by Tania Sparks
It’s Eve. They must have already landed in Oklahoma. I press the button to connect the call.
“Eve, what’s the latest news?” I ask desperately.
Eve replies warily, “It’s not good I’m afraid. We’ve only just arrived in Oklahoma and we’re on our way straight to the hospital. She’s at St Anthony’s. Nikki’s freaking out. I think he needs you Trix.”
I reply, “I’m already on my way. As soon as I arrived in LA I got your message and I’ve jumped straight onto the next plane to Oklahoma. We’re just about to taxi off now, so I don’t have long until I have to turn my phone off but I’ll be there in a few hours. Unfortunately I’ll be out of contact until then. I haven’t had a chance to call Nikki but can you tell him I’m on my way?”
The air hostess is standing beside me with her arms crossed, warning me to turn off the phone. “I have to go, we’re about to take off.”
“I’ll tell Nikki you’re on your way. See you soon. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The next few hours feel like the longest of my life.
As soon as we land I try to phone Nikki but there’s no answer. I text him so that he at least knows I’ve landed and I’m not far away. I dial Eve’s number but it goes straight to voicemail too. I’m guessing they’re all at the hospital and have had to turn their phones off. I quickly grab my bag and rush to catch the first cab that I can find. After throwing my bag in the trunk I jump in and say to the driver, “St Anthony’s Hospital as quickly as you can please.” The driver nods his head and we speedily take off.
A few minutes into the trip my phone rings and I can see that it’s Eve. I press the button to connect the call and I don’t even get to say anything before Eve starts talking, “Trixie, please tell me you’re on your way.”
“I’m in a cab now. I’m on my way to the hospital. Any more updates?”
Eve despondently sniffles, “Yeah, it’s not good. His Mom’s not going to make it. She’s on life support but there’s no hope. They’ve basically been waiting until Nikki and Kitty get here and then they’re going to turn the machines off. When we arrived Nikki’s Dad ushered us into a private waiting room and told us the news. He told Nikki and Kitty that they would need to go and say goodbye to their Mom. Nikki freaked. I’ve never seen him so upset, he just yelled out ‘No, that’s not fucking happening’ and stormed off. He disappeared for a bit but has spent the past couple of hours locked in his hotel room. He won’t come out, we’re worried about him. As for the hospital, they’ve been really understanding and have delayed turning off the machines. But honestly, if he doesn’t say goodbye he’ll regret it. We’re staying at the same hotel as last time so just come straight here. None of us can get him out, hopefully you’ll have better luck.”
I quickly tell the cab driver our new destination, then continue my conversation with Eve, “Oh god, this is awful. Poor Nikki. Poor Kitty, and how’s his Dad taking it?”
“Nobody’s coping well. Nikki’s obviously devastated. Kitty won’t stop sobbing. His Dad’s trying to stay strong, but he’s distraught. In fact the whole band are in a real mess. Nikki’s Mom was like a Mom to all of them. They’re all suffering. It’s heart breaking.”
Tears are trickling down my cheeks, “I’ll be there soon. What rooms are you in?”
“We have half a dozen rooms booked on the tenth floor. I’m in 1005, Nikki’s down the hall in 1011, but he’s barricaded some furniture against the door so we can’t get in. He’s been crashing around in there and occasionally we hear him yelling and swearing. But the guys think he might be tempted to relapse and start using again as a way of coping. When he disappeared they suspect he went and saw one of the old neighborhood dealers. We’re worried about him. Please hurry. Hopefully you can make him open the door.”
“I’m almost there Eve. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
We arrive and I jump out of the cab, throw some money at the driver and sprint across the lobby. I jump into the elevator and travel up to the tenth floor. As I get out of the elevator Eve is standing in her room doorway and points in the other direction down to Nikki’s room. I rush down the corridor and go straight to his door. I quietly knock and plead, “Nikki it’s me, open up.”
Silence.
I knock louder, “Nikki, it’s Trixie. Please open the door.”
I hear some shuffling as furniture’s being removed.
I walk in and Nikki has slumped down and is sitting on the end of the bed. He’s slouched over with his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his hands. He sees me and stands up, arms limp at his side, head bowed, totally deflated. The first thing I notice is that he looks like hell. His face is red and tear-stained and tears still run freely down his cheeks.
The second thing I notice is that on the bedside table there’s some cocaine, already cut into lines, ready to snort. Nikki lifts his head and his eyes meet mine. He looks absolutely devastated. I’ve never seen so much grief on someone’s face. It makes my heart ache for him. I step inside and close the door behind me, tears now running down my face too.
He looks over to the cocaine and with desperate sincerity he pleads, “I didn’t do any. I promise…I got so fuckin’ close. I just want to forget, get outta my own head for a while. But I knew that if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop. And I know Mom would be so disappointed in me. But hell, I don’t know what to do.” He sobs and shrugs his shoulders despondently, “I can’t cope Trix. I can’t lose my Mom.”
He gasps in a deep stuttered intake of breath, “So I’ve just been sitting here, tempted by that damned blow. Just wanting to forget…I almost did it a couple of times. I was leaned over, ready to go for it. But each time an image of you popped into my head and I realized it’s you who can get me through this. You. Not that coke. I don’t need that shit. I need you. I need you to help me. Please help me, I can’t do this alone.”
I stride across to him. As soon as I get close he drops to his knees, wraps his arms around my hips, buries his head in my belly and sobs. Not just little sobs but gut-wrenching bawling. I hold him tightly, wrapping my arms around his head as his tears soak my tank top. I murmur, “I can’t make it go away Nikki, but I can help you. I’m here for you. We’ll cope through this together.” We stay like that for a long time, embraced closely, both of us weeping. I try to offer as much comfort as I can, but the devastation is crippling.
After about half an hour Nikki has stopped sobbing, but is still crying openly. He stands up and scoops me up into his arms and walks me towards the bed. “Just lie with me darlin’ I need to feel your arms around me.”
We lie on the bed engulfed in each other’s arms. Gradually we both stop crying but an overwhelming air of sadness swamps the room like a humid suffocating blanket. After about an hour Nikki sighs and mumbles, “I guess I need to go and say bye to Mom.” He sniffles and a single tear runs down his face, spilling onto the damp pillow.
I lift up onto my elbow and lean over and kiss him on the cheek, “Yeah, you do.”
We reluctantly get up. I walk over to the coke, “Let me just get rid of this okay?”
Nikki looks at me and nods his head, “Yeah, flush it. I don’t need it. I’ve got you.”
I brush it off the table into my palm, walk over to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. After washing my hands we head out of the hotel room hand in hand. We knock on Eve and Ash’s door. They step out and Eve gives me a warm hug. Ash embraces Nikki like a brother, holding him firmly in his arms. Nikki quietly whispers, “We need to go to the hospital.” We all quietly agree. Scott and Hansen hear us in the corridor and come out of one of the other rooms, all of them embracing Nikki in a devastated group hug.
Apparently Cody, Kitty and Nikki’s Dad had stayed at the hospital to be with Nikki’s Mom. Neither Kitty or Nikki’s Dad wanted to leave the bedside and Cody’s stayed with Kitty for support.
We all somberly walk down the corridor and get in the elevator. We split up, catching a few different cabs to the hosp
ital.
~~~
When we arrive we make our way to the room where Nikki’s Mom is. His Dad is sitting beside the bed holding her hand. Cody is sitting on a seat with Kitty sitting across his lap, her head resting comfortingly on his shoulder. All of them look so sad, it’s heartbreaking.
Kitty sees us walk in and stands up. She walks over to Nikki and they hold each other consolingly. Nikki’s Dad gets up and encircles them both in his arms. Nikki quietly speaks, “Sorry I took off, I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to accept that Mom was…” He looks over to his Mom who’s lying on the bed, tubes and machines hooked up to her keeping her alive. The constant beeping of the equipment reminding us all that her life is now dependent on that equipment. Nikki’s Dad rubs Nikki on the shoulder, “It’s okay son, we understand. This is hard on all of us and everyone copes in different ways.”
We all walk over and surround the bed. Each of the guys places their hand on the blanket as if trying to offer or gain some comfort. After a few minutes of silence Scott speaks up first, “Okay guys”. He looks at each of the band members in turn, “I think we need to say our goodbyes to Mom and then we’ll give Nikki, Kitty and Dad some time alone so they can say their goodbyes in private.”
They all nod their heads and one by one, they walk up to the head of the bed. They each kiss her on the forehead and whisper their personal goodbye to her. Each of them has tears streaming freely down their faces.
Even though I had only met her the once, I knew from that one brief meeting that she was a very special lady and I’m sad that her life has been cut short so unexpectedly. I pat her on the hand and say my own good-bye. I give Nikki a hug, “I’ll leave you to say good-bye. I’ll be waiting right outside if you need me.”
Nikki hugs me back, “Thank you Trixie. It means everything to have you here with me. I don’t know if I could cope without you to help me through this. I’ll be out in a while.”
We all walk out of the room leaving Nikki, Kitty and their Dad to say their private good-byes. We wait outside in the corridor. After about half an hour a nurse walks into the room. We hear her ask, “You pressed the call button?”
Nikki’s Dad responds somberly, “Yes. Could you please let the doctor know that we’ve said our good-byes and we’re as ready as we’re ever going to be to let her go.”
The nurse responds caringly, “Okay Sir, I’ll just go get the doctor.”
She leaves the room. A few minutes later a couple of doctors return and enter the room. Within a few seconds we notice the silence as the machines are all turned off and the constant beeping of the life support equipment ceases. After a couple more minutes Nikki and Kitty walk out of the room, both with tears flowing down their faces. We all embrace in a large circle, taking comfort in the arms that surround us.
When we release our hold I grab Nikki’s hand, “Is your Dad okay?”
“As okay as can be expected. He wants to be left here for a bit though, then he’ll head back home. I told him we’d all come over first thing in the morning. He shouldn’t be by himself and I guess there’s a lot of arrangements to be sorted.” We nod in agreement and leave the hospital, a blanket of grief surrounding us all.
~~~
When we get back to the hotel we each make our way to our rooms. As soon as we get inside I yawn wearily. It’s already late evening.
“You tired?” Nikki asks.
“Absolutely exhausted!” I chuckle somberly.
“Okay, let’s get to bed. We’ll be heading over to see Dad early tomorrow morning and it’s going to be another long day tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a good idea. I might just have a quick shower first if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, go for it. I’ll have one after you. I’m a bit hungry, how ‘bout you?”
“A little bit.”
“I’ll order some room service. By the time we’re both showered it should be delivered. We can have a bite to eat and then we can crash.”
“Okay. Thanks Nikki.”
I go to walk off towards the bathroom when Nikki says, “Hey Trix?...”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for being here.”
I walk back to him and hug him warmly, “You’re welcome.”
I head back towards the bathroom and turn on the shower. I wait for the water to warm up and remove my clothes. Then I step inside and let the hot water cascade over me. I’m standing completely engulfed by the water as it streams over my head soaking my hair and running down my back. I feel the door of the shower open and a very naked Nikki steps inside. I raise my eyebrows at him in question. There’s no way I thought he would be up for anything tonight.
He smiles sweetly at me and murmurs, “I just wanted to be close to you.” He picks up some shower gel and squirts it into his hands. He rubs it into a lather and strokes it over my shoulders. We wash each other lovingly. It’s not even the slightest bit sexual, just two people caring for each other and taking comfort in being in each other’s company.
When we’re finished Nikki turns the water off and wraps a fluffy white towel around me. We help each other to get dry and put on the soft white bathrobes supplied by the hotel. The room service arrives and we eat it cross-legged on the bed. By the time we’ve finished eating we’re both exhausted and are yawning excessively. Nikki removes all the dishes and pulls the blankets down on the bed. He takes off my bathrobe and then removes his.
“Jump in Trixie, we’re both exhausted, let’s sleep.” We both crawl in under the blankets and I snuggle with my back against his front. His arms wrapped securely around me. He reaches over and turns the lights off.
~~~
We must both fall asleep instantly because the next thing I know I wake up and I can see the sun streaming in through a small crack in the curtains that have been left slightly open. I lean over to put my arm over Nikki but he’s not in the bed. I look across the room and he’s sitting at the small writing desk. His back is too me and he’s scribbling something on a piece of paper. He’s pulled on a pair of jeans but is not wearing a shirt. I take a second to admire his muscled back as it ripples and moves as he writes. I mumble, “Morning.”
Nikki turns around and smiles tenderly at me. He rumbles, “Mornin’ beautiful.”
“How long have you been up?” I ask.
“Oh, a few hours or so.”
“You should have woken me.”
“Nah, it’s fine. You were exhausted, you needed some sleep. Anyway, you know me, I only need a couple of hours and it’s still only six a.m. I’ve been sitting here writing some lyrics, well it’s Mom’s eulogy actually, but I thought I’d do it in a song.”
I get up and stand behind him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, “That’s a beautiful idea. Your Mom would be very proud.”
“Thanks Trix.” He mumbles humbly. Our eyes meet in the mirror that’s situated on the wall behind the desk. His eyes slowly peruse the reflection of my naked body standing behind him. I can see lust begin to burn in his eyes. He swivels his chair around so he’s now facing me, sitting on the edge of the seat he pulls me in so I’m wedged between his legs. He strokes his hands over my hips as he looks up into my eyes. “God, you’re so beautiful. I’m sorry, I haven’t been very attentive have I?”
“Nikki, really, that’s okay, I don’t expect…” I gasp as his mouth secures around my nipple and sucks, his tongue circles erotically sending shivers of desire over my skin.
A sexy smirk tugs at his lips, “I know you don’t expect anything and truthfully until this moment my mind’s been tied up in knots. But seeing you here, naked, your body just begging to be pleasured. I sorta like the idea of being distracted for a while…will you help distract me?”
I whisper, “I would love to distract you.”
Nikki stands and scoops me up in his arms and carries me across the room. He lowers me gently to the bed and climbs on top of me situating himself on his knees between my legs as he groans, “It feels like forever since I’ve tasted yo
u.”
I smirk, “It’s been less than twenty-four hours.”
“Yeah, twenty-four hours too long.” He lowers himself and with no preamble or warning his tongue laps a long stroke straight up the seam of my pussy.
“Oh God.” I moan. His tongue quickly darts to my entrance and plunges inside.
“Oh God!” I scream even louder as I arch my back off the bed. He continues to lick, suck and nibble driving me to the brink of orgasm in a matter of seconds. I can feel pressure building in my lower belly and just as I think I’m about to explode he pulls his mouth away from between my thighs.
“Oh God, don’t stop!” I cry.
I look down and a knowing smile covers his face. He knows exactly that he’s brought me right to the brink and then left me wanting more. His hands run smoothly over me, caressing and paying attention to every erogenous zone on my body.
His hands move to the inside of my upper thigh, his thumbs rub tiny circles while his fingers feather softly over my delicate skin. He slowly pushes one finger inside me, all the way in, slowly, so slowly, then pulls almost completely out. Then two fingers push inside, again so slowly. He strokes in exactly the right place to send tingles across my skin and a needy ach begins to throb between my thighs. I need more. I arch my back and Nikki picks up tempo, plunging inside me over and over. Once again he brings me right to the brink of orgasm and then stops. I groan, “Nikki, please.”
I look up to see him smiling adoringly at me, “You’re so fuckin’ responsive. I love the way your body lights up when I touch you. I love playing with you and watching what I can do to you.”
I grin seductively at him, “You know I like watching you too. It’s so damned hot seeing you come apart. Why don’t you lie down and I’ll show you.”
He smiles, eyes sparkling as he shuffles himself and lies down on the bed next to me. He folds his hands behind his neck. His eyes are hooded with desire. He grins, “I have no doubt baby. You only need to put those hands or those luscious lips on me to make my body sing. Do your best.”
I lower my head and mimic his actions by lapping a long lick along his entire length. A growl emanates from his chest. I suck him into my mouth taking him right to the back of my throat. I swallow around him and he growls again. I bob my head, sucking and lapping. His hands move to my head as he entangles his fingers in my hair, guiding me to the speed he needs. His back arches and he groans, “Fuck, you’re just too good Trix.”