A Cross to Bear

by Julieanne Lynch

  “What’s your average?” Tommy asked.

  “Two hundred freestyle relay at the Alaska State Winter Invite. A minute and twenty-six seconds is kind of my personal best,” I replied, not wanting to sound too smug. “Three times All-American—a hundred free, two thousand thirteen—a hundred free, two thousand fourteen—a hundred fly, two thousand fifteen—possibly mediocre by standards here.”

  “Impressive,” Tommy said. “Good to have that caliber on the team.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Hey, did I see you at that party last night?” another guy remarked, his eyes on me.

  “No,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. “My roomie, on the other hand, he made an entrance. I couldn’t stop him. Why?”

  “I was out with a few friends and I could have sworn I saw you with the Metzler girl,” the guy continued. “I never forget a face.”

  “Who?”

  “Bree Metzler, that pretty brunette with the come-to-bed eyes.”

  “Hey, Ethan, leave it,” Tommy said.

  “No, it’s cool,” I replied. “Yeah, I was chatting to Bree. She said she’d make sure my roommate got back all right. That was pretty decent in my eyes.”

  “No worries, man. Just watch your back when it comes to her,” Ethan said.

  “Why?”

  “Ethan, that’s enough!” Tommy stated in a forceful voice and the conversation ended.

  “You done?” Drake asked.

  “Yeah,” I muttered, and grabbed my bag.

  Walking out into the midmorning sun, a wave of exhaustion overcame me. I yearned for a long nap before returning for sets at four p.m. With nothing to do in between, sleep was on the top of my list.

  “What do you make of Ethan and Tommy?” Drake asked.

  “Not sure yet,” I said. “Tommy seems cool and comes across as competitive. Ethan seems like a nosy prick, but nothing I can’t handle.”

  “That was a tough session.”

  Drake eyed a couple of girls coming toward us. It was easy to see he was a bit of a ladies’ man. I suspected that came with the territory of being a college athlete.

  He winked at them and smirked at me.

  The two girls giggled and sauntered past us.

  “I bet you’re going to be getting a lot of attention.”

  “It’s all about the pussy, bro. Sweet, tasty pussy and ass, if they’ll let me.” Drake allowed his true colors to shine.

  “Whatever makes you happy,” I replied, trying not to laugh.

  “But seriously, who’s this Bree girl Ethan was talking about?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know.” We turned onto my block. “She bumped into me, we talked for about five minutes, then I went my merry way. Nothing to discuss.”

  “Ethan seems to think she’s trouble,” Drake remarked. The look in his eye said he liked the sound of that.

  “Trouble I can do without,” I said. “I’m gonna catch some sleep. I’ll see you for round two later.”

  “Sure.”

  I arrived at my room shortly after ten a.m. Spence was still sleeping, but the snoring was a little less rampant. I took off my shoes, crawled on top of the bed, and closed my eyes.

  “Only an hour or so,” I told myself.

  Soon, I drifted off into a soundless sleep.

  * * * *

  I found myself completely relaxed, not wanting to wake up. I was so warm and comfortable that I didn’t hear my name being called.

  “Logan,” a voice kept saying. “Dude, you need to wake up.”

  My eyes flickered open. Spence’s face wasn’t a welcome sight.

  “Where’s the fire?” I grumbled, turning over onto my side.

  “Yo, Logan, practice!” another voice bellowed.

  “Shit!” I shot into a sitting position and barely had time to grab my shoes and bag. “I can’t believe I overslept.”

  “We’ve got ten minutes. Then our balls will be busted,” Drake said.

  We ran down the stairs and made our way to the pool.

  “You didn’t have to run the risk of getting yourself in trouble on the first day because of me,” I replied.

  “Nope, I didn’t, but you’re the only one I know here, so it’s best we stick together.”

  “Good deed done for the day.”

  We ran through the door and straight to the locker room.

  Drake dropped his backpack and took out his water bottle, while I burst into laughter. “Man, I swore I was at home in my bed. I didn’t want to get up,” I mumbled.

  “Nice of you to join us, boys,” Ethan remarked.

  “We’re on time.”

  “Hmm, by the skin of your teeth, no less.” Ethan raised an eyebrow and turned his back on us, chatting with some of the other teammates.

  “Prick,” I whispered.

  He turned around, pushing his face against mine. “Did you say something?”

  “Whoa, easy there, tiger. I hardly know you.” Apparently, I’d hit a nerve. “Not sure about you, but I don’t do PDAs.”

  “You’re a real wise guy, huh?”

  Tommy soon stepped between us, pushing us apart. “Hey, both of you cool off before Coach gets a whiff of this,” he said.

  “I’m cool. I’m cool!”

  I held up my hands, knowing I had pissed off Ethan. That alone gave me a little boost. The guy had it coming to him. He’d been pushing my buttons over breakfast and couldn’t leave things be.

  I was usually quiet, for the most part. Push me, antagonize me, however, and boom! I lose my cool. Ethan had a problem with me. I could sense it. Maybe he didn’t like his ‘boy’, Tommy, being impressed with my skills. Perhaps he had issues with the whole Bree thing. Whatever it was, I wasn’t about to let some asshole try to intimidate me.

  I pushed myself hard for two hours. The anger served as added fuel when I began working on my turns. Not once did I allow myself to slow down or crumble under the pressure of the coach as he watched me.

  He called me over to him once I got out of the pool.

  I expected some kind of punishment. Was it possible that I hadn’t done a turn right, or slipped too close to the other lane? Either way, my stomach knotted.

  “Good timing there, Belanger. Make sure you keep this momentum up. We have you down for a couple of friendly meets over the coming weeks,” he said.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “You make good times on those, and you raise the stakes.”

  “Yes, sir,” I repeated.

  “See you first thing tomorrow morning.”

  He looked at me. His grim face gave nothing away.

  “Okay, see you then.”

  I grabbed my equipment and joined Drake back in the locker room.

  “You caught his eye,” he remarked.

  “I pushed a little harder, that’s all.”

  “No, you were ahead of your game,” Tommy said. “Coach notices that.”

  “See?” Drake said. “You’ve just set the standard, bro. Welcome to college.”

  Welcome to college. The whole idea of college dawned on me as being something I could actually enjoy.

  Yeah, there was the Ethan issue, but that was nothing but a minor shit stain on an already positive experience. I wasn’t going to allow a small-time punk to rattle my cage. Not without merit.

  “You doing anything this weekend?” Drake asked.

  “Other than practice and getting ready for classes, I doubt it.”

  “Yeah, that’s the only downfall,” he said, sounding deflated.

  “At least we have Sunday as a rest day. That’s the plus in all of this.” I nudged him, trying to boost his mild unhappiness.

  “Well, there is this party tomorrow night.” He raised his eyebrows.

  “Ah, man, I don’t do parties or booze.”

  “C’mon, bro. It’ll be good to unwind and relax before we spend the next week doing high-intensity training.”

  “Let me see what my roomie is doing.”

  “Who, that guy? Are you
serious?”

  “Yup, he’s decent, and it would be rude not to,” I said in a firm tone.

  “Okay, whatever rocks your boat.” He laughed. “You doing anything tonight?”

  “Sleep, dude. Lots of sleep. It’s a Friday night rule for me.” I laughed. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Later, bro,” Drake said, and waved goodbye.

  I felt sorry for him. He seemed more lost than I was, but I couldn’t baby him. Not when I had my own back to watch.

  Once I got back to my room, I found Spence typing away at his desk, looking a little worse for wear. “Man, you look like crap.”

  “I know.”

  Standing at the foot of my bed, I grabbed my towel and wash kit, lost in thought.

  “You up for a little fun tomorrow night?”

  It didn’t take Spence long to change his mood. He spun around to face me.

  “Where to?” he asked with a smile.

  “A party. One of my teammates, Drake, mentioned a party tomorrow night and invited us along.”

  Spence’s interest was palpable. “When and where, and I’ll be there,” he said, a broad smile filling his entire face.

  “I’ll give you the details tomorrow after I get back from practice.” I shuffled toward the bathroom door, taking one last look at Spence. “How did you get home last night?”

  “Some hot chick made sure I got in safe and sound,” he said, grinning at me. “Boy, was she something else!”

  “Did you catch her name by chance?”

  “Erm, Becky… Beverly…” he muttered, scratching his head. “Ah, Bree. That’s right! Her name was Bree. Such a sexy little thing.”

  “Okay, that’s enough, Romeo,” I said, trying not to laugh.

  “You doing anything later?” he shouted.

  I slammed the door shut behind me. “Sleep, fuckloads of sleep!”

  The heat of shower relieved my aching muscles. Anyone would have thought I’d have been sick of water, or seeing my skin look like shriveled-up prunes, but it was second nature to me.

  No matter how exhausted I was at the end of each day, or how many times I groaned at having to get up hours before all my peers, a sense of achievement filled me after each training session. Knowing that I was working toward a personal goal gave my life meaning.

  Chapter Four

  Bree sat in the tub for the best part of an hour. Wednesday night with Jack, then the Thursday night party hops on campus—it was too much for her. She dreaded having to attend the full gathering at Tommy’s.

  She’d escaped any weird confrontation with Ethan simply because she hadn’t drunk anything, knowing Jenny would need a helping hand in getting to bed. There was no avoiding him forever. It would only be a matter of time before she wound up clocking him one, or making a show of herself.

  Truthfully, she didn’t want either. Bree sighed and stepped from the tub. She grabbed her towel and robe. A knock on the door pulled her out of her pity party.

  “You done in there?” Jenny asked.

  Bree opened the door and smiled as she curtsied. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You getting all pretty for tonight?”

  “Maybe,” Bree replied, scoffing at the idea. “But I intend on looking good regardless of a GAP party or not.”

  “Cock tease!” Jenny shouted, moments before she shut the bathroom door.

  Bree made her way down the hall and into her room. A fresh bouquet of flowers sat on her desk. She glanced out of the door.

  Jet smiled and stepped up to her.

  “Are these for me?” Bree asked, sounding confused.

  “Yup,” Jet replied. “They were delivered while you were using all the hot water.”

  “Oh!” Bree looked at the gorgeous floral arrangement. “Thanks.”

  “That’s what I’m here for. Maybe I should start charging,” Jet muttered, and walked away.

  Bree closed her door and opened up the little note card.

  Thanks for the other night.

  J.

  Her face grew hot. She held the card to her chest, consumed with guilt.

  Before she could digest the note, Jenny bounced into the room and squealed when she saw the flowers.

  “Oh my God, these are beautiful! Who are they from?”

  Curious about what the note said, Jenny snatched it out of Bree’s hand and read the writing. “J? Who’s J?”

  “No one you know.” Bree grabbed the card and held onto it.

  “Oh, lord! You have a secret lover, don’t you?”

  “Shush, would you?” Bree tried to get her best friend to stop squealing like a pig about to be slaughtered, but it was no good. “Seriously, stop it. It’s nothing. Just a one-time hook-up.”

  “Bree, who sends flowers like these after a one-night stand?”

  “I don’t know. Some people are weird,” Bree replied, unable to keep eye contact with her.

  “Hmmm, you’re lying,” Jenny said. “I’ll get to the bottom of this. You know I will. But first, let’s party like there’s no tomorrow.”

  With her arms flailing at either side of her head, Jenny looked as if she were possessed.

  Bree giggled.

  Jenny threw herself into her old-school cheer-squad dance routine. She might have looked like a dancing queen, but Jenny had been blessed with the poise of an old sailor with two left feet.

  * * * *

  The music was loud and a crowd filled the house by the time Bree and Jenny showed up.

  Tommy was busy being the host, but didn’t waste any time when he greeted his girlfriend. “Hey, baby,” he said, pulling Jenny into his arms for a kiss.

  “Right back atcha, handsome,” Jenny muttered once she broke the kiss.

  “Good to see you, Bree.” Tommy bestowed her with a false smile before he looked in the direction of the dining room.

  “Always a pleasure, Tommy,” Bree lied, and followed Tommy’s gaze.

  Ethan.

  Great, just what she needed! The one person she’d successfully avoided all week, and now there was no way of escaping him.

  Jenny grabbed Bree’s hand and led her to the kitchen, pouring them both a cup of vodka and cranberry juice. “Seriously, don’t even think about it.”

  “What?” Bree asked.

  “I saw that look in your eye. You get all weird and shit.”

  “I do not!” Bree furrowed her eyebrows.

  “Listen, I get it. Ethan is going on an ego boost. Believe me, I see more than I let on. He’s a prick, but he’s Tommy’s best friend, and you know how it is.” Jenny sipped her drink.

  “I know.” Bree bristled with annoyance. “Now that Ethan and I are no longer fucking, I’m treated coldly, considering I got you and Tommy hooked up in the first place.”

  Jenny wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Hey, bitches like us have to stick together. And besides,” she said, looking back at Tommy and Ethan. “Wouldn’t it be fun if a certain J made an appearance and knocked the smug grin off Ethan’s face, once and for all?”

  J… The mere mention of his name sent a cold chill down Bree’s spine. Why did Jenny have to bring him up? Especially now that she’d begun to relax.

  “You know what? I think I’ll take a stroll around and chat with a few people.”

  “Are you sure?” A look of surprise spread across Jenny’s face.

  “Yes, go back to lover-boy. I can see you drooling already.”

  “Come get me if you get lonely,” Jenny said, and kissed Bree on the cheek.

  Bree watched her friend skip off happily toward her boyfriend.

  As she observed their exchange of affection, Ethan met her gaze. He held up his beer, offering a mock toast in her direction.

  “Screw you!” she muttered, and turned her back on him.

  She filled her cup with a little more vodka and cranberry and mingled with the crowd. Bree said hi to people she hadn’t seen all summer long, making sure everyone was happy.

  Switching on autopilot, she never actually enjoyed
herself and drank to the point of wanting to forget everything. To forget Ethan, Jack, and even Jenny. Sometimes, her desire to be left alone far outweighed her desire to be loved.

  “Bree?” a voice asked from behind.

  She looked around with confusion and stared at the guy as if to say, ‘Do I even know you?’ Bree smiled when she saw him holding out his hand to steady her, and laughed once she recognized him.

  “Oh my God! You’re that new guy,” she said, trying to remember his name.

  “Logan.” He tried not to laugh.

  “Logan, yes, that’s right.” She allowed her gaze to linger. “I sent you on your merry way the other night.”

  “Yup, that was me.”

  Bree focused on his dreamy eyes.

  “Here, let’s sit down.” Logan led them to the steps of the veranda and helped her sit down.

  “Aren’t you the knight in shining armor?”

  “Not really, but I wanted to thank you for making sure my roommate got back the other night.” An odd expression flitted across his face.

  Bree was lost for words, something that rarely happened. No one ever thanked her for the things she did out of the goodness of her heart. Jack might have thanked her for the other night, but that was different.

  Logan smiled at her.

  For the first time in a long while, Bree felt like a silly little girl again. She was awkward, and in uncharted territory.

  “It was nothing, honestly. I remember freshman year. I know how crazy and daunting the first few months are,” Bree said.

  “You took the time to make sure Spence got back in one piece, though. In my eyes, that’s a pretty honorable thing to do. Besides, I think I owe you a solid or something.”

  “No,” Bree said. “Honestly, you don’t owe me anything.”

  “Not even dinner? A movie? Perhaps a free swimming lesson?” Logan suggested.

  Bree pursed her lips. She wanted to say something, though she didn’t have a clue as to what she wanted to say. Here she was, sitting beside a total stranger, and at a loss for words. In the short period of time they’d spent together, he made her feel more human than any of her interactions during the past year.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you what. We can do dinner, but nothing crazy. I’m a simple girl at heart.” She ran a hand through her hair.