A Cross to Bear

by Julieanne Lynch

  This was a first for Bree. The whole meditation thing wasn’t something she’d ever taken part in. Though she’d become acutely aware of the benefits of trying new things. Gone was the girl who was afraid. In her place was someone who saw things from a whole new perspective.

  “This technique is called heart-centered meditation. Basically, we’re going to open the heart chakra and remove any negative energy that exists. With me, it’ll be the stupidity and ignorance of my parents. For you, all that bad juju with Jenny and Ethan. We will both benefit from this. So just copy what I’m doing.”

  Jet straightened her posture and crossed her legs.

  Bree giggled when she saw Jet’s serious face.

  “That’s right, Bree, giggle all the shit away. It might help to switch on your adult brain right about now.”

  Bree bit her bottom lip and copied everything Jet was doing.

  “Now, we’ll close our eyes, forget the world around us, and concentrate on our hearts, pushing all the bad energy away from it. Just inhale and exhale, nice and slow,” Jet whispered.

  Bree followed her steps. She focused on all the pain that tried to destroy who and what she was.

  Bree centered all her focus on the bad decisions of her past, accepting that she had to learn to love herself again.

  Bree was well aware that Jet’s main focus was on ridding her heart of the pain of knowing her parents would never accept who she was.

  Fifteen minutes later, Jet let out a long exhale and opened her eyes. She glanced at Bree and smiled. It was a wonderful moment shared between the two girls. Bree could tell that Jet was grateful that she hadn’t spent her birthday alone.

  “How do you feel?” Jet asked.

  “Like I’m floating,” Bree replied, and opened her eyes.

  “Good, it’s meant to be a positive experience.”

  “How do you know all this stuff?”

  Jet popped her stones back into her pocket. “I guess when you’re afraid of the world seeing you for what you truly are, you kinda look for alternative ways to cope with the pressure. Putting up with all the shit that came my way when I finally told my family I was gay put a lot into perspective for me. I couldn’t hide who I was anymore. So in order to survive the shit storm, finding mechanisms to cope and rid my world of all the bad energy, I made friends who taught me how to address those issues.”

  “I can’t imagine what it would be like to have parents who didn’t accept me for who or what I am,” Bree remarked. “I feel so bad for you.”

  “Bree, it is what it is. I cope because I owe them nothing. Yeah, they’ve paid for my education. They’ve made sure I’m well looked after, but all that comes with a price. I’m not bending backward to fulfill a duty that was never mine. I like girls. I don’t ever see myself being a little housewife with kids. That’s just not me. If my folks can’t accept that, then I’ll take my love and loyalty elsewhere.”

  In that moment, Bree had never respected anyone more than she respected her friend. Jet was proof that with the right mindset and courage, you could do anything you wanted, and even love who you wanted.

  “So how about we go back to mine and test these new angel cards?” Bree said, standing up.

  “Now you’re talking my language, but first, noms,” Jet said.

  The two girls headed back to Bree’s room, grabbing food along the way.

  As friendships went, Bree and Jet had become something Jenny had never gotten close to. Even though Bree and Jenny had experienced together, Bree became aware of how false some friendships could be. With Jet, there was no pretense, no drama, no backstabbing, just a good, clean friendship that meant more to them than anyone could have ever imagined.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Exhausted and aching, I found it hard to stomach another shot of vodka. The jeers and shouts from the entire household were hard to ignore.

  Drake and Spence had all but given up. A few of the other guys in my pledge class had bottled out after vomiting.

  I faced off with Ethan, lifting the glass and holding it to my lips. The stench of the liquor was bad. I’d drunk so much of it that I was sure the whiff of the booze would be enough to make me pass out. Of course, the alcohol was the least of my worries. When the door opened and a bunch of girls came in, it was apparent that the stakes had been raised.

  Spence was the first to notice the camera being switched on and the music turned off. “Something’s going down,” he whispered in my ear, his red eyes barely focusing on me.

  “Yeah,” I replied.

  The atmosphere changed. It was going to go downhill fast, though I never suspected the level at which it would go.

  “Boys, boys, boys!” Tommy shouted, holding his hands in the air. “Seeing as you’ve made it this far, we’d like to treat you all to something we like to call, ‘Band of Brothers, Part Deux.’ And like the name suggests, my dear pledges, this will signify your loyalty to this house by showcasing that allegiance. How?” He smirked. “By fucking, of course, and by fucking, I mean a hardcore fuck-fest with a little flavor.”

  A wave of disbelief enveloped me. There was no way in hell I was going to partake in this part of the pledging process, Hell Week or not.

  Spence looked at me, his face pale. “Dude, I don’t think I can do this.”

  “Just wait, we don’t know who they’re selecting for this,” I replied, nerves swelling in my stomach.

  “Pledges, line up,” Ethan shouted, grinning as we stood in a row.

  A few of the cockier guys smiled and patted one another’s backs.

  I was far from being safe. Not when Ethan was involved in calling the shots.

  “Ladies, step forward,” Tommy said, gesturing for the girls to stand in front of us.

  I had to admit they were beautiful, but I was a one-woman man. I had no intention of breaking my commitment to Bree.

  “Boys, the goods are here to be sampled. The delight and pleasure shall all be yours, but there is a catch. Only a few of you will partake in tonight’s event. Again, this is all about loyalty and has nothing to do with showmanship. So leave your egos on the floor and get ready to show us how badly you want in. Oh, and just a little reminder, your names will be pulled from a hat. Those who aren’t willing to take part, the door is right over there.”

  This was the part I dreaded and hated. The gimmick of having our names thrown into a hat and chosen at random was discerning. The whole thing stank. If I tried backing out now, the attention would be put on Drake. I didn’t want him paying for my choices. I sucked in my breath and waited as the names were drawn.

  “Elmo.”

  Theo’s bid name was called. He stepped forward and cringed.

  “Toad.”

  Spence’s name was next on the list. His face paled further and he looked at me like a small kid begging to be helped.

  I couldn’t do anything about it. I stood there and remained silent.

  “Mad Max, Thunder Pants, and last, but not least, Mr. Marx.” Ethan called out the last three names.

  “Boys, it’s time to show us how much you fucking want this,” Tommy said, smiling and raising his glass in the air.

  Everyone burst into chaotic jeers. It was like a ritual, one that would leave very little to the imagination.

  The girls chose their victims, each leading their prey to wherever they planned on fucking.

  Spence glanced over at me and Drake as a cute redhead took him by the hand and led him straight to the sofa, all eyes on them.

  The girl dropped to her knees and undid the belt of his jeans. She slid them down over his knees, kissing the growing erection that appeared under the material of his boxers.

  “Fuck, I can’t watch this,” Drake whispered, turning his head.

  “I know how that is.”

  The two of us glared at each other, hating what we were about to witness.

  Spence pulled a few faces. Some were full of fright. Soon enough, desire took over.

  The girl removed his coc
k from his boxers and sucked on it.

  As his head fell back, he closed his eyes.

  The entire room erupted into mayhem. Guys clapped their hands, cheering on the sex act, while others took out their phones, the camera lights flashing as pictures were taken.

  Once the girl was satisfied that she’d made him hard and hungry enough for her, she removed her top, guiding his hand to her breasts.

  “I know you want to,” she said, and smiled, letting him grope her. “Now fuck me!”

  Spence changed at the command. The lusty animal that rarely made an appearance was on parade. There was no stopping him. Yes, Spence got in your face often, especially when it came to hitting on girls, but it was uncomfortable witnessing this side of him.

  Before I could step in, or tell Tommy that this had to cease, the girl straddled him on the sofa and fucked him. Their grunts and moans soon blended in with the other four sex shows going on.

  I was in shock, yet I had a niggling suspicion that this was just the tip of the iceberg. Something more untoward was on its way.

  “Toad sure knows how to pound,” Ethan said. He took a swig of beer, his eyes on me.

  “Fuck you,” I retorted.

  “Easy there, bro,” he said. “It could have been you there.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Taking another mouthful of beer, Ethan faced me head on, making sure I heard him, loud and clear. “That was meant to be you, but Tommy didn’t have the balls. He didn’t want to end up with your father breathing down his throat, so he chickened out. But guess what, Flipper? I’ve the next best thing lined up.”

  Just as I was about to say my piece, the applause became distracting.

  Spence jumped to his feet and jerked off into the girl’s open mouth, his moans drowned out by the whistling.

  “Toad! Toad! Toad!” His pledge name was chanted over and over again, and I had to look away in disgust.

  Spence grinned and accepted the cheers, the pats on the back and the high-fives from our fellow pledge class brothers as he made his way back to us.

  “I can’t believe that just happened,” he remarked, taking my beer and gulping it down. “It was fucking awesome.”

  He beamed. His expression told me there were no regrets.

  I glanced around the room and out into the dining area. It was hard to accept that the GAP house was a highly respected fraternity. Was this the secret world of the Greek system no one dared talk about? I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to take part in their stupid events if it meant degrading another human being.

  Of course, I was probably in the minority, and it showed. My distaste stuck out like a sore thumb, and it didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Just relax,” Tommy said. “This is a little something that happens once a year. It’s nothing for you to panic over.”

  Tommy saying that was almost as sickening as the act itself. I felt violated for my friends, but I chose to remain quiet. If not for my own wellbeing, but for that of my pledge class.

  “And now, the pièce de résistance,” Ethan declared in a shitty French accent, holding out a bottle of vodka, smiling like a crazed lunatic. “It’s something really quite special. In fact, it’s so special we reserve this only for the best of us. The high caliber eagles of the future. Tiny Tim, tonight’s your lucky night.”

  Drake looked at me.

  I didn’t know how to step in and stop what was about to happen. The look on Tommy’s face told me he hadn’t expected what was about to go down either.

  The front door opened. A tall, masculine-looking woman strode inside, escorted by two bald-headed women.

  They were dressed like extras from a low-budget vampire movie. The two women had on thick eyeliner, blood-red lipstick, and were dressed from head to toe in black PVC, leaving very little to the imagination.

  The woman came to a stop beside Ethan, the two exchanging a bizarre air kiss. She then turned around and pointed her finger at Drake.

  “Everyone, please welcome Angel,” Ethan said, holding her hand. “Tiny Tim, meet your rite of passage.”

  “My, my, my,” she said with a curious look in her eye. “Aren’t you something special?” She licked her lips.

  She removed her coat as her two lady friends rushed over, both eager to please their mistress. Under the coat, her heaving breasts were spilling out over the top of her corset. The sight of her thong and stockings left many of the guys drooling.

  I didn’t like where this was going.

  The two women took hold of Drake’s arms, coaxing him onto the chair that sat in the center of the room.

  “No,” Drake said. “Stop this.” His pleas fell on deaf ears.

  “Shush now, sugar. This will be painless,” Angel said.

  Her two helpers forced Drake on to the chair, removing his shirt and tying his hands behind his back, leaving him quite vulnerable.

  Angel took out a whip and playfully hit Drake across the chest. “You’re a sexy little thing, aren’t you?” she remarked, bending down to trace his lips with her finger.

  “Please, Ethan, don’t make me do this!” Drake begged, and that was when I stepped in.

  “Stop this now. He doesn’t want this,” I said, trying to reach him.

  Two of the senior members of the house held me back. My own pleas went unheard.

  “I bet I can make you hard,” Angel said, instructing her ladies to undo his jeans. “Would you like me to make you hard?”

  Drake shook his head. Sweat dotted his forehead. A bright sheen of moisture shining in his eyes. His manhood was revealed.

  At this point, I couldn’t watch a second longer. I stepped back, my vision obscured by the rest of the guys wanting first-row viewing.

  Her sucking grew relentless until he was hard enough.

  “Fuck yeah!” a few of the guys roared, while others wolf whistled and fist pumped the air.

  Everything Angel said was drowned out by the chants and cheers. I couldn’t bring myself to look. I hated myself for being there, for not doing something.

  “See that, boys?” Angel shouted over the noise, getting my attention. “Hot fucking cum!”

  The uproar was deafening. I couldn’t stand it a second longer. The sight of Ethan filled me with disgust. I wanted to ram the bottle of vodka down his throat. I’d never hated anyone before in my life, but right then and there, I wished him dead.

  Ethan stepped forward and patted Drake on the head. “Wasn’t so bad, was it, my little not-so Tiny Tim?”

  Before Ethan could add anymore insult to injury, Tommy marched over and handed Angel her coat, pushing Ethan out of the way. “I think you better be on your way.”

  “Party pooper,” she replied, and blew him a kiss. “Come on, girls. We’ve real men to fuck.”

  “Holy fuck, he’s queer!” a guy from our pledge class shouted. The laughter followed.

  Tommy untied Drake.

  Red-faced and ashamed, he pulled up his jeans and refused to make eye contact with anyone. He ran straight past us and disappeared down the hall. At that moment, it was clear that something had snapped within him.

  Sexual humiliation was one thing. To bring into account someone’s sexual orientation so publicly was disgusting. It made me question the whole moral of being a part of the Greek system.

  “Oh my God!” Spence said. “Did you know?”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I shouted.

  “Man, this is bad.” Spence looked at me. “What do we do?”

  “Fuck do I know,” I said, and ran away from the chaos.

  Unable to hold myself back a moment longer, I headed outside. I doubled over and vomited, unsure if it was the vodka, the disgust, or the anger that made me sick.

  “I didn’t know.” Tommy’s voice jerked me from my thoughts. “If I had known Ethan was going to pull that stunt, I would have stepped in.”

  “But you didn’t!” I yelled, wiping the vomit from my chin. “You stood back and allowed that shit to happen. Jesus Christ, Tomm
y, what happened is fucking rape.”

  “Logan, you can’t say that,” he replied.

  “What the actual fuck?” I shouted. “This needs to be reported.”

  “You need to calm down, Logan. You’ve had too much to drink. Vodka makes you say and do stupid things,” Tommy said, twisting my words.

  “What?”

  “Go home. Sleep it off. Tomorrow, you find out if you made the cut,” he replied, and turned his back on me.

  “What the…?”

  Spence approached me. “We need to get out of here.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Drake’s gone, and I’m worried about him,” Spence said, heading toward the path.

  Without needing any coaxing, I ran down and joined him. No matter what happened, one thing was for certain, and that was our friendship. Nothing would or could come between that. I was not about to let a fucker like Ethan win.

  * * * *

  Drake refused to open his door, so Spence and I did what friends did in a crisis. We camped outside his dorm door and refused to move, not until he opened it and let us in. If there was one thing I’d learned in my short time at OSU, it was that no matter what, you didn’t give up on a friend, especially in their hour of need.

  “Do you think Ethan suspected?” Spence whispered.

  “Honestly, I don’t know.”

  “I can’t believe I didn’t see it.” He shook his head. “I’ve spent a lot of time with him, and not once, did I suspect that he was…gay.”

  “Spence, I don’t think it’s something you say to someone unless you’re ready.”

  “I can’t understand why Ethan pulled that stunt? He’s one sick motherfucker,” Spence said, and I had to agree.

  We sat there, discussing the night’s events. The door unlocked unexpectedly. The two of us jumped up and saw our friend’s fatigued face.

  “Dude, how long did you intend on leaving us hanging?” Spence asked. “No pun intended.”

  I thumped Spence in the chest. “Seriously?”

  Drake smiled and took a step back, letting us into his room. “I’m sorry I bailed on you guys last night.”