It's Just Love, Not a Time Bomb

by Dawn Martens

  Shaun offered to help as well, but I didn’t see why we both had to give up going to school. He could get his schooling done, then it would be my turn, but things didn’t turn out that way. After Liz came back, and after the drama with his baby mama, he needed to work now more than ever. I couldn’t fault him for that.

  The first four months that Liz was back, I swear my brother stalked her. He was constantly showing up where she’d be, using his kid to try to win her over, but it didn’t work. If anything, Shaun’s daughter did more damage, reminding Liz of what she lost. Liz wouldn’t even look at him.

  Then it only got worse from there. Last month, some suit came to town, looking for Liz. Turns out, Sarah was right. Liz did indeed move on and ended up married to some doctor in the hospital she interned at. When Shaun found out, I swear his heart broke more than when he hurt her the first time.

  Of course, it hasn’t deterred him though. From talking to Bobby, who heard it from Sarah, Liz and the doctor are going through a divorce, so Shaun has hope, big hope, that he’ll be able to win her back. Of course, the minute Liz walked back into town, Marnie completely lost her shit and tried taking Annabelle away from Shaun. She didn’t win on that though, because it turns out she has a rap sheet, and the judge granted her visitation only. Shaun now has sole custody.

  After Mom passed, Dad wasn’t in a good place, wasn’t taking care of himself, so that left me to try to help him out. Just three months ago, Dad suffered a heart attack, so once again, I took care of him until he was better. I finally got myself a job at the car dealership Shaun works at, as a mechanic. Dad works there too, in their parts area. So far, I’m just doing oil changes and shit, but every so often, when it’s not too busy, one of the other guys will let me help him out with their cars.

  I’ve been dating Renee now for about a year, and while I know I’m not in love with her, I think it’s possible it could happen. Liz and Simone both keep telling me that if it hasn’t happened yet, it never will. I’ve even asked Sarah her opinion on it, and she said nothing, but usually followed it with, ‘If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,’ and would grin at me. That pretty much gave me my answer. The sex between us isn’t as amazing as it once was; that initial excitement has long passed. Maybe it’s because I just don’t feel that emotional connection with her. She still looks fuckin’ hott, however, looks aren’t all there is to a relationship.

  I pull up to Renee’s house and get out of my truck. I didn’t tell her I was coming by tonight, but I figured I’d surprise her with some takeout, and of course, since I’m a guy, some bed play. Grinning as I get to the front door, I unlock it and go in. She gave me a key about six months ago. I rarely use it, but when I don’t, I usually get a lecture. Besides, I figured since I am surprising her tonight, I would just go right in.

  “Renee?” I yell through the house.

  “Shit! He’s not supposed to be here tonight! I’m so sorry, John,” I hear said. My jaw flexes.

  Who the hell is John? I wonder, looking around the living room. Her shoes are slung in the middle of the floor, which is so unlike Renee; she keeps her house tidy.

  I walk around the house, trying to find her. Of course, she’s in the last place I check, her bedroom. At least, now I’ve figured out who John is, as I see some stupid looking motherfucker sprawled out naked on her bed. Dude is gross, old, and going bald. Seriously, she is fucking around with this loser?

  “Jordan, babe, I wasn’t expecting you tonight,” Renee says, buttoning up her whore red shirt.

  “No shit?” I say dryly. “John here knows you have a boyfriend?” I motion over to the idiot, who is finally making an attempt to gather his clothes. I shudder, looking away from both of them.

  “Well, of course he does. He’s my neighbor,” she says in a casual tone.

  “And yet he still fucked what was mine?” I feel so fucking stupid for ever trusting her. “Do you always fuck your neighbors?” I cock my brow at her. She doesn’t answer.

  “Jordan, it’s not like that. Seriously, let’s go calm down and chat,” Renee says calmly. I look at her, really look at her, and I don’t like what I see. She is smiling in that just fucked, sated way. I thought that smile was only ever for me.

  “Yeah, fuck that. Food is on the counter. Here is your fucking house key. Maybe John wants it.” I throw the key on the bed. “We’re done.” I turn to walk out of the room and out of her life; the woman has the nerve to try to cling on to me. I shrug her off and keep walking.

  “Babe, we’re not done! We can talk about this!” Renee yells, trying to follow me.

  “Yeah, we are. Nice knowing ya!” I wave and flip her off for good measure.

  I get outside, slamming her front door behind me. She isn’t worth it. I don’t know if I am angry because she cheated, or because I feel relief and anger. I am angry at the fact that I wasted the past year on a woman I didn’t love, but on the flip side, I feel relieved to be done with it. Can’t believe I wasted the past year on her stupid cheating ass. Fuck, she was with me while I went through losing my mom. I thought I meant something more to her than a fuck.

  *~*

  ONE WEEK LATER

  Working under the hood of some junker that just came in with Jones showing me the ropes, I hear my name yelled. Not sure who brought this piece of shit in, because I swear it looks like about four different cars all randomly put together. Some dad wanted it fixed up for his kid who just turned sixteen. When Jones told me about this car coming in and asked if I wanted to help, I said no, but since I didn’t have any jobs of my own, I gave in and helped him out to get some experience by working on the piece of shit. Shaking my head as I look to Jones, I turn toward the voice that called me.

  “What?” I shout, wiping the sweat from my forehead onto my shirt.

  “Is that any way to greet your woman? Gee.” Just great, the ‘she devil’ is here. I thought I got rid of her a week ago, but nope, she keeps popping up. Crazy bitch even left her key in my mailbox, like I’d want the motherfucker back. Tossed it in the trash. Fuck that.

  “Renee, we’re over. No reason for you to be here,” I say, dodging her arms that are coming at me. It’s like my brother and I are magnets for crazy chicks. Her hips are swinging, vying for attention. She still looks good, but not good enough to take her back after what she did. Did she think coming here, dressed in a slinky red polka dot dress with the straps falling from her shoulders, would be enough, that I would take one look at her and bring her back into my bed? I love sex as much as the next man, but not that much. I’d rather sit home and jack off than deal with her shit.

  She pouts. “Baby, we are so not over. That was just a misunderstanding.” She tries to wipe some of the grease from my face with her thumb. I pull away; her touch repulses me.

  I arch an eyebrow. “Misunderstanding, huh? You banging the neighbor was a misunderstanding? Don’t think I imagined you screwing that douche nozzle.” I cross my arms over my chest as she tries to come in for a hug. Doesn’t she get it yet? Am I not making my feelings be known loud and clear? Do I need to staple a damn note to the front of my shirt that says ‘Renee and Jordan are done’?

  “Oh please, like you haven’t stepped out on me. It’s what we do,” she says with an eye roll, trying to make a joke of my reaction to her... I don’t know what I ever saw in her, besides the sex.

  “Yeah, no. Unlike some people, when I’m actually in a relationship, I don’t stray,” I say with a shake of my head. Even when I was with Jaz, I didn’t step out with anyone else, even though it was just fucking. Of course, I still slept with other women, but that was after Jaz and I finished the just sex shit, and after that, I only called her randomly to hook up. “Seriously, get out.” I don’t need her shit. I have work to do before I can head out for the day.

  I turn away from her and shout to the boys. “Anyone that sees this crazy bitch try to get in here again, remove her!”

  “Sure thing!” I get back in response.

  “You�
�ll regret this, Jordan. I don’t believe for one second we’re over. You will be back,” she says and stomps off in a huff.

  “Seriously, bro, you’ve had more crazy bitches than the rest of us combined,” Shaun says with a laugh.

  I punch him in the arm. “Shut up.” He’s one to talk with all the shit he’s gone through.

  Shaun rubs his arm and grins. “I’m outta here. Gotta get home to Annabelle and try to see Liz later.” He waggles his brows. Idiot.

  “Later! Tell Liz hey and give the kid a kiss from me. I’ll be over this weekend to hang out.”

  “Yeah, man. Later.”

  I clean up my work area and head out. I watch the guys all leave, knowing they are going home to their women, and jealousy spikes. Just once, just fucking once, I wish I could find someone like they did.

  It’s been just over six months since I’ve been home, and it still feels weird. My parents have been acting strange whenever I invite Liam come over to visit, and every time I bring up Michelle, everyone just goes quiet and then starts to change the subject. I haven’t seen her since I’ve been home, though I’m sure I know why; she’s probably pissed I came back—either that or she’s not sure what my reaction to her will be, so she’s avoiding me. She’s called the house a few times, but Mom is always right there to answer it before I get the chance.

  I’ve asked a few times, why I haven’t seen Michelle, but Mom just says she’s either busy or working. There’s always some excuse, but really, come on, it’s been six damn months. I think it’s been more than enough time to talk about things. It’s been years since the situation happened, and I’ve forgiven Liam, so I know I can put that shit with Michelle behind me too. I guess it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. We are sisters. We used to be somewhat friends when we were in elementary school, before life and Liam came between us.

  Liam and I seem to be back in a happy place. About three months after I came back, we decided to really give it a try again, though I still refused to move back in with him. He asked me almost daily, but I don’t feel we are in that place yet. However, I do find myself over at his apartment, which I was surprised he still lived in, quite often, almost every night. At first, it was hard being back where it all came crashing down, but we managed to work past it.

  I’m worried though. I have this horrible feeling that this happy state I’ve been in these past few months is gonna come crashing down. The first month of being back together, it seemed like everything was going to be okay. The passion was still there; we were like we used to be, happy and in love; although, I haven’t slept with him yet. I just don’t feel ready to take that step with him, especially not when, at times, I still feel uneasy with the fact he slept with my sister.

  The second month, things started to become strained with him once again, saying he’s working all the time or having to go out on business. Then for the past two weeks, I’ve had this feeling; I can’t describe it, but it’s not a good feeling. Sometimes I’ll hear him on the phone, arguing with someone, and at other times, he’s distant. I’ve asked him, but he gives the same song and dance he did years ago when we were together—just work or he’s tired. The old feelings of mistrust begin to surface, and I am having a hard time ignoring them now.

  I decided to leave it alone because we are still somewhat new again. Plus, I figured if he is cheating on me again, it will come out, because that shit usually always does. The truth always gets revealed in some fashion.

  I invited Liam over to my parents house tonight for a barbeque and a bonfire. I was told Michelle wasn’t going to be here, and that’s fine. I’ve heard rumors that she still wants Liam, and is pissed I’m back and with him. I guess I was wrong to think we could all handle this like adults.

  Mom and Dad are also acting cold and distant toward Liam; he doesn’t seem to be enjoying his time here. He seems jumpy and on edge. He acts as though he is about to bolt from his chair at any moment. I can’t help but feel as if something is being hidden from me. My stomach feels uneasy, and I’m no longer enjoying my drink. I try to push back the queasy feelings, but it’s all just bubbling and threatening to spill over. I feel on the verge of tears, and I don’t like feeling this way.

  It had been cool sitting around the fire pit, having a few drinks and relaxing. My nerves started to settle once Liam seemed to relax a bit, although the only person that really is talking to Liam tonight is my mom. Dad just glares at him. Only time Dad loses his glare is when I’m talking to him. So really, the night hasn’t been totally terrible, that is, not until the front door crashes open, and instantly Liam goes deathly still beside me.

  “You okay?” I lean into him and ask him quietly. The expression on his face makes my stomach do somersaults.

  “Fuck!” he mutters, his head hanging low, his body becoming rigid.

  I look up and see Michelle storming over to us, angrier than I have ever seen her. What is she doing? Why would she wait until now to show her face? She’s had six months to air this shit out in the open.

  “Seriously, you bastard? She comes home, after years away, and you just go right back to her?” she screams at Liam. I’m too stunned to say anything, because I can’t stop staring at her stomach—her very pregnant, almost about to blow, stomach.

  “Oh my God,” I whisper out as tears, tears I didn’t realize were forming in my eyes, begin to stream down my face.

  “Babe, stop please,” Liam says, standing up, pleading to my sister, not me. Shouldn’t he be pleading with me?

  I stand up and slowly back away, nearly falling over my chair.

  “You were with me two days ago, and said you two were just putting the past behind you, so you could finally move on with me and our child, and then I find out from Kimmy, that you’ve been seen around with her! You’re even back living in your old apartment, and she’s over there a lot!” Michelle screeches. “Why do you even still have that place? We moved into a house three streets over from here two years ago!”

  I whip my head to look at Liam, not even beginning to hide my anger. “You are still a lousy, motherfucking cheat! Everything you said on the phone? Everything you’ve said since I’ve been back? All those emails, talking about how you were sorry and that it never should have happened? Guess it’s all been lies, huh?” I scream at him. I am furious, shaking with anger. How could I have been so stupid to believe him and his lies? Why did I think he was deserving of a second chance? This isn’t love. It never was. “I can’t believe you have actually been with her all these years!”

  “Oh, shut up, Alix!” Michelle shouts at me. “We’ve been living together for two years. Everyone knew!” She throws her hands up in the air, waving them frantically.

  “How the hell did you not know that he was cheating on you then, Michelle, if you live together, and he’s spent almost every night with me?” Is she stupid? Or maybe I’m the stupid one. The truth finally sinks in as I realize she said everyone knew.

  “Uh, maybe because he has a good job and has been away on business? I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been with you every night, considering he’s barely in town at all, and when he’s home, he’s always with me,” she says.

  “What are you talking about? We’re together most nights, except when he’s been working late or the trips for work he has to take.” Then it dawns on me—those late nights, when he would ask me to meet him at his apartment, but then he would be hours later then he said, he was probably out fucking my sister again. Those nights she thinks he wasn’t home with her? She probably thinks he was away on a work trip. “Looks like we’re both stupid in this situation,” I say, shooting daggers at Liam, who seems to be ashamed enough to not be looking at anyone.

  “God, you are scum, Liam!” I shake my head.

  “Shut up! Don’t talk about the father of my child that way!” Michelle yells.

  “You are fucking stupid if you think he loves you, that he wants you, Michelle! We both know that you are just pissed off that he wants me. Actually, it seems like the fucker w
ants us both, and according to you, you two have been together all these years that I was away, not to mention however long you were fucking behind my back. Did you know he was emailing me and calling me the whole time?” I ask her. It makes me sick. What kind of person does this sort of shit? I can’t even look at him. I take another look at my sister’s swollen stomach, and a tear breaks free. I can’t do this.

  “He’s only with you, even from the beginning, because of how everyone loves Saint Alix. Not a fucking saint to me—the girl that always got into shit somehow, but everyone would always find it funny,” she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You aren’t even...” she starts to talk, but I don’t want to hear it.

  “I’m done with this.” I either have the dumbest sister in the world, or she only cares that her boyfriend cheats on her if it’s with me. I turn to look at my parents, who seem frozen, looking at Michelle. I now understand why they avoided all things Michelle and were cold toward Liam. “You knew! You knew, and didn’t tell me.” I can’t stop the hurt in my voice. My legs feel shaky as I try to find my voice and my backbone.

  “Honey, we didn’t want to be in the middle of this. Plus, Michelle told us a week before you came back home that they were over. We had no clue they weren’t over, and that he was still seeing both of you. If we had known, we would have said something. The only thing we knew for sure was that Liam was stepping up to the plate with the baby,” Dad says, stepping close to me and trying to get me to calm down. How could he agree to keep this vital information from me?

  Fuck! What parent would do that to one of their children? Seriously, that’s screwed up. How could they have held that shit in and not have told me that fuck-face, Liam, was still screwing Michelle, my sister? Or, how about the fact that my sister is carrying Liam’s baby? I just can’t wrap my head around any of it. I feel like I am on one of those hidden camera shows. Michelle catches my stare and smiles wickedly at me. I think, somehow, she is enjoying this.