Price of love

by Rachel Lindsay

  Though Paula could not hear Debbie Scott's reply, she might have been receiving an invitation to the Ritz from the eagerness of the tone. " Poor little rich girl," she thought. Or should it be poor Donald? There was something incongruous in the very idea of Debbie Scott with her couture clothes and Riviera tan, drinking tea from a thick white cup in the doctors' canteen. Yet Donald Blake, with his wonderful male confidence, seemed to take it for granted ... as much for granted as Jason Scott did his ability to sweet-talk any woman into a flirtation. Drat Jason! He had acquired the habit of coming into her mind at all times of the day or night. The less she saw of him from now on, the better. Putting the Scott family from her mind, she sat down at her desk and began to write up her case notes.

  Donald's turn as relief Casualty Officer ended the next day and it was some time before Paula saw him again. An outbreak of food poisoning among local schoolchildren threw an additional burden on the emergency services, and for nearly a week she did not even bother to return to her bungalow, but snatched what sleep she could on a bed in one of the cubicles.

  One lunch time, in the middle of the crisis, she arrived at the canteen so tired that the smell of the food nauseated her, and she had turned to walk out again when she bumped into Martin.

  'Where are you going?' be demanded.

  'For a walk.'

  'Wait till I've had a sandwich and I'll come with you.' His glance became sharper. ' You have eaten, haven't you' She shook her head and he took her by the elbow and propelled her to the nearest vacant table. ' Sit there while I get you some food.'

  'I've no appetite.'

  But it was too late. He was already at the counter, soon returning with two cups of coffee and some bacon and eggs.

  ' Eat up,' he said tersely, and refused to say another word until she had done so, ' That's better.' He looked at her empty plate. ' What are you trying to do—starve yourself?'

  ' Don't be silly. I was just too tired to eat.'

  ' Overworking as usual.'

  'Does that surprise you?' she said abruptly. 'We don't have a glut of staff here, you know.'

  'I know that very well.' His tone was so dry that she flushed, and for the first time noticed the tiredness on his face and in his eyes.

  'I'm sorry, Martin. You're overworked too.'

  'I work because I like it. I don't use it as an escape.'

  ' Meaning that ' do ?'

  'Yes.'

  He offered her a cigarette and she took it, watching the smoke idly before she spoke again. ' An escape from what?'

  ' Things you don't like, or don't understand.'

  ' Such as?' She forced herself to smile. 'I'm sure you can list them!'

  ' Every single one.' He leaned forward, elbows on the table. ' You don't see things in black and white, Paula. You divide people into saints or sinners and forget they can be both at the same time.'

  'I don't see how.'

  ' That's your trouble. You want people to be all of a piece, and when you find they aren't, you've no sympathy for them.'

  'If you're suggesting I'm not kind to my patients'

  'I'm not talking about kindness,' he interrupted. ' You do what's best for them, in the best possible way. but you don't look on them as people.'

  'It's easier for me if I don't. When I first qualified, I suffered every pain with everyone who came to see me.'

  ' So you clamped down on your emotions?'

  'Yes. It's helped me.'

  'It's in danger of spoiling you as a person.'

  She looked at him sharply. ' Has anyone complained about me? Be honest, Martin.'

  'I'm the only one who's complaining,' he said drily. 'I see how warm and understanding you are with children, and I'd like you to be the same with adults.'

  ' Maybe it's because I'm not afraid of children,' she admitted.

  ' Why do adults worry you ? Because you might grow to like one of them too much?'

  'I knew we'd get on to that,' she said with a laugh. ' You're determined to'marry me off, or at least to make sure I fall in love.'

  'I think it's what you need,' he said abruptly.

  ' You gave me that sort of prescription not long ago.

  'Instantly she said the words she regretted them, for he knew at once what she meant.

  'I'm still willing to act on it, Paula. Dinner twice a week with me should soon set you on the road to recovery!'

  'You might be the one to get ill!'

  'If love is an illness, you may very well be right.'

  She caught her breath, not sure what to say. He had put into words what she knew he had been thinking for many months, and she was not sure how best to acknowledge them. Maybe she did need a better understanding, of people. But she could not learn it through Martin; to do so would hurt him needlessly.

  ' Martin, I --'

  'Don't say anything,' he interrupted. 'I shouldn't have said what I did. You're not ready for it yet Later on, perhaps . . .'

  'When I've had ray fling?' she said, determined to bring the conversation back to a lighter note.

  ' Of course,' he agreed, following suit. 'I like my women experienced!'

  'I'll let you know when I qualify I' She pushed back her chair. 'I couldn't bear the thought of boring you with my ineptitude.'

  He followed her out of the canteen. ' Talking of boredom, '

  he said as they reached the lift, 'I suppose you know young Scott's been moved to a private room? He didn't want it, but his parents insisted.'

  'I'd have thought he would have enjoyed lying in state with masses of visitors.'

  ' Most of his friends are in London, and he spends the day staring at the ceiling. He tried to get out of bed yesterday and pulled some stitches before the nurses got him back again. Said he was bored and wanted to talk to some of the other patients.'

  'What a fool!'

  Martin shrugged. ' Why don't you go and see him?'

  'Is that Mr. Edgar the surgeon talking, or are you asking me to go on a personal basis?'

  ' Would it make any difference ?'

  'Yes. I don't—I don't feel particularly partial to him as a person.'

  ' He's partial to you.'

  Enlightenment dawned on her. ' Did he ask you to speak to me ?'

  Martin stopped by the stairs leading to the first floor. ' As a matter of fact, he did.'

  ' Quite the good Samaritan, aren't you?'

  ' Maybe I want you to get that experience we were talking about I'

  She laughed. ' Shall I let you know when I do?'

  'You won't need to. I'll see it for myself.' He mounted the stairs and stopped before turning out of sight. ' But go and see young Scott for a chat. Look on it as your good deed for the day.'

  ' Very well,' she promised. ' But only because you asked me.'

  Before going home that night, Paula kept the promise she had made to Martin, and went through the annex to the private wing. Although part of the hospital, it seemed like a different world, with its pine-panelled walls, picturelined corridors and general air of leisure. Jason Scott's room was at the far end, and without giving herself time to draw back, she pushed open the door and walked in.

  The feeling that she was doing her good deed for the day swiftly died at her first glimpse of the baskets of fruit and flowers and piles of glossy magazines that littered the room. It revived, however, at the sight of the pleasure that the man in the bed made no effort to hide.

  'So you did cornel'

  She ignored the exclamation and came further into the room. A card attached to a particularly elaborate floral tribute caught her eye and she glanced at it, seeing the large card with the sprawling writing that was fixed to the gold-coloured basket. 'Hurry up and get better, darling. Missing you dreadfully—Your Caroline.'

  Paula sat down. ' How are you feeling?'

  ' Wonderful—now you're here.'

  There was a hint of laughter in the blue eyes watching her and. pretending a nonchalance she did not feel, she looked around. ' Quite a difference fro
m Men's Surgical.'

  He moved his head impatiently. ' How long am I going to be stuck here?'

  ' That rather depends on you, Mr Scott.'

  He held out his hand. ' Aren't you going to take iry pulse?'

  'Not today. This is a social visit. I hear you've been giving your nurses a lot of trouble.'

  ' Don't you believe it. I'm their favourite patient.'

  ' They must have loved scooping you off the floor.'

  ' Oh, that.' He became a trifle sheepish. ' Unfortunately I miscalculated my strength—or perhaps I should have said my weakness. You should have heard Mr. Edgar's language. He may be a great surgeon, but his bedside manner is even worse than yours I'

  'At least he got me tip here,' she retorted.

  'Is that the only reason you came—because he asked you?'

  Remembering Martin's lecture on sympathy, she gave a diplomatic answer. 'I didn't realize you wanted to see me, Mr Scott. I assumed you'd be inundated with friends once you were in a private ward.'

  'My friends bore me. And for heaven's sake don't call me Mr Scott. My name's Jason.'

  She made no comment and for want of something to do, plucked a grape from a bunch lying near at hand. Realizing she did not intend to reply, he hitched himself higher on the pillows to see her more clearly. I want to know you better' he said gravely.

  There was no help but to answer. ' Why?'

  ' Do you need to ask?'

  She moved over to the bed. 'What game axe you playing at? Why are you interested in me?'

  'Why is a man usually interested in a woman?'

  ' For marriage or a love affair,' she said bluntly. His eyes glittered with amusement, giving her a glimpse of how handsome he must be when he was well. 'I take it you're not interested in the latter?'

  ' You take it correctly' she retorted. ' And neither of us are interested in the former So why don't you act like an adult instead of a spoiled playboy !'

  ' My, my' his voice was mild. ' You don't pull your punches, do you? I suppose it's because you're scared.'

  'Of what?'

  ' Being struck off' His face was bland. ' Or does that only apply to male doctors?'

  ' The medical profession doesn't differentiate between the sexes' she replied coolly. 'Anyway, you're Mr Edgar's patient, not mine'

  ' Well then . . ' He caught her hand and brushed his lips against her finger-tips. ' Darling Paula, I'm going to enjoy teaching you about love.'

  ' You must be out of your mind !' She pulled her hand away. 'I know you're bored, but if flirting with me is---'

  ' How do you know I'm flirting?'

  'What else would you call it?'

  I could say I was being serious, except it would frighten you even more'

  ' Nothing you said could frighten me' she snapped.

  'Then why are you so angry? Most women adore

  admiration'

  'I'm not most women'

  ' That's why you intrigue me. Don't I intrigue you?'

  Head on one side, she looked at him. Her anger in no way appeared to dismay him. Indeed, it seemed to convince him it was a manifestation of her interest in him!

  ' Well' he repeated, 'don't I intrigue you?'

  ' Yes,' she said evenly. ' You're the first man I've met who considers a hobby his full-time occupation.'

  His cheeks darkened and she knew her barb had gone home. But when he spoke his voice was flat. ' Motorracing enthusiasts wouldn't agree with you. Or do you think there's value in being a plastics tycoon?'

  ' You're intelligent' she countered. ' How can yon spend your life gadding about the way you do?'

  He grinned. ' You've been reading my publicity.'

  'I've never read anything about you. Until you came here I didn't even know you existed'

  'Then why judge me on hearsay?'

  She shrugged and turned to the door.

  ' Don't go' he called.

  Tm tired.'

  ' Will you come and see me again?'

  'I doubt it.'

  'Scared?'

  Furiously she swung round.' Haven't you taken notice of anything I've said?'

  'No. You're not being honest, honey-girl. If I didn't interest you, you wouldn't lose your temper with

  Not trusting herself to reply, Paula walked out. Of all the conceited, obstinate men she had ever met, Jason Scott was the worst! It was not until she walked home, with a sharp wind whipping back her hair, that she was able to think of him more logically and to admit that he was right in one respect: her attitude to him was not normal. She reacted far more strongly to his behaviour than she wished, and was more aware of him than she had ever been of any other man. Was this because of his reputation ? she mused. Because she knew that every nurse in the hospital would have given her eyeteeth to be able to look after him? Or was it because he had made it obvious from the first moment he had seen her mat he found her attractive? Whatever the reason, she was giving him more thought than he deserved. " It's Martin's fault," she decided, as she unlocked the front door of her bungalow. " If it hadn't been for him, I'd never have noticed Jason Scott in the first place." During the week that followed, Paula's determination not to visit Jason was severely undermined. On the Monday a beautiful bouquet of flowers was delivered to her office, followed up at daily intervals by a large box of marrons glaces, a jar of caviare and a hamper of out-of-season fruits. The flowers she accepted with reluctance, penning him a short note of thanks, but she sent the other gifts to Sister Bright to serve to the patients on Men's Surgical. It was his final gift—delivered to her by special messenger exactly a week after she had last seen him—

  that prompted her to visit him again, and she was climbing the short flight of steps that led to the private wing when she recognized Debbie Scott ahead of her. Instead of going towards her brother's room, Paula was intrigued to see the girl hurry down the corridor leading to the main hospital building, and making a mental note to find out where she had been going, Paula went briskly into Jason Scott's room.

  For a few seconds he was not aware of her presence, and she had the opportunity of watching him unobserved. Daylight was fading and the room was illuminated by a single reading lamp which cast a warm glow over the bed, highlighting his profile and making his hair seem blonder than she had remembered it. Gone were the regulation hospital pyjamas and in their place were pure silk ones with his monogrammed initials on the pocket. " They probably cost what a nurse earns in a week,'' she thought, and was surprised at not feeling annoyed by it. How accustomed one could become to luxury if one saw it enough. The floor creaked as she moved and he turned and saw her.

  ' You came,' he stated. His voice was stronger and, because of it, seemed more serious.

  'I wanted to return this.' From her pocket she took out a gold bracelet and placed it on the bed.

  He picked it up and turned it over and over in his hand. '

  Why won't you accept it?' he asked.

  'It isn't the sort of present I can take from someone I—I don't know.'

  ' You saved my life.'

  'I didn't. And even if you think I did, it still doesn t warrant a present.'

  ' Very well.' He accepted his defeat so nonchalantly that her initial determination to leave as soon as she had given him back his gift no longer seemed necessary. He had obviously taken their last conversation to heart. She walked over to look at him more closely, deciding to continue the meeting on a medical basis as far as she could.

  'You're looking much better, Mr Scott.'

  'I feel it.' He marked the place in the book he had been reading and closed it. 'I've read more since I've been here than I've read in a year.'

  She glanced down at the title and made a face. Politics '

  'I suppose you expected me to be reading the Boy's Own Book of Motor Racing!'

  'I'm sorry for my rudeness about that,' she said quickly. 'I had no right to criticize you.'

  ' You have every right.' He leaned back on the pillows and the light, glowing full on his f
ace, revealed it to be thin with strain. ' Anyway, you weren't wrong. I am wasting my life.'

  ' Don't you mind?'

  'Occasionally. But the choice I'm faced with makes me reluctant to do anything about it.'

  She sensed he wanted to say more and she waited in silence.

  'You saw my father the first time he came here, didn't you?' he went on. ' Surely you realize what it's like to work for him? Because you can't work with him, you know, only for him. And that's something I can't do. When I went into the business originally, I was supposed to begin at the bottom and work my way up. His intention was to keep me at the bottom. That way he could be sure I wouldn't be in a position to put any of my ideas into practice. I stuck it as long as I could, then I walked out.'

  ' And gave up work completely?'

  'If I can't take over from my father, I won't do anything.'

  That's known as cutting off your nose to spite your face.'

  He shook his head. 'I'm perfectly happy as I am.'

  Normally such a remark would have elicited a sharp response, but somehow she could no longer believe be meant what he said, merely that he was mouthing words which he thought were expected of him.

  'What did yon mean when you said you had ideas you wanted to put into practice? Was it something you'd invented?'

  'Not creatively,' he replied. ' But I'm—I was interested in business efficiency, and there were hundreds of ways we could have cut costs and increased output.'

  'Such as?'

  ' Don't lead me on, Doctor Clever, I won't answer!'

  She smiled admission of the truth of his remark and backed to the door. 'I must go, Mr Scott. I'm on duty. I only came to return the bracelet.'

  'I'll send you another one tomorrow,' he said promptly. 'It s a sure-fire way of getting you here.'

  ' You don't need to do that.'

  ' Does that mean you'll come again?' There was an absence of pride in the question that touched her.

  'I'll come when I can,' she promised, and left before he had a chance to make any comment.

  CHAPTER III

  A few days later Paula cut short her supper break to go and see Jason Scott. But no sooner had she arrived than an emergency call dragged her away again.