If You Love Me, I'm Yours

by Lizzie Chantree

  Shaking her head to clear it, she tried to concentrate on her current dilemma. She was rapidly falling head over heels for her best friend’s brother. She knew he liked her too, but she was wary of having her heart broken again, or ruining the wonderful friendship they had discovered with each other. Nate had nudged her shoulder to get her attention, as he’d found them a traditional café and they had eaten the most divine little sandwiches and dainty cakes. It had been funny to watch Nate trying to eat the iced fancies when he had such huge hands.

  She took a deep breath and smiled into his eyes. ‘How did you get your scars?’ She looked at his arms. He was wearing a casual blue shirt and jeans, but the shirt was rolled up a tiny bit at the wrists. Nate usually wore long sleeves, but she’d noticed he was being a bit less careful about it lately, and she sometimes got a glimpse of the marks. It made her heart break to think of someone hurting him. Dot had told her the basics, but hadn’t elaborated, which had been frustrating.

  Nate glanced down at his arms and looked like he was having an internal battle about how much to tell her. She hoped he wouldn’t back away from her now that they were forming some sort of friendship bond.

  ‘When I was nineteen I was a bit of a jock,’ he said quietly. ‘I had been dating a girl called Lena for about a year, but she was so possessive and jealous of everyone, especially Dot and Elliott.’ Maud understood how someone could fall out with Dot, as she was such a whirlwind and so bossy, but Elliott? He was the kindest man Maud had ever met.

  Nate saw her confusion and ploughed on. ‘I need to explain while I have the courage.’ He took her hand in his and his fingers aimlessly trailed across her skin, making it tingle with very inappropriate lust, considering this was a serious conversation. Nate wasn’t even looking at her now but staring into space with a troubled frown, as if remembering a terrible time. ‘She didn’t like anyone taking my time from her. She was Dot’s best friend, but tried to set us against each other by telling me Dot was sleeping around. I got overprotective and she screamed at me for not believing her. It took years for the damage to heal.’ Maud hadn’t known Dot for long, but they had talked about past boyfriends and she knew that Dot hadn’t had that many for a woman her age, so this Lena had done a right job with Nate, sullying her name at such a young age. Poor Dot.

  ‘When I realised how delusional Lena had become, I tried to break it off with her, but she cried and pleaded, then she would appear in my student flat half-naked and embarrass my friends. Eventually she persuaded me to get back with her. I’m only human,’ he sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. ‘But it got too much, and I explained I couldn’t be with her again. Looking back, I should have had more sensitivity and been kinder, but she was suffocating me. She told me she’d slept with Elliott, which I shouldn’t have believed as he’s the most loyal friend you could ask for. I was so burned up by anger, I still didn’t see how ill she was, and I punched Elliott.’ Maud gasped and held her hand to her mouth in shock.

  Nate hung his head in shame. ‘Elliott didn’t speak to me for years after that. I didn’t realise that Lena had a mental illness until it was too late. She was fixated on me and felt that the only way she could be happy was when she was alone with me. She alienated my friends and family until I didn’t know which way to turn. I blamed them for not supporting me. In the end my parents spoke to hers, and they made me see she was ill. Her parents had tried to get help for her for years, but she’d seemed calmer after she met me, so they had let it slide.’

  Maud felt so angry with Lena’s parents for being irresponsible and not warning Nate or his family. She could understand their need for a fulfilled life for their daughter, but not at the cost of someone else’s happiness. She held his hand in her own and he seemed surprised by the gesture, but he didn’t pull away, just gave her a sad smile.

  ‘Lena called me and asked me to meet her at the end of my parents’ garden by the boating lake. She said she wanted to apologise, as she’d made up the things about Dot and Elliott, because she was jealous of the relationship I had with them. I was so angry that she’d caused me all these problems, but I still cared about her, so I agreed to go.’ He looked up at Maud as if he expected her to be disgusted with him, but she only had compassion in her eyes.

  Maud felt tears brim over her lashes and Nate used his thumb to gently brush them away before leaning in and kissing her cheek, and resting his forehead on hers. He continued speaking quietly and Maud tried to hold onto her emotions for the poor teenager he had been, but in the end she let the tears flow. ‘When I arrived, she was sitting in our rowing boat wearing a long white chiffon dress. She looked almost angelic and was apologetic as she asked me to row her to the middle of the lake so that no one else could hear her apology.’ Maud wiped her tears away and picked up a napkin to blow her nose very messily, which made Nate smile and sit back, still holding her hands across the table like a lifeline.

  ‘When I had finished rowing us to the middle of the lake she asked me to reconsider my decision about leaving her. I was astounded. I thought she’d realised it wasn’t going to work, as I’d told her often enough. I said no. She raised a glass of what I thought was wine, and then threw it into the bottom of the boat. When I looked down I realised that the whole inside of the boat was wet. She’d doused it with petrol.’ Maud was horrified and sat back in alarm, her gaze going to the scars snaking up his arms.

  ‘Before I could react she’d lit a match and thrown it to the floor. The boat burst into flames and my first reaction was to jump.’ He hung his head in shame and Maud moved her chair round the table to hug him.

  ‘Anybody would have jumped from a burning boat!’

  ‘I should have grabbed her with me,’ he said sadly. ‘I’ve replayed the situation a million times, but I felt the heat of the flames and jumped. When I hit the water, I turned to see if she’d jumped too. I thought she’d been messing around with a lethally dangerous game, but I didn’t think she was trying to kill us both. I swam nearer and tried to reach her,’ he looked morosely at his arms, ‘but the flames fought me back. I hear her screams in my nightmares, that scene haunts me, but I never manage to save her.’

  Maud wiped more tears away and kissed Nate’s cheek. She turned his face to make him really look at her, and stared right into his eyes. ‘You can’t change the past, but you can change what happens now. From what you’ve told me, Lena was troubled and needed professional help. This isn’t about you trying to save her, Nate, it’s about saving yourself from this hell now. You didn’t leave her to die, she tried to kill you both and you survived. I, for one, am eternally thankful that you did, and so are your family and friends.’

  She stood up and threw some money on the table to cover the meal and pulled him up beside her. ‘Come on. It’s time we went out and had some fun. Both of us have been living in the past. We should start on our futures.’

  Nate gave her a half smile. ‘Thanks for understanding and not calling me a freak,’ he joked, trying to shake off the embarrassment of sharing his story.

  Maud led him out into the sunshine. She linked her arm around his waist as they walked in a companionable silence to the next gallery, trying to pretend that their friendship hadn’t shifted to a different emotional level over the last couple of hours.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Maud had left Nate that evening with such regret. She’d wished that she could invite him in as he pulled up outside her bungalow, but they were both emotionally wrought and they had work the next day. They’d carried on talking as they walked around the last gallery of the day, and had agreed to meet up again soon. Nate had leaned across his seat in the car and given her a tender kiss on the lips before she got out. She’d almost burst into tears again, but hadn’t wanted to upset or confuse things more than they already were. How had her life suddenly turned upside down, in such a short space of time?

  The phone had been ringing as she opened her door and she rushed to answer it, hoping that Nate had decided to overrule her and wa
s about to tell her he had turned the car around and was coming back for her. Instead Tom’s voice came on the line and she sighed and opened a cupboard door to pour herself a glass of wine, as she was exhausted.

  ‘Where have you been all day?’ he demanded to know. Maud had thought that maybe Tom would be annoyed with her for spending the day with Nate, but after all they had shared, she really didn’t care what he thought anymore. He had been getting pushy lately and they had begun to argue. When she wearily told him where she had been, he almost hissed down the line. ‘He can’t keep his hands off you, can he? He obviously likes going after women who aren’t available and have boyfriends. You shouldn’t hang around with him and Dot so much. They trade on your sweet nature for their own benefit. They’re users.’

  Maud ignored his comments as she was too darn tired. She changed the subject and told him how worried she was about Daisy, to try and distract him from the topic of Nate. She was surprised when Tom laughed suddenly. ‘Daisy is so clingy, and then ignores you when her boyfriend wants to see her. He’s all she ever talks about at school, and I’ve tried to talk about us to her a few times, but she just talks over me and waffles on and on about her incredible sex life. It’s pretty disgusting and not appropriate for her to talk that way in front of her friend’s boyfriend,’ he said with disapproval in his voice.

  Maud felt upset about what he was saying, as she didn’t realise Daisy was as open with other people as she was with her. Maud had thought it was because they were best friends, but now she wasn’t so sure. She had felt special that Daisy confided in her about her relationship, now she realised that Daisy spoke the same way to everyone.

  Tom was right that it wasn’t appropriate for Daisy to say things about her sex life to Maud’s boyfriend. Maud would rather die than tell Ryan about her personal business. She liked him, but that was overstepping the line. She’d been wondering what was going on with her friend lately. Daisy only had time for her when Ryan was busy. Perhaps she was having relationship problems of her own? All of her friends seemed to want her to fit into their lives and be there whenever they needed something, but the reverse wasn’t true. Spending special moments with Nate that day had made her realise that none of her other friends made time for her unless they had nothing else to do. She wasn’t a priority to any of them. The thought hurt like hell and she slugged back a huge mouthful of wine and winced at the bitter taste while Tom ranted on.

  He was right, though, as Dot was totally obsessed with the art gallery and producing enough pieces of her jewellery, without a thought for Maud’s punishing schedule holding down two jobs. Daisy only worried about Ryan and when she could get him alone for another marathon shag-fest. Maud was feeling resentful, and was actually glad that Tom had helped her see the light. She would start spending more time with him, and see how the girls like it. Dot was only ever available when she wanted something from Maud, so Maud would be the same. She finally managed to get a word in and told Tom she was tired and would see him the next day at work, before sinking into her couch and switching on some mindless TV to distract herself from thoughts of her selfish friends.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Dot frowned when she heard the buzzer to her studio sound in the other room. She placed the soldering iron she had been working with back into its fireproof stand, and firmly shut the workroom door behind her. She wouldn’t be surprised if her parents had suddenly arrived and were trying to get into her studio space again. They’d run through every trick in the book until she’d finally had to change the locks, as her mum had pocketed the spare key and Dot had noticed it wasn’t on the hook by the little kitchen where it usually hung.

  Pressing the intercom, she was surprised to hear Tom’s voice asking if he could talk to her about Maud. How did he find her address? She walked over and opened the door, letting him into the sitting area with trepidation. He was wearing a smart shirt and pressed trousers, and appeared to have made an effort with his appearance for some reason. Maybe he was going on a date afterwards, she thought sourly.

  She didn’t ask him to sit down and he began pacing the room like a caged tiger, which made her step back towards the kitchen. ‘I want you to stop pushing Maud so hard,’ he demanded, looking at Dot as if she was some kind of monster. ‘Maud has told me she’s giving you drawing lessons now, but surely that’s a joke and you can draw, coming from a family like yours?’

  Dot’s face flamed and then her eyes narrowed in on him like lasers. ‘What is your real problem with me seeing with Maud? Are you worried I’ll tell her about the sleazy texts you sent me?’

  It was Tom’s turn to flush red and he stopped pacing, and then smiled cockily. ‘I sent you those texts because you gave me the come-on when we met, giggling in my ear and draping yourself all over me. Don’t play innocent now, when you’re worried Maud will hate you for it. Go on... tell her,’ he goaded. ‘Let’s see who she believes.’

  Dot’s knuckles went white where she held onto her hands to try and stop herself from scratching his eyes out. ‘You just want to keep Maud apart from my brother and me. Why are you so threatened by us? Is it because Maud prefers our company to that of a lying scumbag?’

  Tom’s eyes grew angry and he started to approach her. He was just about to reach for her arm when Nate walked through the open door. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ he demanded.

  ‘Tom was just leaving,’ spat Dot angrily, moving to stand with her brother.

  Tom looked from Nate to Dot and then went to push past them, before turning and putting his face right near Nate’s, who didn’t back away. Nate moved even closer and spoke quietly in a voice Dot recognised as meaning he was on the brink of losing his temper, which was never a good thing. It took a lot to make Nate lose his cool. ‘Tell Maud about the texts you sent Dot, or I will.’

  Tom backed away but sneered at them both with bravado. ‘I’ve got Maud exactly where I want her, and I can have her any time. She wouldn’t believe a sex-starved artist who can’t get a girl of his own, or a crazy lady who dresses in her nan’s old clothes.’

  Nate growled and swung for him, but Dot grabbed his arm and held him back.

  Tom moved quickly out of the way, but Dot saw fear in his eyes. ‘So what if women like Dot and Maud want to shag me?’ he demanded to know. ‘They like pretending to have a respectable job and being seduced, so what’s the problem? They were all very willing. You must shag loads of groupies,’ he spat at Nate, who still looked like he wanted to throttle him. ‘It’s the same with hot teachers and parents at the school. They simper suggestively and hand me their numbers wherever I go. What else am I supposed to do with them?’

  Dot couldn’t imagine anyone other than Maud choosing to sleep with Tom, and that was only because she had no confidence and he’d paid her the slightest bit of attention. ‘What did you want from Maud?’ she really wanted to know, before she asked Nate to throw him out on the street where he belonged.

  Tom leered and Dot felt sick. ‘I like her. She’s zipped up but red hot inside. Have you seen her sexy underwear? I know you want to,’ he taunted Nate. ‘You’re no better than me. I’ve made her come out of her shell and now she’s great in bed! If you ever finally get into her knickers, then I’ll have done you a favour.’ Nate actually landed a punch this time and Dot was nauseated that Maud had slept with this joker.

  Tom got up and wiped his nose before spitting blood on the floor and looking at them both with distaste. ‘I’m going to sue you for that. I’m a grown man and I date a few different women. There’s no law against that.’

  Nate leaned towards him menacingly. ‘Get out of my sight.’

  Dot slammed the door shut after Tom and put her palm on it to make sure it was firmly closed before hanging her head in exhaustion. ‘Are you ok?’ she asked Nate, who had gone to the kitchen and was running his hand under the cold tap.

  Nate looked up and grinned. ‘I’m feeling much better than I was yesterday.’

  ‘Nate,’ she admonished
. ‘You can’t go around hitting everyone who insults Maud and me. We’re big girls now. I could have handled that situation myself.’

  Nate raised his eyebrows and she had to admit that she had been a little intimidated – but not scared. Tom might be a toss-pot, but he was a teacher and she didn’t think he would have hurt her. He just wanted her to stop and listen. She understood that he could date whom he liked, but she wasn’t about to let him ruin Maud’s self-esteem by treating her the same way her previous boyfriend had. She sighed as she realised that it was already too late for that, and she would have to be there to pick up the pieces when Maud found out he’d cheated on her. She’d never really bothered worrying about a friend’s emotions before, and she quite enjoyed the feeling of being the responsible one for a change. She could grow to like this being-nice-to-others lark.

  Nate frowned. ‘We’ll have to break the news to Maud that her boyfriend was seeing other women. She’s going to be angry with us, so I’ll do it, then you can have an easy life,’ he joked, mock-seriously.

  ‘Then she’ll be angry with you.’

  ‘Dot, you’ve been angry with me for years, so one more woman mad at me won’t make too much difference.’

  ‘I haven’t been mad at you,’ Dot said in confusion.

  Nate led her to sit on the small grey couch near the door. ‘You’ve been mad at me for being able to paint when you can’t,’ he said carefully. ‘It’s not my fault that I can. I love you, but you take your frustration out on Elliott and me so often. We both have pretty thick skins where you’re concerned, but the other ‘brother’ is crazy about you.’