SEE YOU AT THE TOP

by Zig Ziglar

  Chances are good that you stand somewhat in awe of any competent doctor as he/she rattles off those big words describing your condition. You undoubtedly feel he is truly a brilliant and remarkable person and that could well be. What about you? The chances are exceptionally good that your doctor would be lost in your job, and could not perform nearly as well as you. Chances are also excellent that if you were to spend the next fifteen years of your life as your doctor did, learning those big words, studying diseases, medicines and cures, you could don the white coat and stethoscope of an M.D. yourself.

  ALL ARE EDUCATED AND UNEDUCATED IN DIFFERENT AREAS

  This experience will emphasize what I mean. Many years ago, following an extremely heavy rain, the alley in back of our first home in Dallas became virtually impassable. However, I had to go down the alley to reach our garage and in the process, I became hopelessly stuck directly behind our driveway. I spent about 45 frustrating minutes burning rubber in an effort to get out of that mud hole. I put bricks, boards, and anything else available underneath the wheels in an effort to get traction. It was all in vain, so I finally called the tow truck to pull me out (negative people would have called the wrecker). The driver viewed the situation and asked if he could try to drive the car out of the mud. I protested that it was absolutely useless, but with a quiet confidence he asked again if he couldn’t “just give it a try.” I told him to go ahead, but assured him that it was no use, and besides, I didn’t want him burning up my tires.

  He sat down, turned the wheels slightly, started the car, jockeyed a couple of times, and within thirty seconds slowly but surely drove that car out of the mud. When I expressed astonishment, he explained that he had been raised in East Texas and had spent his lifetime driving out of mud holes. I’m convinced that this man was no “smarter” than I, but he did have a different experience.

  Ironically, many of the people we admire for their skills and accomplishments also admire us for the same thing. Please don’t misunderstand; I am not saying that some people do not have aptitudes for various jobs or professions. I am simply emphasizing that you, too, have a unique skill, talent, aptitude, and experience. You must recognize that a different experience does not mean you are less than another, nor that he is less than you.

  Instead of feeling inferior because someone else can do something you can’t, why not concentrate on what you can do that others can’t? Admire the skill of others but remember, in most instances you could greatly improve your own skill by using the same amount of time and effort. Experience is often the only difference.

  FOUR WINNERS

  A sixth cause of a poor self-image is comparing your worst features to someone else’s best features. One woman did that and ended up at age 38 a scrubwoman on welfare. Then she read Claude M. Bristol’s The Magic of Believing. She started believing and looking at her positive qualities, one of which was the ability to make people laugh. Even though she never competed with the beauties of the world, Phyllis Diller went on to earn as much as $1,000,000 in a single year. Eleanor Roosevelt was a sad combination of homeliness, fright, and fear. Long after she was grown and the “Negative Nells” of life were quoting those old cliches about not teaching old dogs new tricks, Eleanor made a decision. She took stock of her assets, started seeing herself for her true values, and became one of the most charming and persuasive women in America. Incidentally, she fainted—passed out cold—at her first public speech.

  Jimmy Durante and Humphrey Bogart were not exactly poster material, but they capitalized on their appearances and decided they had a place in life if they used what they had. None of these people “saw” themselves as physically unattractive. They saw the talent or good qualities they had. They did not “compare” their “worst” features to someone else’s “best” features. Instead, they took their own best features or talents and used what they had to get what they wanted. I’m convinced there are hundreds of glamour girls or matinee idols who would love to have the success and admiration that these four people achieved.

  USE IT—OR LOSE IT

  Surely you remember the story of the talents in the Bible. One man had one, another had two, still another had five. The Lord went away for a long time into a far country. When He returned, He asked the one who had five what he had done. The man replied that he had taken the five talents, put them to work, and now he had ten talents. The Lord replied, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant, because you have been faithful in using that which you have, then I will give you more talents.” The one who had been given two talents took those talents, put them to work, and doubled them. Then the Lord went to the one who had one talent and inquired as to how he had done. The man replied, “Lord, you only gave me one talent, while you gave the others many talents. Besides, I knew you were a hard and cruel master, that you reaped where you had not sowed, and so I took the one talent and buried it.”

  Then the Lord said, “Thou wicked and slothful servant.” (Throughout the entire Bible, Jesus Christ is not this hard on anyone else, so apparently He expects us to use our talent.) He then took the one talent and gave it to the one who had ten. Since that time, the crybabies of the world have been saying, “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer,” or “Them what has, gets.” The Bible says, “To him who hath, the more shall be given.” The message is clear. Take what you have and use it and your talent will be increased, which brings more rewards, etc.

  Many people have poor self-images because they set standards of perfection that are unrealistic and unreachable. This is the seventh cause of a poor self-image. When they fail—and fail they must—they never forgive themselves. They feel they must either be perfect—the best—or the worst. Since they failed, they figure they must be the worst. This affects all areas of life and is an underlying cause of job dissatisfaction, discord in the rearing of children, unhappiness in a marital relationship, etc. After all, if a person feels he is the “worst,” then surely he cannot believe he “deserves” a good job, a good mate, good children, or anything of merit or value.

  In my mind the greatest single cause of poor self-images within the last ten years has been the opening of the floodgates of pornography, over the internet and on TV. This includes child pornography which has to rate as the most degrading and despicable form of exploitation in existence. I’ll deal with pornography at greater length when we look at the steps we can take to build a healthy self-image.

  Og Mandino in his magnificent book The Greatest Miracle in the World points out two additional causes of a poor self-image. First, Darwin’s “theory” of evolution, that man is not from God but is animalistic in origin, has dealt man’s self-esteem a serious blow. I agree with Og. If I thought I came from a monkey it would lower my self-esteem considerably. This concept has indirectly helped create a discipline problem. If our young people act like animals and we follow the dictates of a permissive society by not disciplining them, we really reinforce the poor self-image. As Dr. James Dobson so beautifully points out in his book Dare to Discipline, discipline, or rather the lack of it, is definitely a cause of a poor self-image. He points out that it is through the loving control of discipline that parents express personal worth to a child. Dr. Dobson is simply echoing what God told us 2000 years ago.

  The second point concerns the damage done by Sigmund Freud. Freud gave us a built-in excuse or “loser’s limp” when he told us our thoughts and actions originated from early childhood experiences deeply buried in our subconscious mind which we could neither control nor understand and are therefore not responsible for.

  With one scientist telling us we came from the lowest form of animal life, and another telling us we are not responsible for our conduct, it’s easy to see how we could see ourselves as “nothing.” Darwin, before his death, acknowledged God as the architect of the universe and many of Freud’s findings are questionable. For example, John Hopkins psychologist Robert Hogan once said: “Freud thought you could study neurotics and learn about normals. He got it backwards. You h
ave to study the normal to understand the delinquent.” Unfortunately, much damage has already been done. Einstein pointed out that incorrect input requires eleven or more correct inputs to negate the erroneous information. This is another way of saying that it takes a number of “right thinking” deposits to overcome those “stinkin’ thinkin’” deposits.

  When you combine all these reasons for having a poor self-image, there is little wonder that so many people are so badly crippled by this prevalent and contagious disease. Fortunately, you are doing something about yours. As we explore the manifestations of a poor self-image in the next chapter, you will be able to identify some personal behavior you had not previously associated with a poor self-image. It is important to recognize the manifestations of a poor self-image so that you can more effectively deal with your own self-image problem (if you have one). This will also give you additional insight in living and working with other people. When we can identify a problem and face the problem with confidence and enthusiasm, the solution is on the way.

  CHAPTER 5

  Manifestations of a Poor Self-Image

  Those with poor self-images quickly reveal themselves by their critical and jealous nature. They resent the success and even the number of friends others have. They are jealous without cause of wives, husbands, boyfriends, or girlfriends. (If a husband or wife comes in at all hours of the night smelling like a member of the opposite sex, I’d say there is cause for jealousy.) Since they don’t like themselves, they can’t possibly believe that a member of the opposite sex could love them above all others. Ironically, they often defend their jealousy by exclaiming to all who will listen that they love their mate “too much.” In reality, they can neither love nor trust their mate because they neither love nor trust themselves. They gossip and often keep rumors alive with ugly and untrue comments. (They haven’t learned that when they’re throwing dirt, they’re not doing a thing but losing ground.) Their insecurity is also evident by their resentment when someone else receives praise or recognition.

  Perhaps the most noticeable manifestation of a poor self-image is the way a person reacts to criticism and the way he reacts to laughter. They can’t stand it if they suspect that someone else is laughing “at” them. They can’t laugh at themselves and strongly feel that either laughter or criticism from others is a “put down,” an effort to make them “look bad.” Their reactions are completely out of proportion to the act or actions.

  A person with a poor self-image is generally uncomfortable when alone or inactive. He has to be going somewhere and doing something all the time. When alone, he or she keeps the radio and/or TV going, even if they are not watching or listening. Some will even carry their transistor radios with them as they walk, drive, or fly around the country.

  A poor self-image also reveals itself in a breakdown of motivation. Many times, when a person quits competing and puts forth the “I don’t care” attitude, it is because they can’t see themselves as “winning” or as the outstanding boy or girl because they aren’t attractive or deserving enough. Then they completely “let go,” and “overdo” their protest in every conceivable way. They are frequently loud, critical, vindictive, and overbearing. Such people often dress unattractively, forego personal hygiene, frequently become obese, abandon morality and flaunt immorality, turn to drugs or alcohol, and become vulgar and profane in speech. Ironically, they often adopt a superior attitude and try to make others, who don’t share their views, feel inferior. It’s distressing to see sloppy, dirty, profane, and unkempt individuals because the outward appearance is a dead giveaway to the self-image, and, of course, no one has yet established any advantage to being dirty or unkempt.

  Interestingly enough, the exact opposite is frequently a manifestation of a poor self-image. These individuals place too much emphasis on material things: flashy cars, money, the current fad, way-out clothes, hairdos, or makeup. They also feel they could never be accepted as they are. In their insecurity they go to extremes to gain friends and acceptance. They often join gangs with an “everything goes” approach to life because they so desperately crave acceptance—“just as I am.” Tragically, they generally end up with pseudo friends and many of the habits and characteristics of these “friends.”

  As individuals, we will consistently act according to the way we see ourselves. This is why you often see people do some incredibly ridiculous things and take unnecessary risks when they are on the brink of achieving a life-long dream. For example, a high percentage of athletes who have spent years preparing for the Olympics often have “accidents” in training, or in a preliminary event before the competition starts. They cannot “see themselves” as deserving a gold medal and subconsciously take the necessary steps to make certain they deny themselves the reward the world might confer upon them.

  Many fighters, football players, and other athletes injure themselves just before the big event. A student trying to gain entrance to the school of his choice gets drunk or has an all-night date the night before the entrance exam. A worker seeking a promotion has a violent argument with his wife or a co-worker that upsets him emotionally, and he “blows” his chances for promotion. He might even “accidentally” cross or antagonize the very person who must recommend him before he can be promoted. A man on probation will often commit some senseless deed and end up back in prison. This—in his mind—“proves” that society is no good and is out to “get” him. Of course, what it does prove is that he cannot “see” himself as a member of a free society. His self-image is such that he knows he doesn’t “deserve” freedom. Since society isn’t going to adequately punish him for his misdeeds, he must punish himself to make certain he “gets what he deserves.”

  The husband or wife with a poor self-image seldom challenges his mate on anything. Instead, he or she just goes along, becomes a door mat for the other, and builds up a resentment, which inevitably leads to serious marital as well as physical and emotional problems.

  The examples are endless, but I’ll leave it by saying that a major cause of much senseless and erratic action is simply a manifestation of a poor self-image. These persons will read this book, agree with some of it, disagree with much of it, and proceed to do little or nothing about any of it. They have made excuses in the past—and will continue to make them in the future—and they are all “justified” in their own mind. They seldom “finish” anything—a book, painting the fence, decorating the house, a personal growth course, or school. They say things like, “I’d go back to college and get my degree, but it would take six years and by then I’d be thirty-eight.” (I wonder how old they will be in six years if they don’t go back and get their degree?) Others have said, “I’d go to church but there are so many hypocrites there.” (They don’t seem to realize that if a hypocrite is standing between them and God, the hypocrite is closer to God than they are. Or that they should go anyway because hypocrites are everywhere, and the church has room for one more.)

  Fortunately, this does not apply to you. At one time it might have, but not anymore. When you acquired your copy of this book, you took a big step toward changing your image. The fact you’ve come this far indicates you are serious about progress for yourself. In your mind you know that the pages in front of you and the years ahead of you are going to be even more exciting, rewarding, and revealing.

  GOOD IMAGE = GOOD

  SALESMAN/GOOD MANAGER

  BAD IMAGE = BAD

  SALESMAN/BAD MANAGER

  In the sales world a poor self-image is manifested in many ways, but three of them stick out like a sore thumb. (1) The salesman won’t work nearly as hard. Here’s why. He makes a sales call and is rudely invited to take his sales efforts elsewhere. The salesman with the poor self-image doesn’t like himself, and the prospect (in the salesman’s mind) doesn’t like him either. Now the salesman indulges in self-pity and goes through the “Poor little me—nobody loves me” routine and heads for the coffee shop, home, or office to regroup or lick his wounds. Some take an hour off and
others call it quits for the day. In cases where supervision is lax, the salesman might well fabricate a dozen things to do and procrastinate several days before he goes back to work. The salesman with the healthy self-image—who likes himself—reacts altogether differently. He understands that he has not been rejected personally, but that his business offer has been refused. So when he is rebuffed, he completely understands that the prospect has a problem, so he immediately and confidently talks to another prospect who doesn’t have a problem.

  (2) The salesman with a poor self-image is reluctant to try to close the sale. He talks on and on with never a suggestion that the prospect should take action and buy something. You see, there is a certain risk in asking someone to buy. If the prospect says no, the salesman’s ego suffers, so the salesman protects his ego by not attempting to close the sale. He just talks and hopes the prospect will finally say, “I’ll take it” without the salesman having to risk an ego injury by asking for the order. I’ve personally seen prospects challenge the salesman with a, “You’re not trying to sell me something are you?” and the salesman protests with an enthusiastic, “Oh, no, no.” (If he reacts this way, as if he’s not trying to sell something, then he’s just a professional visitor.)

  The salesman with the good self-image makes a sincere effort to close the sale because he knows the worst that can possibly happen is a refusal. He also knows that a refusal is seldom, if ever, fatal and he just might make the sale. As a matter of fact, he fully expects to make the sale. Why? He believes he deserves the sale—as well as the success.