Something Like Happy

by Sasha Greene

  He shook himself mentally. No time for depressing thoughts these next two weeks. There were mountains to be climbed. And, good beer to be drunk. He took a swig from his new bottle and settled back into his chair, enjoying the feel of the sunlight on his face.

  The next morning, with it being Sunday, there were lots of beds to be stripped and rooms to be cleaned. Nick relished the feel of the unaccustomed physical activity. But it came with a mental price, because he realised that even what was basically housework was something he enjoyed even more than being in the office. He told himself that it was just because it was good to have a change, but in his heart he knew that it wasn’t.

  By the time everything was sorted it was late morning. The sheets were fluttering on the line; the good weather was still holding.

  ‘I’ve booked us Sunday lunch at the fish place.’ Nick jumped as his dad appeared behind him on the patio.

  ‘Really?’ Nick turned and grinned at him. ‘I’ve been dreaming about their fish and chips.’

  The other man regarded him for a long moment. ‘You’re really not happy in Glasgow, are you?’

  Nick blinked; he had never known his dad to be so direct. ‘It’s complicated, Dad.’ He shifted to his other foot. ‘I met someone. A girl.’

  ‘Ah.’ One word spoke a thousand, and Nick knew that his dad understood exactly what he was trying to say.

  ‘Yeah. And made some friends. And now I don’t know. I feel kind of split between the two places.’

  ‘Ah.’ There it was again.

  ‘But I do hate my job. I’m thinking of giving it up. But I don’t want you and Mum to be disappointed in me.’

  There was a long silence, and Nick began to wonder if it was all just a waste of time.

  ‘I think all your mother wants for you is what I want, which is just for you to be happy.’

  Tears filled Nick’s eyes at his dad’s simple statement. He blinked them away defiantly. ‘Thanks, Dad.’ A brief hug followed.

  The older man brushed some imaginary dirt off his trousers. Were his eyes looking slightly shiny too? ‘Well, I think we’d better get off down the hill. Reservation’s at half twelve.’

  Nick was sitting in the garden late that afternoon, when a shadow fell across him. He looked up, squinting against the sun, to see who it was. A tall lanky man with short ginger hair and a massive toothy grin was looking down at him.

  ‘Jamie!’ He jumped up and flung himself at his friend, slapping him on the back.

  When Nick finally let him go Jamie threw himself down into one of the garden chairs. ‘Man, you’re white, dude.’ His own face and arms were tanned a deep brown. ‘You need to get some sun in you.’

  ‘I know.’ Nick put his forearm next to Jamie’s to compare. ‘It’s embarrassing.’

  ‘Anyway, tell me. What’s been going on?’ Jamie held a finger in the air. ‘Actually, why don’t you hold that thought. Let’s walk up to the Inn and have some dinner and a couple of beers? We can talk on the way.’

  ‘Great. Let me just grab my stuff.’ Nick went to get a jacket and some shoes.

  The pub was maybe a forty-minute walk up Glen Nevis. A popular stop off for people climbing the UK’s highest mountain, it was usually mobbed on a weekend. But it wouldn’t be too busy on a Sunday evening. And with the weather as it was, they might even get to sit outside.

  They turned off the main street and began the walk up the single-track road. ‘So, how’s business?’ Nick wanted to know.

  ‘Yeah, it’s alright. Summers are pretty good. And I teach some hours at the ski centre in the winter. It’s not bad. Money’s a bit tight, but I manage to keep myself afloat. Took some guys out canoeing and mountain biking this weekend. I like the variety. And,’ he fished a couple of twenties out of his back pocket, ‘they gave me a pretty good tip. So I’m in the mood for a bit of celebration.’

  Money would be the reason why Jamie hadn’t suggested coming down to see him, Nick suddenly realised. And he instantly felt slightly guilty. He should have known it would be something like that, and not a lack of interest. He should have offered to pay the bus fare. But as soon as he had that thought then he also realised Jamie would be much too proud to take it. Relief and frustration flooded him at the same time. So Jamie did care about him. He would have to work out how to get around his friend’s pride. Maybe he could give him the bus fare as an early Christmas present.

  ‘Still, you’ve got all this.’ Nick waved a hand at the scenery. ‘That must be something.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Jamie grinned. ‘Although recently I have been seriously thinking about moving to Canada.’

  ‘Canada?’ Nick actually stopped walking, he was so surprised. ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Yeah. They’ve got special visas for people with outdoor skills. And decent wages too. I thought, maybe better to do it while I’m young, free and single.’

  Nick started walking again. At one point Jamie had said he would never leave home. But that was before his dad had died. At one point Nick had said that too, and look where he was now. But Canada? It was a long way away.

  ‘So, what else is new?’ Nick looked across at his friend.

  Jamie shrugged. ‘Nothing much. Same old same old. What about you? How’s your fancy pants job going?’

  Nick grimaced. ‘Let’s not talk about that one.’ He looked up at the slopes of Ben Nevis rising above them and smiled at a memory that popped into his head. ‘Let me tell you about Archie instead.’

  And he told Jamie about the old mountaineer. But he had hardly begun to describe him when Jamie interrupted him. ‘Archie MacDonald? My God. That guy’s a legend. I remember my dad telling me about him.’

  ‘Really?’ Nick didn’t know why he was surprised.

  ‘Oh, yeah. My dad said he was still volunteering for the mountain rescue when he was well over seventy. He only stopped when the doctors told him he had osteoporosis and shouldn’t be lifting heavy weights.’ They were at the door of the pub and Jamie held the door open for Nick to pass through. ‘I can’t believe you met him. How is he doing?’

  ‘He was a great guy. Told me lots of stories about his climbs. And some hairy experiences.’

  ‘I bet.’ Jamie laughed. Then he frowned. ‘Was? What happened to him?’

  ‘Heart attack. A couple of weeks ago.’

  Nick’s face must have given away his feelings, because Jamie put an arm around his shoulders. ‘Man, I’m sorry, dude. Why don’t I buy you a beer and you can drown your sorrows?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Nick nodded. ‘You do that. Anyway, what’s with this dude thing you’ve picked up? Are you practicing for your North American adventure already?’

  Jamie just laughed and steered his way to the bar, leaving Nick to find a seat. He squeezed himself onto the end of a table near the huge window at the end of the room.

  This was one of his favourite places for a beer. It had probably originally been a house of some sort, but inside the pub looked like some sort of barn conversion. Split levels, wooden floors, long benches and trestle tables. And the food was great too. The only downside was that it got completely rammed in summer because it was right on the path which led up to the top of Ben Nevis. Since the Three Peaks Challenge had got really popular the tourist traffic was pretty much constant, any time of the day or night. It was good business for the pub though. And good for the local area. Although his parents always liked to complain about the Three Peakers, as they called them, because most of them never stopped in the town or booked any accommodation.

  Jamie plonked two glasses onto the table opposite him, disturbing his thoughts. ‘I thought you wanted to go outside?’

  Nick looked up at him. ‘Whatever you want.’

  ‘May as well enjoy it while it lasts. It’s supposed to piss it down all week.’

  Nick groaned. ‘Really? What forecast are you looking at? Mine said just a few showers.’

  ‘Nah.’ Jamie retrieved his glass and made his way to the door. ‘Mountain report. Always on the mone
y.’

  Nick sighed as he picked up his glass. He had so been hoping that the weather would be good. Still, he didn’t mind the rain. Good thing he’d brought all his wet weather gear. And it couldn’t rain solidly for two weeks. There would have to be some breaks in the cloud.

  He couldn’t help a smile as he realised that he was ticking off the two last things on Jade’s happy list. Reconnect with an old friend, the list had read. And the last one was, Spend some time in nature. And it was right, he hadn’t felt this happy for a long time. He hummed to himself as he followed Jamie out the door.

  Chapter 21

  When Jade got home from work on Sunday her mind was still buzzing about the journal and she realised she had a dilemma on her hands. Should she show it to her parents, thereby causing them more pain, or keep it from them like a guilty secret?

  It only took her a few minutes to decide. They were adults. They could choose to read it or not. She shouldn’t hold that information from them. But the thought of her mother’s face when she found out about what had been going on took her breath away for a second. Could she really do that to her?

  She was still debating what to do when her mum called her for dinner. Sunday night was always a special meal and she was reluctant to spoil it with this kind of news. Why was life so difficult? Why was it left up to her to make these kinds of decisions?

  She realised that her first instinct was the right one. They should be able to make their own decision about whether to read it or not. She wrapped the book in a cloth bag and took it downstairs with her.

  Her parents were both sitting at the table when she got to the kitchen. It was a full roast dinner tonight; chicken with all the trimmings.

  ‘Thanks Mum, Dad. Looks amazing.’ She slid into her seat, placing the book near her plate.

  ‘What’s that?’ Her mum’s sharp eyes never missed anything.

  Jade took a breath. ‘Carina came over yesterday evening.’

  Her mum nodded. ‘I take it you two talked?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Jade took another deep breath before she spoke. ‘And she left me this. It’s Ruby’s diary.’

  The look of pain that crossed her mother’s face tugged at Jade’s heart. She quickly looked across the table. Her father’s face was still as stone, and almost as grey too.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She put up an arm, almost as if to shield herself from the emotions radiating from the other two people in the room. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. But I thought you might want to know.’

  There was another long silence. Steam slowly lifted from the food on the table, curling into the air like a phantom. As if Ruby’s ghost was sitting there in between them.

  ‘Have you read it?’ Her mother’s voice was quiet.

  Jade nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

  ‘And is there anything which might explain why she did what she did?’ The voice was still quiet and smooth. If Jade hadn’t known the person who was speaking well enough to read beneath the surface, she might have mistaken it for disinterest.

  Jade nodded again.

  Her mother lifted a hand, as if to touch the package, and then let it fall. ‘Put it away, darling. I don’t think I could read it now. Maybe …’ She hesitated. ‘Maybe later.’

  She looked across at her husband, who nodded in agreement. Jade knew instinctively that it would be a lot of laters. She had lost a sister, but how much harder must it be to lose your own child?

  It was time to put it away somewhere safe. Pushing back her chair, she ran out of the room and upstairs, to where she kept the shoe box filled with memories of her sister. There was just room to squeeze it in the top. She gave it a quick kiss before she placed it gently in the box. ‘There you go, Ruby. I’ll see you later.’

  It only took a minute, and then she was back downstairs. Her dad was already carving the chicken. Jade decided to pretend she hadn’t seen her mum surreptitiously wiping her nose.

  ‘So, how is Carina?’ Shirley seated herself back down at the table.

  ‘She’s good, I think.’ Jade tried to think. They honestly hadn’t really discussed much except for Ruby, and that definitely wasn’t a topic she wanted to bring up again. ‘She looks good anyway. I heard she’s started working at that hair and beauty salon in town. You know, the one where her auntie works.’

  ‘And what about Nick? Have you heard from him recently?’ Her dad leaned his elbows on the table.

  ‘Oh yeah. He’s at home at the moment. He sent me some pictures yesterday.’ She reached for her phone, which was charging on the kitchen counter, and found a new photo waiting for her. She scrolled through them, holding them up one by one.

  ‘That’s his parents B&B. And that’s the view from their house. And that’s him with his friend Jamie. He sent that one just now. They’re down the pub.’ The two of them had their arms slung around each other. Someone else had obviously taken the photo for them.

  ‘He looks pretty happy.’ Her mother was already tucking into her plate of food.

  ‘Yeah. I think he likes the mountains. And home is always home, I guess.’

  ‘That’s true.’ Her mother smiled at the man sitting across the table, who reached over and squeezed his wife’s hand.

  Jade’s phone beeped on the table next to her, almost making her knock over her glass.

  She looked at it and smiled. It was a message from Carina.

  Brunch tomorrow? Monday’s my day off.

  Can’t tomorrow, promised I’d go in early to help the guys with the maintenance. How about Saturday? Jade sent back a smiley face and a couple of kisses.

  ‘Jade.’ Her mother’s tone of voice was enough to remind her of the ‘no phones at the table’ rule.

  ‘Oh come on, Mum. I’m twenty-three.’

  Her mum just looked at her. Jade pretended to grumble as she put the phone back on the worktop, but she dropped a kiss on the top of her head as she sat back down. ‘Love you, Mum.’

  ‘Love you too.’

  After the washing up was done her parents went to watch TV, but Jade retreated to her bedroom. She had too much to think about. And, there was one thing she still had to do, and that was look at Ruby’s Twitter account.

  But it told her little or nothing. Ruby’s tweets were still there, but it was obvious that a lot of the more malicious ones from other people had been deleted. If they were people from her school they had probably panicked when they found out what had happened.

  Jade realised she had come a long way in the last few months; being able to think about all of this stuff rationally was definitely progress. She had put aside any idea of going to the police about the harassment either. One look at her parents’ faces when they had seen the diary was enough to tell her that stirring things up would only cause them more pain.

  She lay back on her bed, arms behind her head. It was strange, how someone could be there one minute and gone the next. No more adding to the pages of their life.

  It was then that she knew exactly what she had to do. She got out pen and paper, sat down at her desk, and began to write.

  Chapter 22

  Nick whistled as he strapped the kit to the trailer. It was disgustingly early for a Saturday morning, but he didn’t mind. Jamie was taking a group of American tourists out sea kayaking, and he was going along. Unpaid, of course, but it was just great to get out on the sea. And they would probably forage some cockles for dinner. There was a great beach for them just up the coast which was only accessible from the sea. His dad cooked a mean seafood paella. His mouth watered at the thought.

  ‘Ready?’ Jamie appeared from the shed with the last bits of kit in his hands. He chucked them in the bin on the trailer, and started up the engine on the battered old Toyota. ‘Jump in. Let’s go.’

  They swung slowly out of the driveway and onto the main road. First stop was to pick up the family, who were staying about a mile further along.

  ‘Look, man.’ Jamie spoke up above the roar of the car. ‘Why don’t you take over my b
usiness when I go to Canada? It would be enough to keep you going. I could give you the car, the equipment, everything. I can’t take it with me. I could even give you a decent price for renting the cottage. I’d rather have someone in it who I can trust.’

  ‘Hang on.’ Nick braced a hand against the dashboard as they rounded a corner. ‘I thought you were just thinking about it?’

  ‘I got an offer from a company yesterday. They want me there in time for the winter season. I’m seriously considering going out for a couple of years. And if I could leave you to take care of things here, then that would make it an even easier decision.’ Jamie pulled up outside a beautifully kept farmhouse. ‘Anyway, think about it. I’m not going to confirm for a couple of weeks. I told them I’d need some time to consider it and they’re OK with that.’

  Nick’s mind was reeling. To suddenly have his dream dropped in his lap with no warning was really unsettling. But when he had thought about coming home to live, he hadn’t imagined a home without Jamie. Be careful what you wish for, he thought.

  ‘Or,’ Jamie opened the car door, ‘you could just come with me. It would be a blast. The powder in the Rockies is just amazing.’

  Canada. Somehow Nick couldn’t see the appeal. It would be great for a visit, maybe even for a month or two. But the thought of living out there, so far from home? The mountains around here were like old friends to him. He couldn’t just leave them behind. No, he realised. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, it was that he didn’t want to. He loved this place with every bone in his body.

  Nick was saved from having to reply by the appearance of the family. Two adults, and four kids, who looked as if they ranged from about eight to eighteen. This would be an interesting day. Hopefully they would all behave themselves.