by Maggie Mundy
“I walked back to my car. I couldn’t cope being around these people anymore. Then I noticed Uncle Fred over by Trudy. Her son was two at the time. He picked him up and rubbed a hand up and down my nephew’s back, and then turned and smiled at me and nodded his head towards the little boy.”
There was a small hatchet lying on the bench, Greg grabbed it and attacked the horse until it was a mass of splinters. He shouldn’t have brought her here. He wanted to hurt someone, to make them pay. Walking over, he shoved the hatchet in front of Beth’s face. Her hands were pressed back against the door and her face pale. She was scared, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had opened the can of worms, and it was all spilling out.
“My father, not even barely settled in the earth, and all my uncle could think of was his next victim. It had to stop. I drove into him and when he hit the windscreen, I was happy. He went over the top of the car, and I was happy. Pulling up, I could see them gathering about him, and I was still happy. He wasn’t moving. I believed it was finished. I didn’t run, I just waited for the police to come.”
Beth grabbed the axe and tried to throw it aside, but Greg stopped her and slammed its blade into the wood beside her head. He didn’t want her to touch the filth that had touched him. Even that didn’t faze her. He could see love in her eyes as her hand came up to his face. He grabbed her wrist.
“Don’t touch me. I’m damaged goods, Beth, and I always will be. The anger’s still there. Some days I feel like the whole world should pay for what he did. You deserve better than that. You’ve been through enough without worrying about when I’m going to lose it again. That’s why I never used to let people touch me. That’s why I never thought I would have kids. Who would want someone like me for a father? I vowed never to let anyone take control of what happened to my body again.” He was so close to her face, he could feel her breath on his.
“Why didn’t you tell the police?”
“I killed someone and thought if I did my time, it would be over, but it’ll never be over. I can never forget what he did to me.”
“You let me touch you, you let me in, and you’re helping me come back. I couldn’t have gotten through the past few months without you. You’re perfect to me. I would’ve killed myself the night we met if you hadn’t been there. I never told you, but that was why I had the whiskey. I had the tablets as well. When Will took me, you nearly died to save me. You have to let me help you with this.”
Looking at her, Greg could feel the tears coming to his eyes. How the hell had this woman come into his life? She was so much more than he had the right to have. He should be helping her, but she was worried about him. He turned away and walked into the middle of the shed.
He had two choices: To turn back and accept her into his life, or walk away. He turned and held his arms out and she ran into them. Burying his face in her hair, he started to cry. He’d never cried, not in all the years before, during and after jail. His shoulders shook with the sobs dragged from him. When it stopped, he gazed at Beth. She dried his face with her sleeve.
“Let’s get out of here. I think you and I have done enough crying to last a lifetime,” Greg said.
They walked out to one of the paddocks. Two horses were galloping around as Greg leaned on the fence post. “I still had Jeff in my head on the night of the shooting. I know how much he loved you. Hell, he was as frantic as I was. The thing was, you and I were not the only ones with a voice in our heads. My aunt who hung herself in there was in Will’s. He blew his brains out to get rid of her.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Beth put her hand on his arm.
“Because then I would have had to tell you about what happened in that shed. I wasn’t ready,” Greg glanced down at his hands; they were still shaking.
“I don’t understand how she would have known about Will, and me and you. It’s all too coincidental. There has to be some connection,” Beth said.”
“All I can come up with is Christine. She’s expecting us at two, but I’ve a job to do before we go.” They walked back holding hands. Greg walked in the shed and lit a pile of wood scrapings at the back. Everything was so dry it took only moments for the shed to be ablaze. John walked over and grabbed the hose.
“My wife says she’s glad it’s gone, always gave her the jitters and she wouldn’t let the kids go near it. Guess you’ve got your reasons. I’ll dampen it down later.”
“Thanks.” Greg couldn’t look him in the face.
“You two off, then?” John asked.
“Yes, and I’ll phone the solicitor on Monday if you want to go ahead. I’m still serious about selling it.”
“I’ll take care of the place. I’ve some idea of new crops that I want to try. I reckon we can make a go of it,” John said, as he walked them back to the pick-up.
“I know—that’s why I want to do this. Make it a good place.” Greg shook his hand. There was nothing left of the shed, but the burnt-out shape of a rocking horse could be seen in one corner. Driving away, Greg hoped he would never see the place again.
****
Christine was waiting for them on the front veranda of her home. She had a big smile on her face. Greg was sure it would soon be gone, once she heard what they had to say. She hugged Beth, but obviously thought better of extending the warmth to him. He shook her hand instead. He could see no point in prolonging any of this.
They all sat down at the kitchen table, but this was no quiet afternoon tea they were here for. As she made them coffee, he dived in.
“Neither Beth nor I have heard from Jeff since the night Will died. Is he still around?”
Christine placed the mugs down and glanced at them both nervously as she bit her bottom lip.
“If he is, he hasn’t talked to me. The last time I had contact was when you came to see me, Greg. Why do you want to talk to him?” She sipped on her coffee, but didn’t take her eyes off him.
Greg continued. “We now know Will killed himself because my aunt was in his head. She wanted to hurt me and somehow found out about Beth. As far as I can see, you’re the only connection with dead people.” Greg raised his voice at the thought this woman’s meddling had almost cost Beth her life.
Christine put down her mug. “Will came to see me once—Beth knew that. I told him I couldn’t help. His brother did come through and forgave him. Now I think about it, there was another spirit here that day who also spoke to him. I sensed they were troubled and blocked them. I’ve had it before on occasion, so I don’t let them speak through me again. Whether it was your aunt, I don’t know. Maybe he found someone else to connect him with them.” Christine’s eyes were watering as she wrung her hands.
Beth reached out and took her hand. Greg couldn’t feel so kind.
“It’s all right, Christine. I know for a fact he regularly had visitors he claimed were mediums. It’s most likely one of them that let her through, so she could possess him. Can you try and contact either of them? We need to know,” Beth asked.
Christine nodded and closed her eyes.
“It’s Jeff. He says he’s sorry for your pain. He was here the day Will came and listened. Jeff knew someone else was listening, and if he’d known more he would have told you. I blocked them coming through before he could find out who they were.”
“So, what happens now?” Greg asked.
“He’s going over. He says thanks for taking care of Beth, and he couldn’t go if you weren’t there.”
“This is bullshit. Christine, you’re just talking funny to get yourself off the hook for screwing up people’s lives,” Greg yelled.
“He says he’d been in your head and knows what happened when someone tried to read you in jail. Someone who saw you tied up. He says do you believe it’s him now, and not me?”
Greg nodded.
“He’s leaving.” Christine opened her eyes and stared at them blankly. She moved her hands from the table and cowered back in her chair as she saw his clenched fists.
They left so
on afterwards, sure that neither of them wanted to ever come back again. Sitting in the car, Greg wanted to blot out the last half hour. Had it really achieved anything? He still felt Christine was to blame for messing with things she didn’t always understand. He was sad that Jeff was gone. He had gotten used to the guy. It was a pity they had never known each other. Then again, they could never have shared Beth.
“Where to now? Go home, or visit Trudy? I don’t want you to do anything until you are ready.”
Give Beth credit where it was due, she wasn’t going to skirt around the issue. His sister needed to know. He had kept her ignorant for so many years, and yet she stood by him.
“Trudy’s it is then,” Greg said, but he didn’t have a clue how she would take it. He didn’t want her to feel guilty or responsible for anything.
“I’ll tell her about your uncle and aunt so you don’t have to go through it again.”
Beth sat on the back patio with Trudy. Phil and Greg were actually having a decent conversation. It was about the Clipsal 500 car race and would go on for a while, what with Greg being a Ford man and Phil a Holden fanatic. Beth and Trudy both said they would never understand rev heads.
****
Beth took another sip on her wine. Trudy sat quietly not disturbing her as she spoke. The house backed onto a paddock and seemed so calm and serene, and yet what Beth was saying was horrifying.
Trudy took a deep breath and emptied half her glass before she spoke. “I always guessed something must have happened with Uncle Fred, but this is worse than I imagined. It’s not the sort of thing you can ask your brother, you know? Did you know Dad and Uncle Fred were identical twins? It just makes it harder to accept. What Greg must have been through all these years, keeping it inside, y’know?”
“No, I didn’t know they were twins, but I can see how it would’ve made things worse. He’s going to sell the farm to John and his wife who manage it. They’re going to make some deal so they can pay it off over ten years without taking out loans. I think Greg just wanted it gone.” Beth sipped on her wine and stared at the paddock behind the house. She would like a place where they could look out at the bush and gain some peace. Greg had said he would move months ago, but she felt tied to Jeff and the house.
“I know you said for me not to feel guilty about what he went through, but I’ll always hurt because of what he did to protect me. He’s a wonderful brother.”
“He wants you to be happy. He’s so proud of you for standing by him all these years. He knew he’d done the right thing.”
Beth glanced down at her wedding ring. Why was she still wearing it after all these years? She wondered what Greg thought about it when he saw it there. He’d never said a thing, but probably thought she was hanging onto a lost love. She took it off and held it in her hand. She would give it to Keri, along with her engagement ring sitting in a box somewhere. Keri could wear them on a chain about her neck if she wanted.
“How are things going between you two?” Trudy asked.
“He’s been so good to me since, you know. I jump at noises and think I see people watching me. I know it’s in my head and the psychiatrist says it will get better. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, he says. We make a fine pair, Greg and I. Greg thinks what he told me today was unfair to burden me with, but we’re just being there for each other. It’s about all we can manage at the moment. I can’t let him touch me. It brings it back and I get scared.”
Trudy grabbed her hand. “No one should have to put up with what the pair of you has. If you two can weather all this, you put the rest of us to shame.”
Beth put the ring in her pocket.
“I’ve a surprise for him on the way home. Hope it doesn’t fall flat if I can’t go through with it.” Beth smiled and Trudy leaned forward, her interest piqued.
“What is it? You must tell me, or I’ll be forced to ply you with whiskey until you spill the beans.”
“I booked into the motel where we first met. I’m not sure it’s good idea after today. Both of us are a bit raw.”
“Yes, I heard about that night.” Trudy laughed.
“What did he say? When I think back, I still can’t believe I spent a night with a total stranger.” Beth could feel her face redden with embarrassment.
“He was out of jail a week and I asked if he had scored, and I might add he thought he’d scored big time. I guess he was right.” Trudy fanned herself at the comment.
“He’s been so kind since the attack. I was hoping tonight, well, I was just hoping.”
****
Beth noticed Trudy and Greg disappear for a while before they left. She hoped she hadn’t said anything just in case she decided not to stop. Tonight was going to be difficult enough. As they drove into Gawler, her heart rate sped up as anxiety spread through her. Could she go through with this? If he could do what he’d done this afternoon, she had to try. Unless they both faced their demons, they would always be together but apart, and she didn’t want that.
“I need you to pull over by the motel a minute, Greg.” She started hunting around for something in her bag.
“It’s six already, and the kids will be expecting us by eight. What is it, Beth?”
Beth didn’t answer him.
“Here it is.”
She pulled out a piece of paper and waved it under his nose.
“What’s this?” He stared at the paper.
“Go on. Read it.”
It was a confirmation of a booking for tonight at the motel. He glanced across the street to the pizzeria.
“I presume the kids aren’t expecting us then.”
She nodded.
“I don’t suppose you fancy pizza?” he said, with a smirk.
“Yes, I believe I do. A pepperoni with a bottle of red would be good. That night, I was looking for oblivion and look what I got instead.”
“There isn’t a world that exists where I could have dreamt someone like you waited for me.”
As they walked back from the pizzeria, this time he did put his arm around her and pulled her close—and she tried not to stiffen.
“How the hell did you manage to get the same room?” Greg asked, unlocking the door.
“I told him I was superstitious and had to stay in the same place as before.” Beth wanted to relax, but now the moment came she didn’t want to walk back into the room and stood at the door. This was Greg, and he would never hurt her, but her heart raced and her hands went clammy.
****
“So, it’s just coffee?” He could see her stiffen. He meant the comment as a joke but could see the fear in her eyes as she wrapped her arms about herself.
“It’s okay, Beth––we can just go home.”
She shook her head but didn’t move. “I don’t want to go home.”
After everything today, he thought things would be different, but she still stiffened at the thought of sex with him. He would wait. One day soon, Will would be gone from her head. She was making his uncle disappear for him, so he would do the same for her. He put his hand out and she eventually took it and walked through the door. She sat on the edge of the chair opposite. It was as if their positions were reversed from last time they were here. That night, all he expected was a kiss from the lovely red-haired lady before she sent him on his way. She had given him so much more.
“I’d love a coffee, but I thought we could have a whiskey. Knowing how bad it was last time, I brought something decent.” Beth opened her bag to bring out a bottle of scotch malt.
“You’re a woman after my own heart. You know, I was sure the first time we came here you were going to tell me to sleep in the pick-up.” He took the bottle and poured them some drinks. Like that first night, he didn’t want her too drunk to be with him. There was no future in that, for either of them.
“I nearly did.” She took a sip of whiskey. “When I turned around in the pizzeria, my heart jumped. I hadn’t looked at a man that way since Jeff died and there was this stranger before me and I had palpita
tions. When we sat down and ate, I knew I talked too much. I was nervous. Like a kid on a date, though I kept saying you weren’t a date.”
She went silent but he could see she was still breathing too fast. “I know, you were just after me for my body.” She laughed and relaxed a little. “The first thing I noticed about you was your perfume. It had a hint of jasmine. My Nan had a jasmine plant outside her kitchen window and the scent would waft in. Her house was the only place I’d ever been happy. It seemed like a good omen.”
“I love that perfume. It’s Salvador Dali. You’ve seen the bottle on my dressing table. The one with the big nose and lips.”
“I have to be honest and say I think the thing is ugly, even if it makes you smell nice. Do you mind if I lie down?”
“Don’t be silly, Greg. Be comfortable.”
He wasn’t being silly. She still hadn’t left the chair. He kicked off his boots and lay back on the bed.
“I want to tell you a bit about when I was inside.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know. When I was inside, I had my cell. It was simple and basic and I knew everything about it. It freaked me out at first and I thought I would go mad with the routine day after day. Then the routine becomes your friend. Some of the screws were a pain, but most were okay. I was a bit of an asshole, so most of the other prisoners kept their distance. I didn’t want to hurt anyone or they would have kept me in longer.” He wasn’t sure he was helping, but for two people who had been together a while, it felt for once like they were talking about themselves.
“It was sort of the same for me. I wasn’t locked up but when Jeff died, I felt as if I was in a prison of loss. There was no date I would get out. That’s why I thought about ending it all. I thought everyone would be better off without me.”
“I’m so glad you didn’t. Do you want another drink?”
“No.”
Greg poured himself one and took a gulp and put the drink down by the bed. He then sat at her feet. She peered down at him and raised an eyebrow.
“What are you doing?
“Can I massage your feet?” She hesitated but then nodded. She still held her glass in her hand as she leaned back in the chair. He unzipped her boots and took them off along with her socks. He worked slowly starting with the heel and the base of her foot. He massaged and pulled and heard her sigh. He peeked up and her eyes were shut. He repeated everything on the other foot. When he finished, he leant forward and rested his head on her knees. He didn’t try to touch her any more than that. He didn’t know how long it was, but she placed her hands on his head. She gently ran them through his hair.