Being Diane

by Dennis Adkins

  Chapter 16

  The ride to the mall was upbeat even though both Mrs. Givens and Julie seemed very preoccupied. I was in the middle in the back flanked by Annie and Sally who were talking about where they wanted to go in the mall. I was wondering if Katherine had been raised by parents like mine because they say things like that a lot. Then I got to wondering if I was just along for a free ride. I didn't think so since I really didn't plan on coming it just seemed to happen. To try and take advantage of the situation wasn't in me at all. I have learned the value of a dollar and wasn't going to take anything that didn't belong to me. However I thought, I have clothes on that I didn't buy and was going to a mall with nothing in my pocket. Shoot, I don't have any pockets in this outfit, but I did have a purse and all it had was a lipstick and a compact in it. I am going to have to talk to Ms. Givens about giving all of this back and start trying to make my own way.

  At the mall, I suddenly started to feel very exposed and vulnerable as we walked up to the doors. I stopped and stood there looking at them like I was walking into the mouth of a giant alligator that was going to swallow me whole and I would be gone. Ms. Givens turned around when she realized that I wasn’t with the rest of them. “Diane? What's wrong?” she asked.

  “What if I am spotted and someone recognizes me as a boy? What will they say and what will I do?” I said shakily. Thinking the whole time, this was a mistake.

  “Honey, don't worry no one will see you as a boy. You look totally like a beautiful young lady. And we will be with you the whole time. So don't worry about it and come on in and have a good time. By the way I want you to put this in your purse.” and she took out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to me.

  “I can't accept that.” I said.

  “And why not!” said Ms. Givens.

  “I don't want it to seem like I'm here for a free ride.” I said. “I don't want to seem ungrateful or anything like that but I just don't feel right taking it.”

  “Diane Allen this is not charity and I don't want you feeling like it is.” exclaimed Ms. Givens. “I will not let you go in there without a penny in your pocket. Now you take this and put it in your purse or I am going cry.”

  Talk about surprised. I didn't expect that at all. “Okay, Ms. Givens, just don't start crying. Your make up will run and I don't think I can handle that.” I joked trying to break the tension.

  “Come on then. We have to be in the store in five minutes. Oh and I will not have you calling me Ms. Givens at my parent’s house. So just buck up and call me Julie or I will have you writing poems for a month, standing up.” and she smiled that malevolent smile she has.

  I believed that she meant it. I was seeing a side of her that was almost exciting. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Yes you may.” she said.

  “Why did your Father plant rose bushes under your window?” I asked.

  “Well, let's just say it wasn't to keep me in.” She said and winked.

  When we got to the store where she was going to be fitted, I noticed that it was named Givens. “Is this your Fathers store?” I asked.

  “Yes it is and I have worked in every department in it. Over there is the women’s department and back there is the shoe department and upstairs is the men’s departments. Come on I'll show you my favorite department.” and she took us to the perfume and make up departments. We didn't get to stay long though since she had to go to the bridal department.

  Mrs. Givens and Julie went into the back with one of the clerks and left us to wait for them. A lady with a clipboard came out looking rather harried and worried. When she saw us standing there she came up to us and said. “You must be the three angels they told me were coming.” But before we could say anything, she said. “Well don't just stand there. Move it you're late.” and she pushed us into the back. “Alright change into these and get out onto the stage. The director will show you what to do.” and she gave us each an angel outfit.

  We gave each other a what now look and I shrugged and started getting undressed. Sally and Annie followed suit and we put on the angel outfits and walked out onto the stage where a man was positioning several other people there. A movie camera was out front along with several people operating different types of equipment. He saw us and came over and grabbed us and led us out to the center of the stage.

  “Now listen girls I want you to look as angelic as you can although you look fabulous now. Here are your props, I want you to pretend you are strumming these harps. And smile.” He said and walked away in a definitely feminine manner.

  We did that for a while as the others came and went wearing different Christmas outfits. Then he came back and told us that he needed us to go back and put on the clothes that were being prepared for us. So we went back into the dressing room and were each given an outfit to put on. I got a red party dress with white lace around the neck and cuffs and a pair of white ankle socks with lace on them and black patent flats that had a little bow on the toe. Each of the others also had Christmas frocks and they looked awesome in them. We were made to sit in front of a mirror and a lady put make up on us. She said that we didn't need a lot and she used it sparingly. That made Annie and Sally look even better. Another lady did our hair and put a head band with a bow on it in mine. We were having such a great time that we forgot to mention that, we weren't professional models and that we weren't the ones that were supposed to be there.

  Back on stage, the director sashayed over to us proclaiming that we were perfect. Then had us standing in front of the camera pretending to be looking at various boxes that were wrapped with Christmas wrapping paper. “You know shake them and giggle a lot like you are trying to figure out what you have gotten for Christmas.” he said.

  We didn't have any speaking parts so it was easy. I giggled and laughed like the other two through about six wardrobe changes. I guess that about the second one I realized that Mrs. Givens and Julie didn't know where we were so I asked the lady with the clip board if she could get a message to them.

  “Why sure sweetheart. What is your name again?” she asked.

 

  “Uh, I don't have you down as one of the angels. I wonder if the ones that were supposed to be here couldn't make it? What are the other two's names?” and Sally and Annie told her. She went off and came back in a few minutes while we on stage again. I saw her talking to the director who suddenly had a startled look on his face.

  Then Mrs. Givens came in from the back and walked up to the director. They had a short conversation and he continued on. I would have guessed that he would have stopped everything and thrown us out, but he just smiled and we kept right on. They got Mrs. Givens a chair and set it right next to the director who seemed to be glad to have her there. After the last wardrobe change and shoot, we went back and changed back into our original clothes.

  Mrs. Givens was waiting for us and Julie had come in sometime during the shoot and was sitting next to her Mother. Both had large smiles on their faces. “We leave you alone for a few minutes and you go and get into a commercial shoot. What are we to do with you?” said Mrs. Givens with an even bigger smile.

  “You know Mother I can think of several things and they all require not being able to sit to do them.” teased Julie with a smile. “Come here you three.” and she gave us a big hug. You know this family liked to hug a lot. “All three of you were spectacular and the director wants to know if you would consent to doing some more work for him? I personally think it would be great if you did.”

  “I do too.” exclaimed Mrs. Givens. “The director seems to be taken with all three of you. Especially you Sally. So how about it? You will be paid for your work and you will get to do a little traveling. I can call your parents and tell them about it if you would like?”

  We all squealed with delight and said yes. Annie wanted to know how much she would make. Always the pragmatic one. She took the lead and started asking a lot of questions about how much time it would take and what we would have to do. The directo
r came over and answered as many of her questions as he could and then he turned us over to lady with the clipboard who at last introduced herself. “Well, girls I couldn't have made a better mistake. You were fantastic. All three of you are so photogenic the camera just loves you and so does Mr. Saddler. By the way, my name is Dorothy Stein and I am the office manager for the film company and I have some paperwork for you and your parents to sign. Now make sure you get them signed and mail them back to me as soon as possible. I am going to give them to Mrs. Givens here to keep so they don't get lost. And once again, I am so glad you showed up you all were wonderful. And thank you, Mrs. Givens for letting us work for you. I hope you will consider us again in the future.” she said and gave Mrs. Givens a handful of papers for us.

  We were getting ready to walk out when Ms. Stein stopped me and pulled me aside and in low voice she said. “Diane, I noticed that you were a little different from the other two and I asked Mrs. Givens about it and she said you were born a male. I want you to know that it doesn't make a hill of beans with us here and I would really like to have you back again. Please.”

  “Thank you, I hope it won't cause any problems.” I said.

  “I can't foresee a single one at all. You really are quite beautiful after all.” she said.

  I caught up with the rest of them and we went down to the restaurant in the mall and had lunch. While we were there, Julie asked me what Ms. Stein wanted and I told her. Annie said that was what she had been saying all along and Sally agreed and added that I should think about dressing this way all the time. I was stunned by that, I had not even considered it.

  Annie and Sally drug us all through the mall and tried on everything they could. We walked past a tobacco shop and I saw a rack of newspapers in it and went in and got one and a business newspaper. At one of the stops, I sat outside and read the rest of the business section of the paper that I had started that morning and started looking through the other one. I knew that I was going to have to go to the library and look up some of the things that they talked about, but it was interesting.

  We had gone through the entire mall and I thought we were through but Mrs. Givens announced that we had to go back to Givens and see if they had Julies dress ready and to get a few more things. “Yeah we want to see you in your dress.” said Sally.

  “Trust me. You really don't.” muttered Julie.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “You'll see.” she said.

  In the store, Julie went and put on the dress and came out and stood on a little podium in front of us. She was right, it wasn't very flattering and Annie being Annie told her so. “Ms. G. that is terrible. I mean the color is what? A baby poop yellow or green. You look like you should be flagging traffic in that.”

  “Tell me about it. And what is this big flower looking thing on the shoulder. Mother she is right it is terrible.” said Julie.

  Mrs. Givens hadn't said a word. She was standing there with her hand over her mouth in shock. She walked all around Julie and finally turned to the clerk and asked. “Are you sure this is what Katherine specified?”

  The clerk drew in a deep breath and said. “Unfortunately it is. I checked the order twice before I had it made. And I have to say I agree with the young lady here. It is TERRIBLE. I would like to lose the order if I may.”

  “Please do and get rid of any of the material left.” ordered Mrs. Givens. “And don't worry you won't get into any trouble about it. Julie get that hideous thing off so we can go. I have to talk to Roger about this.”

  “Mrs. Givens what do I do with this dress?” asked the clerk.

  “Burn it! Although be careful when you do, it might blow up.” said Mrs. Givens.

  “Yesss mam.” replied the clerk.

  We left that area of the store after Julie got changed and Mrs. Givens took us over to the girls section and started looking through the racks. She had us to try on about three dresses apiece. They were very conservative types like you see on the girls in church. She picked out the ones she liked and then she took us to the shoe department and we went through the same ritual. Mrs. Givens picked out pumps with a one and a half to two inch heels on them and then we got purses to go with the outfit.

  “You are going to be the most adorable girls in church tomorrow. Now, we need to get you coats to go with these because you can't wear these and the coats you brought with you to church.” So away, she took us. We all said we couldn't accept them because they cost so much but she wouldn't hear of it.

  We knew when we were beat so we accepted them and thanked her.

  Back at the house, we found the guys waiting for us with Ted who jumped up when Julie walked into the room. Mrs. Givens sent them out to get the packages and bring them in. Mr. Givens wanted to know where Julies bridesmaid dress was and Mrs. Givens told him she had it burned and that she wasn't going to let her daughter be seen out in public in a dress like that. Julie suddenly asked us if we knew how to play pool and drug, us out to the den in the back of the house and shut the door. Ted came along with her without asking. We could hear a heated discussion coming from the living room. Julie and Ted racked up the balls and picked out some cues for us. Annie did the break and got three balls in. Then she ran the table. Sally leaned over close to Ted and told him she had been playing for years since her father put one in their house. Ted muttered something about reminding him not to bet against her.

  Sally was the next to break and flubbed the shot. Ted got behind her and was showing here how to do it. He was in real close and had his hands on hers guiding the cue. That was when I saw Sally look at me and wink. Annie was standing behind Julie and was stifling a laugh. That stinker she did it on purpose. Then came my turn and while I had played once or twice I wasn't that great and Ted got in behind me and helped me with my shot. I started to see why Sally had flubbed her shot. We played like that for a while with Sally pretending to need help all the time and me trying my best to not need help. Then Mr. and Mrs. Givens and Robert came in and watched for a while. Finally, Mr. Givens proclaimed Annie to be a pool shark. Then he asked if we would like to stay in and have pizza delivered. We all exclaimed that would be great. He went and ordered the pizza and we sat down and Mrs. Givens turned on the TV. We ate pizza and watched TV. Ted asked me to come with him for a few minutes. I kind of knew what was coming.

  We went in to the living room and I sat down in one of the chairs across from him. “Diane. Julie wants me to talk to you. Do you mind talking to me?”

  “No sir, I don't mind.” I said but I really didn't want to talk about me because it just made me feel sad.

  “Tell me how long have you wanted to be a girl?”

  “I have always wanted to be a girl. I really don't remember a day when I wanted to be a boy.” I said.

  “Have you told your parents that?”

  “Heavens no. They would have beat me senseless if I had.”

  “Why? Do they not believe in what you are doing or approve?”

  “They are very conservative and Dad really talks bad about homosexuals. He says that I should be a gigolo or a police officer. He puts them both in the same category kind of low on the social totem pole.” I said.

  “So does he approve of your appearance?”

  “No sir, Not at all.”

  “Do you think you are a homosexual?

  “No sir! I don't. I don't even like boys as a rule. I do like Sally and she has kissed me and it feels wonderful. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling when she does.” I was smiling and didn't even know it.

  “Tell me about what happened at your house the other day.” he said.

  “Tell you about what?” I said.

  “I understand you got shot.”

  “Do I have to tell you about that?” I asked. I was starting to squirm around in the chair. I really didn't want to relive that night or the next few days after that. My leg started hurting I had just about blocked them out and I really didn't want the pain to come back. I must have been rubbing my leg where the wound
was because he noticed.

  “Is that where you got shot?”

  “Yes sir.” I said.

  “Does it hurt a lot?”

  “No, not unless I think about it.” I replied.

  “Did you think you were going to die?”

  “No sir.”

  “But you don't want to talk about it. I think you do and you won't admit it. Isn't that right?” he said.

  “I'm afraid that if I do the pain will come back. I mean it wasn't too scary that night but the next day I got real scared and started crying and shaking. Then they caught me on the road by myself and almost killed me by beating me with a tire iron and a baseball bat. That just made me mad and when I saw them come back to the house that afternoon I decided that they weren't going to get the chance to finish the job.” I said and started crying.

  “What did you do?”

  “I was trapped in the house so I took the shotgun and waited for them to break in and I stepped around the corner and shot them. The look on the big ones face was of disbelief that I was standing there. He started toward me and I cut him down. The blood splattered all over the little one and he pulled out a silver pistol and I killed him next. The strange thing was he had a look of hatred on his face when I shot him. I stood there for the longest time until my Uncle came and took the shotgun away from me. I guess I wanted to make sure they were dead before I moved. I don't know. The Sheriff said it was a clear cut case of self-defense. I guess it was because I knew in my heart I knew that they would have killed me that time instead of going to jail.” I said.

  “What happened then?”

  “I waited for my Mom to come and tell me everything was going to be alright but she hasn't spoken to me since before the shooting. What did I do the deserve that?” I cried.

  “I don't know. So what happened then?”

  “I moved back into the barn and that night I heard someone telling me that I could stop all of the pain and hatred if I would end it all.” I said.

  “So did you try? Try to take your own life. I mean.”

  “Yes sir. I took a long piece of twine that they used to tie up the hay bales and I tied it to the ladder and made a loop on the other end and jumped. Strange, I could have stopped it just by stepping on to the ladder but I didn't. The last thing I remember was seeing a mouse chewing the twine in two and then I fell to the ground and laid there. When I woke up I still had the rope around my neck and the mouse was standing on me and I swear I'm not making this up. He told me to never do that again. I was so ashamed that I wouldn't leave the barn for days except to get some water. I didn't have anything to eat so I just drank a lot of water. It seemed to help. My Uncle would come by and check on me. He asked me if I was alright and I lied and said I was. I have never lied to him before.” I said.

  “Let me ask you a few more questions on a different subject. Okay?”

  Ted asked me a lot of questions and was writing down my answers. I began to get nervous since some of the questions were really personal. Like if I had ever had sex with a boy or a girl or did I masturbate and if I did, did I think of someone in particular. I was really embarrassed by some of them and tried to dodge the questions but to no avail. Ted was like a bull dog about some of them and wouldn't let go. He questioned me for about thirty minutes and put his note pad up and said that was enough for now. We went back and joined the others.

  Mrs. Givens told us that it was time to go to bed and shooed us all up stairs to get ready for bed. I went in and put on my nightgown and had washed my face and brushed my teeth when Sally and Annie came in wanting to know what he talked to me about. “He just asked me a lot of questions. Some of them were pretty embarrassing. He wanted to know what happened the other day and I told him but please don't ask me to tell it again.” I pleaded.

  Annie and Sally honored my request and didn't ask any more questions about that. Instead, Annie asked. “Did you enjoy doing those commercial shots to day? I know I did. I loved all of the clothes and the attention I got.”

  “I thought it was wonderful. Especially when I got a hug from that cute hunk, they had working the lights. I know he is too old for me but it was great anyway.” said Sally.

  “So are you two timing me?” I said in mock indignation.

  Sally leaned in close to me like she was going to kiss me and I told her. “Oh no you don't, not until you tell me you are sorry.” I said.

  “Okay I'm sorry.” she said. “For not getting a kiss from him.”

  “Why you little hussy.” and I pushed her down her on the bed and started tickling her. Annie jumped in and the three of us were wrestling on the bed until Julie came in.

  “Ahem. I thought, you three were into something.” she said.

  We stopped and looked at her and Annie grabbed her hand and pulled her down on the bed with us and we started tickling her. She started tickling right back and this went on for a few minutes until Mrs. Givens came in and stopped us and sent Annie and Sally to their room and told them to go to bed, because we had to be at church early in the morning. She gave Julie and I a straighten up or else look and told me to get into bed. Then she shooed Julie out. I got under the covers and she tucked me in and gave me a goodnight kiss on the head. I heard her go and tuck in Annie and Sally and I went to sleep. It must have been great to have her as a mother. I wished mine was like that.

  The next morning I got up, went outside, and did my exercises as usual. Robert came down and did them with me and as we finished up Mrs. Givens came down stairs and found us in the kitchen. Robert had made some coffee and I sneaked a cup and enjoyed it.

  “So this is what you are doing. Corrupting, young ladies with coffee in the morning.” she fussed at Robert.

  “I couldn't stop her she said she would beat me up if I tried.” exclaimed Robert with a grin.

  “I'll just bet she did. I don't believe that for one second. Diane is a sweet and innocent young lady and you on the other hand....” and she stopped and stared at him. “Just for that, you get to cook breakfast.” Diane go on and get your shower and get dressed for church. “Only don't put on the dress yet just wear your robe. I don't want you getting it dirty.”

  “Yes Mam.” and I went back upstairs and did as I was told. Julie was still asleep. I didn't even hear her come in and get in the bed. I wondered how long she and Ted had stayed up. They seemed to be getting along rather well. He couldn't be gay though, not the way he looked at Julie. He just about went spastic around her, he couldn't walk without tripping and when he talked to her, he made the cutest gaffs I have ever heard. I could see how she would have that effect on men. I mean she has all of the boys in school all tore up. I saw one run right into a wall while he was trying to get a look at her it was so funny because Mr. Alverez was standing right next to him. He just told him to try to concentrate on where he was going.

  Ted was the one that I didn't know about. I figured out that Mr. Washington was one of the men that Ted was dating, it took me awhile but I figured it out. I was also wondering if he had shown up at the restaurant Friday night on purpose or by coincidence either way it must have been difficult for Ted. I don't know how it is in the gay community but in the regular community that would have caused a lot of jealousy. I felt for both of them and hoped that they would at least remain friends.

  I put on everything but the dress and found my robe and went downstairs. I could hear Mr. and Mrs. Givens talking about where to go after church. She wanted to go and have a nice lunch and see a movie instead of the zoo since it was threatening rain. Mr. Givens wanted to skip church and lay around the house. That got nixed pretty quick by Mrs. Givens. Then they decided on a steak house and Mrs. Givens would take us to a movie.

  “Good morning Diane. Did you sleep well last night?” asked Mr. Givens.

  “Good morning and yes I slept like a baby.” I replied.

  “So when did Julie come to bed?” he asked.

  “Uh, I must have really been out because I didn't even hear her when she came to bed.
Sorry I can't help you there.” I said. “She was still out like a light when I came downstairs. You know I find it hard to believe that Ted is gay.”

  “So do I sweetie.” Mr. Givens replied. “I see the two of them together and wonder if he was led down the wrong path by someone. Which is something you need to be aware of. Not all people will do the right thing by you, but do it for their own personal reasons. So I want you to be careful in the future when dealing with people.”

  “Yes sir. I will.” I said.

  “Now I think it is time to talk business.” He said. “Stan and I talked yesterday and we have come to an agreement. We want to front you ten thousand dollars to put into the stock market. We believe that you will be able to pay us back without any problems. We want to see if you can research and pick winning stocks. I personally think that you can. We will have the papers drawn up to where we will be responsible for the account and whatever profits are made will be yours. I will have to get the consent of your mother, but I don't see that to be a problem. Now what do you think of the offer?” he said and sat back sipping on his coffee.

  “And what if I blow it?” I asked.

  “We will stop the transactions at a point that there is no major loss.” He said.

  “That sounds great but you really don't have to do it.” I said.

  “Listen I have figured out that you have your pride and I don't want you to think of this as some type of charity because it isn't. Like I said, I believe in you and I want to see you excel. I listened to you talking about the cotton market and so did Stan and he did some checking and found out that you are correct in what you said. If you could know that then I don't see why you can't research and pick rising stocks. You see farming is turning into a business and you have a firm grasp of that concept. That is what we are going to need in the future to insure reasonable commodities prices. Which brings up another subject do you think you can get permission to go with Mrs. Givens and myself to New York in two weeks to go to the fashion industry show?” he said.

  “I would love to and I think I can get my Uncle to say yes. You see he came by the other day and told me that he is going to have Mr. Rosenthal try to have me made into an emancipated minor so I won't have to worry about some family issues that have come up. As far as the stock thing I think that I would love to do it and make good.” I said.

  “That will be great then. I will need the name of your attorney then and we will open the account by the first of next week.” he said.

  “So is the business meeting over? Can I start breakfast now?” said Roger. “You know Diane I really wanted to be a chef but I was over ruled by a certain person. Who I love very much.” and he hugged his Dad and ruffed up hair as he jumped away from him so he wouldn't get hit.

  “Yes Chef we are ready for you to start cooking. Diane go upstairs and get those sleepy heads up and tell them to get ready and come downstairs.” ordered Mr. Givens.

  “I'll do it.” said Mrs. Givens. “I think I need to talk to a certain night owl up there.” then she took off and stopped and grabbed the newspaper and started out with it.

  “Miranda, please leave the paper here. I haven't had a chance to look at it yet.” asked Mr. Givens. “The last time you took it up stairs I had to piece it back together to read it.”

  “And why do you think you need the paper upstairs?” said Julie, who had just walked in. Mrs. Givens took her by the arm and turned her around and walked her back upstairs.

  “Do you need any help?” I asked Robert.

  “Not right now, but I will need you in a little bit.” he replied.

  Mr. Givens gave me the fashion section and he started reading the business section. I read it front to back and was amazed at all of the new things coming out this year for Christmas. They seemed to be getting away from the wild colors and patterns but there was something there called hot pants that were basically very short shorts that were dressy. I guess on the right girl they would look great. Like Sally.

  Robert called for me to come and help him. He was making omelets, something I had never had. I was amazed at the things he put in them like one had potatoes and another had cheese and bacon. He showed me how to put the eggs in the pan and at the right moment put the middle ingredients in and fold the omelet. He also made French toast and bacon to go with them. He could really cook. He made a drink called a mimosa made out of orange juice and champagne for the adults and for us he put ginger ale in it. The breakfast was excellent. After breakfast Annie, Sally and I volunteered to do the dishes so the adults could go get ready for church.