Treading Water (Forgotten Soldier Book 2)

by Jessie G

  “Huh.” Julian leaned in and whispered, “I guess that means you already gave them a hard time.”

  “You know it.” Taking handouts felt weird and he knew Sean would have a few choice words about it, but he could grudgingly admit that this donation had taken one more thing off their to-do list. “Give us the run down.”

  Seemingly satisfied, Garrison and Micah took turns pointing out features. The Sienna had been converted with a rear entry ramp and the third-row seating had been replaced with a runway for the wheelchair. The second row only had one seat and they could secure Sean’s wheelchair in the gap beside it. Then that seat could be turned to allow Sean to transfer, which would be more comfortable and safer. A push of a button worked the back door and engaged the ramp, making it completely hands free. Once closed, there was storage built on the sides of the runway that would hold any supplies Sean might need.

  Micah opened the driver side door and gestured for them to look. “The main cabin hasn’t been touched yet. However, when the time comes, this can be fully converted so Sean can drive it himself. There are a ton of options that’ll allow him complete freedom.”

  “It’s really nice.” Julian brushed a hand down the leather seat and his sigh could only be considered defeat. “Sean’s gonna pitch a fit, but it’s really perfect. Especially with the possibility of full conversion.”

  Shane was forced to agree. “Are you guys are going to drive my truck back?”

  “That’s the plan.” Micah agreed. “Do you want us to give you a few minutes to break the horrible news or can we meet the man with a story for every occasion and two volumes to tell it in?”

  The sarcasm and parroting of Julian’s words made them all laugh and Shane had to concede the round to Jared and his team. “Come on up. Meeting new people always puts Sean in a good mood.”

  “I guess it’s nice.” Sean’s grumble made them all smile as he rolled around the van, eyeing it critically. Another new item, one he and Julian had purchased, was a lighter weight wheelchair. He’d wanted something called an active chair, but Dr. Mendez had been quick to veto the idea. They all knew Sean was going to push himself and she worried that having the lower, sleeker chair would be too risky until he was fully healed.

  “You guys kill me.” Micah smacked his forehead and gave a frustrated shake of the head. “Someone wants to give you a gift, you say thank you.”

  Sean crossed his arms and huffed. “I’m not a charity case.”

  “It’s not charity. It’s gratitude for your service.” Garrison came to stand in front of Sean, glaring more than a little. “There are a lot of people who want to show their appreciation. Whether it’s a simple thank you, a financial donation, or something like this. We both know it wasn’t always like that, so don’t look down your nose now that it is.”

  Micah came to stand beside his partner as Garrison and Sean stared one another down. It wasn’t that Garrison wasn’t right—because he was. For Sean, it was accepting that he was the one in need that would chafe. “Look at it like this. A used van that’s already converted would be about thirty-five thousand dollars. Not horrible, but you never know what problems you’ll inherit buying used. If you were to buy new, it would cost you the same and you’d still have to pay extra to have it converted. That’s more money, not to mention time you don’t really have.”

  “I get it, I get it!” Sean threw up his hands and Shane bit his lip to keep from smiling. “No need to tag-team me, dudes. It’s a great van, just tell me where to send the thank you note.”

  “Why do they all have to be so difficult?” Micah asked Garrison as they started walking across the lot to Shane’s truck.

  “Those two need to take a chill,” Sean muttered as he came around beside them.

  It was unfair, since both had gone above and beyond for a man they didn’t know, but Shane laughed anyway. “They’re good guys.”

  “Yeah.” Sean watched them continue to walk away, his gaze wistful for a moment before he shook his head. “Shall we get this circus on the road?”

  With an eight-hour drive ahead of them, Sean opted to transfer to the adapted seat where he would be more comfortable and could use a regular seatbelt. Fifteen minutes later, everyone secure and Sean’s belongings loaded in the storage boxes, Shane was more than ready to put Jacksonville and the hospital in the rearview.

  “I feel like we forgot something,” Julian muttered, pausing in the process of securing his seatbelt. Before either of them could ask, he pushed out of the van and hustled toward the automatic doors. “Just give me a minute to check.”

  Shane threw the van back into park and caught Sean’s fond expression from the rearview. “You knew my cousin was an all-in kind of guy, right? He’s going to turn himself inside out trying to take care of me and what’s left over is going to twist itself into knots trying to figure out what you want.”

  There was no point in denying either. “What do you suggest?”

  “Well.” Sean huffed out a breath and banged his head back against the rest. “I think that therapist was right.”

  “About?” Despite pushing Julian unnecessarily, Shane liked the man that had been working with Sean. He didn’t pull any punches, didn’t sugar coat the situation, and had some choice words about wallowing instead of overcoming. There was little he didn’t agree with, but it wasn’t his life that had undergone drastic changes and Sean wasn’t exactly amenable to logic on a good day.

  “The part about me redirecting my focus, for one. Also, the part about not using this—” he waved a hand toward his chair “—as a handy excuse, but to find ways to cope instead of giving in to defeat. Maybe the acceptance thing, too.”

  The doctor had warned that acceptance would be the hardest part and how the lack could be a detriment to recovery. Sean was a smart man, and they knew he was hanging on every word, no matter how much he might’ve pretended otherwise. The ability to walk wasn’t off the table yet, but whether that happened or not, he had to own the future he wanted to have and that meant molding it into something he could live with.

  “I guess I need to accept that I won’t ever be completely independent again. That’s not to say that I intend to be a burden or that I’ll give up learning all these adaptive techniques, but I can work on my attitude and try not to be so moody.” Sean sighed and pressed his forehead against the window. “Sometimes I replay the shit I say in my head and wonder who that person is. You know me better.”

  “Yes, I do and so does Julian.” Shane twisted around in the seat so that Sean couldn’t hide from him. “But you missed a step. Your doctor stressed the importance of accepting the right to be angry. To actually feel it as it comes instead of bottling it up until it explodes. You’ve scoffed every time.”

  “Because if I showed it every time I felt it, I’d be rolling around in a perpetual state of anger.” Sean tilted his head until they were looking at each other and grinned. “Pretty ironic that you’re encouraging me to acknowledge my feelings.”

  “Yeah, I’m probably the least qualified person on the planet to advise you here.” Shane faced forward again, sorry he’d opened the door and hopeful that Sean wouldn’t go through it.

  No such luck. “Actually, you’re probably the most qualified. You’ve been hiding from yours for nearly three decades. If it weren’t so sad, it’d be fucking impressive.”

  Shane didn’t know what to say. There were very few people in the world that knew what happened to his parents and none of them would have been brave enough to throw it out there the way Sean had. But then, it was their similar pasts that cemented their friendship. “Guess they didn’t install a filter when they had you under the knife.”

  “Nope.” A strong hand settled on his shoulder and Shane forced himself to meet Sean’s gaze in the rearview. “You need to tell Julian.”

  “Why, so he can feel sorry for me? That’ll only make things worse.” How could he tell soft-hearted Julian that he’d lost both his parents when he was ten, one to cancer and
one to depression? After eight years of going through the motions, his father killed himself just days after his graduation. There’d been no goodbye note because it wasn’t necessary. Shane had been surprised he lasted that long and, though he was grateful his father didn’t abandon him before then, the empty years had taken their toll.

  “I won’t deny that he’ll feel empathy, but he’ll also understand you better and that seems to be sorely lacking right now.” Sean was the only one who understood and neither of them were proud of the fight that revealed their secrets, but their common pasts had changed the narrative between them. They saw beneath each other’s façade and it wasn’t always comfortable.

  Shane knew peeling back that layer for Julian would be worse. “Has he said something to you?”

  “Not a word, which is totally unlike him. After everything I did to bring you together, neither of you thought to share the details?” Sean huffed. “If it weren’t for the nurses, I wouldn’t have even heard about the big kiss.”

  Heat crawled up his neck, part embarrassment and part something that had no place in a conversation with Sean. “So, if I’m understanding you correctly, we both need to work on accepting and expressing our feelings because we’re making things harder on Julian.”

  “That and, for fuck’s sake, man, take my cousin out on a date or something. Just the two of you and don’t you dare talk about me either. You guys need some regular Sean-free time.” Sean paused as Julian came around the front of the car holding up a cell phone charger triumphantly. “You both deserve that.”

  “Ha!” Julian exclaimed as he hopped into the passenger’s seat, cutting off any response Shane might have given. “I’m glad I went back in to check.”

  They all knew that replacement phone chargers could be purchased anywhere, but Sean was right. Julian would overwork himself to do everything Sean needed, while attempting to be part of a relationship with someone who didn’t know how to give an inch.

  “You okay?” Julian asked when he didn’t immediately get them moving.

  Was he? No, he was screwing this up and that just wouldn’t do. Walking away was out of the question. Not only would that hurt Julian, Shane wasn’t willing to give him up because it was hard. Life was hard, he knew that first hand, and he had no illusions that relationships would be different. Hadn’t he avoided them for all these years for that exact reason?

  “Shane?” A tentative hand touched his arm. It was the touch of a concerned friend, not a lover. Despite that hallway display, Julian was careful of how they touched in front of others, including his cousin.

  Inexplicably annoyed and certain he was to blame, Shane cupped the back of Julian’s head and leaned in close. There was a split second of resistance when those dark eyes went wide before Julian relaxed and only then did Shane take a kiss. Gripped with the urgency to prove himself to Julian and declare his intentions to their captive audience, Shane poured everything he hadn’t said into the moment.

  When he pulled back and Julian touched his lips in wonder, the whole world seemed to right itself again. “Understand?”

  Julian nodded, eyes still a little glazed and Shane couldn’t resist taking another quick kiss before settling back in his seat. As he checked the rearview before pulling away from the curb, he saw Sean’s smug smirk.

  “Just call me cupid.” Sean’s grin grew when he rolled his eyes. “The gangsta of love?”

  Amid Sean’s familiar antics and Julian’s contagious laughter, a new feeling settled in the pit of Shane’s stomach. What would he do if the Navy offered to ship him out one last time?

  Chapter 14

  Sean

  The absolute silence was the first thing Sean noticed upon waking the following morning. As he lay there in the semi-darkness, the first rays of light peeking through the blinds, that silence was unnerving. In the hospital, there was always someone moving about in the hallways—from the nurses making their rounds to the orderlies pushing their carts. Every day since he came to, he lamented the constant noise, the intrusions at all hours of the day and night, and couldn’t wait to escape.

  To wake up missing that noise annoyed him and starting his day annoyed was damn fucking annoying. He needed to find another default setting soon because he was getting sick of himself. He couldn’t even imagine what Julian or Shane must think of his new surly personality. At least, he knew Shane could take it and would give it back. Julian would put on a good show, but he’d take it to heart and snapping at the person who rearranged everything to make his life better was a dick move.

  A creak sounded outside his door, the footfall too heavy to be Julian’s, and he wondered what Shane would do. While he was far from healed and still needed help, he hadn’t worked as hard as he had to have them coddle him. That would make him crazier than being woken up in the middle of the night to have his temperature taken or more blood drawn. Having promised not to do anything that would put him back in the hospital and to ask for help when necessary, they needed to let him try before they stepped in.

  Sean let out a breath when Shane continued in the direction of the kitchen and he laid there listening as his friend puttered around. In the privacy of his room, he could admit it was comforting knowing they were all under one roof and soon enough, the enticing aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the cottage with the paper-thin walls…which is how he knew Shane spent the whole night in the master bedroom instead of on the pull-out sofa. Despite having been the instigator and being truly hopeful that they figured out their relationship, Sean couldn’t let this opportunity to tease go to waste.

  With that as his motivation, he jerked off the covers and pushed himself to a sitting position. After practicing a million times in PT, OT, and his room with someone standing by, this would be his first time transferring alone. There wasn’t even a handy call button in case he fell—not that Shane wouldn’t hear him, but still. This would be the moment he proved to himself that he wasn’t completely broken. That he wouldn’t be a burden and that independence wasn’t a pipe dream.

  Determined, he grabbed his left calf and dragged his leg to the edge of the mattress, then repeated it with the right. It took two rounds and a quick grab of the headboard for balance before he was sitting with his legs dangling over the side of the bed. The wheelchair was in the same spot from the night before and he didn’t pause to think about why it suddenly looked much further away. The battle between what he knew and fears he’d never experienced before was wearing thin, and he refused to give in to them.

  He pushed himself closer to the edge, angled to grab the far arm of the chair, and used his upper body strength to swing himself into the seat. Well, it was less graceful than a swing, but he hadn’t wound up on his ass and that was all that counted. With a relieved breath, he allowed himself a minute to enjoy his accomplishment. Independence achieved, next step: the bathroom. That took a little longer, though the extensive adaptations certainly helped, and ten minutes later he found Shane waiting for him with his cup already poured.

  “Took your sweet ass time, I see.” Shane smirked at him over the rim of his own cup and gestured toward the fridge. “Grab that fancy creamer you insisted we stop for or you’ll be drinking it black.”

  Absurdly pleased to have Shane treat him like he was perfectly capable, Sean huffed dramatically. “You poured me a cup, but you didn’t fix it? What kind of fucked up restaurant is this?”

  Shane just rolled his eyes and pretended to go back to reading his tablet, though Sean knew he’d be keeping a watchful eye. That was fine, he had no problem with them providing back up as long as they gave him room to prove himself. Determined to do just that, Sean faced the fridge with the steely glare he normally reserved for combat. It took a little finagling to figure out the right angle that would allow him to open the door and put him in the position to root around, but soon enough he was holding the creamer up triumphantly.

  Of course, his would-be cheerleader wasn’t feeling it. “Are you going to do a victory lap next? Your c
offee’s getting cold.”

  Would a pat on the back be too much to ask? “Aren’t you supposed to be encouraging me?”

  “You want encouragement?” Shane managed to look surprised by his request. “How’s this? Lukewarm coffee tastes like crap.”

  It wasn’t exactly what he was hoping for, but Sean was forced to agree and managed to make it to the table without incident. One chair had been moved to a corner so he’d have a spot at the table. As long as it sat there waiting to be reunited with the rest of the set, he could believe it was a short-term solution because he wasn’t ready to accept that it might be forever. Sean wasn’t so delusional that he didn’t know it wouldn’t take much to shake that resolve and instead focused on being grateful for the extensive renovations Julian had done on his behalf.

  The cottage had always felt like quintessential Key West and he was grateful to see that hadn’t changed. Because Julian had been up in Jacksonville taking care of him, the crew working to make the space functional had been given leeway to do whatever was necessary. Sean would have hated for those modifications to take away from the island charm of Julian’s home.

  “It’s bigger than I was expecting it to be.” Shane looked up from his tablet again and gave the kitchen an appreciative once over. “Not exactly a cottage.”

  “No, I suppose not, but when Julian bought the property it was little more than a crumbling shack. The previous owners invested in the main house and kept a suite there. This was supposed to be one of a handful of stand-alone cabins, but they gambled away their profits and Julian picked the place up at a courthouse auction for a song.” Sean could vividly recall the joy on Julian’s face when they Skyped after the deal was struck. “Instead of adding a bunch of tiny cabins, he built onto the main house and expanded the pool and patio area, then converted this with whatever he had left. Over the years, he’s done some improvements here, but the majority of his efforts go back into the business.”