Outside The Ropes

by Ashley Claudy

  I shrugged, annoyed. I didn’t want to talk about Anthony. “What does it matter? It’s over.”

  “He wasn’t good enough for you.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. He was a good guy, too good for me. He had his shit together and I only brought him down.” I pressed my lips shut, regretting speaking my thoughts out loud, but I didn’t want Gage talking bad about him.

  He shook his head, watching me with disbelief. “He may have had a good job, but that doesn’t make him a good man.”

  “Just shut up.”

  “I’m only trying to figure out where your heads at, how you’re feeling.” He picked up the lounger and moved it a couple of feet closer to me, our knees almost touching when he sat. He took my hands in his. “If it was my fault he broke up with you--”

  I pulled away. “It isn’t your fault. I just finally accepted the truth."

  Even in the fires glow his eyes still sent shivers through me.

  His icy blues were locked on me. “What’s the truth?”

  I hesitated, wanting to make my move, but still frozen under his gaze. Instead, I talked, maybe to cover my nerves or maybe to make him understand. What I had planned was not about feelings, but something else. Something I was only beginning to realize about myself, although it had been there all along.

  “I always ruin good things. I choose the path to destruction. Every. Time.” I looked away, past the fire to the ocean and still barely saw that. Now that I started, I wanted to get it all out, put a voice to the thoughts I never admitted before. And maybe this man with a broken past could understand a bit.

  My laugh was bitter. “I had a therapist who told me that. That I purposefully push people away and set fires to anything good. My way of taking control and avoiding the risk of becoming attached.” I swallowed hard. Unsure if I could continue. My muscles were already vibrating with nerves.

  “What happened to the therapist? You still see him?”

  “I quit after that. Thought what she said was bullshit and never went back.” The irony hit me like a truck; I had proved her right by quitting.

  Gage got it, I could tell by the look that crossed his face. “Why do you believe it now?”

  My heart was jack hammering in my stomach. But I had already gone this far, and the words kept spilling out of my mouth. I needed to get my body to move.

  “I had two choices yesterday. One that could have led to a life I should want, but I didn’t choose it. Instead, I’m here, with you. And even now…” I sat up in the chair letting go of the blanket surrounding me. “I could make a different choice, but I’m not.”

  Gage stiffened, face unreadable but eyes full of desire as they trailed over me like a caress. “What choice are you making?” he whispered, slow and thick.

  I stood up, moving my hands to his shoulders. He placed his hands on top of mine and slid them up my arms, a trail of heat lingered where he touched. His eyes captured mine, pulling me in.

  I moved like a dream, placing one knee at a time on either side of him, gradually straddling him. He sucked in a sharp breath as our body’s touched, and the sizzle of electricity enveloped every part of me.

  When our lips met, I imploded; everything inside me went up in flames.

  His full lips moved against mine, soft but hard in all the right ways. Then he moved suddenly, flipping our position so I was below him, his hands gripping my upper arms.

  I gripped his shirt, attempting to pull him back on the lounger with me. Only then did I realize he wasn’t kissing me back anymore.

  He jerked me away from him, letting go of my shoulders as he stood. A look of betrayal twisted his face.

  I was in complete shock. Everything in me clenched.

  He leaned over me, yelling in my face, “I’m not a fucking path to destruction. You’re wrong. Go back to your therapist, you need it.”

  He kicked the chair next to us with the bottom of his boot, sending it flipping across the balcony till it banged into the rail. Then he jumped over the railing connecting our balconies and threw open his slider.

  “Party’s over," he commanded before the door closed, blocking out any other sounds.

  I sat back, stunned. That had not gone as expected. But the end result was still the same.

  ***

  Our seats were third row in a packed venue. The lit up arena buzzed with conversations as people waited for the next fight.

  My nerves were snapping with anticipation. Gage would be coming out soon. I hadn’t seen him since he stomped off last night, but I hadn’t stopped thinking of him since.

  I had spent the morning working out with Silas and the day on a chilly beach, mostly alone while the others recuperated from their night out.

  But Dexter told me Gage came by the room looking for me.

  My lips tingled recalling our kiss, and my heart dropped remembering his reaction.

  Aliya grabbed my hand, looking to the aisle. “Oh no,” she groaned. “His stupid friends had to bring stupid girls.”

  I followed her gaze to see a line of people coming up the aisle. Three men, who were probably early-twenties, and six girls, like an assortment of candy. They wore bright, tight dresses that showed off shiny skin and cleavage. Perfectly groomed Barbie’s.

  Aliya huffed next to me, crossing her arms. “If one of them end up in his bed, I’m ripping out her extensions and strangling him with them.”

  I sat back, feeling sick.

  From the other side of Aliya, Leona said, “You look better than them Ally Cat. Don’t stress. There are plenty of other guys.”

  Zoe leaned over from the end to add. “You knew this was the way it worked. It’s always some random.”

  The new group filed in next to us; a blonde guy starting the line sat next to me, and the rest of the party took up the seats till the end of the row.

  Looking down the line of girls, I was taken aback with how different the bodycon style could look. They wore it like a skin, whereas Leona and Zoe’s dresses were more fashion. Aliya went with a circle lace skirt and crop top with a jacket. I was fine with being the odd one in my dark denim jeans, but I appeased the girls by dressing it up with heeled booties and a sleeveless chiffon top.

  The blonde smiled at me and nodded to our group; he pointed to Leona. “You’re Dexter’s girl right?”

  “Leona,” she smiled tight with a nod.

  “We just saw him and Gage in the backroom. Who are your friends?”

  Zoe rolled her eyes. “We’ve met before at other fights.”

  The blonde laughed, taking his seat. “Oh right, I forgot.” Then he looked over at me, starting from the legs up. “I haven’t seen you before. I’m Ian.”

  “Regan.” I turned my attention away from him, back to my roommates.

  Aliya grabbed my hand with a giggle and whispered, “Gage’s friends are hot right?”

  I laughed slightly, unsurprised, she thought most guys were.

  An announcer started introductions, pulling our attention to the center of the ring.

  Gage was introduced first. We all stood as the music started and turned towards the doors above us to see him enter with Silas, Dexter, and one other guy. He made his way down the aisle, scanning our section.

  Ian leaned over to me. “Dude’s crazy. Never seen anyone as calm as him before a fight. Have you seen him fight?”

  I couldn’t respond because Gage’s gaze landed on me, and didn’t move as he continued his path. Even with a stone blank face, the intensity left little room for anything else. Everything around me blurred and dropped away, leaving only him. When he passed our seats, I was no longer in his sight, but my eyes were still glued to him as he climbed into the ring.

  He stood in the corner stretching his neck and turned around, eyes landing on me again. And once again the air vacuumed from my lungs and my lips throbbed with memory.

  Leona grabbed my hand, bouncing next to me. “He keeps looking over here.”

  Something darkened his f
ace, making the lines stand out, and his eyebrows dropped along with my stomach.

  Ian leaned in to say something, but I didn’t pay attention, too absorbed watching Gage. He was my gravity, pulling me like the tide, and I was unable to fight it.

  Thankfully, he released me by turning around, facing the opposite way to watch his opponent come in. A tall, rock star looking guy with a full shirt of tattoo’s, and long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail.

  The bell rung and Gage moved, landing a lightning fast uppercut that jerked the guy’s chin up. He followed it with a left hook, and then a right that slammed the rock star to the ground.

  The room exploded in cheers and everyone that wasn’t already standing rose to their feet as the Referee counted.

  When the Ref declared Gage the winner Dexter jumped into the ring, but Gage sidestepped him. He moved with such fierce purpose that everyone cleared out of his way. He climbed between the ropes and started up the aisle, then down our row.

  I was trembling the closer he got, my feet stuck to the ground.

  He stopped in front of me, and then all at once he hooked his arm around my waist and his lips smashed into mine. My body dissolved, relying on his to keep me up. His tongue slipped in to my mouth, sending shocks of lust down me. Hormones went berserk in my veins.

  When my body could finally move, I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his smooth skin over hard muscle. He pulled me in tighter with his arm, and the searing heat of him pressed against the length of me. He kept his still gloved hands off me, but I craved his touch, my skin screamed for it.

  He slid his perfect lips to my ear, his ragged breathing only fanning the flames, and I quivered in his arms.

  “Wait here,” he said between breaths; his face pressed to my hair.

  He must have kissed the sense out of me, because in that moment I would have done whatever he wanted. I nodded, my head pressed to his chest, trying to regain control over my own breathing and muscles.

  His arm slowly released me while he lowered me to the seat. Then he walked backwards out of the row, everyone moving out of his way.

  If I wasn’t already sitting the smile he sent me would have dropped me. It was a wide genuine smile that lit up his face. I had never seen him smile like that, but it was possibly the sexiest thing I ever saw. I placed it as the euphoria I felt after winning a fight; he had to be full of it after such an impressive win. He hadn’t even broke a sweat.

  He jogged back to the ring, Silas and Dexter crowding him before they walked off for an interview.

  It took a moment for me to float back into my body.

  Aliya was waiting, staring wide-eyed, mouth agape. When I looked her way, she grinned.

  “Oh Chick, that was...” She sat back fanning herself. “Lucky Bitch.” She nudged my shoulder, teasing.

  I didn’t need her permission, but seeing that she wasn’t angry was a relief. To be sure I asked, “You’re not mad?”

  She shook her head, excitement lighting her face. “Oh hell no. I knew he was digging on you, I just didn’t know it was that bad. Or that good. And I’m glad it’s not one of those randoms. You can give me details later.” She winked.

  Leona leaned over. “What about Anthony?”

  “Who cares about him?” Aliya shrieked.

  “We’re over,” I answered. The more I talked the colder I felt. The rush was receding fast, and I wasn’t sure I should wait. The intensity of my reaction scared me.

  The boy on the other side of me was gone, as well as a few others from that line. People were up, walking around before the next fight.

  Dexter popped into the seat next to me. “Damn Rea, what did you do to my brother?” Even his half smile was contagious, but when it dropped so did the rest of the heat in me. He looked past me to where Gage was approaching, quickly adding, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We’re staying here to see the last fight if you want to stay too.”

  It sounded like a warning, and probably one I should listen to, but when Gage was there and extended his now gloveless hand to me, I took it. He pulled me into the warmth of his shirtless body and walked us out.

  “Wait. Silas wanted to talk to you,” Dexter called after us.

  “Later,” Gage responded without slowing our path to the exit.

  And I must’ve still been drunk off his kiss because my earlier hesitation faded in his presence. This is what I had started, what I had been thinking about all day, and now it seemed he had let go of whatever stopped him last night.

  20: Stop Me

  MY BODY DID CRAZY THINGS SIMPLY STANDING next to him in the elevator. We both faced forward in the full car, not looking at each other; our hands our only connection. When the elevator dinged our arrival, Gage slipped his arm around me and guided me past the strangers.

  Anticipation pooled sweetly in my stomach, pressure already building at just the thought of being alone with him.

  He opened the door to his suite and was on me before it swung close. He trapped me against the wall by the door with his body, his lips melting into mine.

  The lock clicked as he finished closing the door, and then I had his full attention. He lifted me easily, and guided my legs around his waist, walking to the couch in the sitting area.

  My legs clenched around him, my center already pulsing, needing. He had just enough hair for me to grip and I did, better angling our kiss so I could dip my tongue into his mouth.

  A low rumble vibrated from his chest and the fire in me flared.

  He dropped me onto the sofa, and I had to hold back a whimper at the sudden break in contact.

  Climbing over me with a hungry glint in his eye, he dipped his head down, licking up my neck. A hot and slow stroke that stole my air.

  He growled in my ear. “You want this? You want me?” And sucked my earlobe in-between his lips.

  It was impossible for me to answer. But I gripped him to me, my nails pressing into his strong back, and I brought my hips up to meet his.

  He pulled back looking into my eyes. “Say it.”

  “I want you,” I gasped.

  One hand ran through the hair by my face, his other holding himself up. “Do you trust me?” His deep whisper sent a chill through me.

  I searched his face, taken off guard. Why was he doing this? I could barely catch my breath as I tightened my arms around him and brought my lips to his.

  He pushed me back to the couch, holding my wrists down so I couldn’t touch him.

  “I’m doing this. Not you.” He locked me with his eyes. “Do you understand? This isn’t you. This is me.”

  The change was dizzying. Every inch of me craved his touch. My hands ached to explore him, but he still held me still. And I couldn’t think; my mind wasn’t working.

  He lowered himself on me, easing the ache I felt. But he still trapped my hands, and wasn’t loosening his grip.

  “We’re good together.” His lips brushed my ear as he spoke, a heated whisper, and I nodded. This was good.

  Picking his head back up, he met my eyes again. “I won’t let you push me away or put an end to us. Give it a chance.”

  “Shut up and kiss me,” I pleaded, fear starting to rise.

  His eyes dropped to my lips and he licked his own, making me squirm beneath him with need. The hot, heavy length of him pressed against me, his arousal hard against my stomach.

  I sucked in a groan when I realized he wasn’t going to listen to me.

  “I want to, and I’m going to. But I need you to agree first.”

  My heart skipped, but I nodded, not at all sure what I was agreeing to. But needing him to touch me.

  His breath quickened, and his sexy smile returned as he let go of my wrists. One hand tangled in my hair, the other gripped my waist.

  “I got you. I got us. Just let go and trust me.” He collapsed into me, our lips twisting together and body’s melding.

  His hands ran over the smooth, silky, fabric of my shirt, sending shivers through me, and his
lips moved to my neck. He lifted himself up, pulling me with him and raised my shirt. I let him slide it off me and pressed myself to him, enjoying his skin on mine.

  His lips trailed down my neck to my collarbone, and I moved my hands to the edge of his shorts, letting my fingers dip inside the elastic.

  The moment my breast sprung free of the bra, a cold shock hit me, like ice water. I jerked my hands up to keep it in place, knowing what the wide bottom band had been hiding, but I was too late.

  Gage stilled on me, the heat gone between us. The look on his face said it all.

  I kept one arm across my bra and used the other to push him off me, but he wouldn’t budge.

  “What happened?” He asked in a detached whisper. His hand moved over top of mine, the scar underneath.

  I thought I shook my head, but I don’t know if I actually moved. “It was a long time ago.”

  He pulled himself off of me and my heart sunk. This was it. He no longer wanted me.

  I couldn’t decide what was worse, the initial look of disgust or this look of pity.

  Scooting myself into sitting, I buckled my bra up before he could see the other scars that trailed to my back.

  He wasn’t looking at me anyways. His head was cradled in his hands, his leg bouncing beneath his arm.

  I watched him and moved to get my shirt, steady and slow so as not to pull his attention.

  His hand sprung out and grabbed my wrist, keeping me seated. “What happened?” he asked again, more demanding.

  I shook my head. “I didn’t come here to talk.”

  “You were shot. That’s what that is.”

  I ripped my arm out of his hold, a wild panic taking control. I stood up to face him. “Yeah. Now make up your mind, you either want me or you don’t. But I’m done talking.” I slid my arms around his neck, desperately trying to get us back to where we were before.

  He pulled my arms from him, dropping them in front of me. “What happened?” Anger was clear in his question.

  I picked up my shirt and pulled it back on, leaving. I think the worst part of the entire evening was that he didn’t stop me.