In the Wind

by Lilliana Anderson

  “Alcohol,” the girl replied as if it was the dumbest question of all time.

  Zeke and I rolled our eyes and downed the shots. They tasted like aniseed with a slight chemical aftertaste.

  “That wasn’t just alcohol,” I said, worried about what we’d just ingested.

  “I added a touch of love. E-tards make a party so much more fun.”

  She giggled, and the big guy pushed us through the door into the crowd. A burst of papers flew up in the air as a group of people cheered and danced, their bodies pressed together as they gyrated to the pulsing beat that emanated from the large portable speakers that had been set up in the corners of the room. There seemed to more people in this one house than there were in our whole town.

  “What the actual fuck? Who are all these people?” Zeke looked bewildered as we pushed our way through people we didn’t recognise as they tore about the books that had been stacked around the room. It hurt my heart to see.

  “I have no idea,” I responded, my eyes scanning the crowd, trying to pick out Shea, and trying to keep my mind focused. I’d never taken any drugs before, and I didn’t know what would happen when it hit. I wanted to find her and get out of here before then.

  With his hand wrapped tightly around mine, Zeke used his body as somewhat of a human plough to get us through the dense mass of bodies and up the stairs. Once there, we had a better vantage point but were still unable to see her.

  “Keep looking,” I said as Zeke looked at me with his lips set in a line. He knew Shea just as well as I did and none of this was good.

  We pushed past the people on the stairs, and the moment we stepped up onto the landing, I heard a familiar squeal.

  “You’re here!” Shea barrelled herself into Zeke’s chest, wrapping her arms around his neck and practically sticking her tongue down his throat. My mouth fell open and Zeke pulled back in shock.

  “What did you just put in my mouth?” he demanded, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

  She pouted. “Nothing bad. Here, wash it down with this.” She held her hand out and some guy passed her a clear plastic cup with what looked like beer in it and she handed it to Zeke who took a sip and swished it around his mouth.

  “What are you doing, Shea?” I demanded and she turned her attention to me.

  “I’m having a party, and I’m so glad you came. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it. I do care about you, Dawn. I care about you so much.” She seemed as though she was already drunk as she spoke then grabbed my face with both her hands, kissing me roughly the way she did Zeke. She tasted of the shot we’d been given at the door, and I wondered what the hell else she’d given Zeke. Her pupils were dilated. “Do you forgive me for being so mean? Please say you do.”

  I pulled her hands away from my face. “Shea. Don’t.”

  She pouted. “You’re still upset with me, aren’t you? Don’t be, please. Come with me. I can make it better. You know I can make you feel better.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she did this sort of body roll thing against me and tried to take me by the hands.

  Trying to avoid her, I shook my head and felt the first stirrings of that shot within my system as my skin began to heat and my body grew lighter. It was as if I was floating as my eyes looked around the room. Someone pushed past me, brushing against my skin and all the hairs on my body stood on end as blissful skitters raced around my body.

  I looked at Shea, my eyes wide, my mind floating. She was smiling.

  Zeke and I glanced at each other. He frowned, confusion on his face as he glanced down at his hands and moved his fingers. Slowly, a smile crept over his face. “Holy shit,” he said, moving his hand over his chest then pulling at his shirt. I could tell his body must have been feeling the same blissful skitters as mine.

  “Feels good, right?” Shea asked, pulling a small pill out of her pocket before putting it into her mouth. With a sly grin, she took a hold of my face again and kissed me until the pill dissolved within both our mouths. “Get ready for the party of your life.” Her voice entered my ears like a smooth ribbon, curling all the way through me, my skin prickling, seeking to be touched.

  Some other girl had her hands on Zeke’s arm and was dancing sensually to the music, running her fingers up and down his bicep.

  “Shea, who are all these people?” Zeke asked, his voice sounding far away even though he was right beside me. I reached out and took a hold of his hand, needing to hold on as my mind continued to drift away.

  “I don’t know.” She laughed, it sounded almost crazy, as it was bouncing around in a tin. “I announced a party on Twitter and here they are.”

  I placed my other hand to my head, fighting to keep my wits. “I think. I think you need to call this off, Shea. It’s getting out of hand.”

  Shea grabbed a blue shot off a passing tray, knocked it back then stepped toward me, sliding her arm around my shoulders as she leaned in. “Look around, Dawn. Do you see all this? Not the people – the house, the books, my life? It’s already out of hand. It’s already gone. He’s leaving me. Way I see it, I can go out quietly, or I can do it with a bang. I’m going to do it with a bang.”

  “Shea…” Even the sensation of my breath leaving my mouth along with my words was beginning to feel good, and I closed my eyes as a shudder of delight ran through me.

  “There you go. Just feel it, Dawn. Lose yourself in the bliss. There’s a reason they call it Ecstasy.” Shea’s voice floated through the air as if it were a corporeal being. It felt like a warm hug enveloping my body, brushing through my hair. I was on fire in the best possible way. I had no worries. I had no cares. All I had was happiness. All I had was desire. There was nothing else in that moment.

  “Kiss for me.”

  Shea pressed both Zeke and me together, and before I knew what we were doing, we were kissing as though we were possessed and our joined mouths were the only things that could save us from eternal damnation.

  His mouth on mine felt better than it ever had. His tongue was the most amazing texture. And his hands on my body felt as though each touch was to my most sensitive spot.

  With my head spinning, I could feel his mouth all over my body, his hands stripping away my clothes. I was falling, falling. The beat of the music vibrated through the cells of my body causing me to feel like a serpent, moving and alive with the beat. Deep inside, I could sense my real self, buried underneath the haze, but screaming to get out, begging me to open my eyes and see.

  Get out, Dawn. This isn’t you. Open your eyes and get out of there. OPEN YOUR EYES!

  It took a crazy amount of convincing from my subconscious, but I managed to get my eyes open, and to focus on what was going on in front of me. And it wasn’t what I expected. The lips attached to mine didn’t belong to Zeke, they belonged to Dan. Dan of the Wannabes. Dan who had accused me of being a whore. Dan who I didn’t want.

  The shock of seeing him snapped my mind to life. “Stop,” I moaned, my voice far too quiet as I tried to sit. I pushed his face away, and he was so far gone in his own drug induced haze that he didn’t fight me, but he did keep trying to grope me. As I shifted out from underneath him, I realised there were other lips on me. Other hands. And worse still, I was almost naked. So were they.

  “Oh god. Zeke!” Dan’s lips managed to connect with my neck, his hand grabbing at my chest, and I placed my hand on his face, pushing him toward the other guy who was trying to get into my pants.

  I needed to get away.

  “Zeke!” The panic that rose in my chest helped me stay focused, but my body was heavy as I dragged myself from the bodies I was entangled with. They turned to each other and continued their kissing and groping without me, and I moved quickly, taking my chance but struggling through the drug’s foggy haze. Each movement felt as though I was moving in a dream, and every move I made needed to be deliberate and involved all of my concentration. “Zeke!”

  I grabbed the first shirt I could find. It was some band t-shirt that fi
t me like a dress, but at least it covered me from the pawing hands of the – I didn’t want to admit what was going on, but the nakedness, and the moans forced the word into my mind. It was an orgy. I’d almost taken part in a freaking mass orgy. I thought I might throw up. I thought I might scream. There wasn’t a single thing happening in this house that I was OK with. I needed to get out.

  “Zeke!” I had to keep backing away to keep from getting pulled back in. I just wanted to get out of there. None of this was me. None of this was ever me. I’d lost myself somewhere along the way, and I didn’t want to be this girl anymore. I didn’t want this life. I needed to go. I needed to get away from it all.

  “Hey, that’s my shirt.” Some guy, covered with tattoos and piercings came toward me. “Give it back.” He reached out and tried to pull the shirt from my body.

  “Stop!” I yelled, dodging his attempt again and again. My feet fell from under me, and I tumbled downward, my body jarring as I slid down the wooden steps.

  A strong set of hands dragged me up, and a familiar face came into view. “Are you all right?” It was Scott Jennings. “Here, let me help you.”

  Of all the people I didn’t particularly want helping me, Scott was probably top of that list. But, I needed to get out of there, and he seemed my only option.

  “I need to go home. Please.”

  He nodded. “Let’s get you some fresh air.”

  23

  “You’re going the wrong way. My house is back there.”

  My words didn’t seem too coherent, and my feet kept sliding out from underneath me. Scott held me up with one arm around my waist, and the other holding my arm hooked over his shoulders. I was losing control.

  “We’re just going for a walk.”

  His voice was calm, but even in my poor state of coherence, I could sense the undertones and continued to protest.

  “Home.”

  “I’m taking you somewhere quiet. You can rest there.”

  The thing about Hargrave Cove, was the fact it’s a cove. There was an abundance of lush bushland and tall beach grass all around the edges of the beach and all the way up to the points. It was very easy to find somewhere to hide. Somewhere no one would find you – especially at sunset – especially when there was a party going on. Anyone who saw you just thought you were a couple of kids who’d had too much to drink. And they thought nothing of it and turned their heads the other way…

  It was how they got away with it…

  “Please. Just take me home.”

  The alarm bells were ringing, and I tried to pull away. I even managed to get loose at one point, but my body had lost all strength, and I fell flat on my face, sand getting in my mouth, up my nostrils, in my hair.

  “Get up.” Strong hands. Harsh voice. Rough grip. He pulled me up as though I weighed nothing, took hold of me and continued to walk. To drag.

  My legs slid, trying to gain traction, failing. “Please.”

  I landed on my back within the grass, my eyes watering as I tried to summon the strength to push him back. I tried to fight the effects of the drugs in my system.

  I pushed against his head when he pushed up my shirt. I pulled at his hands when they pulled down my panties. I pushed at his chest as he pushed open my thighs. Then I cried and closed my eyes, hopelessness overwhelming me as I braced myself for what was next.

  A roar.

  I cried harder, my hands covering my face as my body went cold. I rolled to my side, praying that he’d stopped.

  The sound of cracking bone.

  Shivering, I lowered my hands. Shaking, I opened my eyes.

  “Luke,” I whispered, flinching as his fist collided with Scott’s face.

  Blessed relief washed over me, just as I felt my mind slip, and my consciousness let go.

  ***

  I woke with a start in an unfamiliar bed with a familiar scent on the sheets. I knew it instantly, and rolled over in distress, not sure of what I’d done or how I’d gotten here.

  “You’re up.” I looked over to where the voice came from. In a chair a few feet away from the bed sat Luke. He had a blanket pulled over him and a pillow at his back. He’d obviously slept there. He’d given me his bed.

  “How did?” I pushed myself up to sit, feeling my head start banging the moment I moved. I winced and pressed the palm of my hand to my eye socket to try and stop it.

  “How did you get here?”

  I nodded, wincing again as it felt as if my brain was moving around my head.

  Luke’s quiet footsteps sounded like someone scraping sandpaper right next to my ear. I tried to look at him and saw that he was reaching to the bedside table where there was a glass of water. He pressed the glass into my hand then lightly touched my forehead, checking my temperature as I drank, I supposed. Then, taking the glass, he placed it back on the bedside and sat on the edge of the bed, setting his worried scrutiny upon me.

  “Do you remember much about last night?”

  Searching my mind, I struggled to recall anything but fuzzy images. “I…I was trying to stop Shea?”

  He nodded, as if he already knew, his eyes looked pained as he watched me try to recall. “Do you remember being out on the beach?”

  Shaking my head, I knitted my brow tightly as I searched the haze in my mind. “Scott Jennings. He…he wouldn’t take me home. He…he didn’t…he didn’t…did he?” My stomach turned and twisted as I remembered trying to fight him off me.

  Luke took my hands in his then shook his head. “No. Thank god. I grabbed him as he…” Luke’s voice cut out, unable to finish the sentence as he pressed his fingers to his eyes. “Jesus Dawn. I just kept thinking all night, what if I hadn’t been out there? What if I’d come straight home instead of going for a walk? What if he’d…” He wiped his hand down his face, sniffling as he shook his head then wiped at his eyes. “What if I’d lost you?”

  Tears slid from my eyes as my chest ached with regret and sorrow. It felt as though my life was slowly crumbling into a pile of unrecognisable rubble around me. And somehow, Luke kept being the one who was picking up the pieces.

  “I’m so sorry, Luke,” I whispered eventually, trying to wipe at my tears that were so filled with self-pity that they wouldn’t stop flowing.

  “Why would you be sorry?”

  “For dragging you into my mess of a life.”

  Using his thumb to gently rub the back of my palm, he looked into my eyes with an intensity that seemed to burn from within him. “I would prefer to save you a hundred times a day than to see you get hurt even once.”

  I looked down at our joined hands and felt a warmth travelling up my arm, like tiny pulses of electricity that were racing to my heart and kicking it up a notch. Twisting my hand slightly, I moved my fingers so they entwined with his then back into his eyes. “Thank you for being there, Luke.”

  He nodded his response, his eyes shining with emotion as I continued to cry over everything that had gone wrong with my life and held on to the one thing that was right.

  Then, as quickly as the feeling was there, it went away, chased by Luke pulling his hand from mine and clearing his throat as he stood up from the bed and placed his hands on his hips. I pulled my hand back to my lap, clasping them together, one hand so much warmer than the other and somehow filled with a void from where his hand was.

  “The police are going to visit you later. They arrested him. You’ll have to give a statement.”

  “Oh. I…I guess should probably get going then,” I said to fill the awkward silence of the tension filled room.

  With a frown, he stepped back when he looked as though he wanted to step forward and leaned against a chest of drawers. “I’d prefer it if you stayed.”

  “Luke, I can’t expect you to do that. You have a son to take care of. My life is absolute chaos right now. I’ll just be a burden you don’t need.”

  “Last night, you were out of it a lot. But, you told me everything, Dawn. And not just about the party. You told me about Shea
. Zeke. Everything that’s happened between you three. Your mother and Shea’s father. The way…” He hesitated and didn’t continue. A muscle ticked in the side of his jaw as he crossed his arms tightly across his chest, dropping his eyes to the floor as if he couldn’t even look at me.

  A great wave of sadness descended upon me. No wonder he’d pulled his hand away. He was probably disgusted by what he knew. I know I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about it all. This summer had been nothing but one stupid decision after another. And now the only person who’d looked at me as if I was some sort of enigma of this town now knew I wasn’t any better than any other hormone driven girl my age.

  Wiping at the tears on my cheeks, I took an unsteady breath. I felt so ashamed by everything he’d listed, and I didn’t know what to say. I tried to find the words, but all I found was an overwhelming force within my body that presented itself in a flood of emotion pouring from my eyes. I covered my face, trying to hide behind my hands as my world continued to fall apart around me.

  “Dawn?” He’d moved closer to the bed again. “Jesus. Don’t cry.” He sat and gathered me into his arms, and I couldn’t help myself. I cried against his chest, feeling safe in his arms.

  “I’m just so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He held me tighter and rocked me gently, his hand stroking my hair. “What could you possibly have to be sorry about?”

  “For the things I’ve done. I don’t know why I did them.”

  “You did them because you’re young. Because you’re inexperienced, and because some people who were supposed to be your friends took advantage of that.”

  I pulled back and shook my head. “I know you don’t like them, Luke, but they didn’t force me. No matter how it happened, I still chose to do most of those things.”

  He held my face in his hands and wiped the tears from my cheeks. “It’s got nothing to do with whether or not I like them, Dawn. But the way I see it, a true friend would have remembered all the times you stated what you wanted in a relationship, and they certainly wouldn’t have taken something from you that they can’t give back, whether you offered it to them or not. You said yourself that Shea did it for sport.”