Flawed Perfection: A Collection of Winter Wishes

by Ouvrard, Jude

  Looking down on the ground, fixated on my shoes, I don’t know what to say. I’m far from perfect, and I’m pretty sure I make mistakes. Do I deserve this? I do work my butt off to get my job done. Maybe I should just take it. Still thinking, I take a deep breath and try to calm down to get back into my happy mood.

  “I don’t want pity, Mason. You are one of the few people I’ve opened up to about my past, so don’t make me regret it. If you are doing this out of pity, then please, stop.”

  “I think you need to stop talking and accept the fact that you’re doing an amazing job.”

  His voice, his face are so close to mine his breath dances against my lips. My insides are as tight as it can be. This is unexpected.

  “Mas–” I try to say his name, but no sound is coming out of my mouth.

  He moves closer again, until our fronts are touching and his lips rest on my forehead. The next thing I know, his arms wrap around me, making me feel so little. “I can’t pity a woman who is strong and fighting each day to make her life a better place.”

  When he kisses my forehead again, a teardrop fights its way down my face. I’m not sad. Overwhelmed with happiness is more like it.

  “You don’t need me, Adele, but I have your back.”

  “Th–thanks,” I stammer.

  “You can count on me.” He lets go of me, and a shiver runs down my back.

  Disappointment, maybe? I don’t know. This is like opening a new door without knowing what’s on the other side. I knew Gabe like the back of my hand, we were friends long before we became lovers. I could always guess what he would do or say in a given situation. But Mason? As a friend? I have no idea what to expect of it. I don’t know him well enough.

  “Why are you crying, Adele?”

  “I don’t know,” I reply through a watery laugh. “I’ve never expected anything like this. I have my parents and my friend helping and supporting me, but I never thought I would have someone else… a man, nonetheless.”

  “A man.” He starts laughing causing me to rethink my words.

  Oh, no! I’m laughing too at this point, and his lips are touching my forehead again. I like it, or how it makes me feel. Safe, maybe. It’s too soon to tell. I can’t be certain yet, but I don’t think there is a mean bone in him.

  “Come on, let’s get walking before I kiss you two inches lower.”

  I stifle a laugh and we carry on with our walk. There are many people walking outside today. It’s the perfect kind of weather to catch a whole lot of fresh air, and quite pleasant to have an unplanned activity. It makes the day memorable.

  Once in a while I peek over at Mason. Sometimes he catches me, and sometimes he doesn’t. A small voice inside my head tells me today could be the day that changes my future, my life. There is no fear or discomfort around him, so whatever is about to change can only be good. Right? With time, I’ll find out.

  “You know so much about my life. Tell me about yours?” I beg.

  “Growing up, I wanted to be a journalist and travel around the world in search of the best articles. My family had other plans. The Wilcher Hotels. I did travel a lot, but always for business, and was left with very little time to explore or understand how the people in those countries lived. When my education should’ve been over, I went back to study business development and marketing. With my place in our family empire secured, I haven’t stopped working since.”

  I nod registering what he’s said, but realize there’s been no mention of girlfriends or relationships.

  “If you are thinking about my personal or intimate life, I’ve had girlfriends from time to time, but I was never able to give them what they wanted.”

  I’m getting more and more curious now. “What did they want?”

  “Time, promises, engagements…” He pauses. “That was a couple of years ago, though. I don’t want the same things now.”

  “You’re getting older, Mr. Wilcher,” I tease.

  “You say that as a joke, but it has some truth to it. I want a wife, a family. No pressure on you. I mean, I like you, and I could see you in that role, but, um… Do you understand what I’m saying before I say too much?”

  Giggling, I tell him I do understand.

  We walk some more before arriving at the bakery. I’m here for a cake, but having Mason next to me makes it hard to think or decide, so I randomly pick a blueberry cheesecake, same as the previous customer. We order two coffees for the stroll back to my place. I’m almost sad to let him go.

  “I have to meet with my agent soon, so better be getting back to the hotel to get the list of potential houses I found on the internet.”

  I nod. Is this feeling in my stomach normal, or is it the coffee I had? It’s twisting up on the inside, and I’m nervous. “Okay. I’ll see you around. I might even clean your room again.” That’s the worst possible thing to say. “You can call me, assuming you have my number already.”

  “I do.” He smiles, shy, and leans toward me to kiss me goodbye. The feel of his lips on my forehead again is great. Really great.

  “Bye, Mason.”

  “I’ll see you soon, Adele.”

  I watch him go, sadness and guilt battling inside my head. Just like in the movies, he turns around to wave at me before opening the door of his rental car. Giggling, I wave back then make my way inside. This is unreal. This morning when I first woke up, I would never have thought I’d spend my day with him. Not in a million years.

  He’s a nice man so far.

  And a good forehead kisser.

  Chapter 6

  “What’s that smile on your face?” Vanessa stares at me, expecting me to answer her. “Adele Gordon, something happened and you better tell me what.”

  “Nothing happened.” It’s pretty clear she’s not buying it, but what am I supposed to say? The truth? I can’t lie to her. She would know right away if I did.

  “Stop lying to me or I’m keeping the dessert for myself.”

  “Vanessa, this isn’t what you think—”

  “How do you know what I think? You’re going to have to be more specific.”

  I want to groan, leave, and delete her memory, then come back pretending nothing ever happened. “I got a raise at work.”

  “Great, but I call bullshit. That’s not what’s really going on.”

  “Alright, fine, I’ll tell you. So, about a month ago I interacted with a guest, and it turns out he’s one of the owners. It happened again last night, and I dropped my cellphone in his room. He showed up at my place tonight ro return it.”

  “Smart move, girl.”

  “No, no, no… I didn’t even know my phone was missing until he showed up. I spent the afternoon with him walking around town, and he kissed me… well.”

  “He kissed you?” she says so loud I’m certain the neighbours heard.

  I try to calm her down by holding her shoulders. “Not on the mouth. He kissed my forehead. Is that weird? We’re just trying to be friends.”

  “That’s bullshit, you’re hooking up.”

  To say I now regret telling her is putting it mildly. “No, Van, listen to me. I’m not even sure I can do this.”

  “There is one way to find out, Ade, and that’s to try. Be his friend, if that works for you. Take it one step at a time.”

  “What about Gabe and Brock?” I hide my face behind my hands, ashamed. “I feel like I’m cheating, like I’m a terrible mother.”

  She sighs and waits for me to remove my hands and our eyes connect. “A year ago you never saw yourself in this position, Adele. You never thought you’d be facing a life without your husband or your son.” Her eyes fill with tears. “This isn’t easy for you to deal with, but you have to move on. You can’t stop yourself from being happy. Gabe would never begrudge you your happiness, nor would Brock. You’re a beautiful woman, also smart and determined. Why not see how far it can go with him? What’s his name?”

  “Mason Wilcher.”

  “The one and only. Wait, I don’t know why
I said that, but with a name like that, you’ll have diamonds by the end of the month.”

  “Shut up.” Why do I hate her so much right at this moment? Money hasn’t even crossed my mind because he hasn’t acted like a rich snob. He’s not flaunted any signs of the thousands upon thousands sleeping in his bank account.

  “I know. I’m sorry. Just give it a try. You can learn from this.” She gives me a hug, one which seems endless and feels so good. I need that today. “I’ll Google and Facebook stalk him, though. I have to make sure he’s right for you.”

  “Social media are so not my thing. If you want to do that, go ahead, but I’ll admit that’s creepy. He’s thirty-five, single, and never been married, so there has to be a catch, right?”

  “If there is one, I’ll let you know.”

  It’s now my turn to hold her in my arms. I love her so much. She has always been there for me. Always. “You’re the best. Now, what about the guys? I thought they were bringing their girlfriends over?”

  “Well, Bruce’s girlfriend has the flu, so she stayed home, and Mike, well, he broke up with his girlfriend last week. What do you say we leave them alone after dinner while we go out for a coffee or something?”

  “It sounds like a plan.”

  As usual, Vanessa manages to cook the best filet mignon ever, with grilled veggies and a garden salad with her homemade dressing; a recipe she doesn’t want to share, not even with me. The table drowns in football and hockey discussion. It’s not interesting and I’m so lost, to be honest.

  “M’kay, guys. It’s been fun having you here, but Adele and I are going to head out for some girly time. Enjoy having the house to yourselves. There are beers in the fridge, popcorn’s in the pantry, and chicken wings are in the freezer.”

  “Your wife is the coolest,” Mike says before emptying his glass of red wine. He seems wistful.

  Maybe he regrets breaking up with his girlfriend? Maybe she cheated on him? There are so many possibilities. It sucks, and I feel his pain way too much. My heart constricts at the thought.

  Vanessa lives near a club and a couple of coffee places. Wrapped in scarves and thick jackets, we brave one of the coldest nights this season. Her arm hooked around mine, we walk in silence, but in my head there’s a thunderstorm of confused thoughts. I’m willing to give Mason a chance. However, if I ever have reason for doubt, for even one second, I’ll pull the plug on this. I don’t want to be hurt again. I’ve hurt enough for an entire life already.

  “Do you want to go dancing? I would love to go after our coffee. You know, like the old days.”

  “Oh my god, are you kidding me? I’m not dressed for that.”

  “Who the hell cares? We just want to have fun, and The Black Shakers is right across the street. Come on. Please. Please. Please.” Pleading with her eyes, she begs me.

  I’m a good dancer, and she knows it. Whatever excuse I try to give her won’t work. I want to stomp my foot on the ground, but will look like a two-year-old if I do. Jesus Christ. “Yes, okay.” I roll my eyes because it’s all I can do to let her know I don’t want to go.

  “Is that your second coffee in less than an hour?”

  “Yes, it is, and the waitress refilled it when it was half full. It’s hot. Every sip I take warms my insides and gives me goosebumps all over. It’s keeping me warm. I should be living in the south where it’s warm all the time.” I sigh. “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

  “You can’t live without me, that’s what.”

  “True, I can’t. I won’t be able to sleep until the early morning, I fear.” Laughter tumbles out of my mouth before I know it, and I can’t stop. “I’m high on coffee.” If only I’d stop laughing, maybe the few other customers would stop looking at me like I’ve just landed from Mars.

  “Eat the rest of my cake, it might help.” Giggling too, Vanessa pushes her plate over to me.

  By my third bite, I’m calmer, but my fingers are shaking like a leaf in the wind. “This is terrible.” Showing my hands to Van, she starts laughing again. “Please stop, now.”

  “We should go before they kick us out. Get that last bite in your mouth then we’re heading to the other side of the street. Black Shakers, here we come.”

  “This is going to be interesting,” I mutter to myself.

  ***

  I’m wearing my favorite dark blue skinny jeans, and there is nothing more comfortable in my world, but that I decided to pair them with a simple white t-shirt and black cardigan makes me look like a thirty-something premature grandmother. This is so not a “going out” outfit. Knowing nowadays girls show more skin than not, this frumpy outfit is embarrassing.

  Once we step inside, I leave my scarf and jacket at the entrance while wishing I could disappear when I look at my clothes again. They haven’t changed much since we crossed the street.

  “Come on, girlfriend. Show me your moves.”

  Vanessa has the advantage of looking club-ready all the time. She loves heels, pretty nails, and make up, and her clothes are like a constant replica of H&M models. I’m more like a comfortable type of girl. Tonight, it shows.

  “It’s so hot in here.” Five minutes into dancing, I throw away my cardigan. My weight issue is apparent in my tight t-shirt, on display for the whole world to see as I now am. I’m not here to find a hot date anyway. Only to dance.

  Dancing, drinking, and dancing again. The vibe in this club is magic, our smiles and laughter good indicators. We’re having a great time. Just like the good old days, when we had nothing to worry about, and not as many scars. My smile remains a permanent fixture on my face while I sing the lyrics of the songs out loud. When I don’t know the words, it’s not stopping me. It’s all about pretending and having a blast.

  “I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “Okay, I’ll stay here. Go.”

  While waiting in line, I check my phone to see if I’ve missed any calls. Not that I have people calling me after eight p.m. often, and it’s one a.m. I have a text message from Mason, though.

  Would you like to have breakfast with me tomorrow morning before I leave for a few days?

  Was Mason leaving? I should expect it with his job and responsabilities in the family business. It is meant to happen few times a month. I hit the call button, and it takes me a second to end it when I remember the late hour. I hope I didn’t wake him. I text instead.

  Okay, where and what time?

  Are you up?

  Um, yes, unless I’m texting in my sleep, I think with a giggle.

  I’m up and in a club.

  Which one?

  Hmm… I’m not sure I should tell you.

  Come on. We’re friends now.

  My skin heats remembering the soft feel of his lips. Do friends do that often?

  Black Shakers.

  I put my phone back in my pocket when it’s finally my turn in the bathroom.

  Before I know it, I’m back on the dance floor with my girl. Letting the music guide me, my arms are up in the air moving at liberty like I just don’t care. My hair is going in all directions while I sway from right to left.

  “I told you we’d have fun!”

  My ears hurt because of how loud she has to yell over the music. “I hate when you’re right, and I’m not.” My legs pester me for a well-deserved break so I point toward a free table. “Let’s sit for a while, I can’t feel my feet anymore. I think they’ve gone numb.” Rubbing the front of my thighs, I dance from one foot to the other.

  “Too much dancing and drinking, and this is the result.”

  We sit at a small metal table and sip on our drinks. Vodka lemonade has always been a favorite of ours.

  “Hey, Gabe, do you mind if I go out with the girls, tonight?”

  He shakes his head, laughing. “You’re a free woman, you can go if you want, sweetie.”

  “It’s Van’s birthday. The last one of us to turn twenty-one.”

  “Do you need a ride? I can always drive you there and back.”
<
br />   “I would love that. I haven’t seen you enough lately.”

  I’d been studying like a mad woman, and tutoring as much, the few weeks prior. The library had become my second home while Gabe was as busy doing his own thing and working, too.

  “One more month and then we’ll be together night and day. You might actually get tired of me, because I’m not planning on letting go of you for a whole month after.”

  “Impossible. I’ve been dreaming of this moment ever since we got together. I’ll never have enough of you, Gabe.”

  Gabe always got uncomfortable when I got too emotional. I can still see his gaze drifting to his hands while his fingers entwined.

  “Alright, alright. Don’t get all mushy now.” When I frown at him, he sees it. “I love it when you try to be mad. You’re hot.” He laughs.

  “Planet Earth calling Adele. Hellllooo! Where are you?” Snapping her fingers an inch away from my eyes, Vanessa drags me back to present time.

  Oh my god, I did it again. Snickering at myself, I shrug. “I was just thinking about that night when you turned twenty-one.”

  “Oh, that night was C-R-A-Z-Y. Our last night out for a while since naughty little you got pregnant a month after.”

  “I did.” The memory is bittersweet because now it’s all gone. However, I can’t ignore that it was the happiest I had ever been. Pregnant a month after moving in together, then married five months later. I don’t regret a single moment.

  It’s so hot in here. Sweat is dripping down my back.

  “Do you want another drink? You finished yours already,” Vanessa asks.

  The glass hadn’t satisfied half my thirst. “I haven’t danced like this in a long time. It is making me thirsty. I’ll get another one, though. Do you want one?”

  “No, thanks, I’m all good for now.” Her head is still moving to the rhythm of the bass.

  Trying to walk through the crowd without stepping on anyone’s toes proves quite a challenge. Tiptoeing, I push myself in between dozen of people. “Whoops, I’m so sorry,” I say looking up at a tall man staring down at me. “I think I stepped on your toes, a–are you okay?”