Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  “Hey, Kade, thanks for everything.”

  “No problem. You take care of my boy. Maybe Wyatt and I will come out and visit in a few days when he’s feeling more himself.”

  “You better.”

  “I can pack my own stuff,” Dec insisted when she ended the call.

  “Yeah, I know.” Holly tried to study him discreetly. “But tonight, what I say goes. I’m in full-on cowgirl mode.”

  “I love you, Holly. I love you as best as I understand how, but I’m not okay.”

  “All I will ever need is for you to love me as best as you understand how. We are going to be okay.”

  Something outside caught Dec’s attention. His head turned away from her to face the lights of the Baptist Church as they warmed the cold night. They shattered the oppressive grey. “Do I get to make requests?”

  “It’s Wednesday night.” Holly understood. “Let’s go.”

  “You can wait in the car.”

  “Never. This is home, remember?” She laced their fingers together again and squeezed his hand.

  A minute later, she followed Dec down several corridors to the basement of the church. More than thirty people were already seated. More chairs were added.

  Holly kept Dec’s hand locked in her own. She sat there steadfastly listening and smiled at him as he stood. “My name’s Declan, and I’m an addict.”

  “We’ll talk about all of that when you get here,” Jessie Camden assured her youngest daughter. “Just come on home, baby. I’ll save supper for ya.”

  “Thanks, Mama.” The relief in Holly’s tone broke her mother’s heart. “We’ll be there in a couple of hours.”

  “You go take care of Dec. I ‘spect a lotta things are about to change around here.”

  “Yeah, but I’m ready for that.”

  “Nobody’s ever ready for life, little one. You just take it as it comes and ride the heck out of it. We love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Jessie ended the call and turned on the line of cowboys in her kitchen. Her husband, her three sons, and her nephew fidgeted anxiously. Never a good sign from cowboys. No one knew quite what to think. “You all listen up and you listen good. If you so much as lay one hand on this boy or make him feel less than welcomed on my ranch, you’ll answer to me about it. You hear me?”

  A round of begrudged yes ma’ams chorused from the boys, but Ev still looked ready to maim.

  “That goes for you too, Everett Camden. Don’t get to thinking you’re too good to sleep in one of my barns. I’ll put you right out with the horses.”

  “Sweet Jesus, Jessie Camden, that is our daughter that’s been suspended from school ‘cause a’ some no good. . .”

  “You stop it right there or so help me you’ll be calling on sweet Jesus to save your sorry ass when I get through with ya. Your daughter is in love with him, and we’re gonna love him, too. Maybe not be exactly who we’da picked for her, but we don’t get that say. I trust my girl enough to know if she picked him for her forever we owe her respect enough to honor that. This boy has some problems, but don’t we all. He, just like every other being on God’s green earth, needs some love and he needs some work to do and we’re gonna give him that, no matter how this ends.”

  Austin still thought he could roll his eyes and she not catch him. God bless her daughter-in-law who saw it, too, and smacked him on his shoulder.

  “You brought me here and I wasn’t ‘xactly in a great place either, Austin Camden. This ain’t no different. And don’t you think I won’t put you out in the barn with your daddy if you so much as give him the stink-eye. Them bulls you used to be so fond’a riding won’t hold a candle to what I’ll do to your sorry ass,” Summer spat.

  “No offense, Summer, but this ain’t the same thing,” Brock argued. Jessie had been expecting this. Might as well cut it off ‘fore it went to root. “We’ve all lived with an addict. I ain’t too thrilled for Hope and Nathan to be in the presence of another one. I played that game my whole damn life. There’s a reason my good for nothin’ daddy don’t get to come up here.”

  Jessie tried not to glance at Natalie. Once again, her daughter’s face went to stone as soon as anyone broached this topic.

  Hope, Brock’s wife, studied him carefully. “Brock, I know you’re worried about Holly and about all of us, but you have got to stop judging every man that walks on this ranch by holding him accountable for the mistakes your father made. Aunt Jessie says Holly loves him. Trust her judgment.” Brock scowled. Hope narrowed her eyes. “And no offense, dear, but you’ve made your fair share of mistakes as well. We all have.”

  “I’m just gonna go ahead and say this ‘fore you get all up in arms about your baby sister. Luke Camden, if you say or do anything that makes me have’ta get up outta this chair I’ll back over you with your own truck. Be nice. Pretty sure our daughters are trying to kill me, and I ain’t got patience for you to get pissy,” Indie called from the living room where she was laid out in a recliner, trying desperately to ease the sciatica she had from carrying twins.

  “I ain’t said nothing, Indie Jane. I got no problem with the guy. I honestly like him. He’s good for her and we all know Holly don’t never take no for an answer. You’re all crazy if you think she wasn’t the one steering this ship headlong into the shore,” Luke huffed.

  Jessie couldn’t have been more proud of her girls, but that left Grant. He said nothing and looked mighty guilty. Jessie hadn’t quite figured out what part he’d played in all of this, but she was working on it.

  Dec had no idea how Holly knew where she was driving. The last street light had been five miles back. Squinting into the darkness, he could just make out what appeared to be a tiny hamlet.

  A minute later a honkytonk offered the neon glow of a Budweiser sign to the road ahead. Saddlebacks — he could just make out the name of the bar — was flanked by a feed and seed and a few other tiny store fronts.

  This must’ve been Pleasant Glen.

  They turned off the two-lane and drove further into the night. It was blacker outside than his soul. Yet somehow none of the bumps or brushing tree limbs unnerved her. She pressed onward.

  He could make out the low murmured bellow of cattle, though he had no hopes of seeing the calling animals. Knowingly, Holly slowed his car, threw it in park, and leapt out to open a gate a foot in front of the car that he could just barely make out.

  “I could’ve gotten that,” Dec sighed. Feeling useful would’ve been nice.

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’ll put you to work bright and early tomorrow morning.”

  Dec weighed that possibility. Weakness pervaded his bones. The nightmarish day still felt surreal. The meeting had grounded him somewhat, but he still couldn’t make sense of anything. He focused on nothing more than the moment he existed in, just like Matt had told him so many weeks before. In this moment, he was okay. The only way to deal with anything at all was to live life one split-second at a time.

  Three more cattle guards and she pulled the Pilot up beside a picturesque home set on a slight hill that overlooked the expansive land surrounding them. All the lights in the house were on, welcoming them in. The look he received from her father when he followed her inside the large kitchen stole the room of most of its welcoming warmth, however.

  “Dec, this is my daddy, Ev, my mama, Jessie, you already know Luke, Grant and Austin. That’s my sister Natalie. And this is my cousin Brock, his wife Hope, and Luke’s wife Indie is in the chair in there, and this is Austin’s wife Summer,” Holly managed introductions. “Everybody, this is Declan.”

  “It’s nice to meet ya, sweetpea. Come on in and take a seat. I’ll get you two some supper. Been a helluva day, I ‘spect.” Holly’s mother directed them to the kitchen table.

  “Thank you.” Dec momentarily wondered if part of this had been a bizarre dream. Maybe he had drawn a line. This entire thing was surreal and a little trippy. Holly squeezed his thigh reassuringly under the table.

  A
plate bursting with meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and okra landed in front of Dec. It smelled heavenly. Not exactly something he would normally have prepared for himself, but he’d never complain. These people, a few of them anyway, were offering him something he’d never experienced before — love and acceptance.

  “Thank you very much,” he offered again, not certain what else to say.

  Holly’s father seated himself across from Dec and her mother shot him a warning glare. Dec braced for the incoming anger he’d more than earned, but it never came. Her father’s voice was relatively calm. “I know it’s been a long day, baby girl, but I need a little explanation. Kinda want to hear what in blazes you were thinking.”

  Dec begrudgingly swallowed down a delicious bite of perfectly prepared meatloaf with iced tea. Why did Americans insist on ruining tea? “Sir, this was all my. . . .”

  “Stop it now,” Holly commanded. “Dec and I met and fell in love before he ended up teaching at the University. He had no idea he was going to be a professor, but had to take the job in order to keep his job at Lifespan Counseling Center, which is who holds his work visa. He said we should break up when we discovered that he was my professor. He also said he would wait for me, remaining faithful to our relationship until I was no longer his student. I insisted that we go on seeing each other. I’m in love with him. Not sure what the school will decide, but I’m done with the likes of them, anyway.”

  This was the first Dec had heard of her walking away from her education. “Holly, baby, you can’t quit because of me.”

  “I have’ta agree,” Ev vowed.

  “And I’ll thank both of you to let me make my own decisions, thank you very much,” Holly retorted before devouring her mother’s mashed potatoes.

  “Piece of advice, never try to tell her what to do,” Grant offered Dec quietly. “’Bout the quickest way to get her to do whatever it is you don’t want her to do.”

  “Yeah, I already figured that much out for myself. Just a little off tonight.”

  “Get Holl’ to take ya ridin’. Nothing better for clearing your head.”

  Dec tried to understand why Holly’s brother was being so kind. He’d expected accusations that he’d ruined her life and threats to skin him alive.

  “We got a few more things to discuss ‘fore you get him up on horseback,” her father huffed.

  “And we have plenty of time to discuss them later.” Holly glared at her father. “Not tonight.”

  “They’ve been through quite enough, Ev,” her mother warned. “Tomorrow’s another day.”

  “I am well aware of what tomorrow is. What I want to know is what their plan from here on might be.”

  “We’re getting married,” Holly vowed.

  Dec tried to process this. It wasn’t at all how he’d planned it. He’d envisioned a Christmas Eve engagement at some romantic B&B somewhere. Everything about this was wrong. He’d crashed and very nearly burned again. He wasn’t worth her future.

  “Married?” Her father gasped. “You’re just a little. . . .”

  “I am not a little girl anymore, Daddy. I’m sorry. I know that’s hard for you to hear, but I am a grown woman and this is what I want.”

  “You cannot fence time, Everett Camden. And you ain’t gonna stop love.”

  “Merciful Heaven, Jessie, that’s blasphemy. You just up and used sweet Sara Evans against me.”

  Suddenly feeling more himself, Dec downed another sip of the affront to tea everywhere to keep from laughing.

  Holly shared a sly grin with him that brought another jolt of life to his weary body.

  “And if you don’t quit trying to turn our daughter back into a three-year-old with pigtails, a lisp, and a saddle four times her size, I’m gonna call up sweet Sara and have her come pick your sorry butt up. She can have ya. There will be more talkin’ in the morning and the next few weeks. Tonight we’re gonna be pleasant and try to help ever’body do a little healing. Dec, darlin’ can I get you some more tea?”

  “No. No, ma’am. I’m. . .good.”

  Holly laughed. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Mama, do we have any hot tea?”

  “Sure, what kind?”

  Dec fought not to shudder.

  “I’ll find some.” Holly searched her mother’s cupboards until she located a box of Earl Grey. She prepared it perfectly. He’d learned to fix her mugs of coffee just to her specifications and she’d done the same with his tea.

  “Have I mentioned how much I adore you, love?” Dec spoke without thinking as he accepted the mug. He longed to dive into the warm soothing liquid.

  All of the women in the room looked quite pleased at their exchange.

  A full minute later, Luke’s wife, Indie, waddled into the kitchen. Dec felt terrible for her. Luke hadn’t been lying. She did look like the broad side of a barn, and Luke looked desperate to help ease her strain.

  “You ain’t supposed to be up and around, sugar. Sit,” he pled.

  “Sitttin’ ain’t helpin’. I’m miserable. It’s shooting down my leg now.” She turned to Dec. “You’re a doctor, right?”

  “Uh, a psychologist, yes.”

  “I don’t care what kind. Ever done a c-section? Preferably one on a kitchen table.”

  “Indie,” Luke sighed.

  Dec’s heart ached for her. “I haven’t, but I might can help. Is it sciatica?”

  She nodded.

  “Recliner’s not going to help. Let’s try laying you on the side in the least amount of pain, place a pillow between your legs, and place cold compresses on the hip that hurts the most. Take a little acetaminophen. It won’t hurt the babies and will ease the strain.”

  “You’re sure it won’t hurt them?” And with that question Dec knew once again that he’d never actually experienced a mother’s love. She was willing to be in excruciating pain for her daughters for as long as it was required.

  “I’m sure.”

  “My doctor said to put heat on it but that isn’t helping.”

  “The nerve endings are already inflamed. You don’t need more heat.”

  The entire family leapt into action, shocking Dec once again. Luke settled her on her right side on the couch. Austin provided compresses from one of Jessie’s outdoor freezers. Holly grabbed a bed pillow for her legs and Jessie handed Dec a bottle of Tylenol to dispense.

  A half-hour later, she was sound asleep.

  “Thank you,” Luke slumped back into his seat at the table, relieved. “She hasn’t slept in a month.”

  “No problem. When’s she due?”

  “Got another three and a half weeks.”

  It wasn’t until Holly went upstairs to shower that Dec understood they were going to be staying in her parent’s home. The awkwardness of that added to the weight of the day.

  Grant motioned for Dec to follow him out on his parent’s porch. And here it comes. Dec wondered how well he’d even do in a fight just then. If pressed, he could probably defend himself, but quite honestly he felt he deserved to let her brothers take a few swings.

  “Hey, listen, has Holly figured out who told on you yet?” Grant asked quietly, his deep voice barely audible over the freezing wind.

  “What do you mean? I thought you were going to. . . ?”

  “Chew you up and spit you out about Holl? Nah. I used to threaten any guy that looked her way, but I knew you were a good guy when I met ya. ‘Sides, this is kinda my fault.”

  “What is your fault?”

  “That you two got caught.”

  “How on earth is that your fault?”

  “Guess she hadn’t figured it out yet then.”

  “Given the detailed information the school had on us, me in particular, I assumed it was her friend Beth. She was just a few notches below Holly in the pecking order at school. I assumed she’d decided to take out the one on top.”

  “Doubt that’s who did it. I don’t know for sure, but maybe ask Holl what she told Beth. If you don’t mind letting me know what she figures, I’d
say I gonna have to eat crow for my baby sis.”

  “I’ll ask her. We haven’t really talked about much of anything yet.”

  “Sounded to me like you two were gettin’ hitched and moving back home.”

  “It can’t possibly be that easy,” Dec sighed.

  “Maybe it will be. Maybe it won’t. Ain’t nothing easy ‘bout running a cattle ranch, but we can make a cowboy outta you yet. Just give me a month or two. You need any help, just ask.”

  “Thanks.” Dec had no hope of making decisions about his future just then. All he wanted was to crawl in a hole, preferably with Holly tucked up beside him.

  “Holly’s room is right at the top of the stairs, sweetheart. ‘Cross from the bathroom,” Holly’s mother informed him when he returned to the kitchen.

  “Oh, uh, okay. Thank you.”

  “Things have a way of workin’ themselves out. I know it’s gotta feel like you been thrown and trampled right about now, but you’ll see, everything’ll figure itself out.”

  “Mrs. Camden, thank you very much for your hospitality and. . . .”

  “For my little girl.” She laughed. “Once you’re on my ranch, you’re family, Dec. We’ll get you squared away. You just promise to take good care of my girl and we’ll take good care of you.”

  “I hope I can promise that. I still expect to be sent back to London, and she truly deserves someone better.”

  “Oceans can’t stop love either, and none of us are saints. If you think she deserves someone better than the man you are right now, then become the man you know she deserves. You and only you can do that. Like I said, things’ll work themselves out. Go get some sleep.”

  Climbing the stairs, Dec weighed Jessie Camden’s words in his mind. He’d tried to become better for her and he’d failed miserably. That didn’t mean he couldn’t keep trying, but what if he just kept failing?

  Grant’s odd half-confession plagued him. He didn’t particularly want to bring up Beth that evening. He knew Holly already blamed herself for this. The fact that he’d instructed her to tell Beth they’d broken up was only going to levy another round of guilt.

  Much to his dismay, Holly’s father was coming out of the master bedroom as Dec crested the stairs. The door he’d been instructed to enter by her mother was currently blocked by her dad. The infuriated glare on Ev’s face didn’t make the situation any easier to handle.