Bitter Sweet Love

by R. C. Stephens

  “Come.” He sits down in the bath and says softly, “Ride me,” extending his hand to help me straddle him. This is going to be tight because the bathtub is not that large. I do as he says, lowering myself onto him slowly and adjusting to his size. I like the way he fills me and the connection we have. He’s fulfilling my loneliness, and I’ve been lonely for a long time. Luc kisses my nape hungrily and cups my breasts in his hands.

  “Shoot, Luc, we forgot a condom. Maybe we should stop,” I say, suddenly alarmed that we are having unprotected sex.

  “I was just checked before I came to Canada and I’ve only been with you since I got here.”

  “Oh, I was recently checked too, and I always use protection.”

  “Are you on the Pill?” he asks while still caressing my breasts.

  “Yes,” I moan out from his pleasuring hands.

  “Can I come inside you?” His voice is filled with sexual promise.

  I’ve never done that before. It seems so personal, but I want him to come in me. I want him bad.

  “Yes.” I sigh, thrusting my hips into him. Having him inside me and not moving was causing my need to build. I move my hips, and Luc meets me thrust for hungry thrust. He lowers his thumb to circle my clit, and I’m gone, calling out his name and riding him hard and fast as the warm water pours down my back.

  “Fuck.” He groans and stiffens as he comes inside me, filling me with warmth, and I clench around him, drawing out my orgasm.

  “Alexis. You’re so hot. I love hearing you yell my name.”

  We wrap ourselves in towels and walk right into Anna when we leave the bathroom. She looks surprised, and I can’t blame her. I’m surprised myself.

  “Bandita, sorry to interrupt, but you know we have a shift at Mickey’s in less than an hour. If you cancel on him, he’ll fire you.”

  “Fuck! I totally forgot.”

  Anna looks between Luc and me and smirks. Luc and I head into my bedroom. “Sorry, I need to cut things short and get ready for work.”

  He pulls on his pants. “No worries. Maybe I can hang out at the bar.”

  I’m uncertain, but I shrug. “I guess that would be fine.”

  We walk out of the room and the three of us head over to Mickey’s in the Lamborghini.

  Chapter 14

  Losing Control

  It’s Friday night, and the bar is packed. I’m wearing my usual Mickey’s garb, and the only thing that’s different tonight is this nervousness swirling in the pit of my stomach. Knowing that Luc will be here watching me makes me a little nauseous. The fact that I care what a guy thinks means another emotion that I’ve kept locked away has crept back out and is rearing its ugly face. I don’t like it one bit. I’m losing control.

  My shift just started, and a lot of people are hanging around the bar waiting for drinks. I’m fast when it comes to pulling up orders—shaking up a martini with one hand and pouring a beer with the other. I notice hot engineering guy sitting at a table a few feet away. He catches my eye and winks, and my stomach drops even more. I give him my classic fake smile, which causes him to get up from where he’s seated and walk over to the bar. Shit, I wish I could remember his name.

  “Hey, can I get a Heineken?” He flashes what I would normally consider to be a sexy smile. I reach into the fridge, grab a Heineken, and pass it over.

  I wait for him to leave the bar and go back to his seat, but he stays, taking a long sip of beer. Luc walks through the front door as engineering guy comes in close to my face. “Do you want to hook up later on?”

  “Sorry, I can’t tonight,” I say, my eyes plastered to the front door to see if Luc noticed the encounter. He walks off and I’m grateful, but he definitely noticed him whispering in my ear. Now I feel bad because we’ve bonded on some level, and I owe it to him to be monogamous. Although I don’t know if I have it in me.

  Luc stands behind the bar the minute engineering guy walks away. “Hey, Alexis, what did that guy want?”

  “It was nothing, Luc. No worries.” He lingers for a moment, as if he’s not sure he should believe me, and heads over to a table.

  I inhale a deep breath when Callen saunters in and sits with Luc. It’s going to be a long night.

  Anna walks over to the bar to give me an order. “Fuck, Bandita. Callen’s here. I can’t do him again. I’ve already bagged him three times, and I’m way over my limit.”

  I smack Anna on the shoulder. “Anna, be quiet. People can hear you.”

  Mickey is in tonight and he rolls his eyes. “Filters, girls. I don’t need to be hearing that shit.”

  Anna and I look at each other and start laughing. Mickey is older, probably around forty, and he’s definitely not a prude. He’s been running this pick-up joint for over twenty years. He’s pulled out his share of couples screwing in the bathrooms. Luckily he doesn’t know about my backroom fetish.

  I prepare Anna’s order while she sits on a bar stool. “Hey, Lex, how about we ditch those two tonight and go to an afterhours club?” she asks, looking at her nails.

  “I don’t know. Is that a good idea? I heard those places get pretty crazy and a lot of the people are on drugs.”

  She makes a little huffing sound like I’m way off base. “Don’t be ridiculous. Besides it will be a girls’ night out. We’ll stick together, no hookups, just dancing me and you. We need to clear our heads.”

  “You have a point. But, definitely no hookups. I really do need to clear my head. It’s getting damn foggy in there.”

  I walk over to Luc to let him know that Anna and I are on our own tonight. He looks a little disappointed, but by eleven, Luc and Callen leave the bar. I breathe a little easier knowing he isn’t here watching over me. When the shift ends at one a.m., I’m exhausted, but Anna’s revved up about going out.

  We take a cab over to the afterhours club, and the driver pulls up to an old, decrepit building. The glass on the upper levels is broken into jagged pieces and the brick is falling apart. Just the outside of the club is making me uneasy. I’ve never been to one of these places before and there are always crazy stories about overdoses. It’s not my thing.

  We walk in side-by-side, and my heart thrums from the electronic music pumping loudly through the speakers. Every person I see has pupils dilated with excitement.

  “Anna, I need the ladies’ room.”

  “Already?”

  I nod and she takes my hand. The ladies’ room is at the back of the club, and on the way, I notice a back room with a curtain. Men in suits are playing cards. It kind of looks like a high stakes poker game, like you see the Mafia running in mob movies. One of the men catches my eye, and I quickly look away, pretending not to notice.

  “I really don’t like this place, Anna,” I tell her as I rush into the washroom stall.

  “Come on, it’s not that bad. Loosen up a bit.”

  “I’ll try, but this place gives me the serious creeps.”

  Back at the bar, two guys give us bright, wide smiles. They seem slimy, so I don’t smile back.

  “What can I get you ladies to drink tonight?” The tall guy asks while the shorter one looks out on the dance floor.

  “Actually-” I want to answer that we’re fine on our own, but Anna interrupts me.

  “Actually, we’ll take four shots of vodka.”

  I glare at Anna. Both guys look at each other knowingly. I don’t like this one bit.

  The tall guy orders two shots from a bartender while the shorter guy orders two shots from another bartender. Ugh! They probably think they’re getting laid.

  I give her a pointed look and whisper in her ear, “Really, Anna, I don’t know if I’m in the mood to get smashed tonight and we said no guys.”

  “We don’t have to get smashed and they can just buy us drinks. We don’t have to sleep with them.”

  I relent. “Okay.”

  The guys wait while we finish up our secret conversation. “Everything good, girls?”

  I hate that he’s calling us girls; I�
��m a woman. The shorter guy places the shots in front of Anna, while the taller guy places the shots in front of me. We throw back the shots at the same time, and it burns going down. I suddenly remember that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. The alcohol hits me quickly, and Anna drags me out to dance. The laser lights flash, becoming progressively blurry, and my head spins. The taller guy who bought me the drinks dances close by, and he moves in next to me. He rubs himself against me, and I go rigid.

  “Hey, babe, you okay? You’re a little tipsy there.”

  I lean over and lay my head on his shoulder.

  “What the fuck is going on, Lex?” I hear Anna’s voice, but everything fades, and I black out.

  Chapter 15

  A New Knight in Shining Armor

  Strong rays of sunlight come through the window, blinding me and making me wince. I don’t want to fully open my eyes because the light hurts my throbbing head. I get the sinking sense that someone is in my bed. I force my eyes open, squinting from the bright sun. Anna is sitting on the bed beside me, hugging her legs and rocking back and forth. She looks like she hasn’t slept all night and she definitely hasn’t washed the make-up off her face.

  “The guy slipped a roofie in your drink, Lex, Oh… I’m so happy you’re awake… I can never lose you….you’re my only family….please tell me you’re okay,” she rambles.

  “What?” I manage to say through a very blurry head.

  “The club last night, that slimy guy put something in your drink and you passed out,” she chokes out through her tears.

  She’s crying. Anna doesn’t cry. This must be bad. “I don’t remember,” I slur, holding my head.

  “It’s the effect of the drug, Lex. Shit, this is all my fault.” She places her hands on my shoulders and leans above me. I feel like she’s suffocating me.

  “My head hurts,” I mumble.

  “Sorry, Lex, let me get you some Advil and water.” She climbs off my bed, and I’m relieved to get her off of me.

  Nothing she says sounds familiar, and it scares me. Between my pounding headache and Anna’s nonstop talking, I’m finding it hard to process. How do I get myself into these bad situations?

  Moments later she walks back in my room with a much needed glass of water and meds. I can barely pick up my head.

  “I tried to get you away from him, but he kept saying that he could take you home. The damn psycho, wanted a woman who was passed out.” She huffs, falling back on the bed beside me.

  Holy shit! This is really bad.

  Anna swipes away her tears that have formed black lines down her face. Probably from her mascara. “I didn’t let him take you. I yelled at him so he took you to a couch and still held on to you. I was freaking out so bad, I didn’t know what to do, Bandita, or who to call,” she says, shaking. “So I uh…I called Luc and we’re lucky because he showed up superfast and got you away from that sick guy. He gave us a ride home and stayed the night on the couch. He’s a good guy, Lex.” She sighs in between tears.

  This is too much information for my pounding head.

  Luc knocks on the bedroom door. “Is she awake yet?” I hear his smooth accent, but it’s hard to open my eyes.

  On the verge of tears, I look to the door and shake my head. This is super embarrassing.

  “I think we should call a doctor to check her,” Luc says.

  Anna leaves the room. I think she’s ashamed and scared, too. A moment later I hear her pick up the phone, and it sounds like she’s speaking with a receptionist at a doctor’s office.

  An hour later the doctor shows up, and when Anna retells the story, he confirms her suspicions that I was drugged. We turned our heads for one second last night and that tall guy must have slipped it in my drink.

  The doctor checks my vitals and says I’m going to be okay, but the headache may last a few days. I could try to press charges, but finding the guy from last night would be hard. And I don’t need the trouble. Gratitude washes over me. I was lucky this time, and it could have been a lot worse. It also gets me thinking that we only have each other Anna and I. If something happens to one of us, we don’t have anyone to call in the city, and Ashley is in Montreal. Luc saved me again. He’s turning out to be my new knight in shining armor. Again I compare him to Dylan, which I know isn’t right, but he watches over me in the same way.

  Chapter 16

  Surrender

  Anna ducks out of my room after the doctor leaves. Luc sits on the bed beside me, looking down on me with concern in his eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay. You had me worried,” he says, rubbing my hand and smiling sweetly at me.

  “This is embarrassing. It’s becoming a pattern, you saving me from a guy,” I say, not looking directly at him, feeling irresponsible for my own safety.

  “It’s my pleasure, Alexis.” He’s quiet, like he wants to say more but isn’t sure that he should.

  “I know what you’re thinking. That I need to take better care of myself?” I ask, trying to break the silence.

  “Yes, but I didn’t realize I was so transparent.” He gives a little chuckle.

  “I know I need to take better care of myself. I’m actually thinking of giving this relationship thing a shot.” His eyebrows lift, and I go on to ramble, “The thing is, I’m also sick of going out all the time. I’d like to slow down.” The events last night have caused me to re-evaluate my life. I don’t want to end up dead, and I have to respect myself more than I have.

  “That sounds good to me.” He leans forward, planting a soft kiss on my lips.

  We spend the rest of the day watching movies on the couch, snuggled beside each other. He massages my feet, and though I enjoy the safe domesticity, I repeatedly have to talk myself into staying calm. When he steps outside to take some business calls, I inhale a few deep breaths. He re-enters the apartment with his laptop and begins to work.

  It’s nice of him to stick around and make sure I’m doing okay. I know I have to work on myself, and it’s unfortunate that I waited for something bad to happen first.

  Evening rolls around, and Luc slams his laptop shut, mumbling something about going to the supermarket. He comes back, armed with bags of groceries. Anna and I look at each other, bewildered.

  “Thanks for the groceries, Luc. You really didn’t need to do this,” I say, biting at the corner of my lip.

  “I want to do this. Just sit down and take it easy.” He takes over the kitchen, chopping vegetables for dinner.

  “Wow, Lex, he’s a keeper.” Anna knocks me in the shoulder.

  He’s spoiling me, and I can’t lie. I’m enjoying every second. The three of us sit down for a real home-cooked meal.

  “Luc, this roasted chicken is delicious.” I swallow a mouthful.

  “Thanks. It’s the only thing I know how to make. It’s my mother’s recipe.”

  “Yeah, Luc, this is seriously good,” Anna says while putting a bite in her mouth. We usually just prepare simple things for dinner like vegetarian pasta or sandwiches.

  After the meal I am so full I can barely move. Anna takes the plates to the kitchen sink. Luc leans over and whispers in my ear, “Do you mind if I stay the night? I want to make sure you are still okay.”

  The way he asks is touching. He follows me to my room and we get into bed together. Could I ever fall in love with Luc? I haven’t considered love in seven years and the fact that I am scares me. I’ve had only one love. Luc makes me feel safe and wanted but that’s not love, I think. I close my eyes, and my breathing slows. Yet Dylan is who I’m thinking of, and I’m lulled to a different time.

  We’re at the beach. It’s summer, and the sun is scorching hot. Emily, Ashley, and I sun tan in our bikinis. The guys throw a football back and forth. I listen to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake on my headphones, when I’m suddenly lifted in the air. Dylan picks me up, carrying me to the water.

  “Dylan, don’t do it! Please don’t do it! The lake is freezing,” I beg.

  “Sorry, Lex, I have to.” He runs with me in
his arms, diving into the lake and dunking us both under water. My head rises above the water, my body shivering.

  “That was cruel, you know.” I smack him across the chest. He places his arms around my waist, drawing me in close to him.

  “No, it wasn’t. It’s a treat because now I get to see your nipples perk up in that string bikini of yours,” he says, heat in his eyes.

  “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Oh, believe me, babe, I’ve got lots of ideas.” He brings me in for a sensuous kiss, and I wrap my legs around him in the water as his hard length brushes up against me.

  He whispers in my ear, “I love you, Lex.”

  I throw my arms around his neck, the water and sun reflecting off his crystal clear blue eyes, making them more perfect than they already are. “I love you, Dyl,” I say.

  Beep, beep, beep. It’s six a.m. and I need to wake up. My dream felt so real. I was happy and calm, but then I realize where I really am. My back faces Luc and his arm is draped around me. My heart accelerates and fear kicks in. I will never do that again. I will never give my heart and soul to a man. But Luc isn’t Dylan, and I don’t know why I can’t get him out of my system.

  “I’m glad you’re not running off this morning.”

  Guilt clogs my throat, and I swallow to get rid of it. “Sorry about that.” I rub my temples because my head still hurts.

  “It’s okay. So who was he that caused you to feel this way? Did he hurt you?” he asks, with a curious look on his face.