Sean sits with the baby in his arms, feeding her a bottle while everyone goes around the circle, telling their favorite stories of Sara. There’s laughter, tears, smiles, and sobs coming from every direction of the room.
I watch Sean as the stories are told and I feel like today gave him a sense of closure. Having his daughter in his lap definitely helps, but hearing the sweet words of his loved ones, talking about his wife and how much they adored her puts a smile on his face.
“She truly was a beautiful woman,” I tell him as he catches me watching the smile on his face. “You know she will forever be looking down on you and that beautiful girl.”
He raises his drink to me and together we toast to Sara and the wonderful life she led.
Chapter 11
Carter
Today goes right up there with the other hardest days of my life. Burying my parents and hurting Bri being just a few.
I sit in Cassie’s living room, nursing a bottle of Jack.
Most people have gone, leaving just my family and Bri behind. I’m glad today is coming to an end so I can forget it happened. I just want to live in a world of denial, one where I can pretend this never happened and Sara is right here with us.
My eyes remain locked on Bri. She’s been an amazing gift to my family today. She has been there for Cass, held her hand during the hardest part of the day, sat with Sean during the ceremony and even got him to accept his daughter and find comfort within her.
And by some miracle, she even allowed me to hold her hand when I thought I couldn’t go on any more. But believe me, letting go was one of the hardest parts about today.
The baby falls asleep in Sean’s arms and I find myself watching her. I have completely fallen in love with this child, but by no means does that mean I’ve changed my mind about wanting to have one of my own. But this baby is family and was created out of the love that Sean and Sara shared. She’s a huge part of Sara that’s been left behind and because of that, I will treasure this child for the rest of my life.
Sean looks up from his little bundle of joy and looks around the room. “Sara wanted to call her Georgia, but I think I’ll add Sara’s name in too. Georgia Sara Waters,” he tells us.
“I love it,” Cassie smiles as she holds up her drink. “To little baby Georgia.”
We all greedily take another drink which most of us follow up with another.
As we’re starting to get pretty drunk, Logan hops up and offers to take little Georgia up to her bassinet, only he stumbles and nearly falls straight into the wall, making Sean hold onto his little angel just a little bit tighter.
“I’ll take her,” Bri offers, getting up and taking her out of Sean’s arms. Sean gives her a gentle kiss before saying goodnight.
I watch Bri leaving the room and I find myself quietly following after her.
I walk up the stairs and follow the sound of the soft singing coming from the darkened nursery. I gently lean against the doorframe and watch as she tucks Georgia into her bassinet. Georgia stirs in her bed and Bri gently rocks it while the words of ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ flow beautifully from her mouth.
I’m struck with the memory of my mother singing this very song to us when we were kids. I always pretended that I was too tough to have my mum singing to me, especially one I always considered a girl song, but on the inside, I loved it. I just wish I would have told her that, though, I’m sure she knew. She always knew.
Watching how good Bri’s been with this baby confirms that I was right. I did the right thing by ending it with her. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much. She is going to make an amazing mother one day. She’s nurturing and even with someone else’s chid, she’s loving. Perfect qualities.
Once Georgia is settled, she reaches for the baby monitor and switches it on. She turns to leave but comes to a halt when she sees me in the door way. She looks at me with longing before looking away. “What are you doing?” she asks.
“I… I don’t know,” I admit. “I just had to see you.”
She presses her lips together and goes for the door. She walks straight past me and I’m hit with that familiar smell of her perfume and I find myself reaching out and grabbing her arm. I pull her back and turn her into my arms.
She lets out a gasp as her chest collides with mine. She looks up at me and I see the pain radiating off her, making it clear she’s still hurting inside. “Don’t,” she whispers.
“You’re going to make an amazing mother one day,” I tell her.
“Have you changed your mind?” she questions.
Pain rips through me as she watches me, waiting for my answer. I see the hope in her eyes and knowing that I’m going to have to shut her down again, kills me. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol in my system or the fact that I’ve been craving her for so long, but I reach out and run my finger down the side of her face, pushing away a stray lock of hair in the process. “No, I haven’t,” I tell her regrettably.
She lets out a sigh, “Then I’ll never be a mother,” she says.
My eyebrows crease in confusion. What the hell is she talking about? “Of course, you will,” I say.
“No,” she says with a determined shake of her head as she looks away and rests her head against my chest. Out of habit, I curl my arm around her and hold her tight to me. “I can’t just turn off how I feel about you and the thought of having anyone else’s child but yours eats me up.”
Fuck. That hurts.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I wish it was different.”
I feel her tears soaking through my shirt and I do my best to wipe them away. She brings up her hands and I crave for them to wrap around me like she used to, but instead they press against my chest as she pushes herself off me.
I’m not ready for this to end so I grab her hand, not letting her go. “Don’t go,” I beg.
“Why?” she asks with watery eyes that pierce right through to my soul.
I pull her in close and tilt her face up to mine. “Because I can’t handle watching you walk away again, not tonight.”
Her eyes search mine and I know she’s trying to work out if I still love her. She doesn’t search long before she finds her answer and the longing in her eyes grows.
I can’t resist her any longer and drop my face to hers, taking her lips in mine. She lets out a moan and I deepen the kiss, taking in the absolute satisfaction of having her lips on mine again.
Brianna is home to me and being with her right now feels like being welcomed back after a million years away, but at the same time, it doesn’t, she isn’t my home anymore. I moved away and left her empty. Right now, I’m just using her to satisfy the craving and need to be with her. I shouldn’t be doing this to her as it’s only going to cause more pain when I walk away again.
I can handle hurting myself to touch her but hurting her again is monstrous.
But I can’t stop.
I take her in like she’s the drug I’ve been kept away from for way too long, like she’s the liquid gold being offered to the poorest man.
After all this time, she’s still my world.
“Fuck, I love you,” I say against her lips. She doesn’t say anything, and I realize that hearing that probably isn’t the greatest thing to help her move on.
Her hands come to the top of my shirt and start unbuttoning. I grab her hands in mine to halt her movements. She looks up at me in confusion. “We shouldn’t,” I tell her.
“Yeah, we definitely should,” she pants with a fire in her eyes that drives me crazy. I look at her, feeling completely torn. “I know it means nothing.”
“Bri,” I say. “It will never mean nothing.”
“I can handle it,” she promises. “I need this just as much as you do.”
Fuck.
My lips slam back down on hers. She grabs my shirt in both hands and tears it open. The sound of the buttons flying off and dropping to the floor is the only noise coming from this silent hallway.
I lift her and push her up
against the wall as he winds her legs around my waist. I’m hard within seconds and grind into her. She moans and tries to pull me harder against her.
My lips drop to her neck and she pushes the fabric of my torn shirt off my shoulders. I rip the shirt off my body and her hands instantly make contact with my skin. I close my eyes as the satisfaction of her skin on mine overwhelms me.
Hell yeah. This is what I’ve been needing for so long. There’s something magical about her and I simply can’t get enough.
Feeling weird about doing this right near Georgia’s room, I slide my hands under Bri’s ass and lift her off the wall.
With her lips on mine and her hands clawing into the muscles of my back, I walk down to my old bedroom. I start fiddling with the door handle when Bri lifts her face from mine. “Not here,” she murmurs against my lips.
Understanding comes over me. The last time either of us were in this room, we left with shattered hearts. This room is tainted.
I keep walking down the hallway and come to the spare room.
I drop her to her feet and get working on her dress. If this were any other moment with her, I’d take my time. I’d start at the top and worship every inch of her body, but right now, the craving to be with her is far too strong.
Her dress is unzipped as she works on my belt. It’s yanked out of my pants as her dress drops to the floor. She steps out of it, leaving her in nothing but black lace underwear, a matching bra, and black high heels.
Fuck me. I could come just from looking at her.
My eyes eat her up as my own pants drop to the ground. The second my pants are gone, our bodies collide together. I lift her and walk to the bed. I fall down on top of her with our lips sewn together.
My hands roam over her silky smooth body as the rush to rid ourselves of our underwear begins. She reaches down between us and works on freeing me as I slide my hands underneath her to unclasp her bra.
I pull the straps down off her arms and toss the black lace to the side, revealing her perfect tits that I’ve missed so much. Without a second thought, I suck her nipple into my mouth as the other gets cupped in my hand.
A moan comes ripping out of her mouth and she pushes up into me.
She gets me free and pumps me in her tight little fist, making me close my eyes as I revel in the pure ecstasy of having her hands on me. My other hand runs down her too slim stomach and into her black lace underwear.
She’s soaking wet, ready for me to give her everything she needs. My fingers rub circles into her clit before lowering and plunging into her entrance. “Yes,” she cries as I start to work her.
I can’t wait any longer. I need to be inside her. I would have loved to take my time and taste her on my lips but it’s not possible right now. I pull my hand out and tear her underwear from her body. Not missing a beat, I line myself up and slam into her.
Fuck yes.
She throws her head back and bites down on her lip as she wraps her legs around my waist. Both our eyes close with the instant satisfaction that comes with the feeling of finally being inside the one we love.
I prop myself up on my elbows and she laces her fingers through mine. I start to move and it’s like the stars align. A nuclear bomb could go off right now and we’d have no fucking clue. She is the only thing that exists in my world.
My lips come down on hers as I continue to thrust into her. She pushes up into me, needing more and I give her just that.
Our bodies grow sweaty and she squeezes my hands as she gets closers to the edge.
This is fucking incredible.
I’m seconds away from coming, but I hold off, wanting to come with her which happens only seconds later. I thrust into her one more time and she explodes around me. Her pussy squeezes down on my dick and I come harder than I’ve ever come before.
I keep moving as I pour myself into her and she rides out her orgasm.
“Fuck,” she pants as I collapse down on top of her. She releases her hands from mine and winds them around my back, holding me. Her legs remain wrapped around me while I stay firmly inside her.
I slip my arms around her and roll us, putting her on top so I don’t squish her with my weight. She lowers her head to my chest and lets out a sigh as I run my fingers through her hair while my other hand remains wrapped firmly around her.
We each refuse to move as we know the second we do, it’s over, and that would be a tragedy, so we lay in each other’s arms in dead silence.
Her breathing slows and I realize she’s fallen asleep. I don’t dare move her. Instead, I stay there all night with her, holding her.
Light eventually starts to shine through the window and with absolute regret, I slide out from under her and tuck her back into the sheets, making sure she’s warm. “I’m sorry,” I whisper into the silent room as I press a kiss to her forehead.
It’s best if I’m gone when she wakes. That way I save her from the pain of having to say goodbye again. I watch her for a short moment, not wanting to leave, but I know I must. “I love you, Bri,” I tell her unconscious mind before slipping out of the room.
I head downstairs in despair and grab my keys off the bench. I pass Sean who sits in the kitchen giving Georgia a bottle. He looks at me and gives me a sad smile, clearly realizing what’s happened between me and Bri after we disappeared from the party last night.
I return his smile and head for the door. I get in my truck and look up at the house which holds my heart. I’m so sorry, Bri.
I start it up and head down the tree lined driveway, leaving her behind… again.
Chapter 12
Brianna
I wake the next morning feeling amazing until I realize that once again, I wake up in the Waters Estate in a bed… alone.
My heart shatters all over again. I don’t know what I was thinking sleeping with Carter again. I thought I was stronger. I thought I’d be able to handle it. Hell, I thought I would never fall into his arms again.
I’m such a fucking idiot. All I’ve done is broken my heart all over again. I thought I was finally starting to heal, but last night was just a reminder that I’m madly in love with a man who doesn’t want to commit to a marriage or a family.
Images of last night circle through my mind. He touched me like I was precious but was rough and demanding at the same time. He looked at me like I was the only woman he’d ever seen and never wanted to let go. What’s best was that he smelled like the best memories of my past.
And then he went and thrusted up into me, making me feel alive. It was so completely filled with passion, it was nothing short of amazing. Hands down the best sex I’d ever had, then it ended, and along with it came the realization that I would have to let go.
He said he hadn’t changed his mind about having a future together, but I still so desperately want it. I was honest when I said I couldn’t do it with another man, the thought makes me sick to my stomach.
I’m going to be the cat lady.
Tears begin to fall as I wrap myself up in the sheet. It’s like losing him all over again. I feel like I’m right back at square one.
I lay in the used bed, not wanting to leave when I realize that this is pathetic. The man doesn’t want a future with me, yet I’ve spent the last five months pining over him. I didn’t even give moving on a good try. Instead, I picked a guy I knew I’d never have a future with.
I need to do me. I need to give myself space to heal. I need to not date losers and wait until I’m truly ready. And that shit is going to start today. I’m not a pathetic girl whose happiness is dependent on a man.
I need to move on, but before I can do that, there’s just one thing I need to do.
I use the sheet to dry my tears and get out of bed. I can’t shut down like I did last time. I’m stronger than that.
I wrap the sheet around me, find a bag and throw last night’s clothes into it and strut out of the room. I close the door with a bang, promising myself that I’ll never fall victim to his charm like that again.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was amazing, fucking incredible, mind blowing even, but I have to move on. I’ll have to be satisfied with average sex with average men for the rest of my life.
I’m sure I’ll eventually find someone to be happy with, someone I can train to get me off the way Carter does. It will be a long road but after my poor heart heals, I need to give it a try.
I walk down the hall and knock on Cassie’s door. I push my way in, not bothering to wait for the invitation as after living together for the last year of college, there isn’t much we haven’t seen of each other and I guess that means Jax too.
“Damn it,” Jax groans as he takes a look at me, wrapped in the sheet. He gets out of bed and drags his feet while a yawn takes over him. He walks out of the room, leaving me and Cass alone.
Cass sits up out of bed and silently looks at me. Understanding dawns on her face and she pushes out her bottom lip as she pats the space Jax vacated beside her. I walk over to her, climb in the bed and cry on her shoulder.
Once the tears run their course, I get out of bed, steal one of Cassie’s outfits and get my ass home after stopping by the shops. I grab the shopping bag and take the chestnut hair dye out of the bag and put the rinse through my hair.
The second I get in the shower, I scrub my body and wash every inch of him off me before shampooing my hair. I get out of the shower, blow dry my new darker look, throw on a nice outfit and paint my nails.
Feeling like a new and improved me, I grab the bag of clothes I had worn last night and the shirt of Carter’s I keep hidden in my wardrobe from the night he ended things. I open every window in my little apartment before dumping the bag in the bathtub and burning the bastard.
When my apartment starts to smell a little funky and I’ve had to turn off the smoke alarm twice, I decide it’s about time to put the fire out.
It’s the new me and from now on, I’m going to be strong, fierce, determined and relentless. Nothing can stop me now.
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