Something Like Happy

by Sasha Greene

  Meeting Jade had been one of the best things that had happened to him. But then she had rejected him because he had been too stubborn to admit he needed help. Meeting Archie had been like rediscovering a long-lost uncle. But then the old man had died just as they were getting to know each other. OK, he could forgive his parents for not coming down to see him, now that he knew the whole story. But Jamie just ditching everything to go off to Canada? That had side swiped his feet from under him. He had thought that Jamie loved it here, but obviously not enough to stop him jumping for a new adventure. And now his new friends seemed not to care about him either. Call me any time, Sean had said. And in his heart Nick knew that Sean had meant it. But now, when he really needed a friend, he had no way of getting through to him. And that was all Nick’s fault for drowning his phone.

  He spent the day alternating between sleep and staring at the wall of his tent, desperately hoping for the feeling of lethargy and the self-destructive thoughts to pass. It was only when his water ran out that he was faced with a decision. He should boil some more up to make sure it wasn’t contaminated. But even the thought of getting everything he needed out of his bag, and in the rain too, made him close his eyes in despair. Anyway, why bother? It wasn’t as if there was really a need to carry on. No one would really miss him. Jamie was going off to Canada. His parents would do perfectly well by themselves. And Jade … well, she didn’t want to be with him anyway.

  Depression lies. He could almost hear Jade’s voice in his head, and he clung onto the words like a lifeline. All this wasn’t him. Not the real him. The real him was confident. And capable. A nearby stream would do well enough to refill his water bottle. He knew that he should boil his water, but really, this high up in the mountains the risk of contamination was low. And some part of him was past caring what happened to him. It was strange, how his depression just took over everything. A part of him, somewhere, was shouting at him not to be so stupid, but it was just too much effort to listen. Especially when he had to muster all the energy he had just to get up off the ground.

  He pushed away the voices in his head. If he could manage a yoga class when he was feeling like this then he could go and get some damn water. He forced himself to get up and out. Another energy bar made up his dinner. He would try to muster up the energy for proper food tomorrow.

  When he started to retch just after midnight, he cursed his mistake. Cursed the fact that he hadn’t bothered to follow the proper procedure. And cursed himself that the way he was had led to him doing something so stupid. He emptied the meagre contents of his stomach into the nearby heather, and crawled back into his sleeping bag, feeling even lower than before. Maybe this was it. Maybe it was his time. Stuck out here without anyone to talk to. It seemed quite fitting. Why bother to jump off a bridge when you could just die from bacterial poisoning?

  He listened to the sounds all around him. The soft patter of the rain on his tent. The quiet gurgle of the small traitorous stream nearby. There were worse ways to die. He closed his eyes.

  Chapter 25

  Jade sat on her bed, turning her phone over and over in one hand. She had been planning to wait until Nick got back, but she found she just couldn’t. She had to apologise to him. For trying to press him into a mould that was defined by the way her sister had acted. He had been totally right. He needed to live his own life and solve his problems in his own way. The problem was, what to write?

  I’m sorry, you were right. She typed the words into her phone, considered the message for a minute, then deleted it. A few more tries, and she was no closer to anything she wanted to send.

  She was going to be late for work at this rate.

  Need to talk to you. I miss you. Call me when you get this. She typed the words in and hit the button before she had time to regret it, and then scrambled for her clothes.

  She dived for her phone after her shift was over, desperate to see if he had replied. But there was nothing. Was he angry at her? She mulled it over as she walked home.

  What to do? Up in her bedroom she drummed her fingers on the pillow, trying to think. No. The way he had called her ruled that out. He wasn’t the type to hold a grudge; he would call her as soon as he received a message like that. Now that she looked more carefully, she could see that he hadn’t even received it. Which meant that something was wrong with his phone, or he was out of mobile signal. She bit her lip. Give it one more day. But, just to be sure, she sent him an ordinary text message too.

  The message still hadn’t got through to him the next morning, and when she came back from work that evening the single tick was still staring accusingly at her to show that he hadn’t been in mobile range. Or was it really that? Could it be that he was in trouble? Or was she just being paranoid?

  He wasn’t Ruby, she reminded herself. He was a grownup, perfectly able to take care of himself. He was probably out somewhere in the back of beyond with no mobile signal. But then, what if he really was in trouble? Could she really live with herself if that turned out to be true?

  She considered her options. Number one, call his parents. She was reasonably sure she could manage to find the number for their B&B, even though Nick hadn’t given her the name. His parents would have the same surname as him, and by the power of the internet she would find them. But then, she didn’t want to worry them needlessly. How would her parents feel getting a weird call from a total stranger who was worried that she was in trouble?

  She tapped a finger against her lips as she thought some more. Wait. This friend of his, Jamie, wasn’t it? Nick had said that he ran his own business. Surely she’d be able to find him.

  It didn’t take her long. Jamie McCulloch, outdoor adventures, his website said proudly. She compared the picture with the one that Nick had sent of the two of them. Yes, that was definitely him. Nervously she dialled the number, hoping he wouldn’t shout at her for calling him so late in the evening.

  ‘Yo.’ Jamie had an unconventional greeting for someone he didn’t know, but then, it was definitely out of office hours.

  ‘Hi.’ Jade firmed up her voice. ‘Is that Jamie? It’s Jade.’

  She could tell he was trying to place her name, but it didn’t take him long. ‘Oh yeah, Jade. Great to hear from you. But Nick’s not here. He headed up into the mountains on Sunday. Won’t be back for another couple of days.’

  ‘Yeah. I guessed it was something like that. But that’s why I’m calling you. I sent him a really important message and I haven’t heard anything from him for a couple of days, and I’m a bit worried about him.’

  ‘Reception’s a bit patchy up there, so I’m not surprised.’ Jamie’s voice was cheerful. ‘Anyway, Nick can take care of himself. He knows these mountains like the back of his hand.’

  He doesn’t know. The realisation hit Jade with a force that took her breath away. He doesn’t know. And then anger washed over her, followed immediately by sadness. How could Nick not have told his best friend about his mental health issues? At least he had told his parents though. That was a start.

  ‘Patchy enough that he wouldn’t get a message for two days?’ She tried to keep her voice level. ‘I’ve sent him an old-fashioned text as well as a message.’

  ‘That is a bit weird, but he’s probably just turned his phone off to save battery.’ She could tell from Jamie’s voice that he thought she was perhaps a bit weird too. ‘That’s one of the great things about being up there. Getting away from everything.’

  So what were her options now? She wouldn’t be able to convince Jamie without telling him the whole story, and why would he believe her when he didn’t even know her?

  ‘Can you at least tell me which way he went?’ At least she could get that from him.

  ‘Sure.’ She could almost feel him shrugging as he wondered what this crazy woman was doing, calling him at ten o’clock at night. ‘He was going to do Glenfinnan to Ratagan, and then maybe on to Skye depending on how he got on.’

  Jade quickly wrote down the unfamiliar names b
efore she forgot them. ‘Thanks. Really appreciate it. Sorry to bother you.’

  She rang off and sat back against the pillows, chewing on a nail. Nick wasn’t really her responsibility. She should trust in his promise that he would be back. But then was it her fault that she cared?

  Yes, she cared about him. She would admit that. Oh hell, why didn’t she just be honest with herself. She loved him. And she would do anything for him.

  ‘OK. I said it. Are you happy now?’ She spoke to the empty room.

  Two days without hearing anything. That wasn’t like him. Sure, she hadn’t expected an immediate response, but two days without turning on his phone? Surely something was wrong.

  So what was she to do? Admit that she was probably overreacting, just because of what had happened with her sister, or stick on the safe side and try to do something about it?

  With a twist of her heart, she realised there was no help for it. She would just have to go up there and find him, otherwise she would never be able to live with herself if something was wrong. He was probably fine, but at least then she would know. And if he was fine, then she could at least tell him how she felt.

  The next morning she packed a bag. Practical clothes only. There was no knowing where she might have to go. She didn’t have any walking gear, but she put on her most comfy pair of sturdy trainers and grabbed her waterproof jacket. They would have to do.

  She left a note for her parents. She’d call them later and explain.

  Next stop was work. Luckily Bill would be in early this morning; Thursday was maintenance day.

  ‘Bill, I need some time off.’ The words tumbled out of her mouth as soon as she burst through the door. ‘Nick could be in trouble, and I need to go and find him.’

  ‘Woah, woah, woah.’ Bill held up a hand. ‘You’ve got yourself all in a tizz. Sit down and explain to me what’s going on.’

  ‘It’s Nick.’ Jade stubbornly remained standing. ‘He’s up in the mountains, and I’ve not heard from him for days.’

  Bill’s face creased into a worried frown as Jade filled him in. ‘Hmm,’ he said when she’d finished. ‘Sounds serious. How long are you going to need?’

  ‘I really hope I’ll be back by Sunday. Could you do without me until then?’

  Bill nodded. ‘I’ll ask young Alfie to come in. He’s been saying he wants a few more hours.’ He patted her shoulder. ‘I would offer to drive you up there myself, but with things the way they are …’ His voice trailed off.

  ‘Don’t be silly. I’m going to get the bus and then rent a car when I get up there. It’s all arranged.’

  Bill’s chin lifted. ‘You were very sure of me, weren’t you?’ He cracked a grin when he saw her worried expression. ‘Go on, get on with you. I’ll see you Sunday. You deserve a break with the hours you’ve been putting in these last few months.’

  Three hours on the bus did nothing to lessen Jade’s worries and she barely registered the beautiful scenery that they drove through. Her messages still hadn’t been delivered to Nick’s phone.

  By the time she got to Fort William it was after three. The salty smell that greeted her as she climbed down from the bus took her back to the day that they had been up the crane, and she swallowed a lump in her throat. She would find him. He had to be somewhere. And she refused to even think about the idea that something might have happened to him.

  The car hire office was just a short walk from the bus station.

  ‘Ah yes.’ The woman behind the counter was polite and efficient. ‘Three days rental, is that correct?’

  ‘Yes.’ Jade carefully produced her credit card, and her driving licence.

  The was tapping on the computer. ‘Ah. I’m really sorry, madam, but because you’re under twenty-five there will be an extra charge of thirty pounds a day to cover the insurance. Is that OK?’

  Jade sucked in a breath. Ninety pounds! She had carefully calculated, and the meagre limit on her credit card was only just enough to cover the deposit and the cost of the rental. She was regretting splashing out on posh sheets for her new bed now. And the abseil had been pretty expensive.

  She clutched the edge of the desk. ‘That’s not possible. I don’t have that kind of money. And I really need to get to Glenfinnan today.’

  ‘I really shouldn’t be saying this as it’s bad for our business, but if that’s where you’re going, there’s a train leaving for Glenfinnan in,’ she checked her watch, ‘just over forty minutes. It will be a lot cheaper and probably just as quick.’

  Jade considered, biting her lip. The train would undoubtedly be cheaper. But when she got there, what then? She didn’t want to get stuck there if it turned out that she needed to be somewhere else. She really needed that car.

  ‘Would you mind?’ She tried to speak politely, knowing that it wasn’t the other woman’s fault that she was tired and worried. ‘Would you mind if I just took the car for twenty-four hours instead of the three days that I originally booked? I’ll have it back to you by this time tomorrow.’

  The assistant nodded. ‘Certainly, madam. And I have to apologise that it wasn’t made clearer at the time of booking.’

  Jade took the keys, heart racing. Time was really against her now. But she would manage. She would find him.

  She drove slowly, taking time to get used to the unfamiliar car. It wasn’t far to Glenfinnan. But where to start?

  She had been expecting at least a village shop, but a quick walk around proved fruitless. There was a small tourist office selling souvenirs, but the young man in there hadn’t seen Nick. He did however confirm that the route Nick had taken was off the usual popular tourist trails, which made Jade even more anxious. She thanked him and left. Her stomach was rumbling by now. She hadn’t thought about food. She would just have to spend some of her meagre budget on some food. And probably sleep in the car. It was one of the advantages of being short; the back seat would do her very well.

  There were two pubs in the village. Jade made her way to the one that looked less upmarket, hoping that would translate into cheaper prices. It was pretty cosy inside, buzzing with sweaty walkers relaxing over their drinks. She ordered something filling. She would need it.

  She was almost done with her steak pie when a sudden thought struck her and she went up to the bar, waving to get the attention of one of the serving staff. ‘You haven’t seen this guy, have you?’

  Jade held out her phone, where she had brought up the picture of Nick with Jamie. ‘This guy.’ She pointed. ‘He would have come through some time on Sunday.’

  He girl nodded across to where an older guy was leaning on the bar, chatting to a customer. ‘You’ll have to ask the boss. I don’t work on Sundays.’

  Jade went over and repeated her question. The guy scratched his head. ‘Sunday. God. I can barely remember what I did this morning.’ He frowned. ‘Wait. I do remember him. He came in here early, I was just open. Big pack. Looked like he was going for a long trip. But he only stayed for a quick drink. Headed out soon after.’ He frowned again. ‘What’s it to you?’

  ‘He’s a friend.’ Jade didn’t want to tell the whole story, so she kept it simple. ‘I haven’t heard from him since Monday. I’m worried about him.’

  When he heard her words it looked like the lines on the man’s face were going to score right through his forehead. ‘Hmm. That’s not good. Not good at all. I always say it’s risky to go walking alone. But really, young lady, if you’re that worried about him you should call the police in Fort William.’ The other man beside him nodded in agreement.

  ‘Oh no, I don’t want to trouble them. Surely they’ve got enough to do.’ Jade didn’t know why she was so reluctant to get the police involved. Maybe because part of her still thought that Nick would be just fine.

  ‘Rubbish.’ The bartender pulled out his phone. ‘I’m going to call Mhairi myself. She’ll be able to advise us what to do.’

  Jade didn’t miss the use of the word us, and it warmed her heart. She waited as the man spoke
to someone on the other end of the phone, feeding him information as he asked for it. At one point he scribbled something on a piece of paper. Finally he rang off and turned to her.

  ‘Good news and bad news. Apparently there’s been a big accident up on Ben Nevis, and she won’t be able to get the mountain rescue out until first thing tomorrow morning if they’re needed. But you’re to go up to Ratagan tonight. She’s told her colleagues up at Kyle and they’re coming down to make enquiries locally, see if anyone knows anything. She said to send her his picture to this number.’ He handed her the scrap of paper. ‘You can use our Wi-Fi to do that if you need to.’

  ‘Thank you so much.’ Jade grabbed the man’s hand and shook it heartily, but he waved her away.

  ‘You just get going.’ He pulled a card off the bar and handed it to her. ‘Here’s our number. Just make sure you call me when you find him so I know that he’s safe.’

  Jade nodded, took half a minute to send the picture, then grabbed her things and fled. She had no idea how long it would take to get to Ratagan, but her phone told her almost two hours. She had better get going. Hopefully the police would still be waiting when she got there.

  By the time she got to her destination she was exhausted. But she couldn’t miss the brightly marked police car parked outside the hostel, with two uniformed men sitting in it. She eased herself out of the driving seat, rubbing her tired eyes. Thank goodness for the long summer evenings. At least she hadn’t been forced to drive in the dark.

  ‘Ms Wilson?’ The younger of the men got out of the car.

  ‘Just call me Jade, please.’

  The man nodded. He had kind eyes. He couldn’t have been much older than herself. ‘We’ve had a good ask around, but no one’s seen anything of him. The lady who runs the hostel knows him well, and she said he wouldn’t have passed through without saying hello. Which should mean he’s somewhere between here and Glenfinnan.’