Treading Water (Forgotten Soldier Book 2)

by Jessie G

  “Have you been dipping into Sean’s meds?” That only made Shane laugh harder and Julian smacked his shoulder. “I’m glad you find this whole situation funny, but color me confused. A week ago, we agreed to just be friends, nothing more. That you didn’t do relationships nor had any intention of coming out of the closet.”

  That sobered Shane up a little, though Julian could see the amusement lurking at the ready. “Is that important to you?”

  “Well, I mean, I’m not trying to out you and it’s not a deal-breaker, but I wouldn’t even know how to pretend.” Long before he could define the word ‘gay,’ much less identify as such, he was being ridiculed for it. If he couldn’t hide it when he didn’t even know what it was, how could he do so now?

  “Look what just happened with my father. He was quick to make assumptions because he knows who I am. Everyone who sees us together will make them too—hopefully, without the hateful rhetoric, but still.” The disturbing realization that Shane could somehow be labeled by association had Julian struggling out of his grasp. “You, of all people, should understand the risks.”

  “I do.” And once again, Shane didn’t let go. In fact, he hoisted Julian up higher and reached for the doorknob. “Then let’s take care of that right now.”

  “Wait!” Julian couldn’t let him make such a decision in the heat of the moment. Surely Shane was still riding high on anger at Walter and probably confusion over his jealousy, but neither were good reasons to change his whole life so drastically. “You don’t have to do this for me. I can learn to pretend, Shane.”

  He’d probably suck at it, but he would definitely try.

  “You’d do that for me?” Shane asked in genuine surprise.

  If he had any doubts, that erased them. He still didn’t know how it would all work out, but he would be invested like he’d never been before. “Yes, I would do that for you.”

  Shane kissed him softly, the gentle caresses turning his insides to mush. Julian held on and relaxed into the embrace, letting everything else go but this moment. He never heard the turn of the knob or the creak of the door, never even felt Shane move. And when he finally realized they were standing in the crowded hallway of the naval hospital, fully embraced and lip-locked, he was assured that his first impression was true.

  No matter what happened, he would never regret being Shane Parker’s lover.

  Chapter 11

  Sean

  “I have to admit, I was a little surprised when you said your friends would be joining us today.” If Sean had to guess, he’d say Dr. Joseph Esposito was in his mid-fifties. With salt and pepper hair, soft wrinkles, and kind eyes, his entire presence could put you at ease before he even opened his mouth. He also refused to allow his patients to use their sessions as a pity party. Friendly, no-nonsense, and fiercely determined to help, he was the one doctor Sean was going to miss when they left for Key West.

  Well, there was Dr. Mendez, of course, but Sean knew his interest stemmed from the relief of knowing that his little soldier was still capable of reporting for duty. His charm might be legendary and she might have developed a soft spot for him, but that’s as far as it went. Which was fine. It was enough to know that he hadn’t lost that part of himself. Shane called him a horn dog and he’d worn the title proudly, but getting laid wasn’t going to get him back on his feet. That meant it was relegated to the bottom of the to-do list, right below figuring out how to do it if he never regained use of his legs, and it had become a someday goal to work up to—one way or another.

  “Sean?” Julian nudged him a little and Sean realized he’d tuned out again. Lately, he couldn’t get out of his own head and it was starting to piss him off.

  “Sorry. Uh, yeah, you kept suggesting it, so I figured I better make the introductions before we head south.” Clearing his throat, he gave them his best smile. “Shane, Julian, this is Doctor Joseph Esposito, but he doesn’t like formalities and prefers Joe.”

  As the three exchanged pleasantries, he wondered what the doctor was hoping to accomplish. He said he wanted to make sure that everyone was prepared for the journey ahead, which Sean didn’t doubt, but the good doctor was always on the lookout for an opportunity to delve deeper. With this group, he’d have his work cut out for him. Julian only appeared to be an open book and Shane made no apologies for being locked up tighter than Fort Knox.

  “Shall we sit?” Joe gestured to the chairs surrounding a low table and Sean couldn’t resist.

  “I bring my own these days, but thanks.” There was a second where he could almost hear Shane’s mental ‘what the fuck’ before Julian chuckled softly. Overall, the timing of that response was improving and this one almost sounded like real amusement.

  “Has he always been so…” Joe floundered for a moment.

  Thankfully, Shane was right there to help him. “Ridiculous?”

  Unable to resist boarding the gang-up-on-Sean train, Julian put in, “Juvenile?”

  “See what I gotta put up with?” Sean lamented with a long-suffering sigh that belied his broad grin.

  “Yes, you’re obviously abused.” Joe rolled his eyes and took the last chair. He didn’t sit behind his desk for their visits and there was no couch for Sean to lay on. Instead it was all very intimate and comfortable. Like a group of friends getting together to watch the game—minus a couple of cold brews and a spicy queso dip. Oh, and some guac. Just thinking about it made his mouth water and Sean wondered if Julian still had that cute little Brazilian girl cooking at the B&B. Esme. Sweet, beautiful Esme. She laughed at all his stupid jokes, spoiled him with her cooking, and rejected every one of his advances with a smile. Yeah, he could go for some of all of the above right now.

  “Sean? You still with us?” Joseph’s amusement was tinged with concern and Sean was jolted back to see all three of them watching him curiously.

  Embarrassed at having gotten lost again, Sean stammered, “Uh, yeah, sorry. Was thinking of cheese.”

  That stupid answer got the typical response. Shane rolled his eyes, Julian snickered, and the doctor…yeah, the man was definitely wondering about his state of mind now.

  “While I hate to come between a man and his…cheese, I was hoping we could talk about what comes next.” With one last look of consideration, Joseph gave his attention to Shane and Julian. “I hear you guys are gearing up for the long drive on Saturday.”

  “That’s the plan,” Shane agreed, his tone bordering on clipped. He hadn’t hesitated when Sean asked about doing a group therapy session, though there were no illusions that he’d talk about himself. There was a time when Sean might have felt the same way. After experiencing Joseph’s methods first hand, he’d advocate for Shane to take an hour alone with the doctor if he thought his friend would agree.

  Joseph looked at Shane for a long moment as if he were trying to decide if he should push for more or retreat and regroup. After a short stare off, he turned his attention to Julian, but not before Sean saw the gleam of anticipation in the doctor’s eyes. Oh, yeah, someone had Shane’s number. Why did he never have popcorn for these things?

  “And I’m told you’re the lucky winner of a fully-grown baby boy?”

  “Hey!” Sean didn’t have to pretend offense. He thought he was doing damn well for a guy who was pinned between two storage containers not that long ago. At least, that’s what they’d told him. He actually had no memory beyond the deafening sound of the plane hitting the deck and the feeling of hurtling through the air. The time between that and waking up a week later was a blur of incoherent whispers, flickering lights, and pain. “I’m an excellent patient.”

  “Of course, you are,” Julian teased, patting his hand, and giving him a toothy smile. “Thankfully, you’re also potty trained.”

  “Dude.” Despite the teasing banter, Sean felt his cheeks heat. Of all the things he had to relearn, the last thing he wanted to talk about was the bathroom. It was bad enough things had changed in that department, having someone standing at the ready to assist w
as more exposure than he could stomach. He was forever grateful to the occupational therapist who taught him how to use the accessibility features of the restroom. Now he could take his time dropping the kids off at the pool without an audience.

  “Speaking of—” The doctor gave him an apologetic smile. “Sean told me that you’ve already had someone in to modify a guest suite for him. I’ve had a lot of frazzled families come through that door. They’re usually overloaded on information and uncertain where to start. You guys really hit the ground running. Sean’s lucky to have you both.”

  “That’s nice of you to say, but we can’t take all the credit. If it weren’t for the Ramos Foundation, we might not have known what was happening until it was too late.” Though Julian maintained a placid expression, the bitterness was clear to anyone with half an ear. “They’re working behind the scenes so we can focus solely on Sean.”

  “Ah, yes, I heard Walter and Esther were being less than cooperative.” That polite description was the understatement of the year and not what he’d come to expect from the no-bullshit doctor.

  “Less than cooperative?” Sean’s snort of disbelief just barely covered Shane’s more vulgar hiss. “I thought we didn’t sugar coat things in here? They completely ignored everything I said and were ready to lock me away where I wouldn’t be a hindrance to anyone.”

  A mortified Julian covered his face and begged, “Please tell me they didn’t use that word.”

  “Maybe this is something we should talk about,” Joseph began encouragingly. “They’ve refused to meet with me, so I can’t speak to their state of mind, but I’ve seen their effect. Do you think they’ll follow you home, and if so, what’s the plan? Sean needs to focus on his recovery. He doesn’t need that kind of negativity and neither do you.”

  “Do you realize how fucked up this is?” Julian demanded. “When Sean was so far out of it that he couldn’t make his own decisions, they stepped up and did the right thing. They love him even if they have a strange way of showing it and while their intentions might be screwy, they have no power here anymore. I don’t get the point of plotting against them when they can’t do anything.”

  “You’re defending them.” Joseph sounded surprised, but Sean wasn’t and Shane didn’t appear to be either. Over and over, he was amazed by Julian’s capacity for forgiveness.

  “They’re my parents.” That simple explanation didn’t begin to cover the complex relationship or the toll it had taken on Julian. In a rare display of anger, he cut off the topic before it could gain traction, his voice colder than Sean had heard in a long time. “Anyway, we’re not here to talk about me. Sean said you wanted to make sure we were prepared for what’s to come. So, prepare us.”

  A truly pissed off Julian was a sight to behold and Sean couldn’t resist looking over to see Shane’s reaction. Damned if the man didn’t look proud and possibly a little turned on. Though on Shane, that was a tough look to decipher. Could be gas for all anyone knew, but Sean was willing to bet a dollar on lust.

  Of course, his doctor wasn’t going to give up that easily. “You don’t think that’s something you need to prepare for?”

  “Listen, doc, you mean well, but you’re pushing the wrong button and you need to stop.” Shane’s tone was no longer bordering on clipped, it was full on warning. “We’re here to learn how to help Sean. Period. If the Brands become an issue, I’ll handle it. I won’t let it affect Sean or Julian. Satisfied?”

  Even if Joseph wasn’t, Sean sure as fuck was. Julian and Shane. Hot damn, he totally called it!

  “Actually, I asked to meet with you to make sure you were all helping each other.” Looking unaccountably pleased, Joseph leaned forward with his hands folded in front of him and eyed each of them in turn. “The coming months aren’t going to be easy for Sean, but watching it unfold won’t be easy for you. For every accomplishment, there will be a disappointment. There’ll be days filled with anger and grief, and others where he’ll be so motivated you’ll be exhausted trying to keep up. I’ve seen too many families torn apart and lost more soldiers to depression than the injury that brought them in here. Even the most solid support system needs backup and now I’m confident the three of you will do that for each other.”

  Shane and Julian shared a look of confusion that had Sean laughing. “They’re a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but they’re the best family this movable feast could ever hope to have.”

  “Sean.” Julian sounded pained. “Must you?”

  “Tell the world I love you? Yes, yes I must.” He started to tease, but the sudden need to say it like he meant it came on too strong to fight. “You cut me off the last time. Got mad at me for saying it and I get it. It’s not something I typically say and it scared you, and... You know what? Fuck it. I’m saying it. I love you. Both of you. Okay? Not just because you dropped your whole entire lives to be here for me, but because I never doubted you would. So…there!”

  As quick as the need came, finally saying it drained him and Sean fought against slumping back in his chair so he could stand his ground. Well, as best as he could given the circumstances.

  In the ensuing silence, Shane made a show of leaning forward to look around him at Julian. “I thought you were supposed to be the emotional one in this family.”

  Julian’s watery chuckle caused a few tears to fall as he glared at them. “You’re both jerks.”

  “But you love us, right?” Was it unfair of him to lump Shane into that question? Yeah. Did he care? Nope.

  Because Julian answered with his strongest weapon. His heart. “Desperately.”

  And if they were all glaring at each other, it didn’t faze them or Joseph in the least. With what could only be a considered a gleam of anticipation, he rubbed his hands together and said, “I think this went very well. Don’t you?”

  Sean could only agree.

  Chapter 12

  Julian

  “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” The quiet question was more of a rumble in the chest beneath his head than an actual sound, and it took Julian a minute to process it.

  “What do you mean?” Julian asked, thinking back over the day to figure out what he’d done to raise Shane’s alarms. The man’s observation skills left him few places to hide his emotions and, though he didn’t doubt Shane’s offer to be his haven, Julian didn’t want that weight on their fledgling relationship. Shane had avoided them for reasons Julian still didn’t know. Without that knowledge, all he could do was protect them from the one thing he knew was the problem in the past. Himself.

  “I mean you seem off since the meeting with Doctor Esposito. Are you upset because he implied that your parents could cause future problems or worried that he’s right?” As usual, Shane’s insight was spot-on and Julian was almost relieved to be able to discuss it.

  “Both.” Worrying about what they would do was exhausting and defending them made no sense, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing either. You’d think after thirty-one years, he would learn. It was foolish to keep trying—with them and every guy he hoped would give him what he was missing. Each misguided relationship had ended in disaster, starting with his parents, and getting involved with someone who spent his adult life avoiding emotional involvement had to be the epitome of stupid. Only, Shane wasn’t as closed off as he pretended to be and Julian didn’t know what to do with that.

  “I won’t let them hurt you.” Shane shifted out from beneath him and before Julian’s head hit the mattress, his unexpected lover was hovering over him, his harsh features more prominent with his concern. “You know that, don’t you?”

  The question reminded Julian of how quickly Shane had stepped in on his behalf again. Despite asking him not to, Shane couldn’t seem to help himself. Didn’t even act like he was trying.

  “Yes, I know.” And Julian knew Shane would try for as long as he was around. Was it any wonder that he lifted his head for a kiss instead of reminding them both that he’d be leaving soon?

  J
ulian had never been shy about initiating sex, but usually waited to see what Shane wanted. Not that Shane was opposed or standoffish. Far from it. He could be very hands-on and affectionate. Especially when they were alone. He just wasn’t overly sexual and seemed as happy to cuddle as he was getting off. A cuddling Shane was a conundrum to be sure, but so was the attentive, inventive, focused lover he could be when they did fuck.

  Having been in more than his fair share of relationships, Julian knew they usually flared hot at the beginning and petered out fast. This slow burn had been disconcerting and Julian initially took Shane’s seeming disinterest personally. His confusion only grew with every kiss, touch, and grope that didn’t lead to sex. A couple of days of that had confusion turning into frustration, and then Shane said the strangest thing.

  He thanked him for being allowed to touch.

  Julian’s heart just about broke for the man, but he hadn’t known what to say that wouldn’t sound like pity—something Shane wouldn’t accept. Whether Shane understood his predicament or just didn’t need an answer, he curled that hard-muscled body around him and cupped his leaking dick in one big, calloused hand. They didn’t make love, but there were other words that night. Soft whispers of wonder and a smile of pure contentment that Julian knew he’d be dreaming about for years to come.

  Knowing that it meant something to Shane allowed Julian to enjoy it for what it was. Which was an understatement. Truth was, he craved it. Constantly hovering on the edge of arousal was crazy intimate and even the most innocent touch could kick it up a notch. Shane didn’t do innocent and Julian had come to expect—need—him to use his evil powers for their new favorite pastime: extended foreplay.

  Who knew that could be fun? Or that it would lead to the most explosive sex of his life? Not him. He’d bet not Shane. But here they were and Julian was content to wait to see what Shane needed from him. Nine times out of ten, it was exactly what he needed in return.