Dad is not gay

by N. Schwalbe

  »Yes,« Luca answered friendly, but without any enthusiasm. He wanted to talk to Tom, taking away his self-doubts and accusations. He had been in the same situation when he first landed in bed with a man.

  »Would you kindly go and get us some more sausages, Zoe?« Tom asked. He had also the desire to talk.

  Zoe nodded and went back reluctantly. »Alright then, because you’ve kindly asked me.«

  »That’s rather because you wanted to have a barbecue, isn’t it?« Tom flung at her. He could not stand her annoyed behavior only because she had to do something she did not want to – and he knew she wanted to stay near to Luca.

  Frederik headed for them and Tom hurried up saying something to Luca. »I feel somehow dirty, though I’m pining for you with every inch of my body and though I would do it again and again.« Insecure, he looked at Luca.

  Luca smiled and got ready to caress his arm, but shortly before he touched it, he changed his mind and patted his back. With this, he laughed out loud as if Tom had made a very good joke. »Right you are!« he said loud, leaned forward and added »it’s the same with me. You are dominating my mind from morning to evening.«

  »Hi!« Frederik headed for Luca even though he tried to disguise it.

  »Hi!«

  »Do you need help, Tom?«

  »You could take over at the barbecue. I urgently need to go to the bathroom.« That was a lie, but he was afraid Frederik would become suspicious if he stayed near to Luca. He gazed at Luca meaningfully and went away.

  »Do you have two toilets? I drank too much water after our training.«

  »Yes. You’ll take the guests one and I’ll go upstairs.«

  »You don’t want to leave me alone, do you?« Frederik asked. He had wanted to make a pass at Luca.

  »You’ll manage. Besides, it won’t take hours to pee,« Tom said winking.

  Zoe was standing in the kitchen to arrange the salad. »What are you up to?«

  »Just a sightseeing trip through our house…and Luca wants to go the restroom.«

  Zoe smiled nervously. »Have fun!«

  »Peeing?« Tom laughed.

  »No, with your sightseeing tour.«

  »Peeing is more important,« Luca said pretending to be cramped.

  Tom made sure that all kids were playing in the garden. Then, he and Luca went upstairs. »Here you see the children’s room, the sleeping room and above us is my office. I’ve also built up a little weather station,« he added softly.

  »Cool, you have to show it to me! But first of all, I really need to take a whiz.«

  »Well, this way please!« Tom opened the bathroom’s door and let Luca enter.

  Luca tugged at his sleeve and closed the door behind them.

  With a flick of the wrist, Tom barred the door and leaned against the wall.

  Luca propped up next to him and approached his face. In the glow of the wall lamp, Tom’s eyes sparkled like lapis lazuli. Smitten, he gazed at him and leaned forward.

  First, their lips met tenderly, than they kissed more demanding and, finally, they opened their mouths as if they wanted to melt into one another.

  Tom blushed as he hugged Luca and pressed himself against him. He felt Luca’s hard-on and seized it automatically. »God, I want you so much that it drives me crazy!«

  Luca came off. »I want you, too, but not now. Your family and guests are waiting outside and I don’t think we could hide our feelings if we had sex now.«

  Disappointed, Tom leaned against the cold tiles and tried to calm down. He was almost bursting with sexual lust. »I suppose you’re right. I’ve already difficulties to hide my feelings without having sex.«

  Luca kissed Tom again. »I’ll find a way to eat you up as soon as the barbecue is over, promised!«

  Tom smiled. »Okay, then let’s go. Frederik is queer, by the way.« Tom winked at him and left the room.

  »I thought as much. He gobbled up at me! Does that mean I have to let him chat me up?«

  Tom grinned. »No. But this evening, you have the choice. Either you’re lumbered with the ladies or with him.«

  Luca sighed. »I want no-one except you.«

  »Well, then let’s get the party over with!« Tom patted his butt and suppressed the urge to embrace him again. Instead, he ran down the stairs directly to the barbecue while Luca was going to the guest toilet.

  »There you are finally! I was about to register you as a miss,« Frederik laughed. »Where is Luca?«

  »Still on the toilet, I guess,« Tom answered shortly.

  »God, he is so sexy! I’d love to have his botty in my bed.« Frederik gave him back the barbecue tongs. Tom threw the meat on the barbecue a little too hard and opened a bottle of beer. He felt an overwhelming desire to beat Frederik.

  »You’ll have a bad hand, Freddie,« Maik said pointing to the terrace where Luca was standing next to Zoe, Pamela and Biggi. They seemed to have a lot of fun.

  Tom’s stomach turned at this sight.

  Goodness!

  He was jealous – of his own wife and her bungling girl-friends of all people!

  Why did they have to fling themselves at him?

  »If my wife also goes nuts, we can open our own smoker,« Maik said, but his wife stood up smiling and hugging him from behind. »Darling, I only want you. Even though Luca Steffen must be a good match, he is rather part of my TV program in the evenings.«

  »Indeed?«

  »Indeed. You’re my only hero!« Tina bit him playfully into the shoulder.

  »Ouch! You cheeky cow! Just you wait!« He chased his wife through the garden until they came back to the barbecue laughing and cuddling.

  Luca left the terrace and strolled over to them. »That smells bewitching, Tom! Obviously, you don’t even have a knack for fencing but also for barbecuing.«

  »What a real man is…,« Tom joked.

  Frederik listened to them and watched them suspiciously. »Luca, what’s your next shooting about?«

  »I’m playing an impoverished Egypt prince who has to defend himself against the powers of darkness to conquer the heart of the lady he loves.«

  »An action film?« Zoe asked, trying to keep her composure.

  »Yes.« Luca grinned. »That’s why my manager has exclusively employed Tom. It’s going to be a very combat loaded film.«

  »Goddy, Tom, you could at least have said something. Under these circumstances, I’m going to visit you in the club,« Frederik said a little too feminine.

  Luca shook his head. »I’m sorry, Frederik, but I have to knock that idea out of your head. My manager took care that no spectators are allowed to be present while training. We are fencing with real swords and if I get hurt before the shooting is going to start, I’ll pay a high contract penalty to the production company.«

  »You’re making exceptions for friends and acquaintances for sure, aren’t you?« Frederik made eyes on him while Zoe was agreeing. »We all want to watch!«

  Tom sighed and rolled his eyes. »There’s no way, Zoe. Besides, you had already had your chance watching us at the mediaeval spektakulum! But you preferred going into some pub with your friends.«

  Zoe gave him the evil eye.

  »I’ll talk to my manager whether there is any chance to show you an exhibition fight as soon as our training has come to an end.«

  The ladies applauded softly while Luca was smiling modestly at them.

  Tom had the impression that Luca was not feeling very well and, thus, he changed the subject. »Okay, sausages are ready! Go and feed the kids first! And then, the ladies can set the table for us men.«

  »You’re such a male chauvinist,« said Biggi condescendingly. »I already said to Zoe years ago that you’re not the right one for her.«

  »You got to know,« Tom replied overly friendly. While he filled sausages and steaks on some plates, Frederik buttonholed Luca. They sat down at the long garden bench and talked so lively that Tom had troubles to concentrate on the barbecue.

  After eating, Zoe brought the kids to b
ed so that Tom had a chance to eat something, too.

  As soon as he had finished, he arranged the cocktails.

  »I take ‘Sex on the beach’, Tom,« Frederik murmured.

  Tom rolled his eyes secretly. Sometimes, his colleague was unnatural and artificial almost like an affected broad. He swore to himself that he would never become like him even though he was wild about Luca!

  While mixing the cocktails, he thought about whether he would also begin something with other men like Maik or Hans, but he came to the conclusion very quickly that his fascination for Luca was unique.

  As soon as Tom had provided for everyone, he changed the music and sat down at the camp fire. He was facing Luca who sat between Pamela and Frederik not knowing to whom to turn first since both of them were incessantly talking to him. Empathetically, Tom watched this tug-of-war for his special guest for a while, but then he interrupted them. »Frederik, I’ve heard, Pamela would love to go out with you!«

  Deadly silence.

  Tom grinned.

  Pamela and Biggi did not.

  They glanced at him with a withering look.

  Tom’s blow hit.

  Luca was no longer their plaything.

  Pamela was insulted and Frederik sulked because he knew that Tom knew that he was not fancying women.

  Luca stood up and went into the house.

  Tom withstood the impulse to follow him, but listened instead to the conversation of the women about insensitive machos – to whom he obviously belonged, too, and to whom he wanted to belong!

  Frederik cleared his throat. »Tom, you already know that I’m not available anymore.«

  Tom’s perked his brows up. »Really? How could I forget that? I’m sorry!«

  When Zoe came back, her girl-friends stormed to her and reported about Tom’s compromising attempt of procuration.

  Meanwhile, Luca was standing on the terrace, talking to Hans and Maik.

  Tom decided to go to him.

  »…building a house is really difficult.«

  »We had to scatter the ground before we could build a house because the subsoil was inhomogeneous,« Maik answered. »This damn bed pads had cost us ten-thousand.«

  »And we should have asked our neighbors whether we can borrow us some electricity. We had to pay two-thousand Euros for the electricity supply during the construction,« Hans told bad-tempered.

  »Did everything go off smoothly with your house-building, Tom?«

  Three pairs of eyes were gazing at him questioningly.

  »Well, yes. My father built the house together with my uncle. I didn’t have to take care of anything at that time.«

  »That’s the advantage if you’re coming from a workman family,« Luca laughed, winking at Tom.

  Tom’s heart almost slipped into his pants.

  Frederik, who had crept up on them, noted his reaction and he looked at Tom suspiciously.

  Anne came and talked softly to Hans who turned to Tom. »Tom, we thank you for this wonderful evening. Next time is our turn!«

  »You already want to go?«

  »Yes, it’s late.«

  Tom saw his hour drawing near, but Frederik clung to Luca like leech for the rest of the evening and, thus, it was impossible for him to sneak off with Luca.

  4

  »Hey, Tom, please wait!«

  Grudging, Tom put his bag on the ground. He smiled friendly even though he did not feel like it. »Frederik?«

  Frederik took a breath. »Out with it, is there any possibility that Luca Steffen might be queer?«

  »What makes you say that?«

  Frederik made a face. »Instinct.«

  »Well, then you should check your seven senses,« Tom replied edgy.

  »Seven? People only have six.«

  »And I’ve always thought the seventh sense is the sensor for homosexuals,« Tom said and was annoyed about himself because he got mixed up with the senses every time.

  Frederik grimaced. »Well roared, lion!«

  Tom picked up his bag. »Do you come to the target practice, too?«

  »No, I was there last week.«

  Maik patted Tom’s shoulder. »Super, you’re going to the target practice. At least, I don’t have to do this shit on my own.« He turned to Frederik. »Hey Freddy! Could you get anywhere with our guest star at Tom’s barbecue?«

  »Nope,« Frederik said grudgingly, »Tom claimed that Luca Steffen is hetero.«

  »Guess, that’s better this way, otherwise a lot of women would be very disappointed,« Maik laughed out loud.

  »Half of the nation, to be exact,« Hans interjected.

  Frederik gave a sniff at it. »My instinct has never played any tricks on me.«

  Hans patted his shoulder. »So you believe that the shoemaker is always discovering his equals?«

  »Very funny.« Frederik was insulted and swept away.

  »Did I say anything wrong?« Hans asked confused and scratched his head.

  »Don’t bother. Frederik has always been and will always be a queen. These are sensitive.« Maik shrugged his shoulders.

  Actually, Tom would have joined in their laughter, but now, he felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Wasn’t he possibly a fag, too?

  After all, he was intimate with Luca.

  And if he was honest to himself, he had to admit that he would do it again.

  But was he therefore also a sissy?

  ***

  Tom tugged the key out of the ignition switch and left the car. He nervously wiped his hands at his uniform and tried to ignore his heart pounding fast.

  It was absolutely absurd what he was doing!

  Why didn’t he stay at home to have a comfortable evening with his wife?

  At his barbecue, he almost went mad because Frederik was flying around Luca like a bluebottle hoping to find an opportunity to try to get friendly with his number one man. Tom would have liked to polish his mug, but then, he would have had to explain it - and Frederik had already followed him at every turn for the last two days as if he could convict Tom of something.

  Tom looked up the house front.

  He was standing in between the Eppendorfer old quarter in front of a three stories building. The replicated baroque stucco heads were looking down on him that friendly as if they wanted to welcome him warmly, and thus, he bravely stepped up to the entrance.

  There were no names on the bells but initials and, though, he had already been here once he hoped that he was pressing the right bell – as there were two L.S. living.

  »Hello?«

  »Hi,« Tom croaked with effort. He felt like an idiot doing something very stupid and just the moment he wanted to turn, Luca’s voice came out of the intercom system. »Tom, is it you?«

  »Yes,« Tom answered hesitatingly.

  Was Luca capable of telepathy?

  He cleared his throat and pressed the heavy front door, as it was buzzing softly. The hallway was only badly lit and every step was creaking underneath his shoes as he went upstairs to the second floor. His legs felt like wobbly pudding and his hands were shaking like a leaf.

  God, he was completely crazy!

  What did he want here?

  His conscience sat on his shoulder with a raised finger and paralyzed every single step.

  Don’t think about what you’re doing, just do it, the little devil inside encouraged him and forced him to go on.

  Arriving upstairs, he was rewarded with Luca’s sight. Luca leaned against the doorframe and smiled at him impishly.

  Promptly, Tom clutched at the banisters, fearing to lose his balance and to fell downstairs – before he could get closer to this wonderful man!

  A slight dizziness paralyzed his visibility and, thus, Tom stood still and breathed in. »Hi.«

  »Hi! Please come in!« Luca gave the door a push so that it opened widely and, however, casually remained in the doorway.

  Tom mastered the previous steps and slipped past Luca, frantically being anxious to keep his distance.

  Luc
a closed the door.

  Tom stood gaping at Luca’s loft.

  The corridor was at least fifty meters long and so large that one could easily cycle in there.

  »Good Lord! That’s your apartment?«

  Luca smirked. »Yes, my modest home. Welcome!«

  »Modest?« Tom raised his brows, than he laughed, almost a little bit relieved that he did not venture into a cramped lion’s den. These premises did not make you feel cramped.

  »Come on, I’ll show you around!« Luca drew Tom with him and while they were walking from one room to another, Tom felt more and more like a poor devil.

  Suddenly, Luca stopped. »You’re so quite. Is everything alright with you?«

  »I guess, you’re playing in a different league,« Tom burst out and bit his tongue.

  It seemed as if he was in a castle with ten rooms whereas each single room was bigger than his whole first floor. The ceilings were about four meters high and in the sleeping room, there was even a narrow winding staircase which led into the attic and ended in a little tower. The stucco must have cost a fortune and was still well preserved.

  Luca grimaced. »Nonsense!« he said in a whisper. He took Tom’s hand and bit into his fingers without turning his eyes away from him.

  Tom did not dare to look up. His heart was racing and his blood was rushing into deeper regions. He got so aroused that he would have liked to get undressed and make it with him.

  Why, for heaven’s sake, could he only think about sex being close to Luca?

  »Come!« Luca embraced him. He held him tight and, finally, kissed him. He was playing with his lips, licked them and nibbled at them until he let his tongue slip into his mouth.

  Tom threw his doubts overboard and gave in to his physical craving. It was as if he was diving into Luca so none of them noted that they were about to kick a one and a half meter high vase.

  Wumm.

  The vase burst and let them jump.

  Completely taken aback, Tom stared at the white and blue pottery which was spread all over the floor as if someone wanted to play pick-a-stick.

  »Oh, I guess it is smashed!« Luca laughed and pushed Tom out of the room. »Come on, we’ll have a drink at the bar.«

  »Was it an expensive vase?«