The Princess and the Cop

by R L Humphries

  ‘Could I try, Tessa? Try to fix all that, with an apology to all. I’d be willing to.’

  ‘Too late, Barton. And now I think you’ve driven something into our marriage that can’t be removed. I want you to leave, Bart. Go back to Australia. I need time and space to work things out and I’m sorry to say I have an awful feeling that we can’t be married any longer. I don’t want to be married to a cop, waiting for the next period of boredom and then sudden action which could destroy all that I hold dear. You’ve nearly done that now. Gehen schnell, Bart. Ich bin wutend und traurig!’ That meant ‘Get out fast, Bart. I am angry and sad.’

  I didn’t delay. I didn’t want to look upon that huge sadness of her any longer, so I turned and packed some clothes. I caught a taxi outside the hotel, to the airport, and waited until I could catch a plane that would connect me to Aussie flights.

  I did a lot of thinking. When I finally reached La Maison Grunge, I turned on her computer, but the screen was blank. What did I expect? What dragged me down was the finality in her voice. I wasn’t going to give her up, but it seemed that she’d have no trouble giving me up.

  All your own work, Inspector!

  ****

  I spent some weeks reading and just drifting around Brisbane. I didn’t contact anyone…just drifted. No computer at her end.

  Then I rang Dennis, told him some of what had happened and for the next few weeks, worked hard as a stockman again. It didn’t fix anything but I’d stopped drifting. Dennis tried to speak to me but I shut him off. Josie wisely didn’t raise the subject after I’d eventually told them both what had happened, accepting the blame.

  Oh, I knew that alright. I wondered whether I’d ever stop being a cop. I’d been one too long, I thought. So Tessadonna had it right. I loved her and I was sure she still loved me, but the obstacles were there and I didn’t know how to remove them.

  I was the doleful stockman and a depressing guest, so I decided to spread my sadness around. I rang the Leslies, got Linda, and they knew everything. Of course they did! Tessa and Linda had Saturday night hen sessions whenever they could.

  When I arrived my first words to Jim and Linda were, ‘I was wrong. She was right. And apart from that I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do; what we’re going to do. It’s been six weeks. Please don’t offer possible solutions for a while. Just let me wallow in my misery and make you two miserable too. Can I sleep in the pre-wedding suite?’

  So the miserable stockman moved among the cattle, probably making them miserable too. Who wouldn’t be, with the future awaiting them?

  And that started me thinking. There had to be an end, one way or another. I couldn’t wander around disconsolately. That wasn’t me. I had to get her back. How to do that occupied my thoughts from now on. I allowed Linda and Jim into my thoughts and dismissed all of their ideas.

  After three months, Jim said, ‘Direct action, Bart. It’s the only way. Go back and claim her and don’t take no for an answer. Seize her and kiss her, buddy, and I’ll guarantee she’ll be yours again.’

  Linda said, ‘I agree. The love you two have will get you through all this. If she still won’t accept you, come back and work for us again. But do you think you should try to smooth out all the things that you’ve done to upset her? Mend bridges, Barton. I can’t believe it’s all lasted this long.’

  ‘I need an ally in the Palace and I think I have to be home in Brisbane to do that. So, tomorrow, I’ll head off. And thanks to you both. One question Linda. Has she mentioned me in your hen sessions?’

  ‘No, Bart. Not once. But she has asked about the horse she had here at the Jillaroo School and the other jillaroos. But you? Regrettably no.’

  ‘That doesn’t cheer me up. Makes it that bit harder I guess. More interested in her former horse than her former husband!’

  ****

  The first thing I did on arriving at La Maison Grunge was to switch on the computer but I still got a blank screen. I shopped, came home and waited till a decent hour in Bassenburg and rang Gerhardt, a possible ally. The only possible ally.

  He was the same as ever. But Sophie quickly took over the phone.

  ‘She hasn’t smiled since you left. Spends a lot of time riding alone and then just sitting. Can you say what triggered the break-up?’

  ‘No, I can’t Sophie. I mean, I know, but I won’t ever mention it to anyone, ever.’

  ‘What can we do?’

  ‘Is there anyone else on the scene?’

  ‘What a stupid question! No comment.’

  I’m going to try to win her back, Sophie, and I need Gerhardt’s help.’

  ‘Well, you helped us and we’ll do anything.’

  ‘I want to try to redress all the wrongs I committed. All the mistakes I made. And I need the forgiveness of the counsellors for that, and Tessa needs to know. Could I speak to Gerhardt now?’

  ‘Gerhardt, could you attempt to gather the counsellors at the palace so that I could talk to them by phone. Or, if not, just the leader whoever that is now. Or I suppose they don’t exist now, because of my good work---bad work.’

  He said, ‘They don’t exist as such but you should know that things in the secretariat have settled nicely now and Tessa’s very pleased with it all. Proud I think is the word. She had the counsellors to lunch and then took them on a tour, explaining everything, including what you’d done to the Castle, and they told her that they still didn’t approve of you but acknowledged that all you’d done was for the better. I don’t think you need to correct anything there, Bart. What happened suddenly between you and her, is between you two and you must work out your own plan. Please do it very quickly. She’s very sad. Lost.’

  ‘Are my things still at the Palace? If I come back, do I need new clothes?’

  ‘Nothing has been touched! I’ll meet you if you come back. Just tell me when.’

  ‘Ah! Young Gerhardt. I have a surprise in mind. Nobody will know when. Goodnight.’

  And now to my grand plan. Was I brave enough? What do I do if she still rejects me?

  23.

  I did some rehearsing and practice out at the Police Horse Barracks, asking that it all be kept confidential. It was all so unusual that I knew it would be confidential. Few would believe it.

  Then I booked flight to Vienna and took a taxi to Bassenburg. Not welcome at the Palace, I thought, but they greeted me heartily at the Inn. I was wary of the hospitality. I told them that I wanted my visit to be secret. They must have had a thousand questions but they were courteous and kept them to themselves. There were many hearty backslaps in the Teutonic way.

  I changed to riding clothes and made my way up the hill to the stables. I saddled my horse, Luther, with my gift saddle. One of the stablemen came to help.

  ‘Has he been ridden much in the past few months?’ I asked.

  ‘Oh, yes, sir. Every second day when possible. Her Royal Highness swaps between hers and yours.’

  Well, that was encouraging. She wasn’t taking it out on my Luther.

  I pulled out some special horsey appliances to be put on his feet. The stableman had seen them before. I mounted and had a trial ride. The horse was unsure but soon found his rhythm so I rode up the hill on the cobblestones to below Tessa’s room—used to be ours.

  On the way I borrowed a lance from one of the guards, and his multi-coloured befeathered cap, and his beautiful cream kid gauntlets, promising to return them pretty quickly. Not the guard whose lance I’d broken. Must pay for that.

  Now I felt like a true knight of Bassenburg, hoping to win points.

  It was 11 pm.

  I stopped on the cobbled street, raised myself in the stirrups, held the lance high in my gloved hand, and called to her window,

  ‘I am Knight Barton, Your Royal Highness, your liege and servant and slave and lover, and, yes, your husband, and I have come to beg forgiveness and to protest my enduring love. I know I have done ill to us and ask you to favour me with your grace and pardon. I have journeyed many m
iles from the Antipodes, across land and sea and mountains and lakes. And now I enter the Palace to put my eyes on you, the most beautiful woman in the world.’

  I saw a shadow in the window. Good! She hadn’t snored through it all.

  I turned the horse, with his protective shoes to stop him slipping, and we went up the Palace steps and into the Grand Entrance, to the bottom of the Grand Staircase.

  I called again, ‘I beg your presence and your forgiveness, fair lady. I am a humble ex-Policeman who wishes to be your loving husband, and nothing else. Refuse me this favour and I shall be condemned to be half a man to serve with the Queensland stock squad for my remaining days. And I’ll ride the special saddle which even now I am astride, given to me by my Royal fair lady.’

  Quite a few had gathered by now and more were rushing up the street to the Palace. All the Palace staff were peeping, I was thinking.

  Then she appeared, at the top of the staircase. She was wearing a blue gown, from our first honeymoon, and her beautiful hair was in beautiful disarray. And her lovely eyes were shining. What I wanted!

  ‘Bart, you fool! Stop it?’

  ‘I have pleas for milady. What sayeth thou?’

  She hurried down the stairs, laughing.

  ‘Let Luther go and we’ll talk. You fool! You wonderful fool!’

  The stableman had followed and took Luther and the lance away and only just in time, it turned out. Luther, that is.

  Tessadonna took my hand but I fell to one knee, doffing my hat and bowing my humble head. Real Earl Dudley and Queen Elizabeth stuff.

  ‘I need forgiveness for my sins before I can move with you, Your Royal Highness. I worship you, on bended knee. Vergib mie, bitte?’

  She said, laughing, ‘You’re forgiven.’

  ‘For everything?’

  ‘We must talk about that.’

  I stayed on my knee while she tried to get going, holding my hand.

  ‘You’re an idiot, and I love you. Alright, for everything. Now, please come. We have a big audience.’

  I rose and she was leading me up the Grand Staircase but I had other ideas. I directed us alongside the staircase to the room to which I’d been banished at the coronation.

  She went with me and I took her inside.

  I said, ‘If perchance, we make love, it should be here where the humble make their home. Then I hope to be permitted to move higher. But I need forgiveness before all that.’

  She said, ‘Everything is forgiven. Now come here my beloved fool. I’ve missed you and your loving. Do you remember how?’

  ‘Yep, Your Royal Highness. Sure do! Let me show you?’

  We loved for an hour and then sneaked up the stairs to our love nest. She insisted on making the bed before we departed. That would fool nobody. I’d woken the whole Palace and probably most of the village, all watching us.

  I told Tessa that I didn’t think anyone would expect to see us for quite a while and she agreed, kissing me.

  And they didn’t!

  24.

  We talked a lot and she was forgiving. There were some tears.

  ‘You should have refused to go. I expected you to.’

  ‘You made no move to contact me after I left, Tessa. I waited, switched on the computer, but nothing. Why was that? I really did think we were finished for good.’

  ‘I thought so too. You left so quickly and, it seemed, so definitely. I was angry for one of the few times in my life and then realised I’d driven you away. It wasn’t until I spoke to Linda that I knew where you were. She’d been ringing around and I knew you were with Dennis. That would have been my guess anyway. Soon you’d have found me in your bunk, darling.’

  ‘Linda lied. She told me you never mentioned me.’

  A giggle. ‘Girls together, Barton, my love. We talked of you all the time. But I really expected to see you back at the Palace the next day or in a short while. I was angry but it passed as soon as you left. Then I got frightened and stayed frightened. I waited for you to return but didn’t think it would take this long. A few days more and I’d have gone to the snake bite place to wait for you.’

  ‘Not the way things were, darling. Your anger! I knew I’d done wrong. I was stupid and I’m not often stupid. You said you needed space and so did I, to work out how to win you back. In a way I think it might have done us good. No normal couple stays as deeply loving as we were. And it certainly straightened me up. Can we be partners? Will you contest me when necessary? The copper’s gone, my love. No more Inspector.’

  ‘Oh, yes, Lover. We should know that one can’t live without the other. We’re not a normal couple. I thought you knew that. I’m not sure I want to lose the copper. It’s how we started.’

  ‘Are there any splinters left, Tessa? In our marriage I mean.’

  She leaned over and gently took hold of my hair, pulling my head to hers.

  ‘There are none on my side and there should be none on yours. You didn’t do anything wrong Barton, except about my parents’ deaths and that was my fault too. I should have told you. But the only times I thought of it I was so comfortable and secure in the warmth of us that I didn’t want to revive those bad memories. And all the things with the counsellors turned out to be exactly right. You think you did wrong because these people looked after me and David and that you’d offended me. That was the impression I gave, I know. But it wasn’t them, it was their fathers. These people have been working against us, but they couldn’t cope with you, even when you were absent. I said some strong and silly things, darling, but when I looked around at what you’d done I was conscience-stricken. You solved everything.’

  I said, ‘And no grief over the counsellors?’

  ‘When you arrived and were a threat to them they switched support to a family called Wilbaden who’ve been our rivals for the Throne for a long time. To win they would have to prove incompetent management of our country and have a majority of the people asking for a vote. The counsellors tried to provide the bad management, but you fixed that. Then those sessions at the inn, which you enjoyed in your Aussie way, and which I was doubtful about, brought the people right on side, even though you were gone. There would have been no election, Knight Barton. You’re more popular than I am and I couldn’t be prouder. I went to them, feeling so alone without you, and said you wanted to be back in Australia for a while. All they wanted to know was when you’d be back. Once again you saved us, darling, and you are my hero, as you haff…damn it…have…have always been.’

  ‘Where were these Wilbadens when I was around?’

  ‘Lying low and out of the picture until I was crowned. Then they thought they would have an easy go at the Throne, especially with me absent a fair bit. I was saving them up for you when you’d completed all your good works. But I didn’t have to. I know you didn’t know about them but it was as if you did. You stopped them before they could get going.’

  She seized hold of me and said, shaking me, ‘Bart, darling. I got angry and said things I’m sorry for and I don’t want them hanging over us. You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Understand? You did nothing wrong! Please don’t change in any way. Just be the delightful, loving idiot that you are. The gentle lover, the caring husband. Please, please Bart don’t let this change us?’

  ‘I think we proved that it hasn’t, in the past couple of hours. We’ll be ok, Princess.’

  ‘Now, sir, can we try for a baby again, please?’

  ‘I thought we just had been!’

  ‘No, that was recreation and reconciliation. This is business.’

  And the honeymoon resumed. Number Three was it? Or Number Four?

  ****

  This part of the story about Tessa and Bart, the Princess and the Cop, must be wrapped up. Too many untidy threads hanging off the end.

  First, I searched out the guard whose lance I’d broken and who I’d technically assaulted by moving him and taking his key. This was in the sacking of the counsellors, remember? I shook his hand and apologised, paid him far to
o much for the lance, and asked when his shift finished. Fortuitously he finished in an hour. Then I sought out the guard who’d lent me his gear and lance in my colourful homecoming. He finished in two hours, but I gave him the last hour off. I looked for the stableman but he’d gone home.

  I arranged to meet them at the inn and, when the village people found that I was among them again, returned from Oz, they crowded the place. My German was ordinary and the guards’ English was poor but the more beer we drank the more we understood. They were Hansie and Albert and I was sir. It was a good night and I rendered some old colonial songs while they sang Bassenburgian folk songs. We continued the good humour up the hill, over the cobblestones, to the Palace, and parted very affectionately. When I entered, there was my wife, seated on the low step of the Grand Staircase and ready to escort me to the bedchamber. Oops!

  Mindful of the beer fumes I offered to sleep in my dungeon bedroom but the girl won my heart forever, if she hadn’t already. And she did it so neatly.

  ‘I think we promised for better or for worse, my darling. And I seem to have just won the worse part. If this is it, then I’m getting the better part of the bargain, considering what’s just happened between us, sending my husband away. Shower and come to bed.’

  We later discussed all that had transpired. I did raise whether the guards were necessary but then was educated on that subject. They were honoured and well-paid positions and gave the place some class. A castle without guards? Get real, Barton! So I retired from any thoughts of changing things there. And I never went near change at the Palace again. Just sat back satisfied with the changes that had been wrought and approved by my tolerant bride, and enjoyed the greater amount of time I now had with her.

  ****

  But the moment that I find her some spare time, she of the high IQ and the restless brain, seeks other things to do. She’d already been highly qualified in four languages and now set out to learn Arabic—‘the language of the future, or perhaps of the present’ she told me seriously.