Broken & Burned

by A. J. Downey

  Midway through the number he had his solo and I got to change shoes which I only had a finite amount of time to do and do right. I pulled it off and was out and on the floor and tearing it up, proving the way it was meant to be proven that I indeed could do it better. I loved numbers like this. I’d had a lot of high level and cocky male students that thought they were hot shit and didn’t need to listen to me until I had them dance this number with me. I made them eat their egos once I had the hard shoes on and outpaced them. Machine gun fire from a fully automatic weapon had nothing on me when I really put my mind to it and my hard shoes to hardwood.

  John and I finished our number to the last set of notes and stopped cold in the correct position breath heaving. His hand slid from my waist and he fell to his knees hands clasped together and wailed…

  “Please Evy! Don’t make me do this number with Kayden! I’ll do anything!” he begged. I rolled my eyes.

  “She’s not that bad!” I exclaimed.

  “She is!” he insisted, and got up and I was sensing one of John’s famous temper tantrums about to erupt. I battened down the hatches of my resolve and crossed my arms and let him go. Everyone else was in stitches by the time he was through. A lot of people mistook John being just plain mean for him trying to be funny and not going to lie, he was hysterical, but I wasn’t having any of it. The only time I stepped in was as an understudy in case of injury or illness.

  “Are you done yet?” I asked him and caught the towel Dray tossed me and mopped up. I needed a shower and I was starving and I was about to get medieval on John’s ass if he kept having a tantrum between me and getting some food. He sulked and threw up his hands.

  “You’re not listening to sense!” he said.

  “Nope, I’m just not listening to you Sweetheart. I’m starving and I need a shower so if there isn’t anything else I’m hitting the locker room and letting my man over there take me to lunch.” I raised my eyebrows and he looked from me to the pile of man candy on the opposite side of the room.

  “Which one?” he asked.

  “The dark one.” I answered.

  “Isn’t he a little old for you?” he asked picking out Dragon, who barked a laugh.

  “The other dark one.” I said simply. Dray’s eyes sparkled with amusement. John looked him up and down and turned to me.

  “Damn. Find me a gay one.” He said.

  “I’ll work on it.” I said and he hugged me. He sighed.

  “You’re dooming me to fail up there with her.” He sighed.

  “Quit being such a fucking drama queen and take your skinny ass home.” I complained. He flashed a grin at me and sat down to take off his shoes.

  “Be out in a sec.” I called to my crowd, still marveling at how many people were here and I went back, showered in record time and redressed even faster in jeans and a tee. I went back out to applause and whistles and I took a mock bow.

  “Okay I’m free! What’s next?” I called out.

  “Food!” everyone shouted back at me and we all shared in a laugh.

  “Weather’s holding,” Dragon commented, “We’re ridin’.” It wasn’t a request. Ashton took my bags from me while Dray helped me into his jacket, well mine now I suppose since he’d given it to me.

  “Where you guys going? I need some time with my BFF. I’ll meet you.” Mandy said.

  “I said we’re riding.” Dragon winked at her.

  “I’ve got room, Red.” Zander offered up. I smiled at Mandy.

  “You should take him up on it.” I said, “It’ unbelievable.” My best friend chewed her lip indecisively. She was dressed well enough for it in jeans, riding boots and a cream color cable knit sweater. She had on her brown leather jacket over the sweater so she should be warm enough. It wasn’t her dress giving her pause though. What would my father think? Scrolled through her eyes like a reader board.

  I had on jeans and a pair of black ankle boots that laced in the front along with a ladies cut black tee which was funny because Dray was pretty much dressed identically. I raised my eyebrows at my best friend in my best, ‘you’re going to be a chicken aren’t you?’ look. Her back went up like I knew it would.

  “My car is safe here. Why not?” she said. Zander grinned at her and held out his arm. She swallowed nervously and linked hers through it.

  “I’ll lock these in the Jeep.” Ashton murmured and Trigger took them from her.

  “Damn right, I want you on the bike as often as I can get you there. We’ll come back for it later.” He said. She giggled. Everybody was parked in the lot next door and got ready at their own pace.

  “Trigger, take tail gunner.” Dragon ordered and I raised a brow in question at Dray. As he explained it to me, tail gunner was always the most experienced rider... Which by the looks of things was Dragon, wasn’t it?

  “Dragon’s our Pres. He’ll always ride at front, but the most experienced rider should always take the rear guard, I’m the next experienced rider but I have an inexperienced passenger so Trigger is the next for the distinction.” Dray said quietly. I nodded. Practical and true on all accounts. He grinned.

  “What?” I asked.

  “That’s what I like about you Em. Most girls would get all snarky about it going out there that they’re inexperienced. You, you just take it as it is and move right the fuck on. It’s sexy.” I smiled at him.

  “You know what won’t be sexy?” I asked buckling on my helmet.

  “What?” Reaver asked.

  “When I turn into a raging fucking bitch because nobody has fed me!” I complained. There was some laughter and Dragon fired up his bike, I saw Mandy jump out of the corner of my eye and smiled at her reassuringly. Zander helped her onto his bike behind him and she looked good there. I snapped a picture with my phone to Facebook later. I shoved the phone into an inside pocket of the coat. It had my ID and debit card in the case so I didn’t need to carry a wallet.

  “You gonna stand there snappin’ pictures all day or you gonna get on so we can go? Shit! You were the one bitchin’ you were starvin’.” Dragon bellowed, his slight smile betrayed that he wasn’t being serious. I got on behind Dray and snugged up tight against him.

  “Looks like we need to feed the Dragon!” I yelled at him over more bikes firing up.

  “Shit yeah! Move out!” He called back and gave the signal. Everyone fell into place behind him.

  It was crisper than the night before, colder… the fall temperatures dropping back into what was normal for this time of year. We followed Dragon twenty minutes to the other side of town and into the lot for Gino’s Pizzeria. The place was just opening for lunch and was mostly empty which was fortunate for us, such a large party showing up unannounced as we were. We managed to get a table no problem and what was more, the staff seemed genuinely happy to see us.

  We settled around several four seat tables that had been pushed together into a long row. Mandy made sure to sit next to me and I smiled at her. Her eyes were bright with excitement and I was happy she was having fun. Zander sat across from her and I took the opportunity to get a better look at him, the dim light in the bar the night before hadn’t afforded me much of a look.

  He wore a red baseball hat backwards on his head but I recognized the logo. It was for an NFL team in Florida, a red pirate flag flying off a cutlass, the Buccaneer’s I think. Couldn’t tell you which city. His hair was black from what I could tell, and closely buzzed to his scalp, like a kiss of stubble along the skin where it peeked out from under the hat.

  He had warm brown eyes that reminded me of chocolate caramels and was built solid. His shoulders wide and imposing. He was a solid wall of muscle and completely proportionate all the way through. Still, even though his eyes might be warm and his smile equally so his chipped front tooth and crooked nose said he was no stranger to holding his own in a barroom brawl or late night tousle. He smiled at my best friend and his smile, like his nose, was crooked but endearingly so.

  He held one large fist inside the other and
propped his elbows on the table and leaned his mouth against his hands. He had modest black gauges in both ears and a piercing in his eyebrow, which both of them bore scars from past fights now that I looked at them. His arms were inked from elbow to wrist, one arm a riot of color, oranges yellows and reds… the other simply black and white. I let my eyes skate along his skin. It almost always took me a moment or two to decipher such thorough tattoo sleeves and his was no exception. I blinked in surprise when I realized that the colorful arm was a depiction of a devil and demon riddled hell while the soothing black and white arm was a host of beautiful female angels.

  “Is that Ashton?” I asked, my eyes locking on the up side down face of an angel on the outside of his forearm near the elbow. His grin got wider.

  “Perceptive.” He drawled and then answered my question, “Yeah it is. She was the right kind of pretty so I had Trigger ink her in.” he smiled wider and cocked his head to the side and considered Mandy.

  “Wouldn’t mind puttin’ Red here on my leg, pin up style.” He said patting the outside of his thigh. Mandy blushed and tried to engage me in conversation, pointedly ignoring Zander. He winked at me when she wasn’t looking.

  “So, have you found a place yet?” she asked. Dray leaned back and looked at her from around me with one of those burning looks of his.

  “She’s cool,” He said and tried to soften the look with that boyish panty dropping grin of his, “When we get home we’re going to find space to get all her stuff put away off our bedroom floor.” Mandy blinked at him wide eyed and then looked at me, I wasn’t going to help her out. I was too busy grinning at his use of the word ‘our’. My friend tipped her head to the side and tried to read my face. Finally she sighed in defeat.

  “Okay, look. As the best friend it is my obligation to tell you that if you hurt my girl I’ma have to find you and cut your balls off.” She crossed her arms and said it so sweetly and matter-of-factly the entire table busted up laughing. A waitress came by and we ordered our drinks.

  “You catch up to her ex yet?” Dray asked Mandy speculatively. Her expression darkened.

  “No but if I ever do, boy he better look out!” I believed it. Mandy had a sharp tongue and was a master at emasculation via verbal assault, she was just so sweet and unsure of herself it took her a long time to get there but once she did, look out! We ordered pizza a plenty and the conversations wove in and out of what people did for a living, where they came from and a general way of everyone getting to know each other.

  “What do you do?” Mandy asked Zander and it was just this side of shyly.

  “Tattooist and piercer. I own Open Road Ink along with Trigger, Squick is our new school artist, I mostly do portraits and cover ups. Trig is a jack of all trades, portraits, new school old school, he does it all and does it well. Damn fine at cover ups too.” He shrugged one shoulder.

  “Ashton runs the counter. Sets up appointments, finishes out the billing and rings people up. Took to it like a fish to water.” Trigger smiled proudly and rubbed a big hand up and down Ashton’s back while she blushed under the praise.

  “You’re just happy you don’t have to pay me anymore.” She said faintly in a teasing tone.

  “Why not?” Mandy asked, frowning.

  “My husband… passed away… when he did I got a lot of what was left.” She shrugged.

  “Oh! I’m so sorry to hear that.” Mandy said sympathetically and I squeezed her knee under the table she looked at me startled.

  “What!?” she asked.

  “Don’t be sorry,” Ashton said and her expression was solemn, “I’m not.” and put on a brave smile. Mandy nodded and I could see she filed it away for later. I would explain quietly much later. Mandy would see to it.

  “What about you Ev? What do you do?” Squick asked.

  “I’m a barista over at Quick Stop coffee shack. I work the early shift. It’s just until I finish school though.” I took a bite of pizza.

  “What are you going to school for?” Zander asked.

  “Mandy and I both, we’re going for business. I’m really into coffee she’s a fabulous chocolatier and we want to open a coffee and chocolate shop together.” Mandy and I exchanged smiles.

  “We dreamed it up in high school. I have a bunch of these family recipes. My grandparents were confectioners, chocolatiers… I want to open a shop and be like them. Gran and I always had so much fun in the kitchen when I was growing up.” Mandy smiled. Ashton was looking at both of us thoughtfully but remained silent.

  “Well you know a great interior designer now.” Reaver said.

  “Oh! That’s right!” I exclaimed and told Mandy all about Hayden.

  The lunch concluded, there wasn’t much left over pizza and it was wrapped in plastic wrap for us and put into grocery bags so it would be portable on the bikes. Pizza boxes being too ungainly. Everyone split off from the pizzeria. Zander, Mandy, Trigger and Ashton went back to the studio for their cars. Dray and I went with them to keep Mandy comfortable. I didn’t want to just ditch her with people she’d barely just met and I didn’t know Zander from Adam yet so yeah…

  I loved that Dray was cool with it, I didn’t even have to ask. I stuffed my backpack from Ashton’s car into my dance bag and slung it across my chest and Dray took us home. I got off and he backed Matilda into the small garage and locked her in.

  “I meant what I said. I figured we could find some comfortable clothes and get all your stuff put away. You don’t need to be livin’ off our floor.” I pulled my self against him and he kissed me, I drew back.

  “I love that you call it ‘our’ floor. Shows me that you really do want me here, in your life.” He smiled at me and smoothed some stray hair off my face.

  “Yeah. I do.” He said and a gust of wind swept our hair across our faces into our eyes. I looked up. Dark clouds were starting to roll in. I sighed.

  “Looks like the weather reprieve is over for now.” I said.

  “Yeah, let’s get you inside. It’s gettin’ fuckin’ cold out here.” We went inside and I put on some coffee.

  “I need to do laundry.” I said.

  “You and me both, put something comfortable on before we get started.” He eyed me up and down and I smiled. By the time we were both changed, me into what passed for my pajamas and Dray into some lounge pants and a black wife beater the interior of the house had become downright gloomy. He switched on the bedside lamp and opened his closet. I gathered my dirty pile and went for the mudroom. Unfortunately the way the house was built, it hadn’t been done with the modern convenience of a washer and dryer in mind. The house was well before that time. So in order to reach the washer and dryer in the basement, you had to go out the mudroom, down the back stair on the outside of the house and then down another set of concrete stairs to the basement door.

  I was surprised when I went into the basement. I expected it to be musty with a cracked and uneven dirty concrete floor, exposed beams overhead… What I found was a comfortable and completely finished basement. The floor was concrete but smooth and even. It had that paint stuff on it that you could mop clean like a linoleum floor which was really nice.

  The washer and dryer were flanked by cabinets and shelving. The cabinets held canned goods and bottled water, basically an emergency storehouse. The water heater sat in one corner and the electrical panels for the house were down here as well, set into completed drywall painted a uniform light gray, like white with just enough color in it to make it gray. There was an extra freezer down here too and I blinked in amazement. The shelves held all manner of dry goods and above the washer and dryer, a shelf hung with all the supplies needed to do the laundry. There was even an ironing board and iron set up down here.

  I started a load the machine and just as I switched on the washer my ears were assaulted by the dull pounding of the rain. I dashed outside and up the steps and back into the house and managed to only get half soaked to the skin. I found Dray standing in the bedroom, he was still and holding something
in his hands and when I stopped in the doorway I realized what it was. He was holding my da’. More specifically, the stainless steel urn that held my da’s ashes in it. I rocked back on my heels and bit my lower lip between my teeth.

  “I didn’t want to freak you out.” I said and grimaced. A ghost of a smile flitted across his lips, his deep dark eyes held sorrow. He held out a hand to me and I stepped forward to take it. He pulled me into his side and hugged me with one arm, placing a kiss against my bare shoulder.

  “You didn’t have to hide your dad under a pile of your clothes Baby.” He said gently.

  “I’m sorry.” I said quietly.

  “Don’t be, just… where would you like to put him?” he asked and I looked up at him.

  “Some place safe.” I said. He smiled at me and led me out into the living room. There was a shelf in one corner. The kind that you bolted to the wall with wrought iron accents. The kind that held two votive candles on either side of it. Another urn sat on top of it and I blinked. I hadn’t noticed it before. He carefully, reverently, slid the smaller urn to one side and asked.

  “Okay with you?” I nodded mutely and he set my dad next to his mom. He swallowed hard. There was a picture of a small woman with long brown hair and laughing brown eyes on the wall above and behind the shelf. I went back to the room and found the picture of my dad and my mom when they were young in the silver picture frame. There was just enough room to put the smaller photo behind and to the side of my dad’s urn.

  Dray looked the photo over and pulled a lighter out from behind the TV. He lit the candles and we stood for a long time drinking the image in. My dad, his mom… their children standing in front of them in silent introspection… thought and prayers… Dray put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him. The only sound in the house, the pulsing rain on the roof and outside.

  “I miss her.” He said.

  “I miss my da’.” I said, and it was all that needed to be said. We were two human beings united in perfect harmony by our shared grief. It was one of the most profound and intimate moments of my life and I think it was for Dray too because neither one of us ended it right away. We let it go on for several somber moments until a flash of light and a crack of thunder dashed it to pieces. We exchanged a look and laughed nervously.