Double Grades

by Kristine Robinson

  “Are you all right? That was some crazy stuff,” Adrian said. “I want you to know that I'll always have your back, so don't worry about motherfuckers like that asshole. People like him are always cowards, and never really ready to throw down. I know that sounds a little dismissive of me, but I do mean that. Real tough guys don't go around looking for fights, and real thought guys aren't trying to pick fights with women half their size.”

  Jamie wasn't sure how to respond. She'd been so calm the entire car ride, but now she felt shaky and like she wanted to cry. There wasn't any reason that she should feel this way, and she knew that, but that didn't help matters. Or maybe there was an excellent reason for her to feel this way. Maybe it was normal to feel this way after someone tried to stiff arm you out of the way because of your sexual preference.

  “It's just so moronic,” Jamie said. “I can't believe it. I mean, I can, but I can't. On campus, no less! I mean, if you're going to pull some shit like that why wouldn't you do it off campus where someone isn't going to ruin your academic career over it. They don't know what kind of person I am, and they have no idea if I'd seek out charges or whatever else.”

  “I know exactly what you mean,” Adrian said. “Here, let me make you some food, so you feel better. And you're absolutely right in everything you just said. The reason it doesn't make sense is that it doesn't make sense, plain and simple. The guy hates us for no reason, and that's fine, but he better keep his hands off the love of my life.”

  They both froze. Neither of them had used the L-word before. It had always been Lovey Dovey talk between them, sure, but they had never gone so far as to say love, or to tell the other that they loved them. Now that the barrier had been breached, well, sort of breached, Jamie once again sat frozen unsure of what to say.

  “I mean it,” Adrian said. “I mean it with all my heart.”

  They rushed to one another and threw their arms around each other. It was an amazing feeling to be able to say it and mean it so intensely. The entire experience of meeting Adrian to know rushed through Jamie's mind. She wanted so much for everything to work out, and she now had no doubt that it would. Jamie couldn't wait to tell her parents about Adrian, and knew that they would love her forever once they heard about what had just happened. Because it wasn't every day that someone willing to step-up and defend you became a part of your life. That was something that only happened once a blue moon, and Jamie was very aware of that. As she squeezed Adrian close, she smelled her hair and drank in all her aromas.

  “I hope you know that you're the love of my life as well,” Jamie said. “And that I'd do the same for you if I secretly knew Judo.”

  They laughed at this.

  “I don't know Judo,” Adrian said. “I know one self-defense move that, up until now, has pretty much been completely useless. So thank you so much for thinking I am some sort of martial arts master, but I'm not.”

  They laughed again, then Jamie sat back in her favorite chair while Adrian made food. Adrian was such a good cook, knowing all the right recipes and just when to make them. Because, as Adrian had explained, it's not just what kind of food is made, but when it is served. There were all kinds of recipes that Adrian knew which were delicious, but they wouldn't fit the mood. Only one would, and that one was a spicy Mexican dish that Adrian often prepared when they were in the mood for something a little more aggressive.

  “This is so great,” Jamie said. “I can't believe you know so much about cooking and food.”

  “Stick with me, and you'll never go hungry again,” Adrian said. “Although I'm not so good at deserts.”

  In the following months, both of them took turns coming out as a couple to their parents. Adrian's parents were first, and they reacted so well that Jamie didn't know if her family could beat it even if they threw her some kind of coming out party.

  “Oh my God!” her mother and father had exclaimed. “We've known for so long, and figured you'd come out, but didn't know if it would be soon or if it would be in the distant future. We're glad it's sooner than later. Not that you can't take your time, but we just want you to live life to the fullest is all—to be as happy as you can be!”

  Adrian's parents had accepted Jamie and both of them being together as if it were as natural as a warm summer rain. It was a good feeling to feel that much love, to know that they were accepted no matter what. The world was hard, but that didn't mean that they had to live in a hard world. They could make something for themselves, something apart from all the people who thought that people had to live a certain way or they were wrong.

  When it came time to tell Jamie's parents, she found herself nervous. It was the middle of the summer, and the Fourth of July, no less. Her father, a veteran, was shooting off fireworks in their backyard while her mother fussed with one of their younger cousins. It was a beautiful twilight out, and her father was having a blast lighting off fireworks. Even though he flinched when they exploded, Jamie knew he enjoyed it.

  “Why does your father participate in the fireworks displays if loud noises bother him,” Adrian asked.

  “It's not about the fireworks for him,” Jamie said. “It's about being free and letting everyone around know that you're free. I guess that's what's it, anyway. I've never asked him, but my dad is that kind of guy.”

  Adrian started to say something but then her face went rigid and her lips quiet. Jamie's father walked over.

  “When are you two going to tell us that you're dating?” he said. “There's no day like today! I mean, come one! You don't think we know! Holy shit, Jamie, you two have so many pictures on social media of you both having fun that it's amazing. I love to see you two make each other smile, it's really something. I know that it might be hard to come out to us, so I just figured I'd come over and say hey.”

  “Dad, did some celebrity say something like this was a good idea on television,” Jamie said. “The whole storming over and asking us if we're dating thing.”

  Her father laughed.

  “I don't give a good God damn what anyone else thinks when it comes to my daughter. I want you to be happy, and Adrian, you're a lovely woman! I want you both to be happy. And if you don't want to light off fireworks, that's fine, but I want you to know that this next volley is for you.”

  With that, her father went back out into the yard and really went at it, as if he want to create a never ending crescendo. Jamie's mother smiled at them from their left, still playing around with the young cousins clothes, as if pulling them this way or tugging them that way would make them fit. Her mother was just being fussy because that was how she got, the same way her father was just confrontational because that's how he dealt with issues he thought important.

  “I wasn't expecting that,” Adrian said. “If anyone would have told that he was going to do that I would have outright called them a liar.”

  “So what do you think?” Jamie asked. “Was it too much, or just enough, or what do you think of it?”

  Adrian laughed.

  “I think it was just right,” Adrian said. “How much more welcoming can he be? And he is right, maybe we should go out there and shoot a few big ones off to let the world know that we're free as well, and we aren't afraid.”

  Jamie jumped up.

  “You're right, we should,” Jamie said. “That way everyone will know that we're together and we aren't afraid. There's something about it that I like, the whole using fire, noise, and smoke to declare our love for each other on our nation's most important holiday.”

  Adrian smiled.

  “And it's especially nice he included us on the violated of July,” Adrian said. “Especially because it means so much to him.”

  They both ambled out onto the lawn and spoke with Jamie's father. Before long they were sending the big balls that thundered when they exploded into a million glittering pieces. It was incredible to think that there were so many people around the world who wanted to be able to openly express their gay love but couldn't, and even crazier to think of
how lucky they were to be able to show theirs.

  After they were all finished, it was night. Smoked from the explosions drifted in front of the moon.

  “Hey,” Jamie said. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” Adrian said. “And I want you to know that I always will.”

  They kissed under the sickle moon, both so lost in each other there was no way for them to come down to earth. But when their lips unlocked, and they stepped back to look at each other, on earth they remained. It was an amazing thing they had, all the way around. Jamie loved it, and Adrian, and their families.

  She was ready for the future.

  ~~~~

  Make Me Smile Again

  ~ Bonus Story ~

  A First Time Lesbian Romance

  Chloe

  How do I tell someone that I am broken and can't have kids? All I have ever wanted is to have a family and for someone to love me for myself. I thought I had found that but then it all vanished overnight. My husband left me because I couldn't give him children. I don't know how to be myself anymore. Why would anyone saddle themselves with someone as defective as me?

  Jami

  I like taking things one day at a time. I always figured the right girl was just around the corner until I stumbled into her at a party. Chloe was just that right mixture of sweet and shy. She is the kind of girl I could see myself falling hard for. I would settle for being friends with her. I know that if she would just let me in that, I could make her smile again.

  * * *

  Chapter 1

  When the world ended, it did not happen all at once. It took two years to come to an end. What had begun as a hopeful journey to a family had slowly devolved into a source of bitterness. My husband and I wanted a family more than anything. We were happy as long as the hope was there, but when after two years of trying we had no succeeded hope soon gave way to the fear that we simply could not have children.

  Mike blamed me. I blamed myself too. One day Mike came into the kitchen, and I could tell by the look on his face that he had had enough. He told me he could not go on like this and that it was over. I simply could not give him the family he wanted, and there was no need in us wasting any more time together.

  My heart had broken. I felt worthless. I had dreamed of a family too. I had wanted one so badly that it had never occurred to me that I might not be able to give Mike one. When Mike left, it was all I could do to motivate myself into moving, eating, just being. How do you make yourself feel worth something after such a thing? I had no idea.

  The weeks went by with no contact between Mike and myself. I only spoke to his lawyer. I understood. I had thought perhaps that after he had calmed down that, he might rethink things, but it was clear that he had given the decision all the thought he intended. The divorce became final a month after he left. There had been nothing to slow it down. I saw no reason to contest any part of it. We divorced due to "irreconcilable differences" as the paper stated. I suppose that was true enough.

  I called my mother as soon as the divorce papers were in hand. My parents, my friends, everyone really, had been supportive of me and kept saying that this was on Mike and not me. I felt otherwise. How could it not be on me? I was the one who could not give him children after all. I listened to the phone ring.

  There was a click as my mother picked up the phone. "Hello?" The woman's overly chipper voice said into the phone.

  "Hi, Mom." I knew my voice was full of emotion, but I could not seem to rein it in. The tears welled up in my eyes.

  My mother's voice came back through the phone full of worry. "Chloe, is everything okay?"

  "I got the divorce papers today, Mom," I said thickly. My thumb rubbed the envelope containing the papers as if just to make sure it was there. The divorce was real.

  Her voice was soft. "Oh Chloe, honey, I know it seems sad right now, but this is for the best. This is probably one of the best things that could have happened to you, darling. Mike does not deserve you, don't you know that?"

  "Yeah," I whispered softly. Mother kept saying that. My best friend, Rachel, kept saying that. Everyone kept saying it, but it did not feel any more truthful in my heart no matter how many mouths echoed the sentiment.

  Mom continued, "We should celebrate. Why don't I take you out to eat at that little seafood place you always liked, yes?" Her voice was overly happy, and I know she was trying to somehow make her happiness spill over to me. I just stared at the wall in my kitchen. "Chloe?" She asked softly into the phone.

  "Sorry, Mom." I apologized. "I was just lost in thought. Barton's Seafood, huh?" I thought that did not sound horrible. Putting on a happy face for a few hours could not be that bad after all. Wallowing in some lobsters might make me feel better for a moment or two anyway. "That sounds good," I said with a bit of enthusiasm.

  The relief was evident in my mother's voice when she spoke. "It's all settled then. We'll meet up for lunch, okay?"

  "Sure, Mom. And Mom?" I said with a smile.

  There was a bit of a pause before she said, "Yes, Sweetie?"

  "Thanks," I said simply.

  "Anytime, Darling." Mom said with a voice that assured me she meant it. We said our goodbyes and hung up.

  After talking to Mom, I tried to make myself believe the lie that everyone kept trying to feed me. Mike was the problem, not me. I deserved better, right? Mike had been close to perfect, though. My mind echoed back to me all the great times we had before the infertility struggles.

  I could not allow myself to start wallowing in the memories or I would never get up and get dressed. After grabbing a quick shower, I tousled my messy long bob haircut and looked at myself in the mirror. I had put on a bit of weight from stress and the fertility treatments, and I sighed at myself. I tried to cut myself some slack. I did, but I had always been critical of myself.

  My strawberry blond locks bounced as I eyed my blue eyes in the mirror. My eyes held disapproval, but I squared my shoulders and told my reflection, "I am going to enjoy myself." Of course, the reflection just stared back. Shaking my head at myself, I grabbed my purse and made my way toward Barton's Seafood. It was a cozy little local place along the Gulf Coast town where we lived. All the locals came here when they wanted seafood. The tourist could have those trendy spots down by the pier.

  I spotted Mom right away. She always sat outside at one of the tables overlooking the beach. We had come here since I was a child. After Dad had passed away a few years ago, Mom continued the tradition because she said it was one of my father's favorite spots. We always felt closer to him here. I sat down on the wooden seat across from here. She looked up and gave me a bright smile.

  The sun was beautiful this time of the year. The sunlight shown over the sugary beaches and lit up the ocean that lapped against the shore. There were families down at the beach despite it still being early in the tourism season. The spring-breakers would be down in a few weeks, and the population around here would swell to a huge size overnight.

  I rather liked the off-peak season. The slow pace of life was what I had always loved about my hometown. The tourists were just the price that we had to pay for living in such a beautiful place.

  "Looks like it is going to be a lovely day," Mom said as she picked up her menu. "That's a very nice sundress."

  I gave her a smile and said, "Thanks. I don't even remember where I got it, to be honest." I looked down at the flowing fabric printed with pale purple flowers. My gaze came up, and I saw Rachel about the time she saw me. I gave the woman a wave which she returned with a grin.

  The petite brunette strode up to our outdoor table and said, "And just what are you ladies up to?"

  Mom gave Rachel a conspiratorial smile and said, "We are celebrating Chloe's independence."

  "Oh, my gosh," Rachel said and gave me a grin. "Did you get the papers?"

  I nodded. "Just today," I said with a sigh. Rachel put an arm around my shoulders.

  "Stop that right this instant, Chloe!" Rachel demanded. "It is a
good thing that asshole is out of your life."

  I shook my head. "It's not Mike," I said softly. Rachel sat down beside me on the wooden bench, and I scooted over a bit to give her more room. "It's just, well, I don't know," I mumbled, and my mother reached over to pat my hands that I had put up on the table.

  Rachel shook her head back at me. "I felt the same way when I left my first husband, remember? I was completely adrift. I had wrapped so much of myself up in being his wife that I didn't know what was left when he took off with his secretary."

  I nodded. I remembered how Rachel had floundered. "I know."

  "You were there for me, and I'm here for you," Rachel said simply. "You are going to love your new life, I promise. You just have to give yourself permission to."

  Mom nodded her agreement. "Exactly," she said. "Now, are we getting seafood?" Rachel and I both laughed and heartily agreed that we were indeed getting seafood. The waitress came by and took our orders. The rest of the meal was passed amicably as we just chatted about this and that. After we were full and caught up on each other's daily happenings, we parted ways for the day.

  I felt better. I always felt lighter after being at Barton's. Maybe that was because I always pictured my Dad there watching over me. I really wished I could talk to him about all of this. A male perspective would be nice; I had to admit. The wind off the ocean beckoned me down to the seashore. As I walked my phone jarred to life.