It's Just Love, Not a Time Bomb

by Dawn Martens

  “Hey, man, shit, I need to talk,” Shaun says in a rushed breath.

  “What’s up?” I rub my eyes, trying to get alert. I know it must be big if he’s calling this early.

  “I finally broke it off with Marnie, which is the right fuckin’ thing. My kid can’t be growing up with all this damn fighting. Bad news though. Shit, Liz is back.”

  About six months after Liz left, Marnie ended up pregnant. Shaun got drunk one night, which was the usual since Liz left him, and ended up screwing her without a condom. They tried making shit work, for the kid, so I’m glad he’s finally seen the light of his shit, and broke up with her. Now, with Liz being back, that means Marnie might try to cause trouble. Just last week, she was spitting out about how Shaun needs to get over her and all that. Shit won’t be good.

  We’re dealing with so much shit lately. Fuck, Mom’s cancer is back, and this time, she’s refusing to go through with the chemo again. And now Liz.

  I sit up in bed when Jazmine comes behind me, draping an arm over me. I shrug her off, shooting her a dirty look and get up. “Shaun, man, hate to be the one to tell you this, but she already knows. Sarah told her.”

  “Fuck,” he lets out. “I want her back man.”

  “Then make it happen.” I’m not sure how that’s gonna work, but if Liz still loves him, even just a little, I’m sure things will be fine. Then again, if Sarah has her way, it will never happen. Sarah, for the last three years, has been hating on Shaun. If Shaun comes over to hang out, and Sarah is here, she leaves. I know that hurts Shaun too, because we grew up with Sarah. We were best friends. Not only did he lose the woman he loves more than anything, but he lost his best friend too.

  Jaz is shuffling around, hopefully getting ready to leave.

  I hang up and set the phone down on my nightstand. “You need to get gone,” I say, not looking at Jazmine. There is nothing emotional between us, we just use each other to get off.

  “Whatever. Seriously, this shit is getting old. Last night wasn’t that great,” she grumbles. “You know you might be pretty to look at, but that’s about it.”

  Pretty to look at? Shaking my head, I look at myself in the mirror. Guess I look good for a dude, standing nearly six feet with my light hair cut short and spiky on top, and I have some muscles on me. I’m packing a six-pack, something all women seem to swarm for.

  She picks her shit up. I don’t even find her that attractive anymore. I only ever call her up when I’m too lazy to go out myself and find a hook up. Yeah, she has a nice body, but that isn’t everything. She leaves without saying anything more. This shit is getting old.

  SIX MONTHS LATER

  I pull into the driveway of Renee’s house. Meeting her a few months back, we hit it off. Usually, the girls I’m with wear out their stay within a few days. When I met Renee, she came into my life at the right time. Tired of meeting sluts, I felt like I was ready to try for something more. She’s the first girl I have really brought around my mom, feeling like maybe there is something different with her. Shaun, Bobby, and Sam have been giving me shit, saying she’s a bitch. Liz and Simone both keep telling me she’s not who she seems. Sarah just quietly tells me to keep my eyes open.

  I love my friends and my family, but they don’t know what really goes on in my relationship. They are too damn nosey for their own good. They don’t know Renee like I do, and damn, she is gorgeous. Long wavy chestnut hair, plump red lips, nice firm double D tits, perky ass, tan legs that go on for days; she is F-I-N-E. She looks like she stepped out of a fuckin’ magazine.

  I haven’t heard from Jazmine since our last night together six months ago. She ended up sinking her claws into someone else. However, both Liz and Sarah have said she was better than Renee is. They don’t know what they’re talking about. I think they don’t like Renee because she is hot, something their guys notice too.

  I don’t even get to the door when Renee comes running out, squealing and jumping into my arms, her mouth crashing down on mine. I love her enthusiasm. She is always happy to see me, and my dick is always just as eager to see her too. My cock twitches at the contact.

  “Hey, handsome,” she says when she unlatches.

  Her hands slide over my chest as her lips cover my own again. Smiling against her mouth, my own hands wander over her perfect body as I kick the door closed behind us. I feel her hand sliding down my body and slowly begin rubbing over my erection, and I groan at the pleasure of being only millimetres away from having my dick in her small hand. She begins walking back toward her room, pushing her shorts down in the process. As we both stumble through the narrow doorway, we fall onto her bed. I pull my mouth from hers and watch on as she stands and begins a slow torture of removing the rest of her clothing. Fuck, she is so sexy and all mine.

  Smiling sweetly at me, she watches as I slide my jeans down to my thighs and wrap my hand around my cock, stroking slowly as she stands in front of me in all her naked glory. She doesn’t move, but her eyes are glued to where my hand is.

  Stroking a little faster, I hold the lust in my tone back as I ask her, “Do you want something, Renee?”

  She takes a step forward. “You know I do, Jordan.” She is always willing and ready; our sexual chemistry is on fire, but we are lacking in other areas. I keep thinking that in time, the more I get to know her, the more our relationship will change and evolve into something more.

  She kneels on the bed and ever so slowly crawls up, while running her hands up my legs, stopping right near my erection. I groan as her tongue glides over her bottom lip, wanting her mouth wrapped around me, but I have other ideas. As her head descends, I reach out and flip her over onto her back and slide down her body, and before she can get a word out, my mouth is between her legs, devouring her. Her moans of pleasure echo through the room, her thighs pinning my head between them as her back arches from the bed. Grinning, I work my hand up to her aching core, circling her opening, then plunge two fingers into her wet pussy.

  “Please,” she whimpers.

  Removing my mouth from her clit as my fingers slide in and out of her, I pant, “What do you want, Renee?” Her head thrashes from side to side as I speed up my movement.

  “I want you inside of me,” she cries out as I pick up speed. I work my fingers in and out of her tight cunt. Faster and faster, I speed up the tempo.

  “Soon, sweetheart.” I smile wickedly at her, knowing what she really wants. I just want to hear her say it.

  “I want your cock inside me now, Jordan. Please, fuck me, baby,” she demands, and I do just that.

  These past few years I have been drifting from one place to another, unable to find my place. I don’t know what I want or where I am headed in life…

  After leaving the apartment Liam and I shared, I stayed with my parents for a week, just until I could get a flight out to England. My grandfather had passed away a year before, and he left both my sister and me a big trust fund, so I used some of mine to buy my plane ticket to England.

  I stayed with Kellie, who was working over there for some big shot billionaire. She was even living in his house, since she couldn’t find anywhere else to stay. His house was friggin huge. He had two areas in his home that were basically like hotel suites but bigger. Kellie’s suite had two bedrooms, a bathroom, and her own kitchen. She said that they ate supper together most of the time because of work so she rarely ever used her kitchen. The relationship the both of them maintained was just work, nothing more. I often teased her when she would get home from work, about how cliché it was—the whole poor girl assistant and the sexy, hot young billionaire. She wasn’t impressed, and was even more unhappy when I would joke about it in front of Jaxon. I tried some matchmaking attempts, but it didn’t work. It seemed to backfire and push them further apart. However, I still believe, one-hundred percent that those two totally have the hotts for each other.

  I stayed with Kellie for a little over a year, working in a salon that Jaxon was able to get me on at, before moving on to Amsterdam
. Only reason I ended up leaving England, was because I thought maybe they would give it a go without me around.

  I also didn’t ever plan to stay as long as I did. It was just meant to be a vacation and then back home, but after the phone calls and emails I kept getting from Liam, I just stayed away. Running from home, at the time, was best for me—out of sight and out of mind, or so I thought. It worked for a while anyway.

  Now Amsterdam was a blast, but I have to say that I partied way too much, and it’s possible my liver is totally dead. I only stayed there for two months before I decided that Amsterdam was bad for my health. I travelled to other places, not really staying long in each spot. I met a guy, Paul, in one place I travelled to, but when things started to get too serious, I took off. It happened a couple of times with different guys before I ended up back in England, staying with Kellie again.

  However, nothing had progressed with Kellie and Jaxon’s relationship. I let their shit go for a while, because it was just nice being around Kellie again. She also knew what it was like to be treated like crap by family and an ex.

  That said, her situation was nothing like mine. Her parents are assholes—well, mainly her mom. Her dad, the man that adopted her, is a totally epic guy and treats her like one of his own, sometimes even more so. Her mom, however, never lets her forget how she came to be. Her ex-boyfriend was a total dick too, only dated her to try to get her virginity. Of course, it didn’t happen, since I found out he was sleeping with Michelle—yes, that Michelle. Thank God I found out and told Kellie right away before she slept with the bastard.

  Jaxon pretty much forced me to go back home, saying I was too much. Also, my visa was expiring soon, I thought maybe I should move home. Maybe I could put my past behind me and give the place another chance. I cut all ties with my sister, after the shit her and Liam pulled, she didn’t fight me on it either. We haven’t spoken since that fateful day. Liam, on the other hand, has been after me to return home since I got on that plane and left him behind.

  I also wouldn’t be able to work in the salon I left either. Because I didn’t even let them know I was leaving. I called them, said I needed my vacation time, and it was granted, but then I never went back, never called to say I quit—nothing. To say they are pissed would be an understatement.

  Yes, my fiancé, Liam, slept with my sister, and yes, my sister is the queen bitch of the damn town, but in order to move on, in order to find love, I need to forgive. It’s the only real way to do this. Besides, I got phone call after phone call while in England, from Liam, begging for forgiveness.

  Picking up my luggage from the claim area, I walk toward the door of the crowded airport. I’m home, some place I haven’t been now in a few years. I suck in a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for this. My parents sold my car for me while I was away. It wasn’t that it was old and broken down, but I didn’t have any reason for keeping it. Why let it just sit around, when it could be someone else’s car?

  Could I really forgive Liam for sleeping with my sister behind my back? Was it possible for me to do that? Could I move on from finding out that Liam had been with my sister and forget everything that happened? I doubt it. Who could really?

  I eventually told him I’d think about it. Tell me what girl wouldn’t want to think about it? We had, after all, been together since we were fourteen, but even so, I still could not just forgive and forget. It fuckin’ hurt! People take back cheating assholes all the time, and sometimes, it works out, but sometimes it doesn’t. I do still love him though, so maybe it will work out for us—maybe being the operative word.

  I step outside into the cool crisp air of Edmonton. It’s actually surprisingly somewhat warmish for being February. However, there is still more snow than the city knows what to do with. I rummage through my always overloaded purse, looking for my phone so I can call a cab. Sighing at the mess of my purse, I realize I’ve really got to get used to putting it in the side pocket and not just throwing it in the main interior. I wouldn’t have this issue all the time then. Mom is expecting me; I told her I’d be here. When I called and told her I’d be coming home, she was so damn joyful. I felt that shit through the phone.

  She hated what happened between Michelle and me, but she didn’t take sides. How could she? She loves us both, equally. I couldn’t see how she loved us both the same, since Michelle basically destroyed my plans for the future. Yeah, I could be selfish about it, but it wasn’t my place to tell her otherwise. Of course she was upset that one of her children was hurting and angry at the other, but a person could only do so much. I hated hearing the pain in her voice when we spoke. She tried countless times for me to forgive my sister, but it just wasn’t happening, not straight away. I couldn’t do it. She eventually stopped trying to convince me to accept my sister’s apology—an apology I am sure my mom fabricated, trying to smooth things over. Mom told me she loved us both, no matter the outcome.

  I haven’t changed who I am though, so if they are expecting a different Alix, they are in for a surprise. My crazy hair colors are still around. Like I would ever give that up; one of the ways I show who I am is with my hair. It’s the only way I can really express myself.

  If I truly want to move on from my past, why not start with the one who cut me the deepest, Liam. I shoot him a text and let him know I have arrived fresh off the plane. He offers to pick me up, and I am too exhausted to turn down his offer. Besides, getting a cab is proving to be hard at the moment.

  *~*

  “Alix?” I hear a gravelly voice come from behind me. “My God, still fuckin’ beautiful,” he says, embracing me from behind.

  “Liam,” I whisper. I’m still hesitant on this; I don’t know if I can get over what happened. Will I be like everyone else, always thinking he’s still cheating, or can I actually let it go? Right at this moment though, I don’t care. Saying and doing something, are two entirely different things. My body betrays me, yearning for his touch. I need to see his face; it has been so long. When I left, I didn’t take any of our photos, and since I couldn’t bear to look at him, I deleted every single picture of him from my phone.

  I turn around in his arms, flinging my arms around his neck. “I’ve missed you.” It’s the truth, I have missed him. We share a lot of history. Looking back at high school and beyond, I don’t have many memories that don’t include him in one way or another. He was my boyfriend, but he was also my best friend.

  “Yeah, don’t leave me like that again,” he says into my hair, his words sounding as if he’s choking back tears. Maybe he really is remorseful. His nose nuzzles into my neck, breathing me in. “Let’s go home.” He plants a kiss on my neck, reminding me of the way his lips used to feel against my mouth, my skin, and other more sensitive spots.

  I take in a deep breath and nod. I go to reach for my luggage, but he grabs them before I do. I give him a small smile. “Thanks,” I say quietly. Am I really going to just go home with him? After everything we have been through, I know some might not understand why I want to, but I still love him despite it all.

  He’s lost weight, just a little from the last time I had seen him. His hair is still the same dark shade of black, almost looking purple under the right lighting, but his baby blues aren’t as vibrant as they used to appear. Time hasn’t been as kind to Liam as it has to me. Worry lines now crease his forehead. Is this all because of our breakup? It can’t be. Maybe it is his overly demanding job; he still works under his father’s thumb.

  He opens the door of his car for me, and I get in. I shake my head slightly, he’s still a gentleman. It was one of the things that first had me falling for him—opening my doors for me, holding my books, my shopping bags, and pulling out my seat when I would go to sit down. He was always like that. Most of it, I know his mother instilled in him. Sometimes it pissed me off, considering I’m not that big on that sort of thing. I like to be independent. Not saying that those things are bad, but sometimes, there is nothing wrong with me doing those things for myself.


  He closes the trunk and quickly goes to the driver’s seat. “Can I take you home with me?” he says quietly without looking at me. He is anxiously waiting for my response.

  I sigh. “I don’t think that’s a good idea just yet. I think maybe you should take me to my parents. We have a lot to talk about before we even think about trying again.” I lean away from him, trying to escape the hurt expression in his eyes.

  He reaches over and grabs my hand, squeezing it tight. “I know. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”

  I smile at him. “One day at a time, okay? Want to meet up tomorrow for lunch? I figure tonight, it would be nice for it to be just my family and me.”

  He loses the small smile he had. His brow furrows, like he just remembered something. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  When I get to my parents’ house, they both rush out excitedly to get to me. Dad reaches me and lifts me up, hugging me tightly and swinging me in a circle. “Missed you, baby girl!”

  “Missed you too, Daddy,” I tell him back.

  He sets me down so Mom can get her turn at me. She’s sobbing as she hugs me, my shirt getting soaked.

  “Let’s get in. I’ll grab your bags,” Dad says gruffly.

  I look at him and smile, but see he’s already to Liam’s car, pulling my luggage from him. They are talking heatedly in low voices, so I can’t hear what’s said, but the look on both their faces doesn’t look good.

  “Everything okay?” I ask Dad when he comes up the front steps to the house. Liam drove off quickly, without even saying goodbye to me.

  “Yeah, it’s fine,” he says, giving me a fake smile. “Let’s all get in, and we can hear your stories of your travels.”

  I smile and go inside.

  6 MONTHS LATER

  Things have been hard lately. Mom passed away a few months back, her cancer finally getting her. I took care of her for years, while it ate at her, while Dad and Shaun worked to help pay for shit. I even gave up my chance to finish college to help out with Mom.