Love You to Death

by Melissa March

  “Mornin’,” he whispered in a sexy, rough, morning voice.

  “Morning,” I croaked. My voice was far from sexy and I was certain the smell was worse which is why I brought the sheet up to cover my mouth before I spoke.

  “How’re ya feelin’?”

  “Like someone shoved the Lollipop Guild into my head and told them to welcome me to Munchkin Land.”

  He chuckled. “Are you hungry?”

  “Starving.”

  He flung the covers off and sat up. I slowly followed him. It was worse sitting up. My stomach churned dangerously. Okay, maybe I wasn’t hungry.

  “Yeah, I was thinkin’ you might change your mind,” he said, walking over to the window to draw the curtains closed. The pajama pants rode low on his hips, tapering down to his bare feet. His naked back was a canvas of muscle that I couldn’t seem to keep from staring at.

  “Maybe some tea and toast?” he suggested.

  I nodded gratefully, holding my head in my clammy palms. I scanned the room, noticing we were alone. “Where’s Maggie and Cort?”

  “The love birds slept in my room.”

  Say no more.

  “I must’ve passed out. I’m sorry. I’m a real lightweight when it comes to alcohol.”

  “I noticed.” He picked up the phone receiver and dialed out.

  I slipped into the bathroom. I heard him ordering as I shut the door. Looking in the mirror, I decided I looked as bad as I felt. I splashed my face with cold water and ran a brush through my hair. Then I noticed I was wearing the matching top to Gideon’s bottoms.

  Where were my T-shirt and sweatpants? I pulled the hem of the shirt up and let out a ragged breath, still wearing my panties. I couldn’t remember anything.

  Think! I said to myself, clenching my teeth. There was no way I could have slept with Gideon and not lived to remember it and every minute detail. Horror of horrors, what if we did and I didn’t?

  “This is yet another reason why people shouldn’t drink.” I told the disgusted reflection in the mirror. I quickly finished and opened the door. Gideon was propped up on the bed, flicking through the limited channels on the TV.

  He looked at me and his smile fell. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. How was I going to ask him if we...if I...Good Lord, I couldn’t even form the thought.

  “You look pale. Come lay down” He patted the space beside him.

  I remained where I was. “Gideon...”

  “Yes?” he prompted when I hesitated.

  “About last night...” I ribboned the hem of the shirt through my nervous fingers. “I don’t remember much—”

  A smile stretched over his face, revealing his pearly whites.

  “What about it?”

  He was enjoying this! I narrowed my eyes into slits and snapped, “I’m wearing your shirt.”

  “So you are, darlin’. It looks good on you too.” He winked at me.

  “So, did we?” I growled, half with annoyance and half with trepidation. I released another nervous breath. If ever the day, or night, came when I could wrap myself around Gideon with nothing but the lights on then I darn well wanted to remember it!

  “Did we what?” He furrowed his brow. Then the light bulb went off. His eyes rounded, and his mouth quivered. If he laughed I was going to launch myself at him and strangle him. “No, no, of course not. That idiot Cort spilled champagne all over you trying to teach you how to do the sprinkler. I loaned you the shirt.”

  His cavalier tone sounded like sleeping with me was the farthest thing from his mind. Maybe even something he would never consider doing.

  “You don’t have to sound so disgusted by the idea.” I tossed over my shoulder as I searched for my overnight bag. I found it hiding in the corner of the closet. I threw it on the bed with such force it bounced before settling on the mattress. I unzipped it, pulling out a pair of jeans and long-sleeved cotton shirt.

  Gideon crept up behind me, laying his hands over mine, stilling their movement. His chest pressed against my back, his warm skin filtering through the thin material.

  “Disgusting is the last word I would use to describe wanting to sleep with you,” his husky voice said into my ear. “Believe me, Arden, it isn’t easy watchin’ you walk around in here wearin’ my shirt and barely anything else. But I don’t think this is the right moment or the right place for somethin’ I want to take my time with. When the time is right and I know you’re ready, not drunk, or hung over, then I’ll be showing you just how much I’m lookin’ forward to it.”

  He kissed the nape of my neck, enfolding me in his arms. I leaned back against him, sighing.

  “I think I love you,” I said. The minute the words were out I wished them back in. Now I’d done it. I waited for him to make a mad dash for the door. Instead, he turned me to face him, keeping his arms around me.

  “I know I love you.” He kissed me, a long and lingering kiss. I was breathing heavy when he pulled his mouth from mine. “Life is too short to play it safe when it comes to how you feel. I learned the hard way that the ones you love won’t always be around forever. You have to risk your heart. You have to throw caution to the wind and take what’s offered before it’s taken from you.”

  “I know.” I nodded. “You’re right, but I’m a little scared.” I admitted, snuggling closer to him.

  “Me too.”

  “There are things you don’t know—” Things I don’t want to tell you.

  “Everyone has secrets. We’ll get to them in time. I’m not goin’ anywhere... how ‘bout you?”

  I shook my head. I would stay with Gideon until he didn’t want me anymore, and I hoped that was long after I was dead.

  * * * *

  One Year Later...

  “Got us a real gully washer out there.” Sissy blew into the kitchen.

  Gale force winds followed her. Dead leaves skittered across the tile as she used her body to close the door. The waterproof gear she was wearing dripped a river onto the floor around her feet.

  “I got the kettle on. Go get out of those clothes and I’ll make you a cup of tea,” I told her.

  She raised an imperious eyebrow. “Don’t be bossin’ me, gal. You just prep that turkey,” she said, stripping out of the wet slicker.

  It was a week before Christmas and the Northern Star was having its annual open house. Last year I’d been overwhelmed by the extravagance of the spread Sissy had put out. So much food you’d think she was feeding a third world country. But in the end, I was shocked to find very little was left over.

  It seemed that not only the good people of Winchester, but also a few other neighboring towns, as well as friends and relatives, swooped in to celebrate the holiday. Good thing there were so many guest rooms.

  This year was no exception.

  The kitchen counters were filled with condiments and cheeses and meats and sweets. It looked like a grocery store exploded.

  “Where’s Aurora?” Sissy asked, sitting on the low bench by the door, shucking her boots.

  “We ran out of eggs. She went into town,” I said, holding the turkey under the spigot, rinsing it off.

  “I should invest in hens and save us some money,” she griped.

  I ignored her. It was only 7:30 a.m., too early to spar with Sissy. I plopped the turkey into the pan and began rubbing butter over the skin.

  “The kids leave already?” she asked, shuffling to the table.

  “Yeah, about a half hour ago.”

  Cort, Maggie, and Stewie were going to Lexington to pick up Maggie’s gramma. Gideon and JD were on a house call to the Double J Ranch, checking on a mare due to give birth in a few weeks.

  “You look green around the gills this mornin’,” Sissy commented.

  “I’m fine. Just a little tired.” I flicked a quick smile at her. The truth was I’d been tired a lot lately. The last few mornings I’d felt queasy, unable to eat breakfast until almost lunch time. I hated being sick. I didn’t want to miss the open house. I knew if I
confessed to feeling ill, Sissy and Gideon would put me to bed.

  “Hmph. Young girl like you should be able to handle stayin’ up all hours of the night and workin’ all day,” she said, turning the burner on for the tea kettle.

  A familiar burn crept across my face. I should be used to Sissy and her insinuations, but in the six months I’d been sharing Gideon’s bed, I hadn’t quite gotten to the point of being comfortable with her knowing it.

  She was old fashioned. At least once a week I heard the comment, “He won’t buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.” I guess I was the cow. I wanted to tell her the cow wasn’t for sale so it didn’t matter, but I couldn’t say anything. I considered Sissy’s comments the price I had to pay for keeping my little secret.

  I mean, it wasn’t as if Gideon and I jumped into the sack as soon as we confessed our love. In fact, Gideon was the one who procrastinated. He wanted me to be sure I knew what I was doing. Especially after I told him I’d never had sex before.

  In the last few weeks he started talking about marriage. I did my best to steer him away from it, but I sensed he was going to ask me that all important question sooner than I wanted. I dreaded telling him no.

  “You hear me, Arden?” Sissy grouched. “Kids never listen these days.”

  “I’m sorry. I was daydreaming,” I said, twisting to face her. She was letting her tea steep, stirring the bag in her cup of hot water.

  “I asked if you wanted to go back to bed. I can put the turkey in the oven.”

  I wanted to holler, “No way”. But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Sissy was not good in the kitchen.

  “No, I’m fine, really.”

  Sissy shrugged, making her way to the table with her steaming cup and snatching two cookies from a tin.

  “That goober, Les Houghton, better be on his best behavior, briggity old bird,” she said, crunching on a bite of her cookie. “Sherriff Packer promised to keep an eye on him, but the good Sherriff does a fair bit of drinkin’ while he’s here so I can’t count on him to do what he says.”

  “We’ll all try to watch out for Mr. Houghton,” I said, tying the turkey legs together before covering it and sliding it into the oven.

  “Alright. That’s done.” I washed my hands, dried them, and picked up the list Aurora had made. Scanning it quickly, I blew out a breath over my top lip, fluttering my new bangs.

  “I think I might take a little nap. Everything is done until Aurora gets those eggs—”

  “Fine idea, go on.” She made shooing motions with her hands.

  I still had my own room. I didn’t sleep there much, but it’s where I kept my clothes and took my showers. Crossing the room to the bed, I pulled the comforter back and climbed in.

  * * * *

  I was dreaming.

  Gideon’s breath was hot in my ear. His teeth nipped at my lobe. Warm tendrils of heat spread through my belly. His arm slithered over my hip.

  “Wake up, sleepyhead,” Gideon whispered.

  I smiled. It wasn’t a dream. He was laying here with me, back to front, spooning.

  “It’s almost noon,” he said, trailing kisses down my throat.

  “What!” I jumped to a sitting position, all thoughts of love forgotten. I scrambled from the bed, pushing the covers away. Gideon’s long arm reached out for me, to draw me back into the warm bed, but I was quicker.

  “Oh my God! Aurora must be so mad. I was supposed to help her make the crab dip and peel shrimp to boil.” I ran a hand through my hair, fingers snagging in the snarls.

  Gideon laughed. He flung back the covers and grabbed his jeans that he’d tossed over the winged back chair.

  “She’s fine. She said to let you sleep. Maggie’s been helpin’ her.”

  “I promised,” I said, hurriedly dressing. Gideon sat on the edge of the bed, watching me with a curious stare.

  “What?” I asked, darting into the bathroom to get a hair band, frantically pulling my hair into a ponytail.

  “Nothin’,” he answered, lifting the corner of his mouth secretively.

  “I don’t have time for games, Gideon. Just tell me. Do I have dried drool on my face?”

  “No. But if you did you’d still be the most beautiful girl I ever saw.”

  I rolled my eyes. He was always telling me that. I walked briskly from the bathroom doorway and into his waiting arms. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of him. I kissed him a thank you for the compliment, but when he started to take it further, I pulled back.

  “No time for hanky panky. I gotta go earn my keep.” I tousled his hair. It was a little longer now and curling over his ears.

  “You’re family now. And for the record, you earn your keep just fine. If I thought you’d listen I’d tell you how you work harder than almost any female I know.”

  I shook my head, telling him to sell it someplace else. Hand in hand we walked downstairs to the kitchen.

  “There’s no need to get het up about it.” We heard Sissy say as we reached the door into the kitchen.

  “I’m not,” Maggie said.

  “Well it seems to me you are. I’m just saying. That needs to sit to the left, not the right. And it’s too dang big.”

  “What’s all the fuss?” Gideon asked.

  “Sissy here thinks the centerpiece is too big,” Maggie explained.

  “Never saw such a thing. Looks like ya dug it out of the yard,” she sniffed offhandedly. Maggie rolled her eyes.

  “Whatever. Mama and you can decide where it goes. I’m outta here. I got a hair appointment.” She looked me up and down. “I think you should come with. You look like crap.”

  “Maggie!” Aurora swung through the door of the pantry.

  “Arden knows what I mean,” she defended herself. “She could use a full spa day, but hair and nails is all she’ll get today.”

  “Thanks, Mags. I think I might take you up on that after I peel the shrimp,” I said, heading for the refrigerator.

  “Too late sugar, Sissy already did ’em.” Aurora smiled at me. Then she began sticking cloves into a big juicy ham. “Go on. Get a little pamperin’ before the party.”

  “Yeah, indulge with me.” Maggie hooked her arm through mine, pulling me out of the kitchen. Gideon winked at me. Sissy waved absently. She was still messing with the centerpiece.

  * * * *

  The point of an open house is to let people arrive and depart whenever they want. It is also to relieve the house of being inhabited by too many people at once. It seemed to me that this was more of a party than an open house because all the invited people arrived at the appointed start time and would most likely stay until last call.

  So here I was, standing at the buffet table. My salon appointment didn’t rejuvenate me, but with hair done and some makeup, I didn’t look like death warmed over. I shoved a mini quiche in my mouth just as Harriet Darren cornered me.

  She was the nosiest woman I ever met.

  “So dear, are your parents visiting this year?” Her beady little eyes focused on me.

  “No,” I said around the food in my mouth.

  “Oh, what a shame. I was so hoping to meet them.” She pretended to pout. “Ah well, an ambassador’s life can be very busy, I’m sure.” She patted my arm and, with short mincing steps, went on to the next poor victim.

  The rumors about me were hysterical. I was everything from being an Ambassador’s daughter to being in the witness protection program. We laughed over them all, never correcting anyone. It was too much fun. However, for no reason I could think of, neither the Shepherd’s nor the Ross’s questioned me about the past, and if they questioned Stewie, I never knew. But I didn’t worry about it. Once Stewie was sworn to secrecy he was shut down tighter than an airport with a terrorist threat.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them anymore. I trusted them more than I ever trusted anyone ever before. It was more of a protection thing now. I was protecting them from my trouble called Cass, and I was protecting myself from them not lovi
ng me anymore. Mostly Gideon.

  Scanning the room I looked for him. He wasn’t hard to find. A head taller than most of the men here, he was standing by the Christmas tree with Cort and two other guys. Lorne and Lance, the Taggert twins, who had graduated with Gideon.

  Suddenly, as if he sensed me watching, he lifted his gaze, caught my stare, and winked. I sent him a friendly smile. I could barely keep my eyes open. I ate another quiche before slipping upstairs. I figured a little nap couldn’t hurt. I’d set my alarm for thirty minutes.

  When I reached the top step a wave of nausea rolled through me. I grabbed the newel post to steady myself. Must be the quiche. I shuffled as fast as I could to my room. To my shock and dismay, Les Houghton was emerging.

  “What are you doing in my room?” I asked.

  He had the grace to blush. “Nothin’, just lookin’ for a quiet place to sit a spell.” His suspenders were cinched a little too tight, hiking his pants well above his ankles. He reminded me of a little old toad with his wide mouth and bug eyes.

  “I’m sorry to say I’m not feeling well so this room will be occupied,” I told him. “I think Sheriff Packer is looking for you.” I lied.

  Les looked startled, hustling past me to the stairs.

  My room was cool and quiet and dark. The shades had been pulled. I inched my way to the bed, switching on the lamp to set my alarm and crawled beneath the covers.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “I’ll jump down, turn around, and give the dog a bone if you want—just say yes,” he pleaded as his eyes searched for the answer in my face.

  This was a familiar argument between us these days. Gideon had proposed to me on New Years’ Eve. My heart broke in a million tiny pieces when I told him I couldn’t. The look on his face would haunt me for a lifetime.

  This late Sunday morning we were riding along the eastern border of the farm. Newly fallen snow blanketed the ground. The air was glacial, our breath billowing out in streaming puffs when we talked.

  I was trying to explain to him why I didn’t want to get married.

  “Isn’t being together enough?” I asked.