Comet Chaos

by Lucy Courtenay

  “I’m not feeling very well,” he mumbled, pushing away a slab of honey cake. “Even bird gods have their limits.”

  “You must rest,” buzzed the queen. “The guards will escort you to your chamber. The ceremony will begin at midday tomorrow.”

  “Do you think we should help?” Captain Krill asked the others, as the puffing guards struggled to lift a somewhat fatter Rocky out of his banqueting chair.

  “Nope,” said Fuzz.

  The palace was dark. Well, as dark as it ever got with a blazing comet hanging in the sky. Dark Wader and Crabba peered into the sleeping penguins’ golden bedchamber. It hadn’t been hard to find. Rocky’s snoring shook the entire palace.

  “Did you sabotage the Tunafish?” Dark Wader whispered.

  “Let’s just say, I’ve hidden something important,” Crabba whispered back.

  “So now it’s the fun part,” said Dark Wader. “Even you can’t mess this up, Crabba. You know what you have to do? Snip, snip, snip.”

  “I’m not stupid, boss.”

  “That’s a matter of opinion.”

  The pengbot gave the crusty little alien a push through the door. Crabba’s beady eyes swivelled on the tips of his claws. The penguins didn’t stir.

  Rocky’s bed was bigger and more luxurious than the others, with golden silk hangings and a soft mattress. He rumbled like a rhinoceros and turned over. In two scuttles, Crabba reached the rockhopper. But as he stretched out his razor-sharp claws towards Rocky’s eyebrows, an odd feeling sneaked through his guts. It felt like guilt.

  The morning of the ceremony dawned and the big bedchamber curtains were pulled back by two Bumbl guards. The comet burned more fiercely than ever through the gold-framed window, bathing the room in light. Outside in the palace’s dusty grey courtyard, bells were ringing.

  The penguins squinted and stretched as the guards took up positions by their bedchamber door, ready to escort the bird god to the temple for the ceremony.

  “The comet looks bigger,” said Captain Krill with a yawn. “Don’t you think?”

  “It’s going to hit Bumbl-B this afternoon,” said Splash. “We really did arrive in the nick of time. Let’s hope Rocky can do this or we’re doomed.”

  “Prophecies always leave things until the last minute,” said Fuzz. He slid out of bed and landed with a plop on the floor. “They’re famous for it.”

  Rocky groaned and turned over, his bedcovers pulled firmly over his head. “Tell that light to go away,” he mumbled from under the covers.

  “Come along, Rocky,” Captain Krill said, as he smoothed his yellow ear patches in readiness for the ceremony. “Just one little challenge stands between us and Earth. This time tomorrow we might all be basking on an ice floe in Antarctica!”

  Fuzz whooped. “I can’t wait to see Antarctica!”

  “I expect the leopard seals of Antarctica can’t wait to see us either,” Splash said.

  Fuzz stopped mid-whoop. “There are leopard seals in Antarctica?”

  “Of course there are, Fuzz. Killer whales, too.”

  “There are killer whales in Antarctica?” said Fuzz.

  Splash polished his goggles, settled them on his forehead and nodded.

  Fuzz chopped the air with his flippers. “I’ll zap those killer whales between the eyes,” he boasted. “I’ll smash those leopard seals into splinters.” But he didn’t sound very sure about it.

  “I’m never drinking honey wine again,” Rocky muttered, appearing from underneath his blankets at last.

  The Space Penguins goggled at him.

  “What?” said Rocky.

  “Sizzling seabass, Rocky,” Fuzz gasped. “Where have your eyebrows gone?”

  “Interesting,” said Captain Krill in a bracing voice. “Very … sleek.”

  “Streamlined,” Splash offered.

  “Rocky, mate,” Fuzz breathed, “you look absolutely terrible.”

  Rocky stared and stared at his reflection in the golden mirror on the bedchamber wall, as if by staring he could somehow make his eyebrows return. All he could see were two little stubs above his eyes, sticking straight up into the air. His gorgeous, shiny, fluttering yellow brows were nowhere to be seen.

  “They’ll grow back,” said Fuzz. “Maybe.”

  “The Bumbls wouldn’t steal their own bird god’s eyebrows,” said Splash with a frown. “So who would?”

  The penguins thought about the enemies they had made on their travels through the cosmos. Anadin Skyporker was still locked up on the planet Kroesus. Hubba Blubba, Chief Oozi of the planet Splurdj, had probably become a Wangflang’s lunch. The last time they looked, Balderdash Bigbutt had lost his ship. And Marin-8 had been reprogrammed. There was only one possibility left.

  Captain Krill stared at a line of dusty grey marks on the floor. They looked like the trail of a scuttling crab.

  “Crabba the Mutt and his boss, Beaky Wader,” he said grimly. “That’s who.”

  “But we left Beaky on Flogiston weeks ago!” Fuzz protested. “The metal-munching Flogisaurs must have eaten him by now.”

  “Crabba’s trail is a giveaway,” said Splash. “This is just the kind of sneaky plan Beaky would come up with. He must have escaped from Flogiston and followed us here, ordered Crabba to sneak in last night and—”

  “Crabba and Beaky stole my BROWS!” Rocky roared, coming to life at last.

  “Hush, Rocky,” Captain Krill soothed, “we don’t know for sure that it’s Crabba and Beaky—”

  “I’m going to MASH them!” Rocky roared again. “I’m going to SMASH them!”

  “We have more important things to worry about right now,” said Splash.

  “WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY BROWS?”

  “The entire fate of Bumbl-B and its inhabitants?” suggested Fuzz. “The imminent end of the world when the comet hits? You have a ceremony to attend, bird god!”

  “I can’t go to the ceremony looking like THIS,” Rocky said. “They’ll have to wait until my brows grow back.”

  The other penguins looked at each other.

  “That could take weeks,” said the Captain.

  “The comet strikes today,” Splash said. “And when it does, it’s not just the Bumbls who’ll die. It’s us as well, if we don’t get back to the Tunafish in time.”

  “I’m going nowhere without my brows,” Rocky repeated.

  “Maybe I can make a tonic,” said Fuzz. “Something to help them grow back quickly.”

  “You can do that?” Rocky asked.

  “I can try,” said Fuzz. “You said the whistleberries made your brows thicker. Perhaps I could combine them with something else.” He tapped his flipper on his beak, thinking. “Yes,” he said. “It’s definitely worth a go.”

  Captain Krill checked the large golden clock on the bedchamber wall. “We have one hour until the ceremony. Get back to the Tunafish to make this tonic, Fuzz. Splash? Go with him, see if you can fix the ship’s tailfin in case the ceremony goes wrong and we need to make a quick exit. I’ll stay with Rocky. We are the Space Penguins…”

  “Hear us FLAP!” Splash and Fuzz cheered.

  “Flap quickly, guys,” Rocky begged. “My head’s cold.”

  Splash and Fuzz hurried through the palace courtyard. Bumbls were swarming towards the large golden structure beside the palace.

  “Ceremony!” they buzzed, as Fuzz and Splash waddled past, squinting in the bright light from the comet. “Bird god! New world!”

  The Tunafish lay in a broken heap beside a large pile of grey dust outside the palace compound. Splash opened his toolbox.

  “I just need to weld the broken tailfin back on to the ship,” he told Fuzz. “Shouldn’t take long. Get on with that tonic, will you?”

  “Hello, Marin-9. Did you miss me?” Fuzz asked, entering the cabin.

  “Clean,” said Marin-9, whirling its mop arms in excitement. “Tidy. Put away.”

  Fuzz mixed and measured, humming to himself. Making an eyebrow tonic was even more fun
than cooking. After half an hour, the tonic was the colour and consistency of mud. Fuzz took a long sniff.

  “This smells of mackerel and seagull poo,” he sighed, pouring the mixture into a little bottle to take to Rocky. “What a combination.”

  Splash waddled into the cabin and wiped his brow with his flipper.

  “I can’t find the Tunafish’s tailfin anywhere,” he said anxiously. “If Rocky fails the challenge, we’re never getting out of here. We’ll blow up along with this whole planet. Your tonic had better work.”

  “I’ll take a hat for Rocky,” Fuzz decided. “Just in case.”

  Hundreds had gathered in the temple. Bumbl guards lined the walls and the aisles. The queen herself sat on a throne at the end of the golden room. Beside the queen was a large, hexagonal-shaped door, whose six sides glimmered and pulsed.

  The light from the comet poured through the temple windows. It was so bright now that the golden temple walls blazed like fire. It was hard to see anything in the dazzle.

  “Bring in the bird god!” the Bumbls cried. “Open the portal! Take us to our new home! Our destiny awaits!”

  Escorted by a troop of Bumbl guards, Rocky walked into the temple, followed by Captain Krill, Splash and Fuzz. Rocky nervously adjusted his woolly hat.

  “That must be the portal,” said Captain Krill, admiring the glowing hexagonal door. “It’s even got a handle. All Rocky has to do is turn the handle, and Earth will be on the other side!”

  “Something tells me it won’t be that easy,” said Splash.

  “Nor will escaping this planet,” said Fuzz in a low voice. He and Splash had agreed not to tell the Captain or Rocky the bad news about the Tunafish’s missing tailfin.

  “Welcome, bird god,” said the queen.

  “HE’S not the bird god!” came a voice that boomed around the temple. “I AM!”

  Feverish buzzing erupted as Dark Wader came gliding through the doors behind the Space Penguins, with Crabba scuttling beside him.

  Rocky spluttered in fury at the magnificent set of yellow eyebrow feathers glued to the pengbot’s jet-black helmet.

  “I KNEW it was you, Beaky!” he shouted. “You big metal mollusc!”

  “This pengbot is a liar and a thief, Your Buzziness,” Splash said. “Those brows belong to Rocky!”

  “Remove your hat in the presence of the Bumbl queen,” the commander ordered Rocky.

  The Bumbl guards tugged the hat off Rocky’s head. The whole room buzzed in shock at the sight of his missing eyebrows.

  “Your tonic isn’t working, Fuzz,” Rocky moaned, trying to grab his hat back. “And it tasted horrible.”

  “Any bright ideas, Splash?” asked Captain Krill.

  “Not a sprat,” said Splash.

  “I’m the bird god, not that robbing rust-bucket over there!” Rocky yelled, as he crammed his hat on again. “He stole my brows!”

  “FIGHT!” Fuzz shouted.

  “Fighting isn’t the answer,” said the Captain.

  “You snooze, you lose.” Dark Wader smirked at the Space Penguins as he glided down the aisle towards the queen on her golden throne. Rocky’s brows fluttered like pennants from his helmet.

  “Except maybe this once,” Captain Krill said.

  The penguins charged at the pengbot. The Bumbl guards instantly fired their honey guns. Jets of sweetness blazed everywhere, soaking the penguins and half the room.

  “Not again,” Fuzz grumbled to the others, struggling through the gloop amid loud and furious buzzing.

  “Enough,” said the queen. The hexagonal portal shimmered and glowed beside her.

  The Bumbls put their guns away. The Space Penguins did their best to unstick themselves, shaking out their gooey feathers and licking their beaks. The fresh honey gleamed in the light from the comet, dripping off the temple walls with a steady plink.

  “Arrest the impostor,” said the queen, pointing at Rocky. “And let the ceremony begin.”

  “You’re making a mistake!” shouted Captain Krill, as the guards closed in on Rocky. “Your Buzziness, if you choose this villain for your ceremony, you and your people will never reach your new world. He is the wrong bird god.”

  Plink, went the honey off the temple walls. Plunk. The Bumbls started muttering.

  “You’ve confused them, Captain,” said Fuzz, licking his flippers.

  “You’ve confused me, too,” said Rocky, struggling stickily in the grip of the guards.

  “Not difficult,” said Splash.

  “Release the prisoner,” said the queen. “Both bird gods will step forward and undertake the challenge. The victor will join us in our new world. The loser will remain in this doomed place to die.”

  Dark Wader glided down the aisle, sending up waves of gloopy honey that soaked Crabba as he scuttled at his master’s heels. Rocky waddled down the sticky aisle after them, glaring at the feathers on the pengbot’s helmet.

  “May the best penguin win,” said Dark Wader, squelching to a halt. “And by the way,” he added, “the best penguin is me.”

  “Reveal the challenge,” said the queen.

  She pressed a button set into the arm of her throne. At once, the floor between the penguins and the portal disappeared, revealing a maze of hexagonal stepping stones floating on a pit of bubbling honey.

  “One path reaches the portal,” said the queen. “All others end in death.”

  “Rocky can’t find his beak on his own face,” said Splash in horror. “He’ll never find the right way across that boiling honey!”

  “Beaky will definitely get there first,” Fuzz groaned, clapping his flippers to his head.

  “Not so fast, crew,” said Captain Krill. “Beaky has runners instead of feet. How is he going to jump from one stepping stone to another?”

  “You cannot go back when you have chosen. So choose your path wisely,” the queen told Rocky and Dark Wader. “Our fate rests in your hands.”

  “They’re flippers actually,” said Rocky.

  He stared hard at the maze, hunting for a path that would take him across. Was it his imagination, or did certain stones seem to glow more brightly than others?

  “Hey ho, fish roe,” he said. “See you on the other side!”

  He hopped on to one stepping stone, then another. Nothing happened. The boiling honey blopped and blipped below Rocky’s feet.

  “I can’t watch,” said Fuzz, watching.

  Rocky hopped. Then he hopped again.

  “He’s going the wrong way,” said Splash in agony.

  “Stay positive, team,” said Captain Krill.

  “Come on, Captain,” said Fuzz. “This is Rocky we’re talking about.”

  But there was no splash. No squawk of agony. Rocky hadn’t gone wrong. Yet.

  “What are you waiting for, Beaky?” Rocky taunted over his shoulder when he was halfway across. “I’m a rockhopper, watch me hop.”

  Dark Wader rocked irritably on his runners at the edge of the pit. “I’m waiting for you to fail, you fish-eating fop,” he snapped.

  On the far side of the pit, the portal was glowing more brightly than ever. Rocky jumped to a fifth stone, a sixth, a seventh. And still no mistakes.

  “How is he doing this?” Fuzz gasped. “He truly is a god!”

  “Never tell him that to his face,” said Splash.

  Ten stones, eleven, twelve. Rocky made the final leap on to the far side. The moment his feet touched the ground, the boiling pit sealed itself back into a floor.

  The Space Penguins squawked themselves hoarse. The Bumbls cheered buzzily. Dark Wader’s eyes sparked with rage.

  “Thank you, fans,” Rocky grinned. “Beaky? Eat my fishbones.”

  He stretched out his flipper to pull down the lever set into the wall. The portal shook and split apart with a great roar. Through a shimmering veil of light the penguins glimpsed purple grass, yellow flowers and blue-leaved trees.

  “Success!” cried the queen. She spread her wings. “Come, my people! Come!” />
  “Bird god!” the Bumbls roared in unison, spreading their wings. “Bird god!”

  “Rocky’s going to be unbearable about this,” sighed Splash, as the queen and her people flew towards the portal.

  “Better unbearable than dead,” said Fuzz, jumping up and down in celebration. “Go Rocky!”

  “Out of my way, you stupid stingers!”

  Dark Wader glided at full speed across the freshly sealed floor, blasting through the Bumbls and heading for the portal himself. “Waddling is so last century,” he sneered at the Space Penguins, and he shoved Rocky hard in the chest.

  The rockhopper toppled backwards and lay on the ground with his feet pointing at the golden ceiling and his hat over his eyes.

  “The prophecy!” cried the Bumbls, surging over Rocky and shoving past the Space Penguins to follow their queen and Dark Wader through the portal towards the glowing light of the new world. “We are saved!”

  “LOSERS!” the pengbot crowed. “Earthly domination, here I come! Bye bye, space pals! Sorry to leave you here to die – NOT!”

  “Quickly, team!” the Captain said, as Splash and Fuzz struggled to pull Rocky back on to his feet. “The portal is getting smaller…”

  The honey that coated every surface made it hard to move quickly. The portal was shrinking to the size of a window, then a cat flap, then a keyhole, and then – POP!

  It was gone.

  The Space Penguins sat in the middle of the sticky, deserted throne room.

  “Do you ever get the feeling,” said Fuzz, “that you’re the only living thing for a million miles?”

  “At least the Bumbls got away,” said Captain Krill. “So that’s nice.”

  He smoothed his yellow ear patches and sighed. “I really wanted to see Earth again.”

  “I didn’t,” said Fuzz, unexpectedly. “Leopard seals and killer whales sound like real party poopers.”