Something to Believe In

by Kimberly Van Meter

  Her breath hitched and she openly wept, unable to hold back the tears. “No, Justin. I can’t handle that guilt. Someday you might resent me, or the babies. I won’t let you sacrifice your life for us.”

  “My life is with you. It isn’t a sacrifice.”

  She threw her arms around his neck and sobbed, not sure what to do, although his ardent declaration warmed her heart.

  “I can’t ask that of you. It’s too much but I love you for it,” she admitted against his warm skin. His scent enveloped her and she sank into the comforting aroma that was all Justin. She reluctantly drew away and sucked a halting breath as her tears slowed. “What will your family say? You’re quitting a promising career because you got a girl pregnant while on vacation? That’s no better than a high school kid quitting college because his girlfriend got knocked up. How am I supposed to meet your family and stand by your side knowing that deep down inside, your family is judging me for taking down your career? I mean, think about it, Justin. You know I’m right.” His silence was answer enough but even so her heart broke. “There’s a reason bad timing is the driving force behind breakups—sometimes there’s just no way to circumvent the obvious truth that’s staring us in the face.”

  “Damn it,” he muttered, turning away as he pushed his hand through his hair. “There is far more at stake here than just an ill-fated romance. We have kids coming and I’m not going to be an absent father.”

  The vehemence with which he delivered his last statement sent a shiver dancing down Lilah’s back. She sensed there was a raw nerve somewhere and she hated that their situation was jumping on it. He wanted to be a father to his children but the reality was that it would be difficult to do so unless they were in the same geographic location at the very least. She swallowed, knowing that she could help ease the stress between them if she agreed to move to New York but when she considered the option a cold, greasy knot of fear coagulated in her stomach and she just couldn’t do it. In the end, she just fell silent, unable to say the words that might make a difference.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  JUSTIN COULDN’T ARGUE Lilah’s logic. His parents would never accept her given the circumstances. He pictured his society-driven mother falling over in a horrified swoon if he brought Lilah home with her obviously pregnant stomach, and his father would bellow and rage about the family’s reputation going down in flames all because Justin couldn’t keep his pants zipped for one bleeding second. Justin realized with a heavy heart, this one thing had the power to destroy all the fence mending he and his father had done in the past six months. But even knowing that, Justin knew he wouldn’t forsake Lilah and the babies for the world.

  On one hand Justin could understand their dismay; his situation wasn’t ideal but there was no way in hell he was going to walk away from Lilah or his children.

  He’d never known how much he wanted to be a father until the moment he realized Lilah was carrying his babies. Something inside him bloomed and spread, branching out like a wild, mystic root that wrapped itself around his heart and took hold with a death grip that nothing would shake. He didn’t want to miss a minute of their lives and no political career would ever replace what he would miss if he walked away right now.

  Not to mention, he wasn’t sure it was physically possible for him to leave Lilah. Everything about her made him want to be with her, even when she was driving him nuts.

  Immediately, his thoughts went to his apartment and how unsuited it was for kids. He had sharp-cornered glass tables and cold, granite flooring that looked beautiful but would provide little cushion for toddling twins. His place was a bachelor pad made for impressing the ladies in the short term, and providing him a lair for hiding out to nurse hangovers. He couldn’t bring Lilah and the babies there.

  Justin owned the apartment, one of the only smart purchases he’d made with his trust fund. He could lease it out or sell it, though the market hadn’t rebounded from the crash just yet. However, he’d be willing to take a loss if he had to. He needed to find something that was conducive to family life if he was ever going to convince Lilah to move with him. He thought of his family’s vacation cottage in upstate New York near Lake Hunnicut and wondered if Lilah would be willing to swap country air for sand and surf. He supposed there was only one way to find out.

  For the next week, he knew his mission: get Lilah to agree to go to New York with him.

  * * *

  “THANKS FOR LETTING ME GO to the doctor’s appointment with you,” Justin said, gracing her with a warm smile, which she returned as she drove the short distance to the clinic. Today was the ultrasound and even though she didn’t want to know the sex of the babies, the ultrasound was necessary to ensure they were growing as they should and that there weren’t any problems with the placentas. The fact that Justin was going with her made her a little giddy, though she tried to tell herself not to get used to it. Justin had to leave and that’s just how it went. But she’d enjoy today.

  “So far the doctor has said we’re right on track with growth and whatnot so this is just to make sure the placentas are placed in good spots and there aren’t any problems in that regard.”

  “When are you due?” he asked. “By my calculations, sometime in September?”

  “Yes, that’s pretty good. September 17.”

  “Right before the November elections,” he murmured, and her smile faltered. Always that reminder hanging between them. She focused on the road and tried not to let him see that her mood had dimmed. To her surprise, he changed the subject abruptly. “Did I ever tell you that my family owns a cottage on Lake Hunnicut in upstate New York?”

  “No, I don’t think so,” she answered, mildly perplexed by the subject change.

  “It’s beautiful up there. Fresh air, trees all around and the prettiest lake around with the cleanest waters. Some of my best memories were made up at that cottage. Have you ever caught fireflies?” he asked.

  She shook her head, entertained by the plain nostalgia in his tone. He looked younger, more relaxed. “My dad used to insist that on one month out of the year we get out of the city, and although the cottage wasn’t my mom’s idea of getting away—she preferred Europe or some other expensive vacation—my dad was adamant, it had to be Hunnicut. Eventually, even she started to like it. There’s a certain charm to the place that’s hard to ignore. Very peaceful. I used to love our time there and looked forward to the trip every year.” His smile changed as if he just remembered something. “It was the one time me and my dad actually got along. He taught me to fish and catch fireflies, make s’mores and start a campfire. It was as if he was a different person than the man behind the desk.”

  “You and your dad don’t get along most days?”

  “We didn’t, until recently. Before I returned from St. John and started on the campaign trail, I thought he was an overbearing control freak. Now I’ve had the chance to walk a mile in his shoes and realized he was trying to make a difference in the world. Actually, it was a humbling realization and it also made me see that I’d been a selfish, spoiled jerk for a long time. Kinda embarrassing, really,” he admitted with a flush, but Lilah’s forgiving smile smoothed away the lingering frown lines creasing his forehead.

  “So it was the job that made him seem that way,” Lilah guessed.

  “Yeah, I guess so. I’ve only just realized how much pressure my father is under. When you’re in politics, everyone wants something from you and they’re not willing to help you unless you agree
to help them. And often, their interests are in direct opposition to your interests but you have to ignore that little fact in order to get their contribution or assistance.”

  “Sounds tediously confusing,” she said.

  “It can be. But I’ve started to recognize there’s a rhythm to the dance and I think I might be good at it.”

  “I don’t doubt it,” she said. “You have charisma. When you turn on the charm, it’s hard to ignore,” she admitted. This was something she knew firsthand. “All the greatest leaders were like that.”

  He chuckled with self-deprecation but glanced at her with something akin to curiosity. “Do you think I could be a good leader?”

  “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “But I do know that you can probably get people to do what you want them to. Whether that translates into being a good leader or not probably depends on how you use that power, right?”

  “I guess so,” he agreed. “I want to help people. That’s what I want to use my influence for.”

  “Then you will be a good leader if you let that sentiment drive your decisions.”

  “The mother of my children is a wise woman,” he said, reaching over to caress her cheek. She leaned into his touch but pulled away before she became too comfortable accepting his presence as normal.

  “My Grams was the smart one. I just listened more than most.”

  They pulled into the parking lot of the tiny clinic and Lilah read the misgivings on his face. She clasped his hand and tugged him forward. “Don’t judge a book by its cover. We have excellent doctors here. I promise.”

  “It’s no bigger than a matchbox,” he grumbled, glancing around at the ugly little building that housed the clinic. “And it looks as if it’s going to fall down.”

  “Bigger is not necessarily better,” she quipped with a grin.

  “That’s what men have been trying to tell women for ages. So far it hasn’t stuck,” he retorted, causing her to laugh out loud.

  She returned with a coy smile, “Well, I’m sure you’ve had no complaints in that department.”

  “Oh...” he said. The fact that she could make him blush just a little gave her a silly thrill. But just as she reached for the door, he slid in front of her and kissed her soundly. “That’s what you get for reminding me about the times I had the privilege of making love to you,” he murmured against her lips. “If you keep it up, I’m going to need a refresher course.”

  She gasped and sank into his kiss, her hormones were already going crazy, but Justin’s comment had just kicked them into overdrive. God, she was...um...well...hungry for something other than food and she wasn’t embarrassed by her desire, only ready to shuck her clothes. “I could reschedule,” she said, her hands curling against his back as he held her to him.

  “Such an impatient little thing,” he said softly with approval. “But your appointments are important. Business first, fun later.”

  She pretended to pout. “Fine. But the way my hormones work, I might not be into you within the next ten minutes. You might’ve missed your window.”

  He laughed. “Fortunately, I think I can figure out how to flip the switch. I’ve had months to fantasize about exactly what I’d do to get you back into my bed.”

  She couldn’t help the grin that followed his statement. “You did?”

  “Hell yes. It’s all I thought about when I wasn’t shaking strangers’ hands and kissing up to rich old men for their campaign support.”

  “I bet you didn’t imagine that there’d be a big belly in the way, did you?”

  “Sweetheart...your belly is sexier than anything I’ve ever seen. If I didn’t worry you’d think I was a pervert, I’d have thrown you down a long time ago.”

  Now it was her turn to blush. How was it that his comment had just made her the happiest woman on the planet? He thought her big, ungainly stomach was sexy? If she hadn’t been so deliriously happy, she would’ve called bullshit but as it was...she just wanted to bask in the happiness. Lord knows, it wouldn’t last.

  * * *

  JUSTIN STARED IN AMAZEMENT as the doctor moved the ultrasound wand over Lilah’s stomach through a layer of goo. Immediately a snowy image came onto the screen, though he couldn’t for the life of him see anything that resembled a human being.

  “Two hearts beating strongly,” the doctor observed with a smile, but his focus seemed on something else that gave Justin’s nerves a pinch of alarm. But the doctor straightened and nodded as though confirming something he already suspected. “Lilah, you have fraternal twins, not identical. So each baby has its own placenta and sac, which alleviates some worry over placenta issues. Both are right on target and growing perfectly.”

  “Fraternal? So...they could be a girl and boy?” Justin swallowed, tears springing to his eyes. The doctor looked to Lilah for permission and when she nodded her assent, the doctor grinned and nodded, as well. Justin swallowed, staring harder at the screen. “Can you...can you tell if... I mean, what the sex is?”

  “Let’s see,” the doctor said, moving the wand around as if searching. “Ah. There’s one of them...” Justin held his breath and looked quickly at Lilah, aware that she didn’t want to know. She seemed to be holding her breath, her eyes wide. “Ah, yes. Okay. Would you like to know the sex of the babies?”

  He wanted to shout, yes! But he held back, waiting for Lilah. He forced himself to settle his anticipation into a more manageable emotion for fear of crushing poor Lilah’s hand clutched in his.

  “You really want to know?” Lilah asked.

  “Yes,” he admitted. “But I’ll wait if you want to. It’ll be a nice surprise in three months I suppose.” Her reluctant expression told him that she had her heart set on waiting. He surprised her with a kiss to the hand he was holding. “Never mind, Doc. I’ve decided it’ll be an awesome surprise for us both.”

  “All right,” the doctor said, smiling. “We’ll wait for the big reveal at the birth. You know, back in my day, that’s all we had. I like not knowing. It was always such a huge thrill discovering if it was a boy or a girl.”

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” he said as if he weren’t dying inside knowing that the knowledge was right there yet he was denying himself. “It’s only three months. I can wait.”

  She blinked and looked away, presumably to watch the screen but Justin could’ve sworn he caught the sparkle of tears. The doctor printed out a few pictures of their babies and handed them to Lilah until she said, “Doctor, would you mind printing two sets? Justin works out of town and I’m sure he’d like a picture or two to keep with him to remind him of us.”

  Now it was Justin’s turn to choke up. He managed to jerk a nod to the doctor but he couldn’t manage words. Thankfully, no words were necessary.

  Justin and Lilah left the clinic with their pictures and each took turns gazing at the snowy, indistinct alien-looking creatures that were in the process of changing their parents’ lives before they’d even been born.

  “They’re...beautiful,” Justin said.

  “Really? I thought they looked like lizard people,” Lilah confessed with a small giggle. “You should’ve seen the first scan at twelve weeks. They kinda looked like fish.”

  Her blithe statement just hit home how much he’d missed. Sure, they weren’t here yet but the fact that he’d missed anything chafed and he made a mental vow not to miss another minute. “How about dinner tonight?” he asked, striving to sound casual.<
br />
  “You mean, like a date?”

  “Yeah, if I recall, I never really got the chance to wine and dine you properly. As the mother of my children, I believe you’ve earned it.”

  Lilah laughed. “Well, when you put it that way...okay. I will meet you for dinner but I’m going to make you spring for something expensive because I’m starving most of the time and you have no idea what it’s like carrying around two people who do nothing but use your bladder for a trampoline.”

  “I will bring my platinum card,” he said with mock seriousness. “You can eat out the whole restaurant if you feel the need.”

  Her laughter filled the cracks and crevices of his heart with light that was only slightly dimmed at the knowledge that he had ulterior motives for the dinner.

  Somehow, he had to convince Lilah to go back to New York with him.

  Now more than ever, he knew he wouldn’t allow a day to go by without his children with him.

  And so, the solution was quite simple: he’d have to get Lilah to marry him.

  The bigger question was how to marry Lilah without sacrificing all he’d built in his newfound political career.

  He thought of the sonogram photos in his possession and their images renewed his resolve; failure wasn’t an option.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  LILAH FOUND CELLY IN the gift shop moving some merchandise around while she kept Pops busy sorting shells that’d gotten mixed up. Lilah smiled and pressed a quick kiss to Pops’s forehead and then went to Celly, unable to suppress her grin.