East End Angel

by Rivers, Carol

  Pearl gazed at the sparkling cluster. ‘He bought you a ring?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Ruby excitedly, ‘and now we’re officially engaged.’

  Pearl dropped the half-peeled potato and shook her head slowly. ‘Engaged? You never said anything about being engaged.’

  ‘That’s because I hadn’t been asked. Do you like it?’

  Pearl wanted to pinch herself and wake up from this bad dream. ‘Yes, course, but it’s come as a bit of a shock.’

  ‘It was to me, an’ all,’ nodded Ruby, turning the ring and pushing it under Pearl’s nose. ‘I nearly fainted when he asked. We was outside this jewellers in Oxford Street. He says, let’s go in and have a look round. Well, I thought he was joking, but went in . . . and, oh, Pearl, all the customers all wore these posh clothes, even the salesgirl did.’ Ruby took a quick breath. ‘And then he asked to see the rings. Me heart nearly burst out of me chest – I couldn’t believe it.’

  ‘Neither can I,’ Pearl croaked.

  Ruby twisted her hand, gazing at the ring. ‘It cost nine guineas, to be precise.’

  ‘That’s a lot of money.’

  ‘I won’t wear it at work, of course. I took it off today, but showed it to all the girls. You should have seen their faces.’

  Pearl wiped her hands on her apron, trying to still the feeling of panic inside her. She wanted to say to Ruby that she had done a reckless thing. That she should have thought it over and not rushed into such a big step. But she knew it was too late. The sparkle in Ruby’s eyes was as bright as the diamonds. Speaking her mind wouldn’t achieve anything now. They would only argue again and the rift between them grow bigger.

  ‘Did Mr Brewer say anything about you being off?’ she asked cautiously.

  ‘No. I said I ate something that upset me.’

  Pearl sat down at the table. Her knees had gone weak. ‘What was the hotel like?’

  Ruby continued to stare at her ring. ‘I wish you could have seen it. There was a bathroom next to it with hot and cold written on the taps. There was even soap and lovely white towels . . .’

  Pearl felt more wretched than ever. She wanted to shake Ruby by the shoulders and tell her that what she had done could only bring unhappiness. But now all she could do was stand on the sidelines and watch as their affair gathered strength.

  ‘You are happy for me, aren’t you?’ Ruby said, suddenly aware of the silence and Pearl sitting quietly at the table.

  ‘It’s all happened so quickly.’

  ‘I know. I can shout that I’m engaged from the rooftops if I like.’ Ruby twirled round and lifted her arms. ‘Oh, Pearl, I’m the happiest girl in the world.’

  Just like I was, thought Pearl desperately, when Ricky told me that I was the only girl he had ever loved.

  ‘Listen, is that the siren?’ Ruby said, suddenly standing still.

  Pearl had so many troubled thoughts in her mind, even the siren seemed far away.

  Ruby snatched up her bag. ‘Let’s go down to the storeroom. Gwen and Fitz shelter in there now. I can show them me ring. It will take our minds off the raid.’

  Pearl put on her coat and followed Ruby down the stairs. When they were all seated on boxes in the storeroom, listening to the drone of the bombers, Ruby showed off her ring.

  ‘Is it real diamonds?’ Gwen asked, bringing the oil lamp close.

  ‘Yes, and a sapphire.’

  ‘You’re very lucky,’ nodded Fitz. ‘These days a lot of girls don’t get more than a trinket from Woolworths.’

  ‘I know.’ Ruby glanced at Pearl. ‘I’ll have to start me trousseau.’

  ‘Yes,’ Gwen nodded. ‘You’ll want to save up for your bottom drawer. Have you told your mum and dad?’

  ‘No, but I will when I see them.’

  ‘Don’t a bloke ask the dad first?’

  Ruby tossed back her head. ‘Like going down on one knee, that’s a thing of the past.’

  ‘When do you plan to marry?’ Fitz enquired as he chucked a mouldy cabbage in the leftovers’ sack.

  ‘Don’t know. It’s difficult in wartime.’

  A succession of loud thuds stopped them from talking as dust came down from the ceiling. Pearl slipped her hand through Ruby’s arm and Fitz sat close to Gwen until the all clear went.

  ‘That wasn’t long,’ sighed Gwen as Fitz opened the door and daylight flooded in. ‘Let’s hope the Luftwaffe ain’t coming back this way.’

  ‘Could be flying up north to the ports,’ said Fitz.

  ‘You take care of that ting-a-ling, young lady,’ called Gwen as Pearl and Ruby went upstairs. ‘Take it off when you wash up. You don’t want it going down the plughole.’

  ‘No chance of that,’ Ruby shouted as they let themselves in. ‘It’s going back in its box this minute.’

  All the same, she wore it that evening. Pearl listened to Ruby dreaming her plans for the future. Just like Pearl, she wanted a white wedding, but she would rather wear a new dress and not their mother’s. It would be satin, with a long veil, accompanied by matching shoes and gloves. Ricky had suggested they go to Scotland for their honeymoon. When he had joined his ship at Scapa Flow he had travelled through some beautiful countryside. One hotel in particular had caught his eye, on the edge of a loch, surrounded by mountains and forests.

  But in all this fairy tale, Pearl noted, Ruby didn’t refer to their stolen night of bliss. Had it been as perfect as she hoped? Pearl couldn’t bring herself to ask about it.

  A few days after Ricky had returned to his base, the leaves began to fall from the few trees that had survived the Blitz. September ended on a warm note but Pearl yearned for the cooler weather. Her back ached, no matter what position she sat or laid in. It was better to keep moving, but if she did, her ankles swelled more. The stuffy heat exhausted her.

  Walking up and down the stairs was a big effort. Other than a bus ride to the doctor’s she rarely ventured far. The walk to Vale Road from the bus stop was too far and she’d had no word at all from Jim’s mother.

  After what Ricky had said about El Alamein, Pearl listened every day to the wireless. Bulletins about the desert campaign were now frequent. It was reported that Monty was achieving a slow but sure advance against Rommel, who was rumoured to be ill and his troops’ morale at an all-time low. This had given the Allies fresh hope.

  Then, in early October Pearl heard from Jim. The letter landed on the mat one Saturday morning. He had finally received the news of the baby and was overjoyed at becoming a father. It was all he wrote about, that and his slippers, their code for the desert. It wasn’t a long letter, but it was full of love and hope.

  ‘At last he got my letter about the baby,’ Pearl said excitedly to Ruby one evening. ‘He thinks it’ll be a boy too.’

  ‘Why does he think that?’ Ruby asked distractedly.

  ‘He was the only child and one of his grandmothers had only boys.’

  ‘Does it run in families, then?’

  ‘I don’t know. It might do.’

  Ruby sat down on a kitchen chair and dragged off her turban. ‘Did you tell him about me and Ricky?’

  Pearl thought of Jim’s reaction when he knew. ‘Not yet. Haven’t had time.’

  Ruby looked away, heaving a sigh. ‘Don’t say I told you so, but I was relieved to get my monthlies. It was only one night we was together, but even so, I’ve been worried.’

  ‘Have you changed your mind then?’ Pearl asked hopefully.

  ‘What about?’

  ‘Well, being engaged to Ricky whilst there’s a war on.’

  Ruby sat round. ‘No, not that.’ The colour rushed to her cheeks. ‘It’s something more personal. Can we go in and sit in the warm?’

  With a sinking feeling Pearl accompanied Ruby to the living room. What was she going to say? As they sat down on the couch, Pearl thought how young and innocent her sister looked. Her working trousers and blouse were like a school uniform, and with her legs tucked under her, and wearing no make-up, she looked no more than fifte
en. Pearl felt huge in her maternity smock from the secondhand stall. It was shapeless and dull. She wanted to fit into small sizes again, clothes that weren’t utility or cast-offs.

  ‘Pearl,’ said Ruby slowly, turning to look at her, ‘should making love hurt?’

  Pearl could only swallow. This was a conversation she really didn’t want. ‘What do you ask that for?’

  ‘Did it happen with you?’

  Pearl felt guilty. Jim hadn’t been her first lover but she couldn’t tell Ruby that.

  ‘I had to ask Ricky to stop,’ Ruby said before Pearl could answer. ‘It was painful and not like it is on the films. The girls always wake up in bed with smiles on their faces.’

  ‘Don’t forget, they’re only acting.’

  ‘Yes, but ain’t it like that?’

  ‘Didn’t they tell you at the clinic?’

  ‘No, they just gave me these things to put inside. But I was so nervous on the night, I couldn’t.’

  ‘No wonder you were worried about your monthlies.’

  ‘I didn’t think I would be.’

  ‘So you kept saying.’

  ‘It was romantic to start with,’ Ruby went on. ‘We undressed and he kissed me—’

  Pearl drew a breath. ‘Ruby, you shouldn’t be telling me all this.’

  Ruby looked surprised. ‘Why not? What’s changed between us? We’ve always told each other everything. And anyway, you’re the only one I can ask.’ She looked on the verge of tears. ‘Especially as I don’t know enough about sex.’

  ‘Then why do it?’ Pearl said before she could stop herself.

  Ruby burst into tears. She buried her face in the pillow, her shoulders shaking.

  Pearl felt a wave of deep regret and, putting her arms around her, she gently patted her shoulder. ‘Don’t cry, Ruby. What’s done is done. At least the worst didn’t happen.’

  ‘I’m beginning to see there’s a lot more to romance than having a ring on your finger,’ stammered Ruby, her face wet as she got out her handkerchief and blew her nose. ‘I feel such a dimwit.’

  ‘You’re not at all. But you’ve just had your first experience. You’ve become a woman.’ Pearl knew from her own experience that Ricky, dressed in his naval uniform and being so handsome, cut a very dashing figure, and it was no wonder that Ruby had fallen for him. The same had happened to her six years ago, and she couldn’t blame Ruby for falling for his charms. There was a glamour about him that most women wouldn’t be able to ignore. But appearances weren’t everything, as she had found to her cost, and she’d tried her hardest to make Ruby aware of this without being able to tell her the real truth.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about going up to see Mum and Dad,’ Ruby said, sniffing. ‘Would you come with me?’

  ‘Like this?’ Pearl looked down at her stomach.

  ‘Would it be very uncomfortable on the bus?’

  ‘I couldn’t sit still for that long. And I’d want to wee.’

  ‘I just thought I’d ask.’

  ‘I’d rather wait till after the baby.’

  ‘I was thinking about going next Saturday,’ Ruby murmured, twisting her damp hanky. ‘I want to show them me ring.’

  ‘It’s up to you.’ Pearl struggled to stand up. ‘I’ve got to move, ’cos my back is murder.’

  Ruby laughed as Pearl toppled back. ‘You showed a nice bit of leg, then.’

  ‘I don’t recognize them.’

  Ruby giggled.

  ‘I’m glad you find that funny.’ Pearl smiled at herself even though she felt she would never look feminine again. At least Jim didn’t have to see her this way. Not that he would have cared. He would have made a joke and cuddled her as only Jim could. She missed him so much. Especially now, when the problem of Ruby and her love life was overshadowing everything.

  Gwen, who was serving a customer, waved to Pearl from inside the shop. Pearl reached out for the lamppost. Her face was bathed in sweat. The pale sun had long ago disappeared as she had made her way home from her short walk to the park bench. The need for fresh air and exercise had driven her out. The pain was like the one she’d had before, starting from the back and making its way to the front. As the baby kicked she tried to signal Gwen. But by the time the customer had gone, Pearl was in trouble. The pain was turning to agony.

  At last Gwen saw her and came hurrying out. ‘Pearl, what’s wrong?’

  ‘I think it’s me time.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I know I’m early but it feels like it.’

  ‘Oh Lordy, can you walk to the shop?’

  ‘Don’t know.’ Pearl looked at the shop window. It went in and out of focus. Another pain came. She cried out.

  ‘Oh!’ Gwen pointed to the ground. ‘Is that your waters that have broke?’

  Pearl gazed down at the wet puddle. She felt very frightened. Was she going to give birth on the pavement?

  ‘Wait there, ducks. I’ll get Fitz to help us. He’s in the storeroom.’

  All Pearl could do was cling to the lamppost. ‘Jim, where are you? I need you more than ever now. Why did you go off to that bloody desert?’

  She was still talking to Jim when Fitz arrived. ‘Come on, love, we’ll get you inside.’

  Between them they took her arms and helped her into the shop. ‘I’ve got to push,’ Pearl whimpered. ‘Another pain’s coming.’

  She slumped to the floor by the counter. She knew she was going to have the baby. But it was too early. Was the baby going to die? Was she going to die? Would Jim ever see his son?

  A man came in the door and stood still. ‘Blimey, what’s going on here?’

  ‘She’s going to have a baby,’ cried Gwen, getting on her knees and holding Pearl’s hand. ‘Do you know Sally Crutcher, the midwife?’

  The man nodded and dropped his straw shopping basket.

  ‘She’s number fourteen in the next road. Go and knock for her,’ Gwen shouted. ‘And tell her to hurry, there’s a baby on the way.’

  Fitz went down on his haunches. ‘We’d better get you on a bed, love.’

  ‘I want to push,’ was all Pearl could say as she opened her legs.

  ‘Oh Gawd!’ Fitz jumped up, his face white.

  Pearl knew she wouldn’t be long in having the baby. She heard Gwen telling Fitz to close the shop and find some old sheets.

  ‘Don’t leave me,’ Pearl gasped in between pains.

  ‘I won’t, love. But don’t push yet,’ Gwen said gently. ‘Try to wait till Sally comes.’

  Pain filled Pearl’s entire body. Sweat and tears mingled on her cheeks. All she wanted to do was push.

  ‘Good girl, it won’t be long now.’

  Pearl felt as though she was bursting with pain as Sally attempted to deliver the baby. It had seemed an eternity as she tried to persuade the baby’s head into position. Thoughts went through Pearl’s mind of the miscarriage. Was something stopping the baby from coming? Would he survive?

  ‘Nearly there,’ Sally said encouragingly. ‘But only bear down when I tell you.’

  ‘I want to now.’

  ‘Breathe in and out instead. Wait for your next contraction.’

  Pearl was in a world of her own. She could see Jim’s face and hear his voice telling her he loved her. She was in the desert in the hot sun and there was only the heat, the flies and the dust. And bodies of the fallen. She couldn’t have a baby here. If only Jim could understand . . .

  An iron bar struck her stomach. She cried out, her nails sticking in to Gwen’s hand. The makeshift bed of blankets and newspaper felt hard underneath her, but she didn’t care about that. She didn’t care about anything, except getting the baby out.

  ‘Another contraction,’ Sally promised, ‘and we’ll have the little darling with us.’

  Pearl grunted, groaned and shrieked according to Sally’s instructions.

  ‘One last push now.’

  With the last of her strength, she pushed. Then she heard a wonderful sound, a far-off cry that was like an echo. It was
a sound she would remember all her life.

  The faces around her were full of wonder. Fitz removed his spectacles and polished them on his overalls. Gwen brushed a tear from her eye as Sally wiped the tiny pink body clean.

  Gwen clapped her hands together. ‘Oh, Pearl, she’s beautiful!’

  ‘She?’ Pearl was shocked. Not a son as expected, but a daughter. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes!’ everyone said together. Sally wrapped the baby in a towel. Her eyes were squeezed tight in her tiny red face. Her knuckles were clenched as though she too, had fought a battle. Her bald head had a sprinkling of marmalade hairs.

  Presenting her to Pearl, Sally smiled. ‘Congratulations. She’s early, but all seems well.’

  Pearl held her baby in her arms. She was tiny, the smallest living body she had ever seen or touched. She was perfectly formed, with ten fingers and ten toes. Her mouth was a cupid’s bow.

  ‘She’s a stunner,’ said Fitz, a catch in his throat.

  ‘The prettiest!’ Gwen whispered.

  Pearl nodded. ‘I can’t believe she’s arrived on the floor.’

  ‘Good job I swept it this morning,’ said Fitz.

  Pearl kissed the tiny head. ‘I’m glad I did all me knitting in white. I only chanced one matinée coat in blue.’

  ‘Now we can get cracking on pink,’ said Gwen.

  Sally gently pushed Pearl’s legs apart. ‘We aren’t quite finished yet.’

  ‘I’ve not got another one up there, have I?’ Pearl gasped.

  Sally laughed. ‘No, but we have to clamp off the cord and there’s the afterbirth to come.’

  Pearl didn’t mind about that now. She had her baby safely in her arms. Her and Jim’s daughter, to make their family complete.

  ‘I think I’ll make tea,’ said Fitz, getting up quickly. ‘Don’t know about everyone else, but I need it. All I can say is, I’m glad I’m not a woman.’

  ‘I’ve always said that men have got it easy,’ grinned Gwen as her husband lumbered away. ‘Now perhaps you’ll believe me.’

  After he had gone, Pearl frowned. ‘She’s stopped crying. Is that normal?’ She was still worried that things wouldn’t be right.

  ‘She’ll be crying soon enough for her dinner,’ said Sally with a chuckle. ‘When I’m finished here, we’ll get her on the breast.’