The Choices I've Made

by J. L. Berg

  “I realized I hadn’t gotten the opportunity to welcome the new doctor in town, but then I see you’ve already done that,” he said, his head sweeping across the table from Jake to me.

  I swallowed audibly, knowing exactly what he was alluding to.

  “So nice of you to offer yourself up as the official welcoming committee, Molly. Can we count on you for every new resident or just the single ones?”

  The high-pitched sound of Jake’s chair sliding against the concrete echoed across the patio. His eyes were wild as he rose from his chair. My hand reached across the table for his. The moment our fingers touched, his eyes met mine. I could see the rage and utter need for vengeance. All those years of pent-up hostility for this asshole had finally come to a head.

  But he couldn’t.

  Not now, not while Macon was in a position of power.

  He’d send Jake to jail without a second thought, and within an instant, everything he’d worked for could all be gone.

  My pride wasn’t worth all that.

  Squeezing his hand, I steadied him, forcing him back down in his seat. I could see the overjoyed look of triumph on Macon’s stupid face, knowing he’d won yet another round in this age-old rivalry between them.

  One I still didn’t understand.

  “Be sure you say hi to Dean for me, will you?” Macon said in my direction, making sure he got one last jab in before he left.

  I saw the pain in Jake’s face.

  The anguish he still felt over Dean’s injuries.

  “Will do,” I replied. “I’ll also be sure to say hi to your wife when I visit her next month. Ex-wife, sorry. When is she getting back from her honeymoon?”

  His face blanched, the confidence deflating out of him like a runaway balloon. Funny how much it stung to have the same shit slung back in your face.

  “I’m sure she and the sheriff are having a wonderful time in Mexico.”

  After that comment, he scurried off like the cockroach he was. I wasn’t sure I felt good about myself, usually taking the high road rather than stooping to his level.

  But, this time, he’d gone too far.

  When I turned back to Jake, his eyes were filled with a sort of reverence.

  “That was brilliant,” he said.

  I just shrugged. “Sometimes, a bully needs to be reminded of what it feels like to be bullied.”

  “It won’t stop him.”

  “No,” I agreed. “But it kept you from making a bad decision.”

  He didn’t say anything, but I could see the thanks in his expression as his thumb rolled over mine. After a quick glance in Macon’s direction, Jake turned back to me.

  “Want to get out of here?” he asked, throwing a couple bills down on the table for our drinks.

  Grinning, I nodded. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING me,” I said, staring wide-eyed into the garage.

  “Nope.”

  “When did you get this?”

  “A little while after I took over the inn. I got sick of referring all my guests to the rentals on the island and thought it might be a way to make some extra money.”

  “Or have some fun on the weekend,” I said, running a hand over the sleek black paint.

  Jeeps in Ocracoke were like the shiny new toys at Christmas. Every kid wanted one. Sure, you didn’t need it, but if you got it, it was a total game changer. There were several rental places up and down the banks where tourists and locals alike could rent a Jeep.

  But having one of your own, it was the ultimate grown-up toy.

  I’d wanted one for as long as I could remember. Hell, even when I’d left North Carolina, I’d drool every time I saw a Jeep driving by on the busy streets of Chicago. There was just something ingrained in my DNA that made me want to jump in, rev that engine, and get those tires in the sand as quickly as possible.

  “You look exactly like a kid in a candy store right now,” Molly said, dangling keys on the other side of the garage.

  I laughed. “This is so much better. How could you keep this from me? I demand a refund.”

  “I’ll let you drive,” she offered, taking one giant step closer.

  “Deal.” I leaped forward and grabbed the set of keys from her hand.

  She laughed as I lifted her off the ground and spun us around.

  I felt weightless in this moment.

  The shit with Macon?

  Forgotten.

  The unsettled future with Molly?

  Unimportant.

  Right now, I was entirely focused on this moment. Right here, right now.

  For so long, I’d been so fixated on reaching some distant goal that I completely forgot how to live.

  To appreciate the time I’d been given.

  To live in the now.

  We hopped in the Jeep, armed with enough provisions to supply a small army, thanks to Molly, and headed out toward the beach.

  “I can’t remember the last time I sat out under the stars,” I said loudly, the wind flying around us, blowing our hair, as the town became smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.

  There were several spots in Ocracoke that allowed Jeeps. Picking our favorite one, I headed off-road and onto the sand. It was hard and compact from the constant use, but thankfully, the area was empty today.

  Driving toward the beach, I hit the water, giving a little splash on the passenger side.

  “Jake!” Molly screamed.

  I laughed, loving the sound of her happy squeals.

  Taking advantage of the long days, we drove for a while, in and out of the water, until I found a good spot to watch the sunset. It was nearly eight o’clock by the time we set up our picnic on the sand.

  “We’re going to get invaded by ghost crabs when the sun sets,” Molly whined.

  “Then, we’d better enjoy it while it lasts,” I instructed, not caring in the least if a million of those freakish white crabs joined us.

  Today was perfect.

  Molly had once again outdone herself in the area of food, pulling out some leftovers from a boxed dinner she’d made for the West Coast couple who were involved in Penis-Gate. They had booked a kayak lesson and hadn’t felt like coming home to shower, so feeling incredibly embarrassed, Molly had made them dinner to go.

  Free of charge, of course.

  “You should have charged them double,” I said. “That was a good picture.”

  She nearly spit out her food. “I can’t believe you sent me that. When you said you needed to primp, I did not know it meant that.”

  I laughed. “Well, I definitely wasn’t picking out lipstick shades or finding my best side. Because, let’s face it, every side is good.”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “Only when I’m around you. Besides, sometimes, you need a little spontaneity in your day, especially when you’ve treated your third urinary infection. What is it with the elderly on this island, Molly? Is it something in the water?”

  She giggled, and then a finger went up next to her face, like a lightbulb had suddenly gone off in her head. “That reminds me. Did Terri come by to see you? She wasn’t feeling well yesterday.”

  I nodded, taking a bite of my sandwich. “Yeah, she did. She’s fine. Nothing serious.”

  A noticeable sense of relief spread across her face. “Thank goodness. I was worried about her. Nothing ever seems to get that old broad down, but yesterday, she just seemed off.”

  I wished I could tell her more, but doctor-patient confidentiality prevented me, even if it was Terri. It was nothing more than one of those urinary infections I’d mentioned. But she’d had several in the last year, so I’d ordered some lab work just to be safe. A round of antibiotics, and she’d be as good as new.

  “She’ll be fine. Even the devil himself couldn’t take Terri down.”

  There was a comfortable silence between us as we ate and watched the waves billow in. The sun began to set behind us as the water grew dark. Pulling Molly into my arms
, I felt more content and happier than I had in years.

  “Why a heart surgeon?” Molly finally asked as we sat together, listening to the roar of the ocean waves. “Is it because of your mother?”

  “Yes,” I answered honestly, maybe for the first time. “I’ve wanted to be a doctor ever since I could remember. That’s nothing new. Practically the entire town knew I wanted to take over the clinic when I got older. Of course, that’s because I went around and told anyone who would listen.”

  “You were a very precocious kid.”

  “I seem to remember an equally precocious little girl who’d bring her Easy-Bake Oven to church functions and serve cookies to all the old ladies to test out her culinary skills.”

  “Hey!” she said, turning in my arms. “Those ladies said I made the best Easy-Bake Oven cookies they’d ever had!”

  I laughed, loving her just a little bit more in that moment.

  If that were even possible.

  “But all that changed when my mom died. All the symptoms had been there, Mols. I saw her file.”

  “You did? But how? You weren’t even eighteen.”

  “I snuck a peek when no one was around. For months, she’d been complaining to my dad of fatigue, loss of appetite, and shortness of breath. He had checked her out and said it was nothing more than seasonal allergies or a touch of asthma.”

  “Jake,” she said, her warm hand on mine.

  “He should have known. She was his wife. He should have run every damn test there was. If you were sick, that’s what I would do. I wouldn’t rest until you were better.”

  “But, sometimes, it is just allergies.”

  “And, sometimes, it’s heart failure.”

  “Is that what you tell your patients?” she asked, looking up at me with those deep blue eyes.

  “No,” I answered. “The patients I receive are already past the diagnosis phase. I just fix them—from simple repairs to triple bypasses. But I make sure they’re alive. I don’t screw up.”

  “Your father was human, Jake. Just like all of us. No doubt, he carried that mistake with him every day for his entire life.”

  “Good,” I replied, feeling the levity of the day slightly wearing off.

  “Come on,” she urged. “Let’s go snuggle in the Jeep before the crabs eat us alive.”

  I nodded, seeing several of them along the shore. Their eerie white bodies that looked like skeletons were scuttling along the waterline in search of food. I remembered chasing them along this very same beach when I was young, my father running alongside me, laughing during a long day of fun.

  Those were the days when he had still been a superhero in my eyes.

  Still someone worth looking up to.

  But, he had been just a man, and like most mortals, he’d been full of holes and regrets.

  And irreversible mistakes.

  I wasn’t sure what I hated more—the death of the superhero I’d once worshipped or the mistakes he’d made afterward.

  We hopped into the back of the jeep, taking full advantage of the small space and the open rooftop. Molly shifted in my arms, finding a comfortable position as she turned her head skyward. Without the glow of city lights, dozens of stars could be seen from this beach. I’d forgotten how stunning it all was—the simplicity of living here. Stars, Jeep rides on the beach, home-cooked meals with the ones you loved.

  Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

  I pulled Molly closer into my arms, feeling the warmth of her body against mine.

  Cherishing it.

  Savoring it.

  We sat like this for a long time in peaceful silence, enjoying our little slice of heaven. There was no time limit for once. I didn’t have to rush off to be somewhere, nor did Molly. Her guests were taken care of. She’d done her prep for the morning.

  Tonight was ours.

  “Why did you wait so long to take over the inn?” I finally asked.

  If we had all night, I wanted to get to know Molly now—as a woman, not just the girl I remembered. We owed that much to each other if we were going to make this work.

  She didn’t turn; she kept her focus forward. “I tried,” she said, “as soon as you left, and I decided to stay. I think my parents held out hope that I’d change my mind and go to college.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I could blame it on you, but ultimately, it was my decision. Even when it had been the two of us going together, I had felt scared. Scared to leave this place and go somewhere new. What if I hated it? What if I didn’t fit in? When you left, I guess all those fears just came rushing to the surface, and I panicked. I told my parents I didn’t need a degree to do what I’d been training to do since the day I was born. But they disagreed. They wanted me to travel, to grow up. So, our decade-long debate began. I spent years assisting them, slowly earning my keep while they kept hoping I’d go and spread my wings.”

  “They weren’t wrong,” I said. “Giving you the inn so young would have just chained you to this place. You needed the option to leave if you wanted.”

  “But I never did,” she said softly.

  “Did you ever want to?” I asked, rubbing my hands along her bare arms.

  “It doesn’t matter. I had the choice, and I stayed here.”

  “It’s not too late,” I reminded her.

  A silence fell just then. Not a comfortable one like before. A tension, reminding me of the years we’d spent apart. The lives we’d led without one another.

  There was still so much we didn’t know about each other. So much left to explore and talk through. But we had time, right? Time to figure it all out.

  Starting with this moment. Right here, right now.

  “I think we’ve done enough talking tonight,” I said, my hands dancing across her belly and drifting even lower.

  “I couldn’t agree more.”

  I’d spend forever getting to know this incredible woman Molly had become. I wanted to hear everything that had happened while I was away.

  The good, the bad, and everything in between.

  But there was more than one way to reunite myself with my long-lost love.

  And, right now, I’d let our hands do all the storytelling while the ocean and stars set the perfect stage for the opening scene to our epic sequel.

  After spending a night stuffed in the twin bed from my childhood, we’d decided the inn was a better choice for now—until we could figure out something better.

  Something better.

  The words made my stomach hurt because I knew it meant change. Until now, I’d been a visitor on this island, living like a vagabond from one place to the other.

  I knew it would soon have to end. I couldn’t live in my dad’s office. Hell, I couldn’t keep calling it my dad’s office if I was planning on staying.

  Was I planning on staying?

  I knew I couldn’t leave without Molly.

  Would Molly leave?

  Maybe eventually, but not now.

  Staring into the mirror of Molly’s vanity in her small bathroom, I took a big, soothing breath.

  I was staying.

  For how long, I wasn’t sure. A year, five years. Maybe longer.

  I tried to imagine the future. Molly round with our child as we walked along the worn paths of the island, nestled between live oak trees, the bay in the distance. Years later, our children running ahead of us, laughing and playing, as we headed off to dinner at one of the local restaurants.

  I found myself smiling.

  Not a bad future. Not bad at all.

  But could I find merit and worth in becoming a family doctor after everything I’d achieved? I was on my way to becoming chief of surgery in Chicago. Could I leave it all behind to give out antibiotics and flu vaccines?

  My head swam as I got dressed that morning, thankful we’d stopped by my parents’ house to grab provisions. My head still swam with visions and nightmares whenever I entered the place, the memories still heav
y on my chest, but it seemed to get easier with every attempt.

  I knew I’d have to eventually do something with the place.

  Watching it fall apart felt like an injustice to my mother’s memory.

  Sliding into my shoes, I took one last look around the room. Last night was the first time I’d been in here since high school. Although she’d made some changes, it mostly felt the same. Her sister’s stuff was gone, which made it feel larger and less adolescent, but her old bed remained along with the antique dresser with the mirror that reminded me of something from the state fair.

  So much of the girl I remembered still lived here. Was there room for me?

  Stepping out into the hallway, I headed for the kitchen. Breakfast was in full swing with the guests all gathered around the table, drinking coffee and enjoying Molly’s home-cooked treats. It grew quiet when I entered.

  Not knowing if I should have snuck out the back, I suddenly felt awkward. I didn’t know what the protocol was for sleeping over. I wasn’t a guest, but I was hungry.

  “Good morning,” Molly said, not appearing out of step in the least. “Do you want coffee?”

  “Uh, sure,” I said, noticing two sets of eyes following me more than most.

  She gave me a warm smile, pulling out a mug before turning back around. “To go, or do you have time to eat?”

  “I’ve got time,” I said, kind of bewildered by the whole thing.

  So were some of the guests.

  “I’m sorry. Where are my manners?” Molly said cheerfully. “This is my boyfriend, Jake Jameson,” she announced to the guests sitting around the table. “He’s the local doctor in town.”

  A few heads bobbed up and down. Several others showed signs of relief, probably after wondering if Molly was serving coffee to her latest booty call. The couple who’d been eyeing me just smiled.

  “That’s the couple who saw your dick pic,” Molly whispered in my ear as she handed me my coffee.

  I coughed slightly, instantly regretting my decision to stay for breakfast.

  “Why don’t you take that empty seat over there, Jake, by the Andersons? They’re from the West Coast.”

  She grinned wickedly, knowing she was getting me back for yesterday when she’d dropped her phone in front of the couple. Now, I’d have to suffer through breakfast, sitting next to them.