What I've Done

by Jen Naumann

  “Eli!” Kalia screams from behind us in warning.

  Eli pulls me close to him in a bear hug and dives to the ground. In the same moment, the actual fire that literally blazes from Gabe’s body now is blazing hot and makes me shield my face. I laugh out loud in a nervous bubble when I find myself thinking now that’s what an angel of darkness should look like.

  “I have no intension of letting you leave,” Gabe tells me. The pitch of his voice still the same but the manner in which he speaks making me fear for my life. I clutch tightly to Eli, feeling as if my life depends on him to get out of here alive. A high pitched scream resonates from the entrance of the shop.

  I whip around to the direction of the scream to have my whole world come crashing down on me.

  Rose and Svetlana.

  They stand together, their eyes equally wide in fear. Svetlana is using her body to shield Rose protectively as the blazing creature formerly known to be Gabe jets into their direction.

  In this moment I realize Gabe had been right about Rose dying—only it would not be from Johnny’s hands. Looking into Gabe’s now dark eyes, I know he had been intending all along on killing my sister himself. He was counting on my anger to take over so I would fall to the darkness.

  “No!” I cry out in desperation.

  Suddenly the cold fear racing through me is replaced with a warming calm within seconds. As I scramble to my feet, I know exactly what I have to do. Although I know my father will never return to this world, I also know the extra power and courage I feel at the moment are somehow coming from him.

  Eli pulls me back to him with so much force I nearly fall over. “Lily, no!”

  His eyes are pleading with me and I can see there is something totally different about him now. He is still as gorgeous as ever, but the light behind his eyes has gone missing. He just seems so uncharacteristically ordinary.

  Everything has changed, never to be the same again.

  Eli is human.

  “This is the future I couldn’t tell you about,” he tells me. “This is the moment I know you will decide to do something reckless, something that will only end your life but not help solve anything. I had to do the only thing I could not to intervene but to alter the future. I’m begging you, Lily, please don’t go to him now! We have forever to be together, but not if you choose to be with him and pass into the dark! We can find another way to save Rose!”

  I know Eli is not asking me to choose him over my sister, but I don’t see any other way out. My mouth flies open to let out words that won’t come. He knows exactly what I am going to do. He has seen my future. Of course I want to stay with him and share our lives together as long as possible, but my baby sister’s desperate screams continue behind me and her life is in danger.

  “I have to save her,” I finally tell Eli with tears streaming down my cheeks.

  Eli shuts his less vivid but still beautiful eyes briefly with a pained look. When he opens them again he leans down and kisses me. The kiss is inflamed with passion and regret as we hold on tight to each other, wishing our love alone would be enough to save us. The usual tingling spark that was always between us is gone but has been replaced by an equally pleasing surge of the love we feel for each other.

  Then, all at once, I can feel the urgency in his lips shift into something that feels more like a pained goodbye than anything else. Panic grips my chest when I think I know what he is doing. He withdraws from me with difficulty as I am still holding him tight.

  “No one said you’re the one that has to save her,” he whispers breathlessly.

  He no longer has the angel abilities to move quickly but he is still strong enough to push me onto my backside, which I do with very little finesse. As I slide across the floor, my head makes contact with the base of a metal clothing rack. All at once the shop turns black, as if someone has flicked a light switch.

  * * *

  When I wake I am alone in a hospital room. The pain in my skull is so intense I know I will not be able to lift my head to see what is going on.

  “Hello?” I call out, grimacing when the pain flares, nearly causing me to black out.

  When I remember everything that had happened I begin to call my sister’s name with the fear in my voice rising. I need to find out if she is okay or if Eli was too late in saving her.

  Kalia appears at the entrance of the room within seconds and rushes to my side. There are visible bags under her eyes from lack of sleep and her little smile is filled with worry.

  “You need to take it easy, Lily. You cracked your head even better this time. The doctor said you have a slight concussion and need to rest. Any more of this and you’re going to end up with serious brain damage.” Her voice is hinting at sarcasm but she is clearly worried about me.

  “Where is Rose?” I ask.

  Kalia nods with a warmer smile. “She’s okay. She’s home with Svetlana. Gabe didn’t get a chance to hurt her.”

  “And Svetlana’s okay?” I ask next, assuming so or she wouldn’t be home with Rose.

  “She’s fine. I told her I would watch over you for a while so she could get some sleep. She’s been so worried about you—we all have.”

  “Eli?” I choke his name out and my eyes instantly water in fear of the truth.

  Kalia looks down as she straightens the blanket around me.

  “He saved Rose,” she answers in a flat tone.

  I sit up faster than my head can tolerate and can’t seem to find my breath. It feels as if my lungs are made of stone. “Where is he, Kalia? Where’s Eli?”

  She gives me this horrible look filled with compassion but won’t say anything. I turn away from her when my face becomes covered in a flood of tears. I knew Eli was planning to sacrifice his life for mine when he had kissed me goodbye. He had fallen for me and then died in human form to save me. I curl my body into a little ball with the silent tears continuing to fall. The pain is so severe, like a blade stuck in my chest, that I am unable to make any noise.

  Kalia kisses the back of my head. “He loved you, Lily. He would rather die than see you turn to the darkness to save your sister.”

  I won’t see Eli again. He is gone and had given his newly acquired mortal life to save me from giving in to something we both know I didn’t want. The overwhelming sorrow raging through me causes silent, broken sobs that shake my entire body. Kalia holds onto me until I once again pass out.

  * * *

  Later in the afternoon I am cleared to return home to Svetlana and Markus’s home. My new family waits on me faithfully although I am basically unresponsive. Rose spends hours sitting beside me and telling me about things that happen at school. I can’t even find the will to smile back at her, even though I am happy that she is alive and still enjoying life.

  Too many days pass by to count before I am able to make myself climb out of bed. When I come hobbling into the kitchen where Svetlana is preparing breakfast one morning, her face falls with relief at seeing me functioning once again. She is dressed for the day in a pair of plain white shorts and a fluttery yellow top, but her hair is uncharacteristically un-kept and there are dark circles under her eyes. She has clearly been worried about me.

  “You are hungry?” she asks casually, not wanting to overwhelm me with attention. Her smile this morning is not as bright as usual and seems to be forced. The guilt for all the rough days I have caused her is almost too much to bear.

  I shake my head. “No thank you. Where’s Rose?” My voice sounds hoarse and dry as I have said very little in the past few days.

  She pauses to watch me for a moment before turning back to the stove. “Putting on her birthday party dress. She cannot wait to show you all these decorations we buy.”

  I had forgotten that it is Rose’s birthday. A few days earlier Svetlana had invited me to shop at the party store with them, but I still hadn’t been able to get myself out of bed for that. I try to form a smile, but the mourning is still so deep inside me that my lips only quiver. Kalia comes in f
rom the patio and rushes forward to help me sit on a kitchen stool.

  “You’re up!” she says in her usual merry tone. “How are you feeling today?”

  Something twists inside of me. After Kalia told me of Eli’s death we had not spoken of that day again, but I need to know the whole story and hope I’m not still in danger of being under Gabe’s influence.

  “What happened to Gabe, Kalia? Why was he on fire like that?” I hold my voice low, not knowing how much Svetlana has been informed of. Surely she knows something extraordinary is going on after what she had seen go down in the shop.

  “It was another one of his abilities that he learned to harness,” Kalia explains without expression.

  My stomach turns uneasily. Hopefully this is not a skill I will be capable of—the fire had made Gabe appear to be a total monster. “Where is he now?”

  Kalia’s eyes darken with sadness. “Eli ended him, Lily. He’s gone.”

  I hold my breath. “You mean he’ll never come back?”

  There is a part of Kalia that hurts too much for the friend she has lost to answer. While I appreciate everything Gabe had done for us in the beginning—despite everything else—I am not the least bit sad. Maybe I do mourn a little for the friend that he had once been, but all of that had been a lie to entice me to join his side.

  “But how did he do it? Eli was human. How did he kill Gabe?”

  “I don’t know the answer to that,” she says to me with a deep sorrow set in her eyes. “I don’t know what I saw – it all happened so fast. I’m so sorry, Lily. I didn’t know Gabe was capable of so much evil. He was so caught up in wanting you to be his that he apparently let his inner demon win him over.”

  Whatever Eli had done, I hope it had not caused him pain. I wonder just how much Rose saw and what must be going through her little mind. Not only did she witness something terribly inhuman, but then I had been unresponsive for days afterwards. Kalia had most likely thought of something to tell Svetlana and Rose to make them accept things, even if they didn’t understand.

  I glance back at Svetlana, who is still busy cooking and at least pretending not to listen to our conversation. “Now what? What will happen to my future that everyone was so worried about? Without Gabe…or Eli…” His name gets stuck in my throat and I begin to weep again.

  Kalia places a gentle hand on my shoulder. She may not have her angel abilities anymore, but her sympathy has a way of radiating onto me and instantly makes me feel a smidgen better. After all, she knows exactly how I am feeling—she had once lost the love her life, too.

  “When Eli sacrificed himself for you, he changed the future that was already written. He had seen you give yourself to Gabe and turn to the darkness, Lily. He couldn’t stand to see that happen. But I don’t know what will happen to you now. I wish I could see your future and let you know everything is going to be okay.”

  Now there will be no chance of having a child with either Gabe or Eli, but I am still part angel—something I know very little about. Fortunately there may be some things Kalia can help me to understand.

  Then I wonder—will there be more angels from each side that fight for my affection in the future? As I sit grieving the loss of what I know to be the love of my life and quite possibly my soul mate, I know I will never love anyone as much as I had loved Eli. The thought of having a baby with anyone else, no matter how far into the future, seems unimaginable.

  As Kalia and I silently watch each other, assessing my options, Rose comes running in from the patio. She is wearing a rhinestone-studded pink sundress that sparkles in the morning light. Her hair is curled into large ringlets and she wears a sparking pink bow on top of her head to match her dress. Even her new sandals are pink with sparkles. I scold myself for missing out on the shopping adventure she had quite obviously enjoyed with Svetlana.

  I hold my arms out to her. “There’s my birthday girl!”

  She runs to me with her eyes wide. I can feel her happiness at seeing me out of bed bursting from her. She squeezes me as hard as her little arms can before handing me the plastic bag in her hands that is filled with hats, streamers and all the usual party supplies I had hoped she would one day have. My eyes water in appreciation of all the things Svetlana has done for us.

  “What do you think will happen to me and Rose now?” I calmly ask Kalia, knowing Rose is too busy going through her things to pay attention to our adult conversation.

  The promise of being taken care of by two angels is gone. We are safe living with Svetlana and Markus, but I can’t expect them to take care of us forever—I am already an adult. There are very few things I can do to make money without a college education, and I can’t expect them to provide such an expense for me. I know children in foster care can apply for loans and such, but I will never be able to provide for my sister if I am forever paying off school debts.

  Kalia laughs at me in her usual joyous melody, stopping only to kiss the side of my head. Her eyes sparkle and she leans in close to whisper in my ear. “Silly girl, you have Johnny’s money.”

  When she leans back my jaw drops in shock, causing her to laugh once again.

  I hadn’t thought about what would happen to the money. It doesn’t seem possible that Rose and I have gone from being extremely poor and on the run to having a home and being well provided for in a matter of months. I had never counted the money but knew there would certainly be enough of it to pay for at least part of a college education and possibly allow me to provide for my sister the way she deserves.

  Kalia winks playfully. “I think everything is going to be okay.”

  I can’t make an audible noise in response so I only give her what I know to be a dazed and insane-like smile. She giggles and pulls me in for a joyous hug. Our celebration causes Rose to stop rummaging through her party favors to throw her arms around both of us.

  For the first time since my baby sister was born, I know we are going to be okay.

  EPILOGUE

  In the months that follow, Rose and I are happier than I could have ever imagined we would be, and life is good. When I finish the final credits I need to graduate high school through online classes, Svetlana throws a party on the beach to celebrate. Kalia brings hamburger patties that Markus cooks on the grill and we drink frozen, non-alcoholic drinks with umbrellas in them. There are even a dozen of my new friends who stop by.

  Rose and I have adjusted to life in California with our foster parents so well that it truly feels like our home. Svetlana took me in for my driver’s license test and after passing with flying colors, Markus bought me a used, but decent car. I am still helping Kalia down at the surf shop through the busy summer months, even though it is difficult for me to be there after everything that had happened.

  Kalia had told me not to worry about explaining to my foster parents where I was getting the money for school and promised she would take care of it. Svetlana and Markus discussed the options for my future with me and the three of us agreed in the end that I would go to a nearby community college starting in the fall. I have made more friends through the surf shop who will also be freshmen there and they have offered for me to stay in the house they will be renting on campus. I am anxious for fall to arrive so I can start the next chapter of my life.

  On a Friday afternoon nearing the fourth of July I lay on the patio sunning myself in a new black and white bikini Kalia had given me for a graduation present. Markus and Svetlana have taken Rose to the zoo, but I passed on the offer to join them since I have been feeling really nauseated the past couple of days and think I may be coming down with some kind of flu bug.

  The day is downright hot for San Diego, which does nothing to calm the queasy feeling in my stomach. The beach is packed down near Kalia’s shop-the voices of the little children playing in the water over that way carry over to where I lay, their laughter making little musical sounds that drift through the air. I am considering taking a dip in the ocean to cool off, when I feel a strange tingling crawl from my spine u
p to my neck. I sit up with a start, but seconds later I feel the old warming sensation I would know anywhere.

  I draw in a sharp breath when I realize what this means.

  “Eli,” I whisper, closing my eyes.

  The warmth of him surrounds me and eventually feels like it will swallow me up. My longer, now naturally colored hair begins to move until it is behind my shoulder and I feel another tingling follow from my shoulder up to my neck. From the corner of my eye I can sense a flash of bright light and the tingling stops, only to be followed by the touch of fingers that are soft and warm against my face.

  My eyes flutter open to discover Eli smiling down on me.

  I jolt in surprise but he continues to stroke my face lovingly. His graceful smile beams brightly against the bright blue sky. Although he looks just as he had before, wearing a local rock band t-shirt with cargo shorts and flip flops, there is something else about him that appears more radiant than ever.

  All of a sudden I realize it’s his eyes-they have returned to their usual brilliance.

  Reaching out, I take his face in my hands and feel bewildered when I am able to physically touch him, confirming that he is really flesh and blood. Warm tears spring to my eyes and begin to stream down my face.

  “How is it you’re here?” I ask.

  He laughs, continuing to tenderly rub his hands along my cheeks. “It doesn’t happen very often, but it seems the elders have changed their mind about my fate.”

  My heart fills with so much love and joy at I am surprised when I don’t burst from all of it. My grip on his face tightens. “But you’re not human. Does this mean you get to stay?”

  His smile turns into a devilish smirk and he raises his head slightly in confirmation. “I’m afraid the human thing didn’t last for very long. The elders allowed me to return for the time being, anyway. Things are different now.”