SEE YOU AT THE TOP

by Zig Ziglar

  Besides, he believes in his product. With a healthy self-image he would not belittle and degrade himself by selling an inferior product. He feels strongly that he is rendering a service, so he closes the sale with confidence and conviction. He knows the Norwegian word for sell is selje, which literally means “to serve.”

  (3) The salesman or office worker with a poor self-image doesn’t move successfully into management. Again, he fears rejection by others. In this case, it would be the people over him, under him, or around him. He generally steps out of character and dons one of four masks as the situation demands. First, he becomes “good old Joe” and assures everyone under him that nothing has changed and he wants more than ever to be “one of the gang.” Second, he might fear rejection by his former peers so he makes concessions and exceptions that go beyond the principles of good management. Or he might just take the opposite approach—an arrogant “I have arrived” approach—which causes resentment among his former peers. Third, he may be unduly concerned about his relationship to the management team. In his anxiety to please and be accepted he becomes too servile, eats too much humble pie, and seeks too much advice. The paralysis of fear of failure causes him to hesitate too long before taking action. Fourth, he may assume a know-it-all attitude—seek advice from no one—and set out to show everyone how to run a ship.

  The person with a healthy self-image moves into management very well. He exhibits a cautious confidence that shows he is qualified and will do the job. He is short on promises but long on fulfillment. He understands the difference between serving and being servile. He neither seeks nor avoids confrontations and meets decision-making head on. He understands that he was promoted because management has confidence in his ability to either handle the job or grow to the job. He knows where to draw the line between confidence and arrogance. More importantly, he can be firm on principle but flexible on method. He understands that ideas don’t care who have them and is secure enough within himself to recognize and give full credit to the ideas of associates and subordinates. He draws the line between being friendly and being familiar. He doesn’t get “all shook up” when he makes a wrong decision, because he knows in most cases the worst decision is no decision, so right or wrong he makes decisions. Then his self-image is such that he can act decisively and yet not feel threatened when he is either mistaken, challenged, or has to ask for help on specific matters.

  GOOD IMAGE = BETTER PARENT,

  MORE HONEST PERSON

  In the business community a poor self-image is manifested by spur-ofthe-moment, “impossible” promises. The new coach, hoping to gain instant acceptance, promises more than is expected and more than he can deliver. The manufacturer or his agent, in order to please the customer because he can’t stand even temporary rejection, will forego reality and make impossible commitments. In the sales world, we find insecure salesmen with poor self-images are the ones most guilty of over-selling, over-promising—and under-delivering. They can’t take rejection and feel these steps are necessary if they are to make the sale. Once the sale is made, however, the salesman develops “guilt” feelings and avoids the customer. With no service the customer grows unhappy with the product and the salesman. The customer “tells the salesman off,” which compounds the self-image problem.

  The office worker with a self-image problem won’t assert himself and seek a raise, even when he knows the caliber of his work warrants more pay. The tragedy here is that the same worker, if he doesn’t get the raise and recognition he deserves, will often become resentful and bitter and feel that “no one understands or appreciates him or what he does.” The net result is a negative effect on his performance and a reduction in the possibility of a future raise or promotion.

  In the family, a poor self-image is manifested by parental reluctance to discipline the child. The parent hides this under the mask of “It hurts me more than him because I love him so much.” Actually, the parent is often fearful of turning the child away and causing the child to withdraw or withhold its love. The unfortunate truth is, this creates a problem for parents and child. The parent loses control, respect, and some love. The child loses confidence in the parents and the security that goes with it. This is the first step in the loss of respect for authority, which leads to rebellion against authority. This rebellion is another manifestation of a poor self-image and was instrumental in youngsters age 18 and under being responsible for committing 45% of the serious crime in the U.S. in 1974.

  According to the Juvenile Offenders and Victims 1999 National Report, approximately one arrest in five made by law enforcement agencies in 1997 involved a juvenile, and juveniles accounted for 37% of all burglary arrests, 24% of weapons arrests, 14% of murder arrests, and 14% of drug arrests. The tragedy is that much of this could be averted if parents and teachers knew enough (and in some cases cared enough) about how to recognize those manifestations which so clearly say “notice me”—or “love me”—or “I want you to care what I do.” The student who habitually comes to class late, makes a grand entrance, forgets his books, talks loudly or to other students at inopportune times, or asks “silly” or unrelated questions is acting in perhaps the only way he feels he can act in order to get the attention he wants and desperately needs.

  COWARD—CASPER MILQUETOAST— IMMORALITY OR A POOR SELF-IMAGE

  Now let’s translate these same manifestations of a poor self-image into other professions and areas of life. The student with the poor self-image will not confront the teacher over a poor grade, even when he knows he deserves a better one.

  The manifestation with the greatest long-range impact occurs in the pre-teen or early teen years when Johnny or Mary, who have not accepted themselves, first discover that boys and girls are different. The problem arises in the first relationship with a member of the opposite sex and is especially serious if either or both parties feel rejection from their own families. It is further compounded if either, or both, of the youngsters is either physically unattractive or a little short intellectually (society does put quite a premium on beauty and brains).

  To move from real or imagined “no acceptance” to an almost total acceptance from a member of the opposite sex at this critical time creates a highly volatile situation. The youngsters so desperately crave acceptance that they will do anything to keep from losing this one who accepts them “just for me.” Combine this situation with a permissive society, which permits and even encourages an “honest” relationship of any kind so long as it is “meaningful,” and you have a situation which lends itself to going steady at an early age. This togetherness, often in front of a television program or movie screen featuring moral laxity, has all the ingredients necessary for premarital sex, promiscuity, venereal disease, illegitimate births, and/or an early marriage to a partner with nothing in common except a biological urge.

  If the youngster with the poor self-image doesn’t find a “steady” and “everyone else has someone,” then he or she will often dress in a revealing and provocative manner to “catch” someone or anyone. Fishermen call this trolling. The problem with this technique is you generally “catch” everything from gars and turtles to snakes and stumps, and, generally speaking, the “catch” is harder to “throw back” than it is to reel in. Even when you catch something with this “bait,” the chances are good that you will lose your “catch” to another troller who has more to show or who will show more. Any relationship primarily built on physical attractiveness is predestined to be short-lived.

  The youngster with a healthy self-image simply will not get caught in the trap of an early and/or unhealthy relationship with members of the opposite sex. He or she is smart enough and has enough self-esteem not to be “used,” or fall for the oldest lines—and lies—of them all, “prove you love me” and “everyone else is doing it.” This youngster understands the difference between happiness and pleasure, and refuses to “sell out” a lifetime of happiness and virtue for a moment of dubious pleasure and obvious immorality. Sex under those
terms has nothing to do with love. Prostitutes have lots of sex, but no love.

  There is evidence that “Good Old Joe” and his distaff counterpart actually have a problem that is a common one and is no respecter of age, sex, education, size, or skin color. He has the “I must be a nice guy and never offend anyone” kind of self-image syndrome. As a youngster, he smokes cigarettes he doesn’t want, takes the drink he doesn’t like, laughs at dirty jokes that actually offend him, joins the gang he secretly dislikes, and goes along with conduct and participates in a dress code he secretly abhors. All because he has never accepted himself and is terribly concerned that if he asserts himself and “crosses” his peer group, he will not have any friends.

  As an adult he has a tendency to tell people only what he thinks they want to hear. He would never send an overcooked steak back to the kitchen and he patiently waits an extra hour while the doctor sees other patients. He even gives up his place in the barbershop, lets others take his parking spot, or even crash the line in front of him. He doesn’t argue with the boss nor object when a co-worker takes credit for work he has done.

  Don’t misunderstand. If you are Joe and your self-image is so healthy you can conduct yourself in this manner because this is what you want, that’s super good. If you view these incidents as minor or small stuff that means nothing in your game plan for life, then your self-image is in excellent shape. However, if you do these things to gain acceptance, then you are gaining everything but acceptance. The reason is simple. You are not presenting the real you. In fact, you are presenting a phony, and most people—including other phonies—don’t like a phony.

  It is safe to say that every area of life and every occupation are affected by a poor self-image. If you fit, or think you fit, into the group with a poor self-image, let me enthusiastically urge you not to fume or fret because in the next few pages we will give you some step-by-step procedures to correct a poor self-image and make a good one better. You are now ready to start stepping up the stairs to success. Happily, you will discover it’s easier to move up those stairs faster when you get out of the crowd at the bottom. And, friend, if you were ever at the bottom of those stairs, you are now moving up.

  CHAPTER 6

  Fifteen Steps to a Healthy Self-Image

  STEP ONE. Take inventory—you are far from bankrupt. Realistically, your net worth—if you should decide to “sell out”— is several million dollars. When you complete the inventory, you will come to the full realization that no one on the face of this earth can make you feel inferior without your permission, and you will like yourself too much to give that permission. I love what the immortal Booker T. Washington (the ex-slave who founded Tuskegee Institute at a time when racial prejudice was almost total) said, “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”

  To begin with there are three reasons why you should like you as you are. First reason: COMMON SENSE DEMANDS IT. Some years ago, a woman in Gary, Indiana, received $1,000,000 because a drug had caused her to lose her sight. She had taken the drug to clear up a rash on her face and it settled in her eyes, causing her to lose approximately 98% of her vision. Would you swap places with her? In California, another woman was awarded $1,000,000 because of a back injury received in an airplane accident. Doctors say she will never walk again. Would you swap places with her? The chances are a thousand to one that if your vision is normal and your back is strong, you wouldn’t consider swapping places with either of these ladies. The chances are even greater that if you made the offer to either lady, they would gladly make the exchange and throw in a heartfelt thank you.

  Deep down in your own mind you know that regardless of your financial position and regardless of how deep your interest in money might be, you would refuse the offer to “swap.” If you are a normal human being, you would like to have the money but not in exchange for one of your greatest assets, your health.

  Betty Grable, the famous pin-up queen of World War II, was best known for her “million-dollar legs,” so named because they were insured for $1,000,000. How would you like to see another pair of million-dollar legs? If you will look down at your own, you will be looking directly at a pair of legs that, if they will move you around, you would not sell for the million-dollar price tag placed on Betty Grable’s legs. Since you would not take a million dollars for your eyes, a million dollars for your back, or a million dollars for your legs, you are already worth over three million dollars and we just started on your personal inventory. Like yourself better already, don’t you!

  Fortunately, you don’t have to swap one asset (your health) for another (money). By developing the positive characteristics I cover in this book and building on the foundation of character, faith, integrity, love, loyalty, and honesty, you can have them all. (Health, wealth, happiness, peace, friends, security, etc.)

  ONE OF A BILLION!

  Many years ago, I read in a Dallas newspaper that a Rembrandt painting had sold for over one million dollars. (Today it is worth much, much more.) As I read the article I thought to myself, “What in the world would make some paint on a canvas worth so much money?” Then a couple of thoughts occurred to me. First, this was obviously a unique painting. As a matter of fact, of all the billions of paintings painted since the beginning of time, this was the only one exactly like it in existence. It was a Rembrandt original. Its rarity gave it value. Second, Rembrandt was a genius. He had a talent that occurs only once every hundred years or more. Obviously, it was his talent that was being recognized.

  Then I started thinking about you. Since the beginning of time, billions of people have lived on the face of this earth. There are several billion people on earth today, but there never has been and there never will be another you. You are a rare, exclusive, different, and unique being on the face of this earth. These qualities give you enormous value. Please understand that even though Rembrandt was a genius, he was a mortal. The same God who created Rembrandt created you, and you are as precious in God’s sight as Rembrandt or anyone else. In addition to having a rare talent, Rembrandt used that talent by lifting his paint brush every day. Since his birth there have probably been hundreds of Rembrandts in every field of endeavor who have never lifted their paint brushes or gotten off their seats to make their marks.

  Let’s pursue this thought just one more short step. If you had the only car in town you would have an extremely valuable possession unless you parked it in the garage and left it there. Since you do have the only you in existence, you are valuable, so take you and your talent and use it. Just remember, God created you and gave you talent for you to use, not to bury.

  The second reason: SCIENCE EXPLAINS IT. Most people have a lot of confidence in science, so let’s take a look at you scientifically. You have the capacity between your ears to store more information than can be stored in dozens of man’s most sophisticated computers. In your mind you can store more information than you will find in the millions of volumes in the Library of Congress. Scientists tell us that if man were to attempt to create a human brain, it would cost billions of dollars, would be bulky in size, and would require lots of power to operate. Its construction would involve the most brilliant men in the world and yet with all of its size, cost, and power requirements, this man-made brain would not have the creative capacity God stored between your ears.

  Your remarkable mind brings seventy-two muscles into perfect coordination each time you utter a word. (As much as I talk, some of my friends figure I have a muscle-bound mouth.) Seriously now, you wouldn’t try to convince me, yourself, or anyone else that you’re not a remarkable person with more than enough capability to climb the stairway to the top, would you? (I’ll bet you know other people with less ability who are climbing to the top, don’t you?)

  SELLING YOU—YOUR MIND

  You might say, “Well, if I’m so smart, how come I’m broke, or at least badly bent?” That’s a good question. Here’s a partial answer. Unfortunately, you came equipped at birth with your mind. Both
of us would be better off if I owned your mind. I would sell it to you for, let’s say $100,000, so I would profit enormously. However, you would have made the bargain purchase of all time. Never again would you look in the mirror and make any deprecating comments. As a matter of fact, you would give yourself quite a little pep talk. I can almost hear you say, “Now look friend, I have a hundred thousand bucks invested in you and you are really something. Yes indeed, you can do it.” Never again would you say anything unkind about a mind worth so much money. Nor would you believe it if anyone else said anything unkind about your $100,000 mind. Let me again stress, as we talk about a healthy self-image, that I’m not talking about a super inflated “I’m the greatest” ego. All I’m talking about is developing a simple, healthy self-acceptance.

  BEST OF ALL

  The third reason: THE BIBLE VERIFIES IT. The most important reason you should like you appeared on a bumper sticker the other day. It said, “God loves you—whether you like it or not!” The Holy Bible tells us that man was created in God’s own image, only slightly less than the angels. Jesus Christ said, “What I have done, ye can do also and even greater works than these.” He put no age, education, sex, size, color, height, or any other superficial qualifications as a requirement to attainment. He didn’t leave you out. This is the faith we mentioned in the very beginning. Success is easy—after you believe—and since you are on your way to believing, you are on your way to succeeding.

  Look at it this way. If you are a parent with growing children, how do you feel when one of your children says degrading things about himself or herself? “I am a nothing, a nobody” or, “I can’t do anything right.” Do statements like that make you happy? Do they cause you to swell with pride or do they break your heart and make you shake your head in despair? How do you think our Heavenly Father feels when we who are His say ugly, deprecating things about ourselves? In reality, we have no right to belittle ourselves, or any other human being, do we? Actually, God would be pleased if you would take one last look in the mirror before you start your day and say, “Now remember, ________, God loves you—and so do I.”