Slut

by Jettie Woodruff

  Both women nodded as they stepped in with genuine smiles. At least I hoped they were genuine.

  “Can I offer you something to drink? Not alcohol, like tea or something.”

  The lady older than me chuckled a little. “I would love a glass of tea.”

  I thought about them following me next. I should have taken them to the living room before offering them a beverage. They followed me, but I couldn’t see their expressions. I knew they were checking out our home, probably taking mental notes. I thought about everything that I should have done while we walked in silence for miles. That’s what it seemed like. I hated the tension and the awkwardness.

  “I’m Jonnie White, and this is Lyndsey Wagner,” the younger one said, introducing themselves as she slid to Rowan’s barstool.

  Shoot. I didn’t want her to sit there. My hand unconsciously held Mi’s little stone, and I swear my nerves calmed. Then again it could have been the name. “My mother’s name was Jonnie. I’ve never heard another female with her name.”

  “I hate my name and my parents,” she joked.

  “My mom called my sister and I her Clydes. You know, like Bonnie and Clyde? Only we were Jonnie and her Clydes.” I had no clue why I shared that detail either, but honestly it felt kind of comforting, like my mom was with me.

  “Sorry about that. Hello, I’m Paxton Pierce, and you are?” Paxton said, finally joining us, with way more confidence than I had.

  The ladies introduced themselves and Paxton led the meeting, doing things his way, and not theirs at all. He had them seated on our sofa with their tea while I sat on the loveseat with him.

  The older lady sat her glass to the round coaster, a photo of Rowan and Phi in the pool. My nerves did that jittery thing when I watched the expression on her face. It was bad news. I could tell. My hand held the dumb little stone, praying I was wrong.

  “Look, before we go any further, I have to tell you that Vander is with a family interested in adopting him. Your sister hasn’t had any contact with Vander all summer.” Lyndsey, the older one explained while she opened the folder from her lap.

  “She couldn’t. She was in an accident,” I replied with a raspy, dry throat. I knew it was bad.

  Lyndsey shrugged her shoulders, but I wasn’t sure what it meant. “I mean, it’s all right here in black and white. She chose drugs over her child, Gabriella.”

  I instantly went into defensive mode. “She was sick.”

  Paxton took my hand and squeezed it lightly, then stepped in. “What is it that you’re suggesting?”

  “Mrs. Chadwick feels it would be better for the child if—”

  “Vander. His name is Vander,” Paxton clarified.

  “Vander’s in a good home with a family who loves him now. The Warrens. From what I understand, he’s thriving and extremely happy. The State of Michigan doesn’t think we should disrupt that.”

  Paxton stood and my hand grasped the little stone around my neck, willing him not to blow his top in front of them.

  “That’s awesome. I’m glad that he’s had a great summer, but truthfully, Mrs. Wagner, that’s all it was. A great summer. He’s our family, and he belongs here with us. What are you saying? If you’re here to tell me we don’t have a right to him, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. I’m not going in this blind. I know our rights, and unless you can prove us unfit parents, tell me what the next step is.”

  Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I watched the expressions on both the lady’s faces with cat-like precision, reading every single look.

  Jonnie was the one to speak. She clapped her hands together and looked up to Paxton with, I wasn’t sure what. I sort of sucked at reading people.

  “Next we ask you some questions, tour your home, and send our finding back to the State of Michigan, along with your intent to continue with the custodial rights to Vander Clyde Delgardo. We’re just the messengers, Mr. Pierce. Just because the State of Michigan thinks they know what is best, doesn’t mean that it is. Lyndsey and I have been partners for seven years now, and we fight for what’s in the child’s best interest. Not the State of Michigan, and certainly not you. Of course if we think Vander should come here with you, show us, Mr. Pierce. Make us want to bat for you, not them.”

  Paxton stared down to Jonnie with another look that I couldn’t read, until he looked at me. Something in him clicked, something I’d never seen before. He smiled, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Throw the ball,” he said, his tense attitude disappearing with a smile.

  Paxton sat next to me on the sofa and we answered question after question. Everything from how we discipline to what we feed them, their routine, Paxton’s job, my role as a stay-at-home mom, and then the documents they wanted us to gather. Oh my, God. You would have thought we were asking for custody of the president of the United States of America. Marriage license, birth certificates, Paxton’s divorce decrees, proof of income, W-2 or Income Tax Forms for the past five years, a list of savings accounts, investments, debts and insurance policies.

  I think we did great. We even joked a few times, and talked about our girls in great detail. Jonnie even shared her dilemma with a boy and girl. She thought they were the only ones who fought like that. I loved that she shared that with us. It made me feel like she was just like us. Like everyone else on this crazy planet with skeletons. All and all, I thought the interrogating interview went well, and then came the tour of our home.

  Paxton never let go of my hand the entire time. He did most of the talking, going into great detail about the house, and how he and I did it all. I wondered if he was feeding her a line of shit, or if it was true. I didn’t remember helping with anything there, and he had never mentioned that I did. Then again, he didn’t mention a lot of things.

  Jonnie stepped into Rowan’s room with a huge smile. “Barbie’s, my daughter swallowed that pill too,” she admitted, eyes scanning Rowan’s room and the massive amount of Barbie everything.

  “Rowan’s our bookworm,” I proudly boasted when Lyndsey picked up her favorite book, Sir Wrinkles, by Lenora Kerr.

  “Her mom waited in line for three hours to get that book. It’s signed. She’s very proud of that book,” Paxton explained.

  I felt sad about that for a second. I never knew that. I knew that it was her favorite book, and I knew that it was the only one that got a special place on the top shelf. I just didn’t know the story behind getting it. That hurt a little.

  Next we went into Phi’s room. “Our little tomboy,” I said, happy smile returning. She had some girl things, but the skateboard, and the dinosaurs were a dead giveaway. Ophelia had a collection of them, and every piece of paraphernalia they made. It worked out, both girls played with the Jurassic World as much as they played with the Barbie’s in Rowan’s room.

  We went into the room where the door was boarded up with plywood next.

  “Don’t mind the paint smell. We’ve been working on this room, trying to get it ready. I have a window coming. I should get it in this week.”

  “We’re kind of up in arms on who to give this room to. I feel like Rowan should have it since she’s the oldest.”

  “She’s not that much older than Ophelia. Vander should have the room with the private bath,” Paxton argued. We both looked to see whose side our guests took.

  They didn’t take either. “I’ll take this room,” Jonnie decided.

  It was rather empty. We painted the room a neutral color, sort of between blue and silver. Comfort Gray was the name on the little card.

  The state ladies left us with a lot of hope, and they both assured us they planned to step up to the plate. That made me extremely happy. We walked them to the door, thanking them for coming, hand in hand.

  Jonnie stopped on the bottom step and turned to us. “I love the way you two are so in love. That’s important in a family.”

  I smiled and leaned into Paxton. “Yeah, that’s fake. I don’t really like him that much,” I teased.

  Jonnie snickered. “Sure,
was that mud for us, or did your husband hug you when he came rushing in late?”

  I looked down my cream colored blouse to the streak of mud down my left side and smiled. “Something like that.” He hugged me because I was freaking out. He also didn’t tell me about my muddy shirt for two hours. Idiot.

  Fourteen

  Paxton took us all out again that night, ice cream and putt-putt golf, too. I’m pretty sure it was for me, to get my mind off of what came next. It worked. The girls talked nonstop about their day with Mi. She gave them both incense, telling them some story about our family stones, and burning the lavender for a sense of calm.

  “I think it’s for to make our rocks be powerful more,” Ophelia decided from the backseat.

  “What would you girls think about getting another stone? Make our family a little bigger?”

  “Paxton,” I protested, stopping him before he promised something that may not happen.

  “What? We should tell them.”

  “Stop, not yet.”

  “Are you going to have a baby?” Rowan asked in a squeal. “You are, aren’t you Mom? Yay, Georgina got a baby brother.”

  “I don’t want a girl,” Ophelia announced while helping out her sister.

  “I’m not going to have a baby. We’re not getting a baby.”

  “He’s five,” Paxton said, totally overruling me. “His name is Vander.”

  “Hey, I’m five,” Phi said with more excitement than needed.

  “Where’s his mommy?” Rowan questioned.

  I turned to Paxton and told him how I felt about him. “I hate you.”

  “Talk them. Tell them what’s going on.”

  I didn’t say a word at first. I only stared at Paxton, pondering what to say while he drove us home. Home from a great night that he was about to ruin.

  “Remember when Mommy had her wreck?” I began.

  “Yes, we missed you,” Phi said while twisting in her seat, pulling her seatbelt, in and out.

  “I missed you, too, baby. Stop doing that. What if Daddy slams on his breaks? You won’t be safe. I wasn’t alone. My sister was with me, too.”

  “Where is she?”

  “Did she die?”

  “We don’t know where she is. We haven’t found her yet, but we’re looking. Vander is her little boy, and he needs a family until we can find her.”

  “Maybe she went to the mall,” Ophelia said while offering her silly opinion.

  I frowned, and looked to Paxton’s smiling face. “She’s not at the mall. I don’t know where she is. Maybe she’s hurt and she doesn’t remember who she is.”

  “Like you, right?” Row questioned.

  “Maybe, but I bet her little boy is as cool as she was. She was my best friend.”

  “They were twins. Your mom had a twin sister that looked just like her.”

  “Has, I have a twin sister that looks just like me. She’s just lost, but we’re going to keep looking.”

  Although it felt good to talk about her, to finally express my love for her, it was hard. I didn’t know a lot about her, a handful of things I had thought to be true, but really wasn’t sure. I didn’t remember her, and it bothered me. A lot.

  That night when I laid down with my family to recharge our stones and read Ophelia’s book choice, I focused really hard on it. On having Vander right there with us, Spiderman pajamas and his own little stone stuck to ours, connected by Paxton’s larger stone.

  I looked over the girls, sitting cross-legged while Rowan read the book, ‘The Day the Crayons Quit.’ Phi loved that silly little book. Paxton’s hand laid over Ophelia’s, holding her hand while she held the charging stones, bringing more power to our family. His eyes were already on mine when I looked over, feeling a lot. Too much. I wanted Vander more than I wanted anything in life, and I would have done anything to get him. I thought about where Izzy was, and how I was supposed to explain it to Vander. If I got him. How the hell do you tell a five-year-old that his mommy was lost?

  I love you, Paxton mouthed with no words.

  I winked at him, placing my hand in his. Phi held my finger, never taking her eyes from her big sister’s finger, following the words as she read.

  As soon as Rowan said the end, Paxton was on his feet. “Night lady bugs. I’ve got to go get the trash ready.”

  Ophelia wasn’t ready to sleep yet, she’s the one that started the wrestling match. Paxton tossed her over his shoulder and spanked her butt while Rowan went after him. I jumped up before they all fell to the bed on top of me.

  “Phi, come on. You’re going in your bed tonight,” I said in a loud tone as I walked to the door. I hit the wall with my hand and said it again when she continued to scream, attacking her dad. I quit and walked to the kitchen where I heated water for tea, started the dishwasher, and wiped something sticky from the island.

  I sat on the barstool and opened the folder left for us by the social workers, an instant smile taking over my lips as soon as I saw his little face.

  Paxton slid to the stool behind me, kissing the back of my neck. “Can I buy you drink?” He teased.

  I smiled and walked to the whistling pot. “No, do you want tea?”

  “What the fuck is this? Are you collecting lemons?”

  I looked to the vase full of lemons and back to my cup. “Mi brought them. She knew the social workers were coming. They absorb all the negative energy put off by people coming into your house.”

  Paxton shook his head and shifted his attention to the paperwork. He wasn’t about to touch that one. Or maybe he was.

  “She’s fucking nuts, just so you know.”

  I laughed and joined him as he scanned the mountain of information the state wanted. Everything but our grocery list.

  “Oh, my God. Look at this, Gabriella,” Paxton said with a straight finger on one of the pages.

  We met half way and he showed me his birth certificate. “That’s Ophelia’s birthday. You had them on the exact same day, the exact same year. That’s fucking insane, like creepy insane.”

  “Dad said the F word again, Mom.”

  “Yeah, I heard him. What are you doing? You’re supposed to be in bed,” I said as I stepped around Paxton.

  “I need a drink.”

  “You have a cup in your bathroom. Move it.”

  “Dad said I can sleep in Rowan’s bed.”

  “He lied. Go.”

  I tucked both girls into bed and went back to the kitchen with Paxton, busy filling out paperwork to get Vander.

  “I’ll get this stuff faxed over before I go to bed. That way it will be there waiting on them when they get there in the morning.”

  I sipped the tea Paxton finished for me and leaned in to read what the pen left on paper. “How long do you think it will be before Lyndsey and Jonnie get the home study to them?”

  “I made Jonnie promise to do tomorrow when I showed her to the bathroom. She has a crack in her pool,” Paxton said with a crooked smile.

  “You’re evil.”

  He shrugged one shoulder and kissed my cheek. “It worked, and I am so glad you take charge like that now. We would have been playing this game for hours before.”

  “Yeah, well someone has to do it. You suck at the word no.”

  “I can’t help it. I love them so much. I never want them to feel anything but happy, ya know?”

  “Yeah, but you’re not the one home with them all day long. They’re listening to me,” I assured him.

  Both our eyes shifted to my phone, and Mi’s name.

  Paxton’s eyes stayed on my phone as he asked the loaded question. “Do you want to stop?”

  “Is this for me or both of us?”

  “Both.”

  “Do you?”

  Paxton pulled me to stand between his legs, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I mean, I feel like it’s helped me a lot. I’m hearing things straight from your mouth, and I can feel how you feel by your words. It makes me feel compassion for you. I’ve never had that for you.
Not really.”

  “Go take the trash out. I’ll meet you upstairs.”

  I was already settled into bed by the time Paxton came up, waiting for him to put in the password for my email. I decided at that moment that had to change. The girls were about to start school. There was no reason for me not to have access to my own email.

  “You don’t want to sit outside?” Paxton asked while plopping his ass right on my leg.

  “Ouch. No, I want to lay in bed. My back hurts.”

  “You okay?” He questioned as his body laid over top of me to get the link from my email.

  “Yes, fine. I’m tired tonight.”

  “Tired or emotionally drained?”

  I lifted the covers for Paxton, agreeing with that statement. “For sure.”

  “Hey, guys. How’s it going?” Nick suddenly said, appearing on the screen. Good thing we weren’t naked. Geesh.

  “Gabby, Gabby! Hey girl,” Mi waved from across the room again.

  “Get out, Mi!” Nick yelled.

  I laughed and leaned in. “Hi, Mi. Thank you for spending the afternoon with the girls. They haven’t stopped talking about it.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. Nick doesn’t let me hear any of this. He thinks it's violating some HIPPA law or something,” Mi teased, more sarcastic than not. I just wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be funny because Nick broke all sorts of HIPPA laws when he handed me over to Lane. Then again, it could have been because she was a doctor. She knew those laws.

  Nick ushered her out again with an annoyed tone. “Mi, you do this every time. You tell me you won’t come in, and every time you do.”

  “I’m going, I’m going. See ya, Gabby, and it was my pleasure. Best company ever.”

  Nick waited for Mi to close the door and began, shaking his head back and forth in frustration. Paxton and I exchanged glances with hidden smiles.

  “How was your last talk? Did you talk about everything?”

  “Yes, we’re good. Let’s keep going. Let’s hear the next one,” Paxton coaxed.

  I knew at that very moment he was hiding something. No more doubts. There was something he wasn’t telling me.