Outside The Ropes

by Ashley Claudy

  Anthony opened the car door as I cut in front of Aliya. “That’s alright, maybe another time. We're going bowling, right?”

  He stood up to his full height, inches away from me and stared me down with narrowed eyes, before relaxing and sweeping them to Aliya.

  “We’re going bowling. You can come if you want.”

  Aliya’s grin stretched from ear to ear. “Can Zoe and Leona come, too?” At his nod she said, “I’ll be right back.” She ran inside to get the others.

  Anthony’s chest vibrated with laughter as he looked down at me and his arm circled around my waist. “Don’t be mad. I want to meet your roommates. This will be fun.”

  And it was fun, for the most part. I sucked at bowling, but everyone got along really well and Anthony charmed the girls. They kept giving me thumbs up or mouthing “OMG” when he wasn’t looking.

  When we pulled back up to the house, the girls said a quick goodbye and left me alone with him.

  “You’re not mad, are you?” he asked reaching for my hand.

  “No. I had fun tonight.” This felt like a date thing to say, making my stomach sink.

  Anthony leaned across the console to me, almost kissing me. “I did, too," he breathed. Then our lips met, and his hands pulled me closer to him.

  He deepened the kiss, leaning into me, pushing me back against the seat. His hands traveled over my shirt and curves. He broke away from my mouth and whispered to me, “Can I…” as his fingers ran along the edge of my jeans.

  I pushed away, shaking my head, trying to clear the fog. Tonight had felt different at first, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted different. But now that we were going back to our same routine I felt dirty, and didn’t want to bring that to this house. I had hoped to be different here, and this was the first step.

  “Not tonight.” I kept my hand up between us. I shook my head, trying to think of words to explain.

  With a small smile, he caressed my cheek. “It’s alright. Tonight was good. Wait here.”

  He hopped out and ran around to my door, opening it for me. “Let me walk you to the door,” he said with his good boy smile.

  I still wasn’t sure what I was doing or how this was going to work, but I pushed those worries aside and enjoyed the moment, because it was a good one. I felt normal as he walked me to the door and kissed me good night with a promise to call me soon.

  ***

  I had my headphones on while I folded clothes, putting some away and packing some for our trip to Atlantic City tomorrow. We were leaving on Thursday, Gage’s fight was Friday, and we would come home on Sunday.

  My fingers trailed over my new clothes that the girls helped me pick out. Things really were different here, but I was still holding my breath.

  This past week had been one of the best of my life. No drama, all focus. Gage stopped by frequently to help with cooking, and I had gone on a couple more dates with Anthony. And work had been really busy, which meant good tips.

  I stood up and tried on a new top, looking at myself in the mirror. Training this past month had tightened my muscles, but this new diet was already changing my body, making the muscles seen. Lines of abs were beginning to show, and my triceps had a nice lean cut to them.

  My phone vibrated on the bed, and I jumped to pick it up. Nan’s name flashed on the screen, and my heart was in my throat as I answered.

  “You have to stop calling me,” she hissed into the phone.

  “I wanted to make sure you were alright. When I last saw you-”

  “You made a bad situation worse, like usual,” Nan interrupted. “That’s what you do. And now you keep calling, and that’s not helping anything. If he saw that I was talking to you…”

  “Nan, I can help you. You don’t have to be scared of him.” I wasn’t focused on her words, but the fear I heard under them. It terrified me.

  “You don’t know anything Regan. That man you brought here can’t do anything. He can’t save you or me. You’re the one that needs help, not me. Worry about yourself.” Her words were little razor cuts in my gut.

  “What do you mean?” I asked cautiously.

  “I don’t want you calling me or helping me. You destroy everything! You make everything worse. So stay the hell away from me. Lose my number.”

  Silence. She hung up.

  ***

  I kept my headphones on, music blaring for only me to hear, drowning out my own twisted thoughts. I wanted to push away Nan’s phone call, lock it into the back of my mind. I didn’t know what else to do and I didn’t know what it all meant.

  Searching the kitchen for food, I pulled out a bag of M&M’s, and poured a handful into my mouth. Anthony was on his way to take me to dinner, but I craved the sugary sweetness like a drug. I needed something to make me feel better, and chocolate seemed like the safest bet, but it wasn’t enough.

  I reached into the top cabinet for my peanut butter, the all-natural one Gage made me buy. It took all the fun out of the creamy treat, but adding M&M’s to it might solve that problem. I sat on the counter as I stirred the colorful candies into the top layer of the peanut butter and took a big bite. I hadn’t cheated on my diet once since I started, but this was an emotional emergency. Creamy, chocolaty, sweetness melted into my mouth and I let all other thoughts go.

  Except when I looked up, Gage was standing in the kitchen, watching me. I pulled my head phones off and swallowed my dessert. “What are you doing here?” I asked, scooting on the counter to sit in front of the bag of M&M’s.

  He cocked his head at me, eyes suspiciously narrowed. “I was helping…” He crossed the kitchen, walking in slow motion, stopping just in front of where I was perched on the kitchen counter. “What are you doing?” One eyebrow glided up.

  I screwed the lid back on the peanut butter, my candies still stuck inside. “Having a snack.” He smelled sweet, like fruit, but his natural fresh scent was just under it, making me dizzy.

  He reached one hand behind me, almost touching me. The heat and static that swirled between us was intoxicating, putting me in a trance. All I could do was watch him as he lifted the bag of chocolates and set it back down on the counter, the corner of his mouth gliding up into a smile.

  He braced one hand on the counter top next to me. The other inched to my face, his thumb dragging over the corner of my mouth

  The feel of his hard, but smooth skin against my lip sent a surge of heat through me, but when he pressed the thumb to his mouth and licked off the peanut butter, I melted.

  He put that hand on the other side of the counter top and nudged closer to me, my legs spreading to let him stand in-between without resistance or thought.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered, not really wanting to break the spell between us but my heart was in danger of flying out of my mouth.

  He inched closer as one hand moved to grip my waist. “Not breathing,” he said low, his head moving ever so slightly towards mine.

  I wasn’t breathing either, and it took me a moment to get the joke, but I couldn’t laugh. The adrenaline rushing to my head made any thought difficult. I moved my hands to his shirt, wanting to pull him closer, feel his heat against me.

  The slam of a car door snapped me out of it. I jumped and scrambled off the counter.

  Gage stopped me with a hand on my hip. “Wait-“

  I pulled away from him, feeling weak beneath his touch. “I have to go. Anthony’s here.”

  I wanted to run outside and keep them apart and that thought made my head pound. What was I doing? I had been trying to deny whatever Gage and I had, but I couldn't. I couldn’t resist anymore, and I had almost given in moments before Anthony was supposed to pick me up.

  Gage frowned, looking out the window as Anthony walked up the driveway. “The cop?” he sneered. “You’re still with him?”

  Anthony was almost at the door, but I didn’t want to leave Gage like this.

  I shook my head, meeting his eyes, pleading with him. “It’s complicated. I…“

&n
bsp; Anthony knocked, and I shrugged helplessly to Gage. “I’ve got to go.”

  Picking up my jacket, I opened the door.

  Gage stepped behind me. “Any news on the case?” he questioned with a hard voice, and my stomach clenched.

  Anthony’s smile melted as he glanced between Gage and me. He nodded. “Regan can tell you any information she wants you to know. It’s not my place to share.”

  Gage crossed his arms, “Four were arrested? Two of them I caught. So what have you done?” The challenge in his voice made me nervous.

  “We’ll talk about this later. We’ve got to go.” I turned to close the door, but Gage grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him.

  “Don’t go. Stay and talk to me now.”

  “Get off of her.” Anthony stepped through the doorway.

  Gage’s eyes were locked on mine, but I couldn’t stand the emotion in them, and I pulled his fingers away. “I have-”

  Anthony slid in between us, pushing me behind him. “Stay away from her.”

  I pulled Anthony back, putting myself between them again and tried to lead him outside. “Let’s go.

  I spun around as Gage took another step forward. “Stop,” I demanded. “Don’t do this.”

  His jaw clenched and the line of his body was rigid in anger. Aliya stepped into the kitchen looking like she just walked off the pages of an Abercrombie catalogue. She approached Gage, her eyes scanning between the three of us.

  She touched his arm with her fingertips and he flicked his eyes to her but then met mine again as Anthony pulled me away.

  The last thing I saw before the door closed was her slip her arms around his waist, and my heart nose-dived into my stomach. Now I knew why he had been here to start with.

  “What the hell was that in there?” Anthony barked as he slammed his truck door shut.

  I climbed up into the passenger side and shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  “Are you fucking him? Is that why you haven’t been sleeping with me?” He glared at me.

  I stopped putting on my seatbelt and let it slide off of me. “No. I’m not sleeping with anyone.”

  Anthony grabbed my hands before I could open the door to leave. “Wait. I’m sorry. This is driving me crazy. Please, don’t leave yet.” His eyes begged me to stay.

  I nodded. “We need to talk.”

  He ran his hand through his wavy hair, messing up the swoop back style he had it in. He turned to me with a deep breath. “We do. But not here. I know a place.”

  Minutes later, we pulled up to a wooded park with a lake you could barely see through the leafless trees. He parked in the empty lot and leaned back against his door, looking at me.

  “I’m not going to like this am I?” he asked, voice flat, and lines crossing his pretty face.

  My heart pulled. “I’m sorry. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

  He scoffed. “And I’ve been paid in full for it, I guess.”

  I deserved that, but it still stung. Staring at my folded hands, I buried my retorts. I knew I was the one doing the hurting here, and he needed to get out whatever he wanted to say, it was the least I could do.

  “Seriously, Regan? You’re ending this when it only really just started? I thought things were changing this week, that we were moving this relationship forward. Is it because of Gage?”

  When I didn’t answer quick enough, he banged on the steering wheel. “Answer me!”

  I took a calming breath and raised my eyes to the ceiling. “No,” I spoke loud and clear. “It’s not anyone but me. I warned you from the start to not expect anything. It’s not my fault if you did.” But I knew it was my fault. I had leaned on him too much, needed him too much.

  “You’re going to regret this.” He shook his head, teeth grinding. “This is a mistake. You we're lucky to have me. I’m miles above you, and you don’t even realize it. I’m the best you could ever have and you’re throwing it away.”

  He was right; it had been my thoughts of him all along. “You can do better than me. And one day you will,” I said with control. His words may have been true, but they were still starting to piss me off. “Can you take me home now?”

  “Get the hell out.” He waved his hand in dismissal.

  I climbed out of the car and he drove away the minute the door shut.

  At least we hadn’t driven too far away and the sun was only just beginning to set because I had left my phone back at the house.

  The walk was needed anyways. I had to make sense out of my jumbled thoughts, especially those surrounding Gage and Nan.

  19: You Need It

  THE DETAILS OF THEIR KISS WAS A ball of barbed wire in my stomach, and every time she talked, it banged around, inflicting little cuts. And I couldn’t escape the details since we were stuck together in a car for two hours.

  The boys left in the morning to AC. But since I had work and Leona had class we didn't leave till that night.

  According to Aliya, Gage had come over to help move her new dresser, her way of getting him into her bedroom. When they finished, he went to the kitchen for a drink, that’s when I saw him, and when I left, they kissed.

  I had to hear about how soft his lips were, how he pushed her against a wall, dominating the kiss. How she thought he was going to take her there on the kitchen counter.

  “What happened with Anthony?” Aliya looked in the visor mirror to see me in the backseat. “Gage was hot about that, I know. I could feel it, even his kiss was angry.” She sunk back in the seat. “Whatever it was, thank you.”

  I stared out the window as we passed cars on the turnpike. “They got in each other’s face.” I shrugged, not wanting to share details.

  Zoe flipped her magazine close and sat up next to me. “Aliya, you do realize that they were probably fighting over Rea, right?”

  Aliya turned around and counted on her fingers. “One, Rea is with Anthony. And two, she said she didn’t mind if I tried with Gage. So three, I don’t care what his motivation is, I’ll take the kiss and more if I’m lucky.” She bounced back on her seat, smiling bright. “This weekend should be fun.”

  I hadn’t told them about Anthony, yet. I didn’t want to change the dynamics, especially with Leona.

  Leona met my eyes in the rearview mirror and smirked. “Smile Rea, we're supposed to be having fun.”

  ***

  The soft hum of silence enveloped me like a warm blanket. I was alone in our suite. Our large group had three suites side by side, and everyone from mine was still downstairs at the bars.

  I walked onto the balcony, drawn by the ocean view. I had never been to the beach before. Leaning on the iron railing, I watched as the moonlight shimmered over the swells and curls of the waves, the faint sound of rolling water barely audible under the cacophony of sounds of the city at night.

  The air had a touch of cold in it, but wasn’t bad for February. I grabbed a blanket and curled up in a chair to watch the water from the safety of a lit up hotel.

  After a while, the slider from the suite to the right opened, music and laughter spilling out before Gage stepped through.

  He slid the door closed and stood scanning the ocean. Then his head turned, and he saw me.

  The corner of his mouth tugged up, and he walked to the rail that separated our balconies. “Everyone back already?”

  I pulled my blanket tight around me and sunk into my chair. “No. I came back on my own.”

  He looked towards his room. “I’m about to tell my crew they have to shut the hell up and go to bed. I can’t think with them around.” He looked back to me. “But, maybe it can wait. Can I sit with you?”

  I took a sip of my tea and nodded before I could talk myself out of it.

  He took a step back, still facing me, and put his finger up. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right over.”

  He went back into the room, voices escaping as the sliding door opened and closed. I hadn’t seen Gage since we arrived. I knew his room was next to ours,
but I also knew he had his own friends with him.

  When he came over, he set up a fire in the marble fire table our chairs circled. He moved easily in his casual jeans, t-shirt and unzipped gray hoody, the hood slung on the back of his head. And like a moth to the flame, I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

  I stayed quiet, pretending to watch the fire flames as he sat on the lounge chair next to mine.

  He braced his forearms on his knees, hands pressed together. Then he looked sideways at me. “Your cop mad about yesterday? About you being here?”

  His casual attitude made my gut twist with anger.

  “Don’t pretend to care. He’s none of your business.” I shifted further back in my chair, distancing myself from him.

  His knee bounced under his arm as he watched me for a moment. Then he stilled and looked back to the fire. “Fine. But where does that leave us?”

  I couldn’t stop my response. Appalled, I leaned forward to grab his attention, my eyes wide. “You kissed Aliya, where do you think that leaves us?”

  He sat back with disdain. “You’re with someone else. What the hell do you want me to do? Wait for you?”

  The way he sneered with the last question sealed it, confirming what I knew. He wanted me, but that was all it was. Attraction. Nothing more. And I could deal with that.

  I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not with him anymore.” When he looked at me and stilled, amazement clear on his face, I continued, “We ended it after I left yesterday, for good.”

  His eyes travelled up and down me, not much to see though with the blanket still wrapped around me.

  “I only kissed Aliya because I wanted to kiss you,” he confessed in a sigh.

  If he didn’t look so damn hot, I would have been gone with that. I should've walked away, but I had already made my decision. I needed him out of my system.

  For some reason I was holding back. My body wouldn’t let me move. His eyes locked me where I was.

  “You ended it or he ended it?”