshole who is going to disrespect her. She needs—ow!”

  Addison elbowed him in the stomach. “Sweetheart,” she sang.

  “Too much?” He asked before they both fell into a fit of giggles.

  My eyebrows knotted and my lips pursed. “Who is Dora from Accounting?” I shook my head. “You know what… we’ll talk about it when you two are sober.”

  Giving Tyree a hug and then Addison a longer one, I told them goodbye and headed back toward the exit where I left CJ.

  He was leaning against the wall with one foot propped up. He had one hand in his pocket and the other hand thumbing his phone. He looked incredibly sexy and effortlessly cool. Even in his slightly inebriated state, I felt safer just being around him.

  I approached him cautiously. “Are you ready?”

  His eyes flicked up and took me in, traveling the length of my body and returning to my eyes. “I’ve been ready.”

  I resisted the urge to check him out again. Me too, Cedi. Me too.

  Chapter 20

  Sunday, November 26th – 1:58am

  “Your place is beautiful,” I complimented the spacious townhouse. CJ’s downtown Atlanta home was modern and clean. I didn’t venture anywhere but the living room and the kitchen, but just from the view of the city from the living room, the rest of the place could be a cardboard box and it would still be a solid ten.

  “Thank you,” CJ said from his seated position on the brown leather couch. With his suit jacket and button up shirt off, he reclined in his suit pants and a plain white t-shirt. He stretched his arms above him in dramatic fashion. “I didn’t think we were going to ever make it.”

  I laughed, turning around to face him. “I’m not from around here and you weren’t the best at giving directions.”

  He held his hands up
. “Admittedly, my reaction times were a little delayed, but the rest of the driving mishaps were on you and you alone.”

  I stared at him with my eyes wide and my mouth open. “Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?” I marched over to him and put my hands on my hips. “Bullshit.”

  His eyes skimmed my body before he cleared his throat and moved to grab the bottle of water I got for him.

  “Do you need any aspirin or anything?”

  “No, I just need to sleep it off.”

  Gradually, my hands slid off my hips. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-I can go—”

  CJ grabbed my hand, the same jolt of energy sparked between us, and we jumped away from one another. Staring as if we didn’t notice the other’s reaction, the room fell silent.

  “I don’t want you to go,” CJ said quietly. “Unless you want to leave.”

  I shook my head and sat on the couch. “I don’t want to leave,” I answered a little too quickly. I looked down into my lap.

  “You are absolutely beautiful, Emily.”

  I looked up and saw him gazing at me with the same happy look on his face as he had in December. “Thank you,” I murmured lightly. “So are you.”

  A smile played on the corners of his lips. “You think I’m beautiful?”

  I nodded slowly, without an ounce of irony or sarcasm, I answered in a hushed tone. “Yes.”

  The room was quiet and my heart was rattling in my chest like a baby’s toy. We were on opposite ends of the couch, but it was as if I could feel his energy. I could feel his warmth as if he were right next to me, skin on skin. I swallowed hard thinking about us touching—his bare skin on my bare skin.

  “I think you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever known.” My voice shook as I admitted something I’d been holding on to for nearly a year. “You’re honest and someone I can trust. You’re sweet, but you’d call me on my shit if need be. You’re funny and smart and… You’re the definition of a friend,” I started, looking away from him for a minute so I could gather the rest of my thoughts. “I’ve never felt safer than I do when I’m with you. You’re a great person…”

  Am I about to tell him I have feelings for him? What do I have to lose? I asked myself before I quickly started thinking of answers. It would change everything. I could permanently lose him… which would alter my relationship with Addy I’m sure… which would affect the opportunity to promote Studio E through December… which would affect my bank account and the bank accounts of Rodney and the other employees. No, I can’t do it.

  Looking him directly in his eyes, I continued. “And from what I can tell, you’re a great boyfriend as well.”

  I stood up and walked over to the floor to ceiling window panel that was the highlight of his living room. Even with my back to him, I could feel his eyes roving over me. Heat rose from my legs to my thighs up my torso and arms until my face heated and I let out a deep, shaky breath.

  I heard him stand and my body started feeling weak. I could feel his closeness before I saw his reflection in the glass. He approached me tentatively. I closed my eyes and pushed away the vivid image of him pressing me against the glass, pulling my dress up and fucking me the way I’d wanted him to since the day we met. When I opened my eyes again, he was standing beside me. I couldn’t even mask the disappointment that I felt and then the disappointment I felt for not feeling bad about being disappointing.

  What is he doing to me?

  “She’s not you. She’ll never be you.” Even though his voice was barely above a whisper, the depth of his words and his tone resonated to my core.

  I looked over at him and he looked back at me. My lips parted and a small gasp escaped. We stood about a foot apart, but I felt him in a way that I’d never felt anyone in my life. I looked at him and saw inside of him and knew that he was doing the same. I’d never experienced that level of intimacy with anyone. It was intense—maybe too intense—because I didn’t say a word.

  Gazing into my eyes, he repeated himself. “She’s not you. She’ll never be you.” He paused for only a second before adding, “And I can’t help that you’re all that I want.”

  My heart swelled and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I know he saw it in my eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. My heart beat so loudly, I could’ve sworn he heard it. “You’re drunk,” I murmured, regretting the words almost immediately.

  Closing the gap between us, he cradled my face. “I couldn’t drive because I had too much to drink. I had too much to drink because I couldn’t stand watching you with that man that you’re too good for. I had too much to drink because Ty and Addy ordered the expensive shit and it was delicious. But what I’m saying to you about how I feel about you, how I’m crazy about you, how I can’t stop thinking about you, how the more I deny it, the stronger it gets”—he shook his head—“that has nothing to do with the alcohol.”

  A bevy of butterflies spread through my chest and belly. As he cradled my face, my head nuzzled into his hand automatically. I swallowed in an attempt to cool down the flash of heat that radiated through my body.

  “Cedi…” I licked my lips and glanced down to his mouth.

  “Do you feel whatever this is between us?”

  “My ex-husband cheated on me and—”

  “Your ex-husband was an asshole and I’m not him. Answer me. Yes or no,” CJ baited me. “Do you feel whatever this is between us?”

  I closed my eyes momentarily. I’m not like those self-serving bitches at the hospital. I don’t care how much I want this man. If he’s not single, he’s not single. Period.

  With a deep breath, I inhaled the sweet smell of whatever alcohol tinged CJ’s breath and I primed myself to deny what I felt. But when my eyes opened and locked with his, my heart tightened. My breathing became irregular as he held my gaze. His eyes were like the night sky—so dark, it would almost look black save for the twinkling of stars throughout to guide me home.

  I knew that telling him that I didn’t have feelings for him wouldn’t solve the problem. Because if what he said wasn’t the ramblings of a drunken man, then he’d been feeling the same way I’d been feeling since January. And if our feelings were to be trusted, we couldn’t be friends. We couldn’t even be around each other. Because it was an all or nothing situation—either we were going for it or we weren’t.

  And since he has a girlfriend, we won’t. We can’t.

  I’m not.

  Before I could respond, he continued, “I can’t stop thinking about you, Emily. We can go without communicating for weeks and the moment you need me, I’d drop everything for you. I try not to be around you because something happens when we’re together. This feeling… it’s new to me. I’ve never felt this drawn to someone in my life. Whatever this is, it’s different and it’s special and I want it. I want it, Emily,” he whispered, his thumbs caressing my cheeks, his face hovering closer. “I want to see what this is. I need to see what this is.”

  I couldn’t breathe.

  CJ put into words how I’d felt for him for the past eleven months. He said everything I wanted to say to him. He said everything I wanted to hear him say to me. Our feelings were mutual and as hard as that made my heart pound, there was a big, glaring red flag that I couldn’t ignore. It was done to me and I refused to do it to someone else.

  “I can’t.” My words were barely audible. My eyes burned and I willed myself not to cry. “Cameron is an amazing woman.”

  Securing his grip on my head, he implored my eyes with his own. “She is. She’s great.” He nodded and with each nod, his face drifted nearer. “And still, she’s not you.”

  I didn’t want to pull away, but I also didn’t want him to see any emotion in my face and mistake it for weakness. As much as I wanted him, I wouldn’t compromise myself. Closing my eyes, I murmured, “I left your keys on the kitchen table.” Turning my head, I kissed the inside of his hand. “I should go.”

  When I opened my eyes
, the look he gave me made my heart yearn to submit to him—and I wasn’t the submitting type.

  I need to leave now.

  CJ’s hands slid down my face and neck and settled on my shoulders. I backed out of his hold and his fingertips skimmed my arm. His gaze held me captive as the slight skin-to-skin contact caused goosebumps to erupt everywhere he touched. The trail left a streak of heat that started on my arms and stretched all over my body. When he got to my hands, he held them.

  “Do you want to go? Or do you want to stay and talk?” His face, normally void of emotion, was open and earnest as his deep voice smoothly rolled over the words. He squeezed my hand gently. “I want you to stay, but I want you to want to stay.”

  I gripped his hands and looked him deeply into his eyes before letting go. “I want to stay,” I admitted carefully. “But I’m scared.”

  His face fell and his voice was hoarse and full of emotion. “You don’t have to ever be scared of me, Emily. I would never do anything to hurt you. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve had to drink, I would never—”

  I stepped forward, placing my hand over his heart and he stopped talking abruptly. I felt the accelerated beats of his heart and warmed all over.

  “I’m not scared of you, Cedi.” I searched his face. My heart felt like it was in my throat, but I said what needed to be said. “I’m scared of what I feel for you.”

  He reached out for me and even though I wanted to back away, I didn’t. He enveloped me in his arms and lifted me off of my feet. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and buried my face in his neck. I inhaled, filling my lungs with his scent. I relished in the feeling of his grip and how my body reacted to his touch. I shivered in what only could be described in pure, unadulterated pleasure. I felt what he felt for me through that hug and it was overwhelming.

  With his lips brushing the shell of my ear, he quietly proclaimed, “I’m still going to feel the same way about you tomorrow, when I’m not drunk.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t drunk.” I joked to mask my sniffle. Untangling my arms from around his neck, I slid down his body as he placed my feet solidly on the carpeted floor. I pulled away from him, swiping at my eyes.