by Kelly Utt
Tears begin to stream down my face as I try to take this in.
“Will you send me a copy of those orders?“ I ask.
“Yes, sir,” Tom Busbee replies. “I’ll forward them to the email address we have on file for you.“
“Thank you,” I say. I’d like to voice plenty more, but there’s no point in shooting the messenger. I hang up the phone. I don’t want to hear any more from Mr. Busbee. I’m tempted to throw my phone straight in the lake. I wish it had been in the lake five minutes ago so I wouldn’t have been able to receive that call. This timing could not be any worse.
“When do you have to report?” Liam asks.
“The guy says I have to be in Binghamton in twenty-four hours. How can they do this?“ I plead with my uncle.
“Did they say what they want you to do?“
“No,“ I reply. “Just that there’s a threat to national security and my expertise is needed. The guy says I’ll be briefed when I arrive in Binghamton to report for duty.“
“Let me make a few calls,” my uncle says. “Maybe some of my colleagues know what this is about. Hold tight, George. Try not to worry.“
3
Control
My uncle walks hurriedly back into the house as I stand on the dock, reeling from the bomb that was just dropped on my already-precarious life. I assume Liam needs to get on his laptop and look up some phone numbers. He’s moving quickly, which I appreciate. We don’t have any time to spare.
I pace back-and-forth on the dock, much like Taye did yesterday evening. I’m not sure what else to do. If Liam knows anyone who can help put a stop to this, that has to be tried first. Even a delay to my reporting date would be better than nothing.
I want to tell somebody else about this, so I pick up my phone and dial my father-in-law. I’m unsure as to whether or not he’ll have his phone turned on in the hospital, but he answers right away.
“George, good morning,” Roddy says. He sounds great for a guy in his sixties who spent the night in a hospital recliner.
“Roddy” I begin. “I’m in complete shock right now, but I wanted to tell you. I just got a call from the Service Secretary’s office saying I’ve been recalled to active duty and have to report in Binghamton, New York in twenty-four hours. What in the hell?“
Roddy stays even and steady. Maybe that’s why I wanted to reach out to him. I need steadying. “Alright,” he says after a pause. “If that’s what we have to face, we will face it together.“
I break down completely when I hear my father-in-law say this. Tears stream down my face and my chest burn from the inside out. If feels so unfair. I just got somewhat of a handle on the situation with Clive and I’m finally feeling like I have some control over our lives. Why would whatever higher power is watching over us pull me away now? My lack of free will in this circumstance makes me think about how the Ancient Greeks believed Zeus was somewhere with a chessboard, making arbitrary decisions that affected their lives.
“Thanks,“ I manage to say.
“Pull it together, George. They wouldn’t call you back unless you were urgently needed. You have a duty to your country. This is what you signed up for when you became a soldier all those years ago. You know how this works. Your duty to your country is all the time, not just when it’s comfortable and convenient.”
“I know. You’re right,” I say. “But this is the worst possible time. If I go, what is it going to do to my boys? I need to be here to protect them. And to care for them.“
“We’ll figure that out,” my father-in-law says. “As long as there’s a breath in me, you know those boys will be protected with everything I’ve got. No one is calling me back anywhere. I’m right here and I’m staying put.“
“And that’s my only comfort right now,“ I say. “But… Your health?“
“Don’t you worry about that either,” Roddy says. “I’ll put off my treatment a while longer. I’ll keep my strength.“
“But that could jeopardize your long-term outcome,” I say. “You can’t sacrifice your health like that.“
“For the safety of my daughter and my grandsons, damn right I can. I’d like to see someone try and stop me.“ That’s the Roddy I know and love. “George, I can’t talk here,“ he continues. “Gather the family, and meet me in our private cafeteria room at two o’clock. We’ll make a plan. We’ll get through this.“
He hangs up before I can say anything else or object. Two o’clock it is then. Time is ticking. When I look up, Taye and Duke are walking out the back of the house and towards me on the dock.
“Did Liam tell you?“ I ask, nervously, as they approach.
“Yeah, man,” Duke says. “It’s all too much.“ Duke leans in and gives me a quick, mainly hug.
“It does seem like the blows just keep coming, doesn’t it?” Taye asks as he, too, leans in for a hug.
“It’s hard to believe,” I say. “I guess this is what they mean by the phrase about it raining and pouring, right?”
“No kidding,“ Taye says.
“So how can we help?” Duke asks. “We’re both still working here for the next few days and we need to check in with our colleagues. But once we let them know what’s going on, I’m sure we can get free by early afternoon at the latest.“
“That’s perfect timing,“ I say. “I’m not sure how you can help yet, we’re having a family meeting at two o’clock to discuss. Can you guys be there?“
“Yeah, that ought to work,” Duke confirms.
“At the hospital?” Taye asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “I was already going there to meet Dr. Wong this afternoon. He says they’re going to try to wake Ali up.“
“That’s great news,“ Taye says. “I’m pulling for our girl to recover from this quickly.“
“We all are, that’s for sure,” I agree. “But yeah, we will have a meeting to discuss my orders before I go into see Dr. Wong.” Duke and Taye look at each other and shake their heads as if they’re affirming their commitment to support us through this. “I just talked to Roddy and told him,” I add. “I’m still in shock. I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.“
“This is brutal, man,” Duke says. “Do you think Liam might have a connection who can call this thing off?“
“That’s what I’m hoping,” I say. “I have no idea. We should know more within a few hours. Hell, hopefully, Liam can get it called off and we won’t need to have a two o’clock meeting at all. But the guy I talked to said these orders have come from the highest level. He said they couldn’t be called off and that it’s been determined my expertise is needed.“
“That’s intense,” Taye says. “Did they give you any more details?“
“Just that it was a matter of national security,” I add. “The guy said I’d be briefed when I report for duty.“
Duke and Taye know what it’s like to devote their careers to a higher purpose. They know what it’s like to put an agency above their personal needs and wishes. But being a police officer or an FBI agent is markedly different from being a soldier. We devote ourselves to the military in a completely different way. When we enlist or are commissioned into the United States Armed Forces, we write a blank check to our superiors giving them permission to use us in any way that is needed. We recognize our duty to our country and to protecting the American way of life which we hold dear. It isn’t like a job that you can resign from. Even though I didn’t expect to be called back out of retirement, I knew it was a possibility. It’s always a possibility.
“Sounds to me like you’re going to need to go,“ Taye says. “I can hear it in your voice, George. You’re a patriot. We all know that. Ali knew that when she chose you. I remember her telling me about it when the two of you first met. Your service in the Air Force was one of the things she admired most about you. As hard as it is for me to say, I think Ali would want you to go if you’re needed.“
Tears again form in my eyes as I hear this. I know Taye is right. Ali knew what she was signing up
for. We thought that time in my life was over, but if I’m needed, it’s all part of what I signed up for in the very beginning. I just hope the threat to national security Tom Busbee speaks of is significant enough to warrant me being pulled from my family when we’re going through such extreme hardship. Leaving them now is not a small sacrifice. It’s the biggest sacrifice I’ve ever been asked to make.
“Yep, “I say simply. “You’re right.“
I shake Taye and Duke’s hands and encourage them to get on with their day, telling them we will probably see each other soon for the two o’clock meeting. They turn to leave and head back into the house. I stay on the dock because I’m not sure where else to go. And that’s not an exaggeration. I don’t know what to do with myself next. I consider going back inside to see how Liam is progressing with his phone calls, but I dread telling Marjorie, the boys, Mom, and Joe this news. If there’s any chance at all that I don’t have to go, I don’t want to get them worked up for nothing.
I prompt myself to focus and remember my training, just like Roddy would if he were here. Except my training took place when life at home was largely under control. This is a completely different situation. I’ve known other guys who have pulled away from difficult family situations, but I’ve never experienced it to this degree myself.
I go over the list of needs in my mind. First and foremost is taking care of the boys and keeping them safe. I think Ali is more protected being in the hospital, but the boys are loose out here. I think Mom and Marjorie will be able to work together to care for the boys, but I’m not positive. I need to ask them to be sure. Roddy will be around also, but he needs to start his chemotherapy treatment. I can’t, in good conscience, let him put that off. Although, when it comes to keeping the boys safe, he and Liam are my biggest assets and we might need him.
Liam was supposed to go back to work for a while in D.C. before he retires from the Air Force permanently. Not to mention, if I am needed for a threat to national security, it’s possible that Liam will be needed, too. I suspect that I won’t be able to count on him to be available to Ali and the boys. So much of this depends on how long I will be away on duty. Tom Busbee didn’t give me any information about the duration of my assignment. Maybe I’ll find out when I report for duty or maybe I won’t. It could go either way. This is a mess.
I try to imagine Mom and Marjorie here at the vacation rental house taking care of the boys while Ali is still in the hospital. It doesn’t add up matter how I try to sort it. I can see Marjorie and Roddy staying. This is their daughter after all. But I’m not sure Mom will agree to stay in Lake Tahoe. We have no idea how long Ali will have to be in the hospital here or when she’ll be well enough to be transported back to New York. And even though I don’t want to think it, we don’t know if Ali is even going to survive this. What if I am away and I don’t get a chance to say goodbye? That couldn’t possibly be how our story ends.
Maybe my duty assignment will be quick and I’ll be back next week. If that’s the case, then okay. But what if it’s long? What if it’s really long? What if I’m not here when our baby is born? I have so many questions which don’t have good answers.
I’m still deep in thought when Joseph Epstein walks out the back door and head towards me on the dock. He’s the last person I expected to come outside. I figure he’s still mad at me for asking to be hypnotized last night.
“Hey, there, Joe,” I say, trying to sound as casual as possible. I’m sure I look distressed. If Liam hasn’t already told him, Joe will know something is wrong soon. He is a psychologist, after all. His entire career is about reading people.
“Hello, George,” Joe says as he plods down the stairs from the deck and towards me on the dock. His distinctive, heavy footsteps are amplified on the wooden boards.
“It’s a beautiful morning,” I try.
“You can cut the small talk,“ he says. “Your uncle told me what’s happening.“
“Okay,“ I say. “Then if this isn’t a social visit, what can I do for you?”
Joe forges ahead. “Do you still think the events of late are related to a life you believe you once lived in Ancient Greece?“
“Yes, I do,” I say. “Or at least, I think it’s worth exploring. I don’t believe our troubles are over yet.“
“If you really think that and you still want to be hypnotized, I’ll do it.“
“Really?“ I say, getting excited. Spending some time with Dr. Epstein… I mean, Joe... in hypnosis is the perfect use of some of my twenty-four remaining hours before I have to report for duty. It still feels funny to call him Joe instead of Dr. Epstein, especially in this context.
“Yes, really,” he says.
“That’s such great news,“ I say. “I can’t thank you enough. Can we do it this morning?”
“We can do it right now if you’re ready,” he confirms. “It will be different than it was at my office. We don’t have the same equipment we utilized there. But we should be able to make do.“
“I’m ready right now,“ I say. “I’m on the clock. Did Liam tell you I’m supposed to report tomorrow morning in New York?“
“He did. Let’s get moving on it right away.“
I pump my fist in celebration of the small victory. This will be the most unobstructed access to my past life memories I’ve had since the day I first remembered having lived in Ancient Greece. That was back in January at Joe’s office. A lot has happened since then. I suspect, now that I have other pieces of information and memory fragments to work with, hypnosis will allow me to dig in deep and get a full, rich picture.
“Where should we do it?“ I ask.
“Somewhere quiet” Joe answers. “We won’t want to be disturbed once we get started.“
“Well, there are plenty of rooms inside the vacation rental house to work with, but the boys will be around and about. We can’t expect them to be quiet the whole time, at their young ages.”
“True,” he agrees.
“How about we do it right here on this dock?” I ask. “ I can request that Marjorie and Mom keep the boys inside until we’re finished.”
“I suppose that will work,” Joe confirms. “How about we drag those two Adirondack chairs from the deck and place them down here? We’ll just have to hope no loud motorboats go by.“
“Perfect,“ I say. “I’ll be right back.“
I quickly walk up to the back deck and grab one of the Adirondack chairs, then I scurry back down to the dock and place it near Joe. He thanks me and sits down. I return for the second chair and I pop my head in the back door to tell the others that Joe and I don’t want to be disturbed. Liam is still on the phone but he nods his understanding. Marjorie assures me she’ll keep the boys entertained and that she won’t let anyone come out into the backyard while were doing the hypnosis session. The skies look clear and the weather forecast doesn’t mention rain, so I think we’re okay in that regard. I close the door behind me and return to the dock with the second chair, then I sit down and make myself comfortable.
“Okay, now I’m ready,” I say. “Do your thing.“
“Alright, George,” Joe says as he leans forward in his chair and laces his fingers together. He’s shifting into therapist mode. I recognize it from the session at his office where all we had was a therapist-patient relationship. “Before we start the hypnosis, I want to talk a little about what you hope to accomplish. Tell me what’s on your mind.“
“Are you treating this like a real session?“ I ask.
“Sort of,” he replies. “As I’m sure you know, professional ethics dictate certain ways of handling these things. There are plenty of gray areas and it’s been no small feat for me to decide what I’m comfortable with.”
“I certainly understand that,“ I say.
“I tend to be a skeptic, as I’m sure you also know by now,” he continues. “But there have been so many uncanny coincidences, which I’ve now had a front-row seat for as a result of my relationship with your mom. I’m starting to
change my mind about some things. ”
“Nice,” I say.
“To be honest, when I heard about the shared dream you and Ethan had, I almost offered to hypnotize you right then and there to see if we could learn anything which might have helped your family be found.”
I’m a little puzzled by this. “Then why were you so hesitant when I asked you to hypnotize me in the hospital yesterday evening? And why did you sound so skeptical when talking to Marjorie about it?”
Joe looks down at his hands, then shakes them up and down a few times. “I had to decide what I was willing to do,” he says somberly. “My career is important to me, George. My entire identity has been tied to my career for decades. You don’t know much about my personal life, but my marriage ended because of my dedication to my career.“
I’m surprised by this news, but I continue listening without saying anything. I don’t want to interrupt when he’s opening up.
“It was a long time ago now, but I have regrets. If I could do it again, I would do it differently. So, to risk my career when it is the very thing that I’ve clung to throughout my adult life and at my detriment is a big deal.”
“What made you decide to help me?“ I ask quietly.
Joe leans back in his chair and looks down at the lake, considering his answer. “You know, George,” he begins. “Human physiology doesn't’ know what to do with trauma. It stems from the fact that we are both predator and prey. Prey animals know what they are and predator animals know what they are. We, on the other hand, are confused. When an animal experiences trauma, it shakes it off. Think of the impala who is chased by a tiger. If it gets away, you can watch it literally shake the fear out of his body.“
I nod my head, listening. This is exactly the kind of thing I was thinking about when I saw the snake yesterday morning while Liam and I were out for a run. I like how Joe and I seem to be on the same wavelength. “We hold the energy in,” he continues. And It wreaks havoc with our minds and spirits.”