Price of love

by Rachel Lindsay

  'I'd marry you,' she whispered. 'It won't be easy for either of us—but it's the only way . . .'

  Fearful that she might change her mind. Jason gave Paula no chance for second thoughts. Confronted by the calling of banns and the preparations that bedevil the conventional bride, she might have been tempted to cry off, but with little time to think of what she was doing she drifted through the next few days in a state of bemused happiness, and left the hospital at two o'clock on the Wednesday afternoon to become Jason's wife an hour later.

  During the drive back to her bungalow, with Debbie and Donald—who had been their witnesses—chatting ippily with Jason, she kept touching the gold band that encircled her third finger as if to convince herself she was married. How wonderful it was—yet how

  ighteningly irrevocable. She stole a surreptitious lance at her husband—what a strange, wonderful word was—as if to convince herself this gay, irresponsible iphisticate with his Riviera tan and Savile Row suit was really the man she had married. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part she shivered as she recalled the hundrcd-to-one chance that had brought him out of his own world and into hers. How he would tease her if she told him what the was thinking. They drew up at the kerb, and as Jason came round the side to open the door for her, he bent his mouth to her ear.

  'You wouldn't call it blasphemy,' he whispered, 'If I were to thank God for the accident that brought us together?'

  Her pleasure at finding him attuned to her own wavelength made her feel very close to him, and with a happy laugh she let him sweep her into his arms and carry her across the porch.

  ' Now you really look like a bride,' Debbie giggled.

  'I've better ways of showing you that she is I' Jason kissed Paula swiftly and set her down.

  ' You're making us feel horribly de trop,' Debbie 'aid.

  ' You are I As soon as the champagne's finished I'm pushing you out!' Whistling, he went to collect the magnum he had left cooling in the refrigerator, and with burning cheeks, Paula endeavoured to regain her composure.

  'I wish it was our wedding,' Debbie sighed. ' All the time in church I was kicking myself for not making it a mixed doubles I'

  ' We've only just got engaged,' Donald retorted.

  ' What's that got to do with it? I want to marry you and have your babies I '

  Donald went scarlet, but was saved from answering by Jason's entry with the champagne.

  ' Darling, I can't find the wine glasses.' ' There aren't any,'

  Paula said. ' You'll have to use tumblers.'

  ' My dear Paula,' Debbie drawled in a fair imitation of her mother's voice, ' don't you know the only way to serve champagne is from silver goblets?' She went into a peal of laughter, but Jason did not join in. ' Mother's right. It's the best way to drink it. In this house' Paula said as she moved towards the sideboard, 'you'll be hicky not to drink it from tin mugs I' She brought out four tumblers and set them on the tray, wondering for the first time what Mrs Scott's reaction would be when she learned of her son's marriage. She glanced at Jason who was unwrapping the silver foil from the neck of the bottle and decided that now was definitely not the time to be thinking of her mother-in-law I

  The champagne cork zinged across the room with an exhilarating plop, and Jason filled the glasses and raised his own. To my beautiful bride' he toasted. ' May all our stethoscopes be little ones I'

  Amid laughter and teasing the magnum was emptied, and the small gold clock on the mantelpiece—Debbie's wedding present—was chiming five when Debbie set down her glass and stood up. Come on, Donald, we're outstaying our welcome.' She hugged Paula and thumped her brother on the back. 'If you don't make each other happy, you'll have me to answer to!' Giggling happily, she left on Donald's arm.

  'I hope she marries Donald soon,' Jason said, reaching for a cigarette. 'It'll be murder for everyone if Mother tries to stop it'

  'Why should she?'

  He shrugged. ' Mother's a snob and she's set her heart on a title in the family.'

  ' She won't be pleased at our marriage' Paula said.

  ' She will, once she gets to know you' He glanced at the cigarette in his hand and deliberately stubbed it out. The room seemed suddenly very still and Paula's heartbeat was the onjy sound in it, so loud in her ears that she felt Jason must hear it too. His amused look was a challenge she could no longer escape. They were alone at last, man and wife, and now for her there could be no more running.

  'Sweetheart, you're trembling.' His tone was ineffably tender, but otherwise he made no move towards her. da

  She stared at her hands, not him. 'I'm sorry, darling, it's everything's happened so quickly, minute.'

  ' Darling girl, relax. I'm not going to leap on you!'

  Casually he lit another cigarette and leaned back in his chair. ' How about going out to dinner, or would you rather eat here?'

  Paula's hand went op in dismay. ' Jason, how awful of me. I haven't even got bacon for breakfast I' She shook her head. 'I'm going to be a terrible wife'

  'You're going to be a wonderful wife'

  'I meant a housewife'

  ' You'll never make a housewife, my sweet' Anyway, if that's what I'd wanted I wouldn't have married you. When we move we'll get a housekeeper. Meantime, I've a hamper in the boot of the car and enough groceries on order to keep us going a few weeks.' She could not hide her astonishment and he lauded. ' Surprised at my domesticity?'

  ' More than surprised—disconcerted. It makes me feel useless'

  ' Rot. You give so much energy to your work you've none left for anything else. The sooner we move the better.'

  She shifted uneasily. ' This place is big enough for both of us'°'

  'It may be big enough, but it's my idea of cold comfort cottage I' He glanced around at the cheap, impersonal furniture and shabby carpet and curtains as if seeing them for the first time. ' This isn't your stuff, is it?'

  'I rent it furnished.'

  ' Thank the Lord for that. I didn't think it could be your taste'

  'I haven't any. I've never bothered about my surroundings, I'm afraid.'

  'You don't sayt' he teased, and with a forefinger traced the line of ner cheek and the elegant curve of her neck. ' You're like a beautiful picture in a hideous frame. It's time you were placed in the right setting.'

  'This is my setting' she said stubbornly, afraid of what he was doing to her. ' There's nothing wrong with this place, Jason. It's compact, easy to run and near the hospital. It's all I want. Besides, I only come back here to sleep.'

  ' Things are going to be different from now on,' he reminded her. A home is important, Paula. We can't live our life on someone else's foundations. We must make our own.'

  It was her turn to tease. 'I've never thought of you as a homebody.'

  'I haven't been till now. That's why it's going to be different.' He leaned over and kissed her with sudden passion, then as if damming up his emotion, drew away. '

  There's a small eighteenth-century manor house about five miles out of Marsden. It's just come on the market and I thought we'd take a look at it during the weekend.'

  'You want to buy it?'

  'If you like it.'

  'Is it expensive?'

  'I can afford it.' He looked at her shrewdly. ' Why are you upset?'

  'I'm out of my depth,' she admitted. 'I've never visualized myself chatelaine of a great house.'

  ' Look, sweetheart, we're not discussing Blenheim. This place is half the size of my parents' house. With good staff it'll be as easy to run as a flat.'

  'Then let's take a flat.'

  ' A house is better for bringing up a family.'

  Silence followed his words and Paula felt them reverberating in her cars. In contemplating her future with Jason she had never looked beyond the immediate, never considered Jason as a father and—even worse—had never anticipated he might want to be one.

  ' What's the matter, Paula?' he asked quietly. ' Did you think I only saw our marriage
in terms of bed?'

  Had she answered the question truthfully she would have said yes. But at this moment honesty would have been hurtful, showing not only that she had misjudged him but that she bad not even begun to understand him.

  'I knew we'd have children eventually.' she prevaricated, '

  but I thought you'd want us to be free as long as possible.'

  ' Marriage to you is my freedom.' He knelt at her side, his hands resting on her lap. 'Sometimes there are moments when I feel you're drifting away from me. I know you'll say it's my imagination, but it isn't Your work is a part of your very life, Paula; and that means there's a part of your life I'll never be able to share. Children will keep us close together because they'll be part of both of us.'

  ' We won't need children to keep us together. Our need of each other will do that.' She lowered her face and rested it against his hair, feeling its vibrant softness against her skin. The thought of bearing Jason's children filled her with a physical warmth that pervaded her entire body, bringing with it a tenderness that made her ache to hold him close. 'Everything will be all right,' she said with sudden conviction. 'But give me time.'

  He turned his head and kissed her throat. 'As much time as you like.' He drew away and stood up. ' Let's get out of this place and find somewhere more romantic'

  She sighed happily. ' An old inn with timbered beams and simple but exquisite home cooking?'

  ' Exactly 'And I know just the place. We can be there in two hours.'

  'It sounds lovely, darling, but I can't.' Watching the light die out of his eyes she knew a deep regret. 'I'm on call and I've got to stay near the hospital. Anyway,' she said quickly, ' you have to be back at the factory yourself.'

  'It doesn't matter if I'm not.' A scowl shadowed his face. ' My father's having second thoughts about giving me any real responsibility. If it weren't for you I'd pack it in.'

  'Why don't yon tell him about the other offer you once had

  —the one from that rival firm? Perhaps that would make him see sense.'

  ' Nothing will. The onlyf he broke off and looked at her with a sudden change of mood. ' How about you having a go at him?' 'Me?' Paula's heart did a somersault. 'You're crazyl'

  ' No, I'm not. The old man likes yon. After all, you're the doctor who saved my life and risked her own m the factory explosion.'

  ' That doesn't necessarily make me acceptable as a daughter-in-law.'

  ' Not by Mother's standards maybe, but Father's different

  ' Anyway, how long do yon think we can keep our marriage secret? He'll know something's up when I don't go home in the evening, and I don't want him getting the wrong idea about us. I'll see him tomorrow and tell him we re married.'

  She sat up apprehensively. ' How do you think he'll take it?'

  ' He'll blow his top,' Jason said coolly, ' but only because I didn't consult him about it. Before the weekend's out he'll be asking to see you.'

  ' Once your father knows, the hospital will have to know too' she objected.

  ' What's wrong with that? Aren't yoa anxious to show me off?'

  'Of course I am,' she said hastily. 'It's only that I'll find all the gossip a bit nerve-racking.'

  ' A seven days' wonder,' he shrugged, and pulled her to her feet. ' The sooner we tell everyone you're my wife, the better. Now come on out for supper. You obviously don't want to stay here and sample the hamper I've got in case I try and seduce yon I' He kissed the tip of her nose. ' You're a strange girl, darling. An emancipated doctor but as scared of love as a Victorian bride t'

  ' Silly I' She moved past him. 'If we're going out, I'd better change.'

  'Make it something glamorous and I'll take you to the new roadhouse.' He followed her into the bedroom as be spoke and moved to his monogrammed luggage stacked beside the door.

  Paula turned her back and began fumbling with the buttons of her jacket. " I've got to get used to it," she told herself. "I'm married and I most expect my husband in my bedroom " Perhaps after all there was something to be said for the conventional honeymoon: it at least had the advantage of anonymous surroundings. Not that Jason seemed concerned. Stripped to the waist, he was wandering from bedroom to bathroom, as at home as if he had lived with her all his life. " He's used to sharing a room with a woman," she thought resentfully. It meant nothing to him. Immediately her mind was crowded with pictures of all the glamorous girls who had filled his life before she came into it. Suppose he was already beginning to make comparisons . . . She swallowed bard and dragging a silk dress from its hanger, slipped it over her head. Quickly she pulled the zip, but it stuck halfway op her back.

  ' Let me, darling.' Jason came over and tugged at the metal tab. His fingers touched her back and she shivered and tried to twist away. ' Stop wriggling' he ordered, ' or I won't be able to do it.'

  He bent his head closer, his lips brushing the nape of her neck. Through the dressing-table mirror she saw the ripple of muscles beneath the tanned skin, and senses she had never known she possessed ached with a need for him.

  'Jason' she whispered, and turned into his arms. The dress fell around her feet and his hands came up to her breasts, his body close against hers, then he swung her into his arms and carried her to the bed . . . A strong shaft of early morning sunlight came through the uncurtained window and dazzled Paula awake. Turning her head on the pillow, she looked at the sleeping man beside her. My husband, she told herself, and touched a tentative finger to the bronzed cheek with its light growth of golden beard. Outside, a church clock chimed seven and with a start she realized she must be at the hospital in an hoar.

  Gently she slid from the bed and padded barefoot to the bathroom, where Jason's silver-backed toilet articles, side by side with her own glass ones, seemed to set the pattern for her future. The hot water jetting on to her flesh brought to life a thousand and one unsuspected aches and she let it play on her skin longer than usual. Drying herself with a large fleecy towel, she inspected her body m the mirror, marvelling that it looked no different since last night Memories coloured her cheeks and she savoured the joy of them. With what sensuous delight Jason had made love to her; awakening her to such tumultuous passion that everything had been forgotten except the overwhelming desire to become a part of him. No longer had she been passive and accepting. Glorying in her power to arouse him, she lived her victory to the full until, exhausted and spent, they lay side by side, his hand covering her breast, her head on his shoulder. But languor, like passion, did not last, and when thcir necd for each other returned it brought an even greater closeness. Their loving this time was slower, each moment lingered over and enjoyed, the climax a sharing of exquisite agony . . ,

  Quickly she turned away from the mirror, put on a housecoat and went into the kitchen to put on the kettle. While it boiled she hurriedly tidied the living room, clearing away the litter of glasses and ashtrays and the remnants of the hamper, smiling as she recalled their midnight feast of duckling and matrons glaUs washed down by a second bottle of champagne. The whistle of the kettle brought her back to the present, and she hurriedly broke eggs into a pan and slipped toast under the grill. Jason had one eye open when she came in with the breakfast tray. 'Come here,' he ordered lazily, and she just managed to set the tray on the floor before he reached out and pulled her towards him. Her housecoat fell open and with a sigh of contentment he kissed the

  hollow between her breasts. 'Yon smell beautiful, honeygirl. Come back to bed.'

  Planting a kiss on his forehead, she pulled away. ' No time, darling. I've made breakfast.'

  'I don't want breakfast I want to make love to you."

  'You're insatiable I' Belting her robe firmly about her waist, she carried the tray to her side of the bed and poured out the tea. 'I've got to be at the hospital in twenty minutes.'

  ' Take the day off.'

  'Impossible.' She bit into a piece of toast, swallowed half a cup of tea and began to dress.

  He lay and watched her. ' What time shall I fetch you for lu
nch?'

  'You can't I never know when I'm going to be free' She came back to take a second bite of toast and drained her cup. ' What's wrong ?' she asked, noticing his almost untouched plate. ' Don't you like scrambled eggs?"

  ' Very much.'Ignoring the eggs, he scraped a burnt patch of his toast and buttered it dubiously.

  ' Eat them then. Eggs are awful when they're cold.'

  ' These are pretty awful hot, sweetheart'

  ' Oh, Jason . . .' She took his fork and tasted her culinary effort. 'I forgot the salt!'

  ' And the butter and milk too, from the taste of it.' He set aside the tray and taking the fork from her, kissed her hand. ' As I told you yesterday, my sweet, you don't need to cook. You have other assets.'

  ' A good thing, too I' she retorted, and then coloured as the way he was looking at her made it clear exactly what assets he meant. Snatching her hand away, she scrambled with undignified haste into her slip.

  Jason chuckled lazily and swung bis feet over the side of the bed. 'I believe you're still shy of me.'

  ' Don't be ridiculous,' she said crossly, and ripped up her skirt with unconscious emphasis.

  ' You are, you know.' He blew her a kiss and went into the bathroom where presently she heard the buzz of his electric razor and then his light tenor raised in competition with the running bathwater. Thankfully Paula took advantage of his absence to finish dressing, and by the tune be returned she had the bed made and the tray removed to the kitchen. He paused to glance ironically at the neat white counterpane.

  'Trying to put the clock back?' he drawled.

  ' Certainly not.' Flushed from his bath, he looked boyish and vulnerable, and she knew a longing to take him in her arms. 'I Jove you, Jason,' she said involuntarily.

  'I love you too.' He came over and pulled her close. She clung to bim and then, remembering the time, struggled free.

  ' l?s late.' She sat down at the dressing table and began to brush her hair with unnecessary vigour.

  Jason watched her through the glass. ' Relax, darling. You look as if you're going to scream any minute.'