Double Grades

by Kristine Robinson

  It was Rachel's number. "Yes?" I asked as I clicked the phone on.

  "Hey, Chloe! Completely spaced and forgot to confirm if you are coming to our BBQ?"

  I had completely forgotten that Chloe and her husband, Dave, were throwing a BBQ later today. I had been wishy-washy about answering her the last time she had mentioned it, but with my fresh visit to Barton's buoying my spirits, I answered readily. "Sure, why not?" I smiled out at the ocean.

  "Great! The cookout is going to be so fun," Rachel said in a bouncy voice that just made me shake my head.

  I agreed, "I'm looking forward to it, too." I was oddly looking forward to it. When we hung up, I took a walk down the beach and just watched the people playing in the cold ocean water. It was a bit early in the season for frolicking in my opinion, but I loved taking walks on the beach anytime of the year. A child ran past me into the edge of the water, and I felt a familiar pang of emotion in my chest. I turned toward home. The beach did not seem as welcoming anymore.

  ***

  That afternoon, I made my way over to Chloe's home. There were several vehicles already parked in the street outside of their brick home, and the smell of hamburgers on the grill hit me about the time I opened my car door. It was a smell that always brought back fond memories of childhood fun. I walked toward the party with a smile on my lips.

  Inside there was the hum of conversations and laughter. There was a festive sense in the air and I, too, fell into the spirit of things. I talked to a couple from out of town. They turned out to be related to Dave. Everyone meandered in and out of the backyard. There were children here and there, running and playing. The sounds of shrieks and laughter followed the kids as they ran into the backyard where there was a playground set up.

  Rachel came up and looped her arm through mine. "Having fun?" She asked with a grin as she stole me away from the conversation with Dave's relatives.

  "Actually, yeah," I said almost in surprise.

  Rachel said, "Good because I have some people I want you to meet."

  "Oh no," I said dramatically. "You aren't trying to fix me up already, are you?"

  Rachel gave me a mock look of hurt. "Me?" she said a bit too innocently. I rolled my eyes at the woman. I had only known her since the fourth grade, and I knew exactly what Rachel was doing as she guided me toward a tall man with blond hair. "Greg, this is my friend I was telling you about," Rachel said as she gave me a slight shove toward the man with her arm behind my back.

  I glared at her but gave the man a smile. "Hi," I said awkwardly and extended my hand toward him which he took with a grin.

  "Nice to meet you," Greg said with amusement. Rachel hovered for a moment then backed away watching us with interest. I shook my head at the woman. "She's something, huh?" Greg said with a laugh which brought my attention back to the man.

  "That she is," I said with a laugh of my own. "How long have you known Rachel?"

  "Not very long. I work with Dave, so I've just seen her around." Greg said. "Listen, I don't know what she has told you about me…" The man's voice trailed off.

  I shook my head and assured him, "She hasn't told me anything about you. I didn't even know there was a you until just now."

  Greg looked both amused and relieved. "Oh," he said quietly. "I tried to tell Rachel that I was sort of dating a girl back home, but she doesn't take no for an answer very well."

  I laughed at the situation even if I felt a bit hurt. The man was not rejecting me, though. "Say no more," I said. "It's still nice to have met you."

  "And you," Greg said with a relaxed smile. We went our separate ways, and I went to tell Rachel off.

  I found Rachel standing with another woman. The woman with Rachel was tall with sandy blond hair that was pulled back in a braid. They looked to be talking. I came up to them and said, "Sorry to interrupt."

  Rachel looked over at me, and her face fell. "It didn't work out?"

  "Rae, he's dating someone already," I said in exasperation. "I told you, I'm not interested in any guys right now, okay?"

  The brunette looked embarrassed but nodded. "Oh," Rachel said as an afterthought. "This is Chloe, one of my best friends," Rachel said to the woman she was standing beside. "Chloe, this is Jami, she runs the nursery school that Ian goes to."

  The words nursery school sent that pang through me, but I smiled and extended my hand to the woman. "Nice to meet you," I said softly.

  "Same here," Jami said, and she gave me a smile.

  Rachel looked around at a yell from outside. "Sorry. I think Dave needs more plates for the burgers. You gals stay and chat," Rachel said as she hurried away to grab more plates for her husband.

  Jami and I looked at each other for a moment before the blond woman asked, "So, what do you do?"

  What did I do really? I answered quietly, "I write articles for a product review company." It sounded so droll and boring when said out loud, but it was not a bad job.

  "That sounds interesting," Jami said as if she thought it was interesting. Jami was a good three inches taller than me. She wore a simple cream t-shirt with

  I nodded. "You run a nursery school?" I asked the question hesitantly. The idea of starting up a conversation about kids seemed daunting, but Jami did not know my story, so she had no reason to feel bad for me.

  "Yes," she said with a grin. "I love kids. There are full of such hope." I nodded that I agreed. "Do you have any children?" Jami asked the question with genuine curiosity.

  There was the question. The question that always sent people running from me. I hesitated and looked at Jami's brown eyes. "I--yes," I said quietly.

  "That's great," Jami said with a warm smile. "You should come see the school," she said.

  I nodded. "Maybe," I said softly.

  "I don't want to seem forward or pushy, but do you want to hang out sometime? Get some coffee?" Jami asked hopefully.

  It would be nice to go out. I felt shy but decided that I should push myself a bit. Jami was warm and friendly. She made me feel like I wanted to talk to her more. I felt a pang of guilt for the lie I had told, but I could always tell her the truth. I had been nervous after all and just blabbered the wrong thing. It was embarrassing but correctible.

  I nodded, "I'd like that."

  Chapter 2

  The following day I met Jami for coffee at the little coffee shop just off of the main street. The shop was a bit busy but not enough to make it unpleasant. We had agreed to meet around 10 or so. The morning crowd was thinning, and it was still a bit too early for the lunch crowd to be out yet. It was the weekend, so there were a few families around.

  Jami and I settled at a corner table. When the waitress came by, Jami was quick to fill in her order. I took a bit more time as I did not frequent the coffee shop much. Once she had taken our orders, the waitress bustled away.

  "Don't drink much coffee?" Jami asked with a slight smile.

  I shrugged. I felt self-conscious of the slip dress I had decided to wear and reached a hand up to make sure the strap had stayed on my left shoulder. "It's not that. I just usually make my coffee at home," I said.

  Jami nodded. "Homemade always tastes better, but I stopped making mine years ago. It seemed a waste to make a pot of coffee for one person," she said conversationally. If she noticed my discomfort, she did not let on. I relaxed a bit.

  "I suppose that is true," I agreed. I clasped my hands in front of me on the table as I tried to think of something to say.

  The blond woman eyed me for a moment before asking, "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

  To be honest, I was surprised that there was anything about me she might want to know. "Not at all. Go ahead," I said. My fingers tapped nervously on the checkered tablecloth.

  "I'm sorry if this is nosy, but Rachel said you had just gotten out of a bad relationship?" Jami's voice was hesitant. She eyed me as she waited for my answer. There was something about her stare that made me nervous.

  I sighed. "Yeah. My husband left me," I said as I coul
d not bring myself to show her how broken I was.

  "Yikes," Jami said softly. "Was it out of the blue?" Her expression was apologetic even as she seemed unable to stop herself from asking the questions.

  She was just curious, and I could not blame her. "No," I admitted. "It felt that way at the time, but I guess it had been a while coming. I'm sorry. I just really don’t want to talk about it." I felt all of my energy drain out of me. The hopefulness of the morning evaporated, and I wanted nothing more than to go home.

  "No problem. I shouldn’t have pushed," Jami said quickly. "I always let my curiosity get the best of me." She looked so sorry that she had asked the questions that I softened.

  I reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. The gesture was meant to be comforting, but something about the way she laid her hand over mine made me blush a bit. "It's okay," I assured her softly. "I do that myself sometimes." Our hands lingered together, and then I pulled my hand gently back to my side of the table.

  "Here are your coffees," the waitress announced as she appeared beside the table. I had not noticed her approach, and it jarred me a bit. The woman sat our coffees down and gave us a bright smile before departing.

  Jami took a sip of her coffee and then said, "They should put a bell around her neck."

  I laughed despite myself. Nodding my agreement, I took a sip of my coffee. I made a surprised noise. "This coffee is delicious," I said in appreciation.

  She gave me a grin and said, "That's why I come here. We should make this a regular thing."

  "Maybe," I said with a grin. "I could stand more of this coffee in my life." I could stand more Jami in my life too. A pang of guilt went through me again for my lie, but I shoved it away. I needed all the friends I could get, and I liked being around Jami.

  After we had parted ways, I went over to Rachel's house. I had promised to come by and help her go through some of their clothes for a charity clothes drive one of the local women's groups was putting on. When I arrived, Rachel answered the door with a smile. She beckoned me in and directed me over to a pile of clothes in the living room.

  "I'm just sorting them out by age group and size," Rachel said as she reached out and grabbed a garment off the top of the pile. I followed her example, and we worked in companionable silence for a few minutes.

  I glanced around and noticed I did not hear the little ones. "Where are the kids?" I asked quietly in case they were sleeping.

  Rachel shrugged. "Oh, they are with my Mom," she said offhandedly. "She likes to do the Grandma thing on the weekends. They were going to the zoo today." Rachel gave me a relaxed smile.

  "Oh," I said softly. "That sounds like fun."

  Rachel nodded. "Yeah, I'm hoping they are worn out by the time they come home." We shared a grin as we each picked up another garment. "You had a coffee date this morning?" Rachel sounded curious. I just told her that I had to meet someone for coffee.

  I laughed. "It was just Jami. We met just to shoot the breeze," I explained.

  Rachel said, "Oh." She concentrated on the garment she was folding then she said, "I had no idea that you were still into women. Not that there is anything wrong with that."

  "I kiss a girl one time in high school, and I'll never live it down," I said with humor.

  Rachel laughed and said, "You dated her for three days, Chloe. Besides, you know as well as I do, that you are bisexual, even if you did deny it after you got with Mike." Rachel cleared her throat and continued, "Plus the whole Jami being a lesbian thing."

  "She's a lesbian?" I asked in surprise. I had not even given it any thought. My thoughts went to the way we had clasped hands on the table before Rachel interrupted them.

  Rachel rolled her eyes. "Big time," she said with another laugh. "Wow, you have been out of commission for a while."

  "Now that you've mentioned it, I-" I burst out laughing. "This is hilarious. I went on a coffee date with someone and did not even know."

  "It could have been innocent," Rachel said.

  I nodded. "That's true. I'm meeting Jami tomorrow, so maybe I'll ask." Rachel gave me a grin, and I laughed at the way she waggled her eyebrows at me.

  ***

  That night in my dreams my nightmares of stress and fear shifted, and I found myself in the coffee shop with Jami again. I gave the woman a smile. The world shifted, and we were somewhere else. It was dark and night time. The woods all around us seemed threatening and scary. Jami walked beside me down a path. While we walked, I slipped my hand into hers.

  Her hand felt soft and gentle. We came to a stop, and then Jami stepped closer. She leaned in and kissed me roughly. I leaned into it. I wanted this. I wanted her. There was something there in the woods that wanted to push us apart, but we would not let it. We clung to each other.

  I felt as if my skin was on fire. Jami touched me, and I touched her. I pulled off my clothes for her. I felt exposed and excited. Her hands pulled me close. Her fingers caressed my skin. Her eyes were so dark brown and full of lust that I felt trapped by them. I wanted her to touch me. I wanted to tell her that I was hers for the taking but no words would come out of my mouth.

  I helplessly moaned as she touched me all over. When she called my name, I did as she asked. I could not do otherwise. Jami sank to her knees on the forest trail. The leaves strewn under us making crackling noises as we moved. The trees swung overhead with a storm. I blinked up at the trees. Raindrops fell on me.

  As Jami's mouth brushed against my nether regions, the rain pelted down on us. I gasped into the raindrops as Jami's tongue slid into me. She slid her tongue into me again and again. I moaned for her and moved my body for her. My hands slid over my breasts. I squeezed them and teased myself. The world was so dangerous. The sounds ever present that someone was coming. Something was coming to stop us.

  I awoke with a start at the sound of the garbage truck. I groaned and rolled over. As I hugged my pillow to me, I remembered the dream and shivered. My body still tingled from it.

  ***

  As I sat across from Jami, I eyed her curiously. "Can I ask you something?" I asked softly.

  Jami looked up and gave me a nod of her head. "Of course. What do you want to know?"

  "Well," I hesitated and then tried to bolster my confidence. "Rachel mentioned that you are a lesbian," I said as I shifted on the wooden chair. The dream from last night came back unbidden, and I tried to push it away.

  Jami laughed and said, "And you want to know if this is a date?" She had a twinkle amusement in her eyes, but I saw nothing malicious in her gaze.

  "Basically," I said with a bit of a chuckle at myself. "I'm not asking to be egotistical. I just honestly want to know where I stand."

  She nodded and put a piece of her hair behind her ear as if she was a bit nervous. "I do think you are attractive," Jami said. Her fingers traced the edge of the table as she looked at me with a bit of blush to her cheeks. She shrugged, "I figured even if you didn't swing my way, we could be friends."

  "Oh," I said. "I am attracted to girls, but I've never been with one. I've only kissed one once." I felt my face flush. My mind kept providing me with images from my dream last night. We were talking in low voices so as not to be overheard, but I still looked around self-consciously.

  Jami nodded, "Honestly, I rarely date at all. Something just seems always to come up. I imagine you understand that with your kids and all."

  I startled for a moment before I quickly nodded and glanced down. I had forgotten that lie. Damn, how had I forgotten that? "Yeah," I said as I sought to turn the conversation quickly. "So, how long have you known you were attracted to women?"

  "Since forever, probably grade school," Jami said contemplatively. "How about you?"

  "Junior high," I said with a grin. "I had this intense crush on a friend of mine."

  "Did you ever tell her?" Jami asked with a grin of her own.

  I nodded. "Yeah. Tonya wasn’t as into girls, but she wanted to try it out. I didn't know much about dating in general. We kissed a coupl
e of times, and that was about it," I said honestly. I could barely remember what the kiss had been like with Tonya. Kissing Jami in my dream last night though was front and center in my thoughts.

  "Did your husband know you have an attraction to girls also?" Jami asked as she sipped her coffee.

  I shook my head fervently. "No. I had long buried that side of myself before I got married to Mike. I just wrote it off as experimentation," I said.

  Jami gave me a bit of a nod. "Were you ashamed of it?" Her voice was softly curious.

  "No," I said honestly. "I just figured that when I ended up with Mike that that was that. I mean, I always assumed that when I got married that it would be forever."