The Lives We Lead (A Student In Need Book 2)

by Nicolas Schrammeck

  His fingers froze as they hovered over the buttons. What…..what was he doing? Jason had been practically run from the room. If he texted Jason now, sounding as desperate as he felt……it would only make Jason feel worse than he already did. Yet the urge to comfort Jason still coursed through his veins. He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down slightly before touching the buttons, typing out a message before hitting ‘send’. A moment he pulled open his nightstand and put his phone inside the drawer before closing it. he forced himself to lay down, forcing himself to close his eyes and try to go back to sleep. For several moment he shifted, the bed felt oddly large now that he was the only one in it.

  Sighing he rolled over, his eyes finding the small impression in the sheets that Jason had left. He bit his lip for a moment before making up his mind. Part of him felt dirty, like how was doing something gross or perverted; as he shifted over to the spot that Jason had been sleeping in. He clamped his eyes shut, unwilling to watch as he buried his nose against the pillow, inhaling Jason's scent for a moment. Silently he gripped the pillow Jason had held and pulled it against his chest; silently wishing it was the real Jason instead of something that smelled like him. He wanted to cry out, to call Jason; to beg him to come back so he could hold Anthony. But he didn’t. He forced himself to stay there, laying in Jason's scent, clutching the pillow against his body until fatigue carried him off to sleep.

  JASON’S POV

  Jason's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts as he drove down the street before stopping in front of a stop light when it turned red. Part of him wanted to scream and claw at his skin. Another part of him wanted to run back to Anthony’s house and curl back up next to him. Another part of him wanted to beat the shit out of Anthony for making him this confused. While still another part wanted to pin him again a wall and kiss him again. Throwing his head back Jason yelled at the top of his lungs. “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!”

  he gasped lungfuls of cold night air; listening to this shout fade into an echo and then into silence. He’d never been this confused or bothered in his life. It seemed like every part of his mind wanted him to do something different. he did his best to focus, right now he wanted to go home and crawl into bed; maybe things would be less confusing tomorrow. the drive back to Casey’s apartment seemed to pass by in a flash; one moment he was driving on the street and then next moment he was standing in front of the door to Casey’s apartment. Using his key to get in Jason throw himself into his bed the moment the door to his room was closed. He groaned as he pulled off his pants, before pulling the blankets back and burying himself under them. he curled up, pulling his knees against his body for warmth. He expected to lay awake for a while, for the whirling thoughts in his head to keep him from sleeping; but he was wrong he’d barely closed his eyes before his mind went blank and he drifted off to sleep.

  However it was not the restful blank sleep he’d been hoping for. Instead his dreams were rough and disjointed; as though someone was playing 5 second clips of a film and all he could do was sit and watch it. He wanted to scream as he found his mind bogged down with a thousand memories of that night. Anthony’s breath on his face. The gentle curve of Anthony’s neck. Anthony’s face covered in a mixture of pain and pleasure as he climaxed. Thousands of small details he’d missed or ignored came rushing to him. he tried to take control but found it was no use.

  More images flashed through his mind. Him pinning Anthony down while his hand jerked Anthony off. The sound of Anthony’s moans and whimpers. The feeling of Anthony’s hand in his. He found himself yearning for more as the memories flooded over him. The taste of Anthony’s skin as he licked and bit it. the feeling of Anthony’s shell against his chest. Anthony’s words about liking things rough. He tried to wake up, doing his best to try and pull his mind out of the dream. How wonderful it had felt to bury himself inside Anthony’s body. How he’d pounded in and out of the purple turtle, desperate for release. How his world felt like it had exploded when he finally did cum. He tried to close his eyes, tried to block the images and feelings from rushing over him. yet it was no good, he pulled at him refusing to be ignored, and all he could do was try and resist until the dream ended.

  LATER

  Jason groaned as slowly he opened his eyes. Sunlight was streaming into his room, it was morning. He groaned again as he slowly sat up, putting his hands in his head. He might as well have not slept at all; he felt so drained and tired. For a moment he considered laying back down and trying to sleep again. but he discarded that thought right away, no way was he willing to go through the memories of last night again. Sitting up Jason rubbed his eyes, before swinging his legs over the bed before getting up. he groaned as he found the backs of his thighs to be a little sore. For a split second he wondered why this was; a deep blush covering his face as his mind reminded him of how hard he’d thrust in and out of Anthony the night before. “no…no…no.” Jason shook his head, pressing his hands against his eyes, trying to block those thoughts out. Last night had been……….

  “we were both drunk. It….it didn’t mean anything……I don't like guys. I like girls, I like tits and lingerie and……and……”

  great now he was talking to himself. Growling Jason slapped himself the pain helping to focus his mind. Pushing all thoughts of Anthony or the night before from his mind Jason dug around in his closet until he found a pair of shorts and a shirt that were clean, before pulling them on and leaving his room.

  Moving down the hallway and into the kitchen Jason set about fixing himself something to eat; simple toast with a glass of milk. Dropping down he slowly ate his food before dropping himself onto the couch. He could hear sounds coming from Casey’s room, judging by the twin voices coming from behind the door Casey had a lady-friend over for some fun last night. Sure enough after a few minutes the door opened revealing a disheveled Casey who’s hair was pointed up in every direction, and a girl Jason recognized from the school but never spoke to. He smiled weakly at the girl who scurried to put on her shoes before practically running from the apartment. Casey meanwhile had begun to make his own toast and spoke only as he sat down to eat. “where were you last night?”

  Jason bit his lip. “I……spent the night at a friend’s place.”

  Casey gave a mock look of indignation. “you have other friends besides me?”

  Jason growled and threw a random magazine at Casey who smacked it out of the air laughing as he did so. After eating Casey said something about going to the mall; Jason shrugged only half paying attention to him. soon enough he was alone in the apartment, just him……..and his thoughts. Sighing Jason lay back on the couch, stretching out as he willed himself to relax. He took deep breaths, doing his best to make himself comfortable as he felt his mind begin to wander back to last night. It was no use running from it; he might as well face what had happened at try to come to terms with it. He……and Anthony had………..fucked.

  He groaned again, rubbing his face as those words echoed in his head. He and Anthony had had sex……and…..he’d…….. Jason growled and pressed his hands against his eyes. How did this happen? How had he gotten himself into this? He tried to come up with reasons, he’d had a few drinks…..he as lonely…….he was…..curious. He groaned, doing his best to push that thought down. Yet try as he might that thought seemed to take over his mind. He had only had one drink, so he hadn’t been drunk. As for being lonely………ok maybe he was a little lonely. He didn’t have many friends besides Casey or his brother.

  Harmony had been the first person he’d actively met up with outside of school; and that was mostly sex, although if what Harmony had said was true then perhaps she wanted to become more then fuck buddies. So that left only one option……..he’d be curious. Taking a deep breath he allowed that idea to grow in his mind. Yes…….he had been curious. His little brother was gay, which meant his little brother had sex….with men……..and recently he’d struggled to understand the appeal that men held over his brother. Had…….had he really be
en so curious that he’d had sex with a man just to see what it was like? Jason forced himself to consider this thought. Had last night just been an experiment? He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes even harder. Despite his uncertainty at his reasons for doing it……he and Anthony had slept together…..and…….he’d enjoyed it.

  He bit his lip, trying to recall exactly what it was that had made last night so………intense. Try as he might he could not narrow down a single thing that had pushed him so completely over the edge. Yes he’d been a little drunk. Yes he’d enjoyed the sounds Anthony had made, the gentle churrs and shuddering moans. Yes he'd…….loved feeling Anthony squirm and writhe under him. and………. Again he bit his lip this time trying to hold back and small whimper that threatened to escape his mouth. it had felt so good, SO good. Something about Anthony’s whimpers had enthralled him. The sounds had made him bolder, made him press forward to go further and further until…….. Jason snarled balling his hands into fists before slamming them against the couch cushions several times.

  Why was this affecting him so much? It had been an experiment nothing more. It wasn't like he was going to suddenly run to Anthony and they’d become boyfriends. No he would go back to his daily life and Anthony would go back to his. Jason would continue to sleep with girls and Anthony…….. Jason's train of thought broke off as the mental image of Anthony with another man entered his image. Against his will he felt anger bubble in his stomach as he imaged the other man kissing Anthony, touching his skin, licking his neck; all of it making Anthony whimper and churr as he had done for Jason. Again his will he groaned as he felt his body begin to respond to the memories.

  He growled and forced himself to think of other things. Sitting back up Jason ran his hands over his head. Why was this happening to him? what- but his thoughts were cut off as someone knocked on the apartment door. A moment later Jason's head jerked up as Harmony’s voice spoke. “Jason Are you in there?”

  YES, THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDED!

  “C….coming!”

  he practically threw himself at the door pulling it open before blinking at Harmony who frowned at him. “You said you’d call me last night.”

  Jason's eyes widened; he had indeed told Harmony that he would call, but then……. Jason shook his head ridding himself of the memories of what had happened between him and Anthony. He smiled sheepishly at Harmony. “Sorry. I ended up…….getting sidetracked last night.”

  Harmony raised an eyebrow but put on a pouting face. “how are you gunna make it up to me?”

  Jason grinned before grabbing her wrist and pulling her inside the apartment before closing the door behind him. he knew EXACTLY how he was going to make it up to her.

  ANTHONY’S POV

  Anthony sighed and took a sip from the cup of coffee he had made himself. He’d taken the day off; he’d called April and told her he wasn't feeling well and that she could go home if she wanted too. She’s told him once she was done with some file clean ups she would. Not he sat on his couch, trying to busy himself with watching TV while the memories of last night played endlessly in his head. How could this have happened? how could he, knowing Jason’s mental and emotional state have allowed this to happen? In truth they were rather pointless questions; he knew why this had happened. Jason was obviously an alpha turtle which meant that his very presence drew in submissive; AKA Anthony. But it was more than that, try as he might to come up with a better reason Anthony could not escape the fact that…..he liked Jason.

  The muscle bound turtle made him feel……..happy; on odd occurrence considering they had hardly spent any time together, and yet given the circumstances Anthony felt as though he already knew Jason as though they’d grown up together. Over weeks of listening to Alex talk about Jason he’d developed a bit of a soft spot for Jason. Yes he'd been aggressive to the point of almost being violent when they’d first met; but that had been because at the time Jason had been a threat to his patient’s recovery. But now…….now that Jason and Alex were talking again, now that Leo and Alex were in a stable-ish relationship……… again he bit his lip. Was he ready for this? If Jason wanted to be more then friends was he, Anthony ready for it? Anthony closed his eyes, willing himself to relax. All these thoughts and feelings were getting him nowhere.

  For all he knew this had been just a onetime thing for Jason to try just to see what it was like. This filled Anthony with sadness. He knew it wasn't fair, he knew he had no right to hope that Jason would come back to him; and yet…. he couldn’t help it. he couldn't help wanting Jason to come back, to hold him and kiss him. he pulled his knees against his chest. Despite his words last night part of him had yearned to feel Jason's arms around his shoulder as they had slept. Part of him had pleaded with himself to voice the desires he kept bottled up as he’d lay there next to Jason, feeling the larger turtle shift and move trying to get comfortable. But he'd been selfish; he’d denied himself and Jason of that desire. He’d wanted nothing more than too allow Jason to hold him; but instead he’d given Jason a pillow.

  Anthony bit his lip, burying his face against his knees as small tears began to leak down his face. It was all his fault…… everything was his fault. He was supposed to be smart; he was supposed to be a genius. He should have realized what was going to happen and stopped himself. He….he should have stopped himself from allowing Jason to do those things to him. He should have known things would wind up worse than they were before. Things always wound up like this when he met someone he liked. Things always become complicated or painful and in the end……he always wound up alone again. against his will his eyes flicked towards his cellphone which was sitting on the table next to the couch. He wanted to call Jason, to ask him how he was doing, to make sure he was ok; to just hear Jason's voice. But he resisted the urge. Jason hadn’t even responded to the text he’d sent last night; calling him would just make things worse. He would remain here on his couch; trying to take his mind off the feelings of guilt and pain that welled up in his stomach and chest.

  JASON’S POV

  Laying on his bed Jason bit his lip as he snuggled in closer to Harmony. Harmony shifted, slowly sitting up before looking down at him. “that was fun.”

  Jason smiled and traced out to touch her hand and trace the muscles under her skin. “you should stay here today. We can be lazy and stay in bed all day.”

  Anna looked down at him for a moment. “tempting……”

  he moved in closer sitting up to nuzzle her neck. “but I have to go.”

  Jason pulled away watching as Harmony turned and slowly got out of the bed. “but……” Jason bit his lip. He didn’t want to sound whiney or needy but, “I was hoping we could…..cuddle more.”

  Harmony looked at him slightly confused. “why? Are you wanting to go again?”

  Jason shook his head. “no….I just……..I wanted to cuddle a little.”

  Harmony frowned at him. “Jason……I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. Sorry if you thought otherwise but……….we’re just friends with benefits. Ok?” Jason nodded. This shouldn’t have bothered him. why then did his chest tighten as he watched Harmony pull on her clothes before smiling down at him. “stay cute honey.”

  A moment later she was gone; walking out of his room and soon the apartment. Jason sighed and closed his eyes, dropping himself down onto the mattress. Something was off. Yes, the sex had felt good. But…….it hadn’t felt as good as he'd hoped it would. Each orgasm seemed…….hallow. it didn’t matter how many times he felt the pleasure flood through his body. It did not have the same kind of…….earth shatter, heart stopping, mind numbing quality it had, had the night before. Reaching over Jason grabbed his pillow and pushed it against his face. He growled, the sound muffled by the pillow. The sex hadn’t been the only thing that had been wrong. Harmony’s body felt wrong to him. it was too soft, to fragile, too disgustingly smooth to the touch.

  But it went beyond her body; her moans even her voice, were just not
arousing to him anymore. It was only through sheer force of will that he’d keep himself going until Harmony had told him she was done; which had come as a relief to him. He growled, pushing the pillow harder against his face. he wasn't gay; he didn’t like men. So why did Harmony suddenly seem to boring to him. by all accounts the sex they had just had, was the roughest longest lasting sex they’d had yet. why then had his stomach not burned with passion and lust? Why had he found his mind drifting back to the previous night? Why could he not help but compare Harmony’s moans to Anthony’s? he pulled the pillow away from his face as his phone began to ring. Sitting up Jason picked up his phone and groaned. Why was coach calling him? “hello?”

  after a moment of silence coach’s voice came through the phone, he did not sound happy. “you answered you’re not dead. so maybe you can explain to me why you’re not at practice like your other teammates?”

  Jason glared at his phone for a moment. “but we don't have practices on Thursdays.”

  After a moment coach responded. “I sent text-messages to everyone last night telling them to be here. Why didn’t you check your phone?”

  Jason bit his lip; there was no way in hell he was going to tell coach what had happened. “I’m waiting Jason.”