It’s been four weeks since that night with Carter and I’m proud to say that I’ve actually been doing pretty good. I still think about him all the time, but then I remember that I’m not a pathetic loser who’s going to spend the rest of my life pining over someone I can’t have, and honestly, that thought always manages to save me from falling into the Carter-induced hole.
I’ve really embraced this whole ‘new me’ bullshit and have spent the last few weeks being the healthiest version of myself. I’ve started taking yoga classes and I’m pretty close to convincing Cassie to take pole dancing classes like we used to in college. I’ve started the whole clean eating crap and even invested in a few cooking classes which means I’m saving a shit load of money on take out.
The only part I refuse to negotiate on is the wine. That stays.
The whole cooking thing is taking a little longer to catch on then everything else, but I haven’t been sick or burned down my apartment yet so I guess it’s going well, though, the food could probably taste better… according to Cassie and Jax.
It’s been another great day where I’ve managed to stick to my new lifestyle. I sit in my classroom, with a great big smile on my face as I watch my students drawing up equations on the whiteboard for one another to solve. The kids have just started learning about division and I swear, it’s the most amusing thing I’ve ever witnessed.
I stare off out the window, watching the heavy rain slam against the classroom window as the kids take a few minutes to work out the answers to their equations. As I wait, the rain turns to hail and the kids lose their shit.
Just great. My brand new car is parked out in that shit. Just my luck it’ll end up with hail damage, putting me out a couple hundred dollars on the deductible for the insurance. Just perfect.
“Wow, it looks like snow,” little Isabelle says as the hail quickly blankets the school.
“Yeah, it looks pretty great,” I tell her.
“Can we go outside?” Jack asks.
I think it over. I know Jack’s idea of going outside probably consists of running through the hail which I’ll never allow, but I see no harm is going out and standing under the shelter. “Ok,” I smile. “Put your pencils down. We can stand out under the shelter and watch the hail, but if anyone goes past the shelter, you’ll be spending your lunch time with me, understood? I don’t feel like losing my job today.”
“Yes, Miss Lucas,” they reply in unison.
The sound of their chairs scraping against the floor echoes throughout the room along with their excited chatter. Being the best bunch of kids I know, they automatically line up at the door and wait for me to come and open it.
We head out and they instantly rush towards the very edge of the shelter and almost like an automatic reaction, not one of them can resist thrusting their hands out to try and catch the hailstones.
“Why does it hail?” Jessica asks as she studies a huge hailstone in her hand.
“Good question,” I tell her. “Why don’t we talk about it after lunch?”
“Ok,” she smiles.
I can already see my afternoon plans changing into a science lesson so I decide I better make it fun.
The hail comes to a stop and soon after the rain calms down to a sprinkle. “Alright guys. You have thirty seconds to go out there and find the biggest hailstone you can.”
They lose their tiny minds and I start counting down from thirty. They scatter everywhere, picking up stones before tossing them back down and grabbing another. My countdown finishes and they reluctantly make their way back to me, all with their hailstone in their open palm.
I rush them back into the room and empty out a bucket. They read my mind and start putting their hailstones in. “Hurry up, guys,” I tell them. “We don’t want them to melt.”
With the stones safely in the bucket, I look over my kids. “Alright, who’s the fastest runner?”
As if on cue, every single hand gets thrown up into the sky with a few of them going as far as jumping up and down to get noticed. I grin at the kids, absolutely loving my job. “Alright Sam,” I say handing him the bucket, “run this down to the staff room and ask Miss Davies to put it in the freezer.”
He nods his head eagerly and disappears out the door.
“Ok, the rest of you get your little tooshies back in your seats and finish these equations.” They all groan but head back to their seats, a lot slower than when they vacated them.
We get through the equations just in time before the lunch bell rings. Due to the wet weather, I ask the kids if any of them would like to stay inside during lunch and with no takers, I head down to the staff room and eat my lunch amongst other adults.
Taking advantage of the break, I look up more information about hail, just to make sure I’m telling the kids the right thing. My phone rings in my hand and I grin as Cassie’s name flashes across my screen.
“Hey, what’s up?” I smile.
“Are you on your lunch break?” she questions.
“Yep,” I say. “I wouldn’t be answering my phone if I wasn’t.”
“Good point,” she grunts with a strange tone in her voice. “Can you break your diet for one night and have wine and ice cream with me tonight?”
I scrunch up my face. I really don’t want to break my diet, but if she has a good reason, I might consider it. “Why? What’s going on? Are you having a shit day?” I ask, wondering if something’s going on with the baby. After the funeral, Cass and Jax temporarily moved in with Sean so she could help him transition into being a full-time daddy. So far, it seems to be going great. She’ll hopefully be able to move back home soon.
“You could say that,” she says. “I got my period.”
“Oh,” I pout, completely understanding. Cass and I usually get our periods at the same time and most of the time, they’re not so bad, but every now and then, Cassie’s really sucks. It makes me wonder what’s going on with me as I usually get mine a good few days before Cassie does.
I’ve never been late before so maybe Cassie’s body is a little off and she’s got it early, or maybe it’s the healthy eating and exercise I’ve been doing that’s throwing mine off, I highly doubt it, but either way, we’re not synching up and it’s causing a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Hold on a second,” I tell her before pulling my phone away from my ear and getting out of the call app. I bring up my calendar and double check the date, then start counting back the weeks. Noooooo. It’s definitely me. I’m late.
Crap.
I’ve never been late in my life… I couldn’t be…. Could I?
Carter and I have always been safe during sex. It’s not possible. It must be the change of lifestyle stuffing me up. I mean. I can’t be pregnant. Carter and I aren’t even together. He doesn’t want kids.
“Hey, Cass,” I say, bringing the phone back to my ear. “I’ve got to go.”
“Oh, ok,” she says. “Are we on for tonight?”
Shit. If I see her I’m going to blab and I don’t want to do that. I’m not ready to accept it, hell I don’t even know if I am, but I’d like to live in denial a little longer. Besides, she’ll force me to take a test and face it. And then there’s the whole not wanting to put her in the middle situation. If she was to know, I’d ask her not to tell Carter until I figured everything out and that’s not fair to her.
“Um, no, sorry,” I tell her before coming up with some excuse about a fellow teacher’s farewell dinner and hating myself for lying to her in the process.
“Ok, sure,” she says with disappointment strong in her voice.
She hangs up and I’m left sitting at the table, staring off into space as I try to work out any other reason for why my period could be late.
I’m not pregnant. I couldn’t be.
I try to think back to the night that I’ve been desperately trying to forget, but it’s hard. I had a shit load to drink and the minor details are too fuzzy. Did he use a condom? Maybe he pulled out. I don’t know,
but the uncertainty freaks me out.
Only one thing circles my mind. Carter doesn’t want to have kids. If I’m pregnant, I’m going to have to do it on my own.
Shit, what am I going to do? I couldn’t get rid of it, that doesn’t sit well with me.
I consider grabbing my shit and leaving so I can freak out at home by myself, but then I promised the kids a science lesson on frozen fucking water.
I laugh at the irony of today’s storm. When it rains, it storms.
Can’t I catch a fucking break? Just when I thought I was moving on and could somehow find happiness without Carter, this happens. I swear, if I’m not pregnant, I’m going to dedicate my life to celibacy. This shit is freaking me out way too much.
The bell rings and I reluctantly pack up my shit and head out the door. I get half way back to my classroom when I remember the damn hailstones in the freezer. Fuck. I need to get my head screwed on before I go and face a bunch of kids.
I’m proud of the respect they show me and I don’t want to do anything to fuck that up.
I turn around and a few minutes later, I unlock my classroom door with hailstones in hand.
I somehow manage to focus on the lesson and spend the rest of the day wishing I could be anywhere else but here.
Chapter 13
Brianna
I stand in the airport pharmacy, looking at the range of pregnancy tests.
It’s been a week and three days since that phone call with Cassie and I’ve been going absolutely nuts. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to even consider taking a test, but I guess the second I do it, it makes it real.
Something inside me screams that it’s real and to tell the truth, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Do I tell Carter and risk him hating me? Do I not tell him and risk him finding out through someone else? Do I raise this child on my own or force Cater into something he doesn’t want?
My tits have started hurting this week which makes me realize that I’m living in denial. I need to take this stupid test and confirm what I already know to be true so I can start taking the right precautions. I’ll need to make a doctor’s appointment and get an ultrasound, then I’ll need a shit load of vitamins for my growing baby.
Crap. This isn’t happening.
I’ve never felt so alone in my life.
This whole baby thing has completely consumed my every thought for the past ten days. I think I’ve slept maybe three or four hours each night and that comes from pure exhaustion, so I’ve taken the next few days off work and am on my way to see Bobby. Hopefully, he can help me to see things clearly, maybe even help me to get a few winks of sleep.
Far out. I feel like I already love this little creature within me.
Shit. I’m going to have to buy ugly maternity clothes. Ugh. I hope I don’t get stretch marks.
I hear the announcement, calling my flight to start boarding and I hastily grab one of every brand of pregnancy tests off the shelf. I rush through the self-service checkout wanting to avoid the knowing looks I’m sure the old grandma behind the counter is bound to give me.
I race across the airport and join the queue for my flight. I stuff the bag of tests into my handbag while searching for my boarding pass.
A few hours later, the plane touches down and I grab my luggage off the conveyor belt. I wait in the massive taxi line and eventually get my ass firmly seated in the back of the car before finally pulling up to the front of Bobby’s building.
I get in the elevator and head all the way up to the top. I enter his code in so I can get up to the penthouse.
Ever since Bobby’s been in the NHL, he’s been living it up and enjoying life like the world’s most eligible bachelor. I don’t blame him. We don’t come from a wealthy family so it’s pretty exciting for him and not to mention, he shares the love with his twin sister. He loves spoiling me and I can’t find it within me to tell him no.
“Yo, Bobby?” I call out as the elevator opens. I make my way inside his apartment and search around as he doesn’t answer. I head for the kitchen first followed by the living room and can’t seem to find him anywhere. I see his phone and wallet on the bench so he must be here somewhere.
I put my bag down on the table before heading down the hallway. I knock on the bathroom door but get nothing, so that only leaves the bedroom. I push my way into his room and come to a shocking standstill as I find my twin brother with a girl wrapped around his body, bouncing up and down with the sound of her ass slapping against his thighs.
“Fuck,” I screech as I slap my hand over my eyes and hastily retreat out of the room. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
I hear the dickhead laughing and I wonder why I’m the one who feels humiliated.
I make my way out to the living room and get comfortable with a glass of water as I look out his massive floor to ceiling windows that captures the magnificent view of New York.
Bobby emerges later and shuffles his hooker into the elevator before coming to sit with me. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he asks with an excited smile.
I look to him and the tears instantly start. I let out a breath as I prepare to make things way too real. “I’m pregnant.”
“What?” he grunts.
“Well… I’m 90% sure anyway.”
“What?” he repeats in shock.
“Yeah…”
“Shit,” he says as he drops onto the couch and rests his chin on his hands. “How did that happen?” he questions.
“Really?” I ask. “Do you want me to explain?”
He rolls his eyes as he watches me. “What do you mean you’re 90% sure?”
“I haven’t taken the test yet,” I admit.
“Fuck, Brianna. Are you shitting me?” he scoffs. “You came all the way here without taking the test first?”
“Yeah,” I say.
He lets out a frustrated breath before standing up and grabbing his keys off the table. “Come on,” he says.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“To go get the fucking test,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
I get up off the couch and find my bag before searching through it and pulling out the bag from the pharmacy. “I already got them,” I tell him.
“Then what the hell are you waiting for?”
I stand motionless, not wanting to make the move. “I’m scared. What if it’s positive?”
He wraps his arms around me. “Then you’ll make one hell of a great mother.” I don’t respond, just stand in his arms, taking comfort in my brother. “I’m assuming it’s Carter’s,” he grunts unhappily. “What does he say about all this? I thought he didn’t want kids.”
“I haven’t told him yet,” I say. “I haven’t seen him since the funeral and I was trying to keep it like that. It hurts too much when I see him.”
“You can’t avoid him forever,” he says.
“I can try,” I grunt.
“Don’t be stupid,” Bobby scolds as he pushes me out of his arms and leads me towards the bathroom. He comes right on in and grabs the bag of tests off me. He pulls one out as he makes himself comfortable on the edge of the bath. “How the hell do these things work?” he questions as he studies the test.
“I don’t know,” I say, pulling another from the bag and having a look. “I guess you just pee on it and wait.”
“No, I don’t think so,” he says in confusion. “This one has a little tub you have to pee into and then you put the test in it.”
“Not this one,” I say, holding it up in my hand.
“Geez, how many of those things did you get?” he questions. “You only need one.”
“Nope, I need them all,” I tell him. “If I’m going to freak out then I want to know I’m freaking out for the right reason.”
He rolls his eyes again and puts the test down on the vanity. “Well get on with it, I want to know if I need to start buying ‘world’s best uncle’ mugs.”
I stand with my arms crosse
d and look down at him. “Were you going to leave?” I question.
“No.” he scoffs. “I want to be the first to know.”
“There’s no one else here, Bobby,” I remind him.
“Fine,” he groans as he gets up. He walks out the door and pulls it closed behind him, leaving me to get shit sorted.
I pull the test out of the pack and give the instructions a good read. I sit down on the toilet and do my best to pee, but I just don’t need to. “What’s taking so long?” Bobby questions through the door.
“I’ve got stage fright,” I tell him.
“For fucks sake,” he groans before I hear him walking back down the hallway. “Call me when you’re done.”
Finally, being left alone, I can get down to business. I concentrate on peeing and after a minute or two, it finally decides to make an appearance. I clean myself up and put the test on the vanity while I wait.
I pull out my phone and set the timer for two minutes before closing the lid of the toilet and taking a seat. Far out, this is going to be the longest two minutes of my life.
I can’t help but feel like this moment is going to define the rest of my life. It’s either going to go one way or the other and to be honest, I already feel attached to the idea of having a child, but I don’t know if it’s the actual child I’m attached to or the idea of it being Carter’s.
Surely, I couldn’t be attached to a baby so soon, I mean, I haven’t even confirmed I’m pregnant yet.
I look down at the phone, one minute to go.
Crap. My palms are sweaty. My heart rates increased. I’m all fidgety.
The timer goes off and I get up to turn it off before turning to the test, only I can’t look. Damn it, why does this have to be so hard? I crack the bathroom door and poke my head out. “Bobby,” I call.
“What?” he yells back.
“I can’t do it.”
“You can’t pee?” he questions with a scoff.
“No, dickhead. I can’t look at it.”
“Oh,” I hear cheerfully as he appears at the end of the hallway and rushes towards me. He practically pushes me right out of the way as he searches the room for the test. “Get out of my way,” he demands.
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