by Burkey, Dana
“It’s nothing bad, though, right?” Emma asked. She had a concerned look on her face, and I instantly got the feeling that was her way of asking if it was about my mom.
“No, not at all,” I assured her. “My mind just isn’t focusing like I want it to.”
“I know what you mean.”
As Juleah spoke she nodded her head toward the other side of the mat. Glancing over I saw Connor and Jackson were standing chatting about stunting and grips. I instantly got nervous that she had figured out why I was having a hard time in practice, but when I looked back I saw she was still watching the boys. Looking at Emma I saw she was watching the guys as well, although she looked a little less interested than Juleah.
“Now you know how I felt when I was on a team with Matthew before we started dating,” Emma said to Juleah, much to my shock. “It was so nerve-racking the first few weeks.”
“What?” I asked, trying to understand just what I was hearing.
“Jackson,” Juleah said simply. “Having someone like him in our stunt group makes concentrating so hard.”
I knew my face was a mask of confusion, which caused my friends to laugh. I was worried it was because they had figured out that Juleah had basically just described how I was feeling, but quickly realized they weren’t. Instead they were once again laughing at my inability to understand some of the more girly things they talked about. Only, I did understand. I understood more than they knew. Lexi and Halley were giggling along with our friends, but I saw they were also looking at me to make sure I wasn’t stressing out too much.
“So, are you guys going to open gym tomorrow?” I asked, doing my best to change the subject.
“Nope,” Emma said with a shake of her head. “My mom and I are going on a college visit. I told her I only want to go to Louisville, but she’s insisting I see at least a few other places.”
“I can just imagine the look on Matthew’s face if you ever had to tell him you weren't going to Louisville,” Lexi commented.
Juleah confirmed that she was going to be at the open gym, which started a conversation about her desire to finally land her standing full consistently on the mat. Doing a full or even a double full during tumbling was hard but still rather manageable. But doing one without any added boost from running or other skills before it wasn’t easy. At least not for most people. I managed to learn a lot of the more advanced cheer skills fairly early on in my time at TNT Force, landing a standing full within the first few weeks of practice. Some people still talked about it or mentioned that fact from time to time, but talking about it always made me feel a little weird. Especially now that I was sticking to back tucks until I could trust my ankle on jumps. They weren't as bad for me as my dancing, but standing jumps were a weaker area in my cheering abilities.
“We should see if Addison and Jackson are going to be at the open gym,” Juleah offered. “Maybe we can work on our stunts a little more to make up for today.”
“Sure,” I nodded, although a part of me didn’t want to spend any more time than I needed with Jackson so soon.
Standing up to take action, I walked over to Addison, asking her if she would be willing to come in to work with our stunt group. My hope was that while I talked to her, Juleah would take the chance to ask Jackson. Addison agreed quickly though, buying me no time to delay. So instead of getting out of talking to Jackson, I obeyed as Addison motioned me to follow as she walked toward him and Connor.
“Hey,” Jackson said as we approached, flashing a smile that instantly made me wish I had found a way to delay this situation.
“Hey, are you going to be at the open gym tomorrow morning?” Addison asked while I stood by, trying not to look as nervous as I suddenly felt.
“I can check with Nina, but I don’t think so,” he replied with a bit of a frown. “It’s a lot of added driving round trip.”
“Okay,” Addison said with a shrug.
With that, she turned and walked away. I stood there in shock for a second before following after her quickly. But, when I heard my name, I turned around to see Jackson walking toward me. A few feet behind him I could see Connor was watching me, but clearly hadn’t been the one who called me.
“Do you want to meet before practice one day next week to go over partner stunts?”
“Sure,” I said as evenly as I could manage. “I’m finally allowed to tumble full out on the blue mats on Monday so I was planning to come pretty early.”
“Oh awesome, I’m excited to see your power tumbling in person.” The comment was simple, but for some reason, hearing it come from him made it the best compliment I could have asked for. “I’ll check with Nina and see if we can come early. If I can’t on Monday I should be able to make it another day. I’ll message you once I know for sure.”
“Perfect.”
Thankfully Jackson turned and went back to continue his conversation with Connor. It got me off the hook from having to come up with anything else to say to him. Rather than stand there feeling awkward, I was able to go back to my friends and do my best to stop the feelings I was having. I didn’t like how easily he was effecting my thoughts and emotions even off the mat, but I held onto the hope that a weekend without seeing him or thinking about him too much would help matters settle down a bit.
My hopes for a weekend without thinking about Jackson were dashed almost immediately after I left the gym. My boring Friday evening catching up on my summer reading list I had been ignoring for weeks was interrupted by Jackson's incoming messages. It started with him letting me know that him and Nina were planning to come to the gym a little early on Monday, but it wasn’t going to be as early as he wanted. I replied in short answers, but it didn’t end our conversation like I thought it might. My replies instead somehow led to him and I sending each other tumbling videos from Instagram and YouTube for most of the evening. Even though I didn’t want to let Jackson to fill more of my time, I talked to him late into the night.
Sadly, the late night talking about new tumbling passes to try once I was back to my full strength left me tired for the open gym. And being tired for the open gym meant I wasn’t landing my skills like I wanted. Which only made me frustrated and ready to leave well before the free time on the mats was over.
“So, when are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Emma asked me finally. We were taking a break after some running tumbling. Or rather attempting running tumbling since I was struggling to land much of anything.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I replied automatically.
“Yeah right,” Emma laughed. “I’ve known you long enough to see right through that. What’s going on with you?”
“I’m really tired today,” I admitted. “I was up way too late so I’m just kind of dragging.”
“Did you have a sleepover with Lexi or Halley?” Her question was valid, since it was something we often did before open gym days, especially in the summer.
“No, I was talking to Jackson,” I said, speaking before I really thought it through.
“Talking to Jackson?” Emma repeated, clearly confused.
“Yeah,” I nodded, scrambling to find a way to downplay the situation. “We were talking about tumbling passes. Apparently he almost has a bounce back to kick double, so we were looking up videos and sharing tips and all that.”
“Of course you were,” Emma laughed, making me begin to panic. I instantly worried she saw right through my story. “You’re too funny Max. Any other girl would be freaking out to talk to a cute guy like Jackson all night and you spend the whole time talking about tumbling.”
“You think he’s cute?” I asked immediately. “What about Matthew?”
“Matthew’s my boyfriend, of course I think he’s cute,” she assured me. “But Jackson’s cute too. I mean, that’s all I ever hear about from Trish during practice.”
“Trish likes him?”
As Emma confirmed that her side base was extra glad Jackson was on Nitro, I thought again about the comment Addison had made the
day before. It was clear I wasn’t the only one who had taken notice of our new teammate. The one good thing though, was that my late-night conversation with him didn’t tip Emma off to the growing crush I was experiencing. I had a feeling she might start to questions things if she knew I also spent a good amount of time the rest of the weekend talking to him as well, so I kept that fact to myself when I saw her Monday afternoon for Nitro practice. As planned, I had spent the morning tumbling, so I was feeling the heat even before I headed out for our run.
“Jackson’s not here,” Sara commented as we left the gym. She then quickly added, “Nina either.”
“Yeah, Jackson was going to get here early to practice with me but never showed,” I replied, a little confused with the way she brought it up.
“You don’t think he quit, do you?” There was a pause after the question before she went on. “I mean, both of them?”
“I don’t think so,” I said slowly. “I bet they’re stuck in traffic again or something. Honestly, I would be surprised if Jackson isn't there when we get back from the run. Nina should be there too.”
“Nina too, right.” I noticed Sara’s cheeks turn pink, the effort of the run not enough to cause the discoloration on its own. “Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I just get a little distracted around Jackson,” she said with a laugh. “I’m so glad I’m across the mat from him during our elite stunts. How do you manage to get through a whole practice without just focusing on him?”
“It’s cheer, I have to focus.”
My comment didn’t really answer her question in a lot of ways, but it seemed to put Sara at ease. She changed the subject as we continued jogging down the sidewalk, all conversations of Jackson’s history. I was okay with it, but also felt a little odd. That was the third girl on Nitro that more or less told me they liked Jackson in just a matter of days. Four, if I counted what Emma had told me. Either way it was a little strange to think that the boy that had caught my attention was so popular with so many other girls as well. Not that I was going to tell anyone else how I was feeling. Lexi and Halley were more than enough people to be in on the secret.
Like I had guessed, Jackson and Nina were waiting inside by the time our three miles were over. Also, as I had guessed, they had simply been caught in traffic. It meant they were there for practice, even if I didn’t get any extra training with Jackson ahead of time. In fact, I didn’t have a chance to talk to him until almost an hour into practice as we were taking our first much-needed water break.
“So, Wednesday for early practice?” he asked me while we walked to grab our water.
“That should work,” I said with a shrug. “There should be a lot of time this weekend at camp too.”
“Are you sure about that? From what I’ve heard camp’s always a bit of a mystery.”
“Well kind of,” I agreed. “But in the evening, there’s usually some kind of free time or activities that are pretty much optional. We could work on stunts then so we’re for sure good to go on Sunday.”
“Only you would find a way to add even more practice time in during a whole weekend at the gym,” Emma commented, having overheard my conversation with Jackson.
“I just want to make sure everything looks good for the showcase,” I explained. But the truth was, I also wanted to make sure things would be good all season. My nervousness around Jackson had the potential to be a roadblock for a lot longer if I didn’t get my act together.
“Should we be here early Wednesday too?” Juleah asked, also picking up on what we had been talking about.
“Sure,” Jackson nodded. “Hopefully Addison’s free so we can work on everything.”
“I’ll check to make sure,” Juleah offered, giving Jackson a big smile before turning to find the last member of our stunt team.
As everyone around me went back to chatting and getting hydrated, I found myself caught off guard by the way Juleah and Jackson had interacted. She had mentioned he was attractive, and gave him a big smile before she went to find Addison. Did he like when she smiled? Did he smile back? I knew it was a little weird to obsess over something so insignificant, but my mind went there whether I wanted it to or not. I just hoped I could stop thinking about it and focus on stunts when the time came.
Thankfully despite my stress about executing stunts, I did okay the rest of practice Monday. Only okay though, since I was still struggling to hit everything. I was more or less staying in the air, but I was having a hard time keeping my balance once I was lifted above the mat. It was an extremely confusing problem for me since I had never had any trouble with something like this before. Apparently, the work I did to strengthen my core while my ankle was healing was no match for an attractive boy. Out of frustration, and also to try to help get back on track, I spent Tuesday working on conditioning for countless hours while at home. The only time I gave myself a break was to do laps in the pool, or watch YouTube videos of big name teams for motivation. By the time I got back into the gym Wednesday morning I was determined to stay in the air no matter what.
“How’s the elbow doing?” Addison asked me as I walked into the gym for our before practice-practice.
“It’s fine now, just a little sore when I extend it all the way,” I explained. During the last full out of the day on Monday I had fallen out of a stunt and came down pretty hard on my elbow. Unfortunately, my elbow landed even harder right on Juleah’s shoulder. She had a good bruise and swelling by the time we were leaving the gym, which only got worse based on the Snap Chats I saw later that evening.
After tossing my bag in an open cubby at the first mat near the gym entrance, I sat down and started stretching. I noticed Jackson was at the far end of the gym working on some tumbling. As much as I wanted to walk over and join the tumbling practice, I knew that my mind had been on him more than enough. Instead, Addison helped me hold the more extreme stretches that would get me all ready to go for flying, giving me a good reason to stay put.
“Need an extra spotter?” The question came from a voice I recognized immediately.
“Of course,” I grinned, ending my stretch a little earlier than planned. “I feel like ever since you left my stunt group I’m falling more than staying in the air. I wish TJ would just switch you back.”
“Same,” Connor replied with a bit of a frown. “But for now, the best I can do is help Jackson be as good of a base as I am.”
“I heard that,” Jackson launched, finally joining us on the mat. “And I’ll get there one of these days.”
“Soon too I bet.” I suddenly felt bad for making it sound like Jackson was the reason for our less than accurate stunts. I mean, sure, I was distracted by him. But that didn’t make my falls his fault exactly. Not that I was going to divulge that bit of information to my present company.
“Alright, time to get to work,” Juleah announced. As she spoke she stepped away from the mirror where she had been fixing the cheer bow in her hair. I also noticed in that moment that she looked to be wearing a bit more makeup than usual. I wasn’t sure if it was because of Jackson, but the thought crossed my mind all the same. She had on just enough mascara and blush to make her dark complexion seem to glow. Once I noticed it I wondered if anyone else, like Jackson, would see it as well.
“So, what should we start with?” I asked, standing up and shaking out my arms and legs to get ready to fly.
“Let’s go with the top of the routine,” Jackson suggested. “We can just drill everything from the start all the way through to the end.”
Deciding to watch from the front of the mat, Connor stood with his arms folded over his chest as the rest of us got in place. I stood in the center of my stunt team as we counted in before hopping up into their arms so they could lift me. As I traveled upwards I twisted around once on both legs, then a second time on just one leg. During the second rotation, I planned to hold my leg up so my foot was next to the knee of my straight leg until I was lifted to full height. And from there the pl
an was to quickly trade legs so the stunt team below me would be holding me up by left leg instead of the right leg I had been standing on. The tick-tock lib didn’t make it that far though. During the second rotation, I kicked my leg out wildly in an attempt to stay upright, but it did little good. I came down quickly, Connor rushing forward to help catch me before I hit the mat.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I untangled myself from Connor and Jackson who both had their arms wrapped around me to keep the fall from going from bad to worse. “Sorry about that.”
“Don’t apologize,” Connor said simply. “Considering you were in a cast a few weeks ago no one expected you to jump right back into everything like it was no big deal.” When I gave him a blank look he quickly added, “No one but you, I should say.”
“Let’s do it again,” I sighed.
On the second time through, I took a long deep breath in and out before we began the stunt, but it did little to improve the skill. Instead of coming down during the second rotation, I fell as I traded legs. After that attempt, I fell during the first rotation. From there things only seemed to fall apart faster. I struggled to make it through the two rotations at least a dozen times in a row before I stayed in the air and moved on to fail at the next skill in the sequence. By the time an hour had passed we were only landing the double around tick tock liberty occasionally. Adding in the needle and arabesque that followed was just another stumbling block that more often than not didn’t even come close to hitting.
“I need a break,” Juleah finally groaned after another not so graceful fall on my part. Before anyone else could even reply she walked off the mat and toward the bathroom while rubbing her shoulder.
“I’ll go make sure she’s okay,” Addison offered, knowing it took a lot for Juleah to walk the way she just had.
As Addison ran after Juleah I took a seat on the mat, too frustrated with myself to even bother getting my water. I heard Connor mention something about getting ice, likely to offer to Juleah. He made an attempt to assure me I would “get it right next time for sure” as he went, but I didn’t respond with anything other than a small nod. While Connor got further and further from the mat I was a little startled when Jackson took a seat next to me, handing me my water bottle in the process.