Finding My Forever

by Michelle,Shevawn

  “We tell them. We tell them we are having a baby in five months.”

  Allie’s wide blue eyes pooled with tears, her head shaking back and forth.

  “No, I can’t let you do that. I can’t have everyone disappointed in you for my mistake. I can’t let you be my fall guy.”

  “This baby is not a mistake. An accident, maybe, but never a mistake. And I’m not your fall guy. I’m the guy who loves you, all of you, including this baby. I want you and I want him. He doesn’t have to be my blood to be mine. I know that I can be his dad in every sense of the word, maybe better than anyone. What Zak did for me, I want to do for him. You are mine, and so is this little one. Always!” He ran his hand along the width of her abdomen, wanting her to understand he meant it. “I will do this regardless, but it would be so much easier if you wouldn’t fight me on this.”

  Allie’s tears fell, she brought her mouth to Braxton’s saying everything she needed to when she couldn’t speak the words aloud. No one had ever given so much to her or given up so much of themselves for her sake. She knew Braxton would always be the only hero she would ever want or need. She fell deeper in love with him, so far gone there would never be a way to repay him. Braxton didn’t want repayment, though. He only wanted her love and he had it. Allie vowed to herself and to Braxton he would always have every single part of her, fully and unconditionally.

  The clock on the radio turned to six o’clock as they pulled into Amy and Shane’s driveway. Braxton put the truck in park and killed the engine. Allie sat so still in the passenger seat, blankly staring out the windshield. Taking her chilly hand in his own, he could feel her trembling. He knew she was scared, so was he, but he knew they were strong enough to face this. It would all work out in the end.

  “Come on, babe. I’m right here with you.”

  Reluctantly, she opened the door of the truck and stepped out. Braxton met her at the front regaining her hand in his. Allie was thankful the weather was still cool. The oversized sweatshirt she had on did a good job at hiding her predicament. Unless she pulled on it, you wouldn’t be able to tell. The front door opened just as they stepped up onto the first of three steps leading onto the porch.

  Arms outstretched, Amy’s smile was bright as she reached for her daughter, pulling her into a hug. After doing the same with Braxton, she ushered them into the house. “I’ve miss y’all. How was the drive down?”

  “We’ve missed you, too. The drive was fine--no problems. Something smells great.”

  “That would be my Chicken a la King. Go on into the living room with the others. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

  They said their hellos and exchanged hugs with everyone. Before they had a chance to sit down, Amy appeared in the doorway and announced dinner was ready. Filing into the dining room, Allie seemed relieved to have a few more moments before revealing her secret. She didn’t eat a lot, mostly moving her food around her plate with her fork. Braxton squeezed her knee under the table reminding her she wasn’t alone.

  When dinner was over, Braxton told them they needed to have a talk. Everyone’s face showed a different emotion. Amy smiled, seemingly thinking something other than what was about to be told. Shane looked curious, but not alarmed. Zak and Hannah shared a look of confusion and questioning. They all remained silent as Allie cleared her throat.

  “I have something I need to tell you all.”

  She waited until she had the undivided attention of each person sitting at the table. Terrified and not sure what to expect, she took a deep breath. She squeezed Braxton’s hand and closed her eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

  Her eyes snapped open at the sound of glass shattering across floor. Her father, Shane, had cleared the table in front of him. Red faced, balled fist, he was pacing floor, stomping with every step. Too stunned to move, Allie watched. They were all sitting in shock at her confession. Amy stood and tried her best to calm Shane down. It didn’t help much and he yelled, “How did you let this happen?”

  Allie had no answer for that. She knew Braxton was going to take the fall, face the fire, for her. Her lips opened, ready to let him off the hook, but he spoke before she could.

  “I’m sorry, sir. I’m sorry to all of you. I know that doesn’t fix anything, but I want you to know and believe me when I say I will take care of them. I love them both. I won’t run out on my responsibility.”

  “You’re darn right you won’t. Hell would have to freeze over before I would let you leave her to take care of this baby by herself.”

  “Shane, calm down. It’s Braxton, not some random guy. You know him and you know he’ll stand by her.”

  “He will, or else.” Shane broke free from Amy’s grip and stomped his way to the front door, slamming it behind him, shaking the house.

  Allie felt her world falling apart, all but for the connection she had with Braxton, feeling his hand in hers. It’s the only thing that kept her from crumbling, knowing her dad was angry. She knew they would be, she just didn’t expect him to walk away.

  “When did this happen? How far along are you?”

  Braxton answered his dad, “Around Thanksgiving. She’s four months. Dad, I--”

  “Just make sure you take care of her, son. I’m not happy about this, but what’s done is done. Whatever I can do to help, I will.”

  “Thank you, dad. I’m sorry we’ve hurt you. All of you. It wasn’t planned, and I know its cliché, but it wasn’t something that we meant to happen.”

  “But it did. Allie?” Looking over to her mother, her heart broke at the outright sadness and disappointment blanketing her beautiful face. She watched as a tear made a trek over her cheek then fall from the bottom of her chin. “Is this the reason you left USC?”

  “Yes,” she said quietly, her voice barely audible.

  “You could have told me. I don’t think I’ve ever once given you a reason to feel you have to hide anything from me or be scared to talk to me. I guess I went wrong somewhere.” Hurriedly, she sprinted out of the front door.

  Allie stared after her. She never wanted to hurt them, but she had just crushed every dream they ever had for her. Now her mother felt she had done something wrong. That tore at Allie the most. Slowly she stood, “I need to go.”

  Braxton stood beside her, gripping her hand tightly. He looked to his dad, and to Hannah, who’d yet to say anything, “I understand if you rather we not stay at the house.”

  “I’d never put you out. And they aren’t either. They are just in shock. They’ll be okay. I’ll see you there after a while. I’m going to try to talk to them.”

  Braxton nodded, put his free hand on the small of Allie’s back and guided her to the door. She walked as if in a daze. He knew she was feeling the weight of the world, seeing the damage this had done, but he knew they wouldn’t let it destroy them. Her parents would come around, he just hoped it was sooner rather than later. He’d just gotten Allie out of the black mass that had become her life, he wanted to keep her from returning there.

  ∞ Chapter 21 ∞

  Two days passed with no word from Amy or Shane. With each day, Allie lost another piece of herself. Guilt consumed her. Her mother’s words ate away at her sanity. Yes, she was close with her parents, and her mother had never given her a reason to be afraid to talk to her. But this was something you just don’t run home and boast about. Allie had kept this to herself as long as she could, until Braxton forced it out of her. If he hadn’t, she would still be drowning in the pit of agony, alone, with only a helpless Katrina at her side. This had not been about anything other than the anger she felt toward herself. She’d been so careless wanting to fit in with the crowd that she wound up in the worst possible situation. It was all her fault, she knew that, and now it was breaking the people around her.

  Braxton had put all of their things in the truck. After breakfast, they would go back to their life in Tuscaloosa and try to regain some of the normalcy they’d come to know. Allie was in the bedroom, lying across the bed when she heard
a knock at the front door. She listened, trying to hear who it was. Hearing her mother’s voice, she slid off the bed and tiptoed to the doorway. Her heart beat fast in her chest. She could hear her mother apologizing to Braxton. Her feet moved carrying her down the hall before she could stop herself, not that she really wanted to. What she wanted was for everything to be okay.

  Stopping at the end of the hallway, she gasped. There, with her mother, stood her dad. He snapped his head in her direction and without a word, spread open his arms. She ran like she did when she was a little girl straight into them, wrapping her arms around her dad’s neck. She buried her face in his chest, repeating she was sorry, over and over.

  “Shhh, it’s okay. I love you, baby girl,” he murmured, stroking his hand over her hair, trying to calm her.

  Moving into the living room, Allie and Braxton sat on the plush loveseat across from Shane and Amy, Zak took the recliner next to them. Allie opened her mouth to apologize again, but Shane put his hand up, palm out, to stop her.

  “Let me start. I’m sorry for letting my anger get the best of me. I know this isn’t the ideal situation, nor the order in which we wanted it to be for you both. It’s here though, it’s happening and so we want to make the best of it. I want you to know that you have our support, whatever you need help with, if anything, we’ll be here.”

  “So will Hannah and I,” Zak said.

  “Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It wasn’t that I didn’t know I could come to you with anything, I know that I can. You have to understand the turmoil I was in. This wasn’t planned, or expected, and I was lost. So lost, that I shut everyone out, Braxton included. I had quit calling him and texting him. I was hiding from everyone, even myself. It was only a month ago, he showed up and forced my hand. He pulled me out of the darkness my life had become. I owe everything to him.”

  “You’re forgiven. I can’t imagine what you must have went through, but that’s over now. Just remember that you don’t have to go through anything alone. No matter what it is, how bad you think you’ve messed up, you are our daughter and we will always love and support you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you, both.”

  With the air feeling much lighter, her heart began to fill with the love from her family. These people sitting in front of and beside her would never let her down, no matter how many times she fails them.

  “Now that you mention it, there is one thing I didn’t get around to telling you.”

  Collectively, “What?” was heard from each one of them.

  Allie quickly relieved the worry she heard in each of their voices.

  “I’m having a boy!”

  Amy brought her hand to her mouth, her other going to her chest.

  “A boy?” she muttered from behind her hand.

  Allie smiled and nodded excitedly.

  Zak and Shane sat back with huge wide spread grins across their faces. There was no hiding the fact they were excited about having a grandson.

  “When did you find out?” Amy was the only one who still had questions.

  “About a week ago, right before we came down.”

  Dropping her hand, Amy smiled, her eyes pooling with liquid. “Oh, gosh, this is so exciting and here I am fixing to bawl like a baby.”

  “Well, don’t do that. In about five months we’ll have enough of the bawling baby thing going on to last us a lifetime,” Braxton chimed in.

  Laughter filled the front room. It was then Allie really knew this would all work out. It didn’t matter how it came about, when it mattered the most, her family would always be there.

  They decided to stay one more day since Amy convinced Allie they just had to go shopping. She needed to be the first to buy her grandson something. Of course when they returned, there were more like twenty somethings in three different bags. Braxton laughed when he saw their haul. This baby was going to be spoiled before he ever made his appearance. He already owned more clothes than Braxton. Of course, Allie had to show everyone what they got so they all gathered around. There was a little of everything, onesies, sleepers, bottles, blankets, and tiny little socks just to name a few. Allie absolutely glowed as she showed their family each item, her smile never breaking. This was new, she was truly happy, weight lifted, all darkness gone.

  Shane and Amy stayed for dinner and they had a wonderful time. So much laughter and love was in the room, the air around them almost palpated with it. When it came time for them to leave, Braxton said his goodbyes and left Allie with her parents, giving them some one on one time. Although the day had gone well, he knew they needed this for each of them to completely heal, to get a better understanding of how much this meant, especially to Allie.

  The sky was a cloudless blue, birds were singing, and Braxton felt like the world was sitting perfectly on its axis. Nothing was off kilter, giving them a new start with no secrets, almost. There was still the one thing that Braxton didn’t want them to know. They would only ever know this baby as his.

  All too soon, it was time to go back to Tuscaloosa. Hannah and Serenity had come over that morning and surprisingly enough, she and Allie had made fast friends. They had exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch with each other. Braxton was relieved there was no tension between them, since the last time Allie was none too happy upon hearing he had spent some time with her. He was happy for Serenity as well. She had been shy and he was sure she felt left out not really knowing anyone other than his dad. It was a great moment for everyone, one he knew would bring them all closer.

  They said their goodbyes to Hannah and Serenity at the door. Zak walked them out to Braxton’s truck, carrying some of the extra bags. Allie gave him a hug and thanked him for everything before getting into the passenger seat and clicking her seat belt into place.

  “We should be back in a few months or so, as soon as the semester ends.”

  “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

  Braxton could tell there was more his dad wanted to say, but he didn’t push the issue. Whatever it was, he knew his dad well enough to know he would eventually get around to it.

  “Thanks, Dad. I’ll call you later. I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” he said, embracing his son in a hug. “Drive safe.”

  Braxton slid into the driver’s seat, closed the door, and started the truck. Allie smiled and waved as Hannah and Serenity joined Zak in the driveway. It was definitely a much different feeling leaving than it had been on the way down. He wasn’t complaining by any means, but there was something tugging at his gut, a bad feeling like you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He tried to push it aside, out of his mind, but still it remained. They had already been through enough, he hoped that fate would give them a break. Most of all, for Allie’s sake. She deserved it.

  ∞ Chapter 22 ∞

  Knowing the baby’s gender made decorating a lot easier. Allie had picked a Noah’s Ark pattern and Braxton painted the wall the crib would sit against a pale blue. The remaining walls had a pale blue border at the top with different pairs of animals hanging on the walls below. They’d found a great deal on a gliding rocking chair and set it in front of the window. A changing table sat against wall opposite from the crib, which was scheduled to be delivered on Friday. A four draw dresser sat inside the closet, giving the bedroom more space. Right inside the bedroom door, a stroller and car seat sat waiting, along with the pre packed hospital bag for Allie and the baby.

  Allie was just over a week to entering her eighth month and she and Braxton were getting very excited to welcome their baby boy into the world. The semester ended last week and they were finishing up the last touches of the baby’s room before leaving for Gardendale. They had not been back since they had told their parents about the pregnancy. That would change tomorrow, they were going home for a few weeks to spend some much needed time with family and get some rest and relaxation in before the baby was born.

  Folding the last of the baby’s clothes and putting th
em in the drawer, Allie took one last look around the almost complete baby’s room.

  “Hey, babe.”

  He had startled her and she placed her hand over her heart. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

  “I didn’t think I was sneaking.”

  “Well, I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “Sorry, next time I’ll stomp,” he said laughing. Allie noticed he held something behind his back.

  “What is that?” she asked, trying to peak behind him.

  “Have a seat in the glider, I want to show you something.” She did as he asked and waited with curiosity as to what he had done now. “Remember last week when talked about baby names?”

  “Yeah, I remember.”

  “Well, I got this to hang on the wall above the crib.” Pulling the bag from behind his back, he placed it in her lap.

  Carefully, she opened it and pulled out the first of two wooden pieces. She smiled when she saw what it was. Removing the other from the bag, she laid them across her lap. There, painted in a dark blue was the name they had picked out for their son. Zachary Shane. They had decided to name him after his grandparents. Allie had argued that they needed to include Jacob, Braxton’s dad in his name as well. That had opened the door for him, he wanted nothing more than for this baby to have his last name. Allie still tried to be stubborn about it, voicing her fears that it would lock him in for life, bind him to a child that technically wasn’t his. Braxton had repeatedly told her this was his child, in every way that mattered, and he let his anger get the best of him, raising his voice to make his point. Allie had eventually caved, after seeing his dedication to her and her son. Something she had known in her heart of hearts all along. He had been adamant that it was enough that he would carry on his dad’s family name, Caulder. This way, he would have the names of all three of his granddads.

  “Braxton, I love it. Can you hang it up now?”