“How convenient that you want to remember that now!” YaYa spat back. They were screaming at one another. All the love he had just professed for her had turned to hate. They were shouting at the top of their lungs as resentment, jealousy, and anger radiated off of them.
“I never forgot, YaYa,” Indie said, defeated as he placed both hands on the wall in front of him and bowed his head. His rage boiled over as he punched the wall, causing her to jump. He was aching. His heart was bleeding. His wife had given him a hefty dose of his own medicine, and it was a hard pill to swallow. “How did it come to this? How did we get here?”
“I don’t know,” YaYa whispered. “I asked myself that every day while you were away. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, Indie. It just happened. While you were catering to her, he catered to me.” There was no way to sugarcoat the truth. Indie had given another man the opportunity to please his lady.
Indie turned and leaned his back against the wall. In his eyes, she saw the look of disbelief. He hadn’t expected this from her, which made it hurt that much more. YaYa folded her arms across her chest. They were adversaries, emotional enemies, and their resentment was so palpable it filled the room.
“I know things spiraled out of control for a minute, but I’m back now. You have to give me a chance to fix this,” Indie said.
“It’s too late,” YaYa whispered. I’m leaving you. There. It’s decided. I’m going to be with Ethic, she thought, feeling slightly relieved that she had finally told him.
“It’s not too late,” Indie objected.
“It is!” she shot back. “It’s too much for me. It doesn’t feel like a family anymore. It’s not you, Skylar, and me anymore. King is here, and every time I look at him I think about Parker. The only reason you’re probably even here is because Zya put her in the dirt,” YaYa shouted. “It took her to die for you to let her go and now you want me to do what? Raise her son? Stay with you after everything that’s happened? Or do you want me to pretend like you’re not here by default? I’m not some consolation prize. I am the prize.” Get it off your chest, she thought. Tell him everything that you have been holding in.
“You and your insecurities are draining, ma. She’s gone! The fuck you worried about? When she was alive we were fighting about her, now she’s dead and we’re still fighting about the same thing! I can’t cheat on you with a ghost! After I pay my respects and help my son through her funeral, that part of my life is over.”
“And what do you expect of me while you do this? You want me to watch you grieve over her? I didn’t ask for any of this. You didn’t have all this baggage when I met you. You sprung all of this on me, and you’re expecting me to just roll with the punches!” she shouted. Fuck him, YaYa fumed. Her thoughts were going off because every time he opened his mouth to speak he only pushed her further out the door.
Indie sighed. He wasn’t trying to place a burden on YaYa’s shoulders. She knew him too well not to see the sadness he carried around with him. He was grieving Parker’s death. It was his fault. She had been killed trying to protect him, and it was something Indie wouldn’t soon forget. His son had lost a mother, and one day he would have to explain why. Indie loved Parker in a way that YaYa would never accept, so instead of trying to explain it to her, he shut down and tried to hide that part of himself from her.
“I realize it’s hard on you. Having King here is an adjustment, but I need you to hold me down.” Indie’s rebuttal went through one ear and out the other. YaYa wasn’t interested in holding anyone down. She wanted to uplift a man who would do the same for her in return. She was over thug love and its mediocre reciprocation of loyalty. Loving Ethic had shown her something so deep that she couldn’t settle for what she had. Indie was constantly taking, constantly expecting her to give her devotion, but he wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain. He absorbed her energy and left her weak at the end. The situation with Indie had drained her. YaYa couldn’t pour from an empty cup, and at the moment she was emotionally void.
“We’ve been at this for a long time. We’ve been together for years. It shouldn’t be getting harder, Indie. We should have found our stride by now. This is too much. This is not how it’s supposed to be,” YaYa whispered.
“What do I not give you, Ya? Huh? I gave you the house, the lifestyle. I built you up. I served the bitch Leah to you on a platter. You’re not innocent here. We fucked over one another, but you act like forgiveness isn’t even an option. How many times have I stuck with you?” Indie asked.
“You stuck with me except for when it counted. Parker—”
“The only thing I can do is admit my wrongs, ma. It was a mistake, one that I learned from. I’ll never hurt you again. My word used to be bond with you.”
“Yeah, and your actions caused your words to become questionable. How many times can I take an emotional bullet just because you’re the one holding the gun? You’re killing me,” YaYa shouted.
“Have you ever wished for something only to get it and realize it wasn’t what you thought it would be?” YaYa asked. Tears filled her eyes. She had never imagined herself saying these words to Indie. She had never predicted that they would be in this place of uncertainty, but as she sat in front of him she was filled with regret. There were just some hurts that you couldn’t erase.
“Is that how you feel, YaYa?” Indie replied in defeat.
“I don’t know how I feel,” YaYa responded. She couldn’t look him in the eyes because the words she spoke were untrue. She had raked over her emotions day in and day out every day since they had wed. YaYa had tried. Lord knows she had tried, but something had shifted between them. Marriage hadn’t fixed anything. It hadn’t healed them. It hadn’t made her trust him. It was just a piece of paper. They had moved along without fixing the imperfections that existed between them. They were broken and covering up the hurt they had caused one another.
“What do you want from me? Fuck the nigga Ethic, fuck Parker. It’s you and me in this marriage. It means something, whether you admit it or not. It’s worth something. How can I fix this?” Indie asked. YaYa could see the distress in his eyes.
“I don’t know if you can,” she admitted. “I want loyalty, but it’s too late to prove that. Now she’s gone and it’s just me. I’m all you’re left with. I wanted you to choose me from day one, and since the day you hesitated at that altar, it changed something for me. I resented you after that.” It felt so good to say that aloud. She had held it in for so long. Tears welled in her eyes. “You never got over her. There were feelings lingering between the two of you, and I could sense it. I could feel it in my gut.”
“That’s your own insecurity, YaYa. It’s always been you, but you tell yourself whatever you want to justify what you’re about to say next,” Indie stated. “That’s where this is going, right? You leaving me? You gone take Skylar and what? Go live with that nigga?”
“I would never take Skylar from you. You will always have access to her, Indie,” YaYa said.
“Access?” Indie said in disbelief. “Have you lost your fucking mind? My kid ain’t going anywhere. She’s mine, YaYa. You’re mine,” he said, his voice cracking. He was possessive, angry, but above all he was devastated. The girl he loved wanted someone else.
The weight of the world was on his shoulders. He had a trial to face, he had just lost the mother of his child, and now his wife was leaving him. He sat on the edge of the bed and rested his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his head in distress.
“People outgrow each other, Indie,” YaYa whispered, as she closed the space between them and he looked up at her.
“You’re going to break me, ma,” Indie said. He pulled at her waist as she pulled away, only for him to pull her toward him again. “Please, don’t leave me, YaYa,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist. His shoulders hung in defeat as he lowered his head. YaYa was stunned when she heard him cry. Her heart broke. This man that she had loved for so many years was built tough. He was thorough and one
hundred percent G. Rarely did he allow himself to be weak. It was that vulnerability that cracked her determination to leave him. She couldn’t stop herself from cupping his face in her hands as she got down on her knees. She was directly between his legs as she caressed his face while staring lovingly at him. Her pain wrote a story all over her face, and the agony that took over his features was the sequel.
He had been raised thinking that a man wasn’t supposed to cry, and having YaYa witness this filled him with embarrassment. She saw it, his shame, and she cried with him as she leaned in to kiss the places where his tears stained his face. The saltiness of his emotion tainted her lips, and she kissed his cheeks, his chin, his nose …
Indie fisted the back of her hair and kissed her. He kissed her in a way that she had never been kissed before, breathing his sorrow into her and making her head spin. “You not leaving,” he whispered as he palmed the space between her legs. She gasped, and he devoured her response, his tongue invading her mouth as she moaned helplessly. He wasn’t playing fair. Indie unbuckled her jeans and didn’t even bother taking them all the way off, he simply rolled them down beneath her juicy derrière. He slid her panties to the side and then kissed her in that place that made logic nonexistent. “This is mine,” he moaned as YaYa’s head fell back in bliss. She was filled with doubt, but he reassured her with every flick of his tongue. God, this isn’t right, she thought. She had gone from Indie, to Ethic, to Indie, to Ethic … this ride was getting old. She didn’t know whom the hell she belonged to, but Indie was making it clear that he had no intention of letting her go. He feasted on her until she was weak and then pulled her down onto his lap as she rode him. It was the one thing that they had always done well, but being this close to him, this pleasured by him, clouded her thoughts. He brought her to orgasm, and they lay spent as their bodies entangled in the sheets.
“Please don’t hurt me,” YaYa whispered. Sex had dissolved her plan to leave. Just like that she was stuck again, and it was as if the argument had never even taken place.
“I won’t,” Indie replied. They went to sleep back to back as they stared at their respective walls. YaYa couldn’t help but be unsure. Maybe she had given up on her marriage too quickly. She didn’t want to break up her family prematurely. She had put years in with Indie, molding him and watching him grow into a magnificent man. Wasn’t he hers to be foolish for? Despite the fact that he had hurt her, didn’t she have a right to fight for their relationship? YaYa decided then and there that she would stay. When she left her husband, she didn’t want to have any doubt that she was making the right decision. She would have to let Ethic go, no matter how much she dreaded it. He didn’t deserve all the baggage she would bring into his life. She was betrothed to someone else, and it would be more difficult to try to separate herself from Indie than to just stay and stick out the tough days. She knew that Ethic wouldn’t understand, hell, she barely understood, but love wasn’t meant to be logical. Love was meant to be felt, and she had to honor the vow she had made. Right?
19
Morning came, and as Indie watched YaYa sleep, he was incredibly thankful for her presence. He knew that she had one foot out the door, but he promised himself to do better by her. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he loved her more than anyone else in the world, but the fact that she no longer believed that hurt. He had fucked up somewhere along the way, and it was his job to make sure she was secure in her position in his life. Despite what she thought, Parker had never come before YaYa. She was like the stars. She guided him in the darkness, and as he prepared to fight for his freedom at trial, he needed her right there by his side. When he got lost or gave up hope, he wanted to be able to look to her for guidance. He climbed out of bed and slipped on a pair of pajama pants before heading to Skylar’s room.
He peeked in on her and walked over to her bed. “Good morning, baby girl,” he whispered as he bent down to kiss her cheek. “You want to come help Daddy make breakfast for Mommy?” he asked.
“Uh huh. Can we make pancakes?” she asked sleepily.
“We can make whatever you want, baby girl. Come on. Get on Daddy’s back. Let’s go wake up your brother,” Indie said. He walked down the hall and into the living room, where his son slept on the couch. “Yo, big man,” Indie said as he shook King’s shoulder gently. “Wake up. Time to rise and shine.”
King groaned and sat up reluctantly. Indie could tell he was uncomfortable living here. All he had known was his mother, and now that she was gone, living without her would take some getting used to.
“We’re making my mommy breakfast,” Skylar said.
King looked at Indie. “Do I have to?”
Indie sighed. “I know this is hard for you, King. It’s a big change, but you’re my son and I want you to feel included here. This is your home now.”
King nodded and climbed off the couch, reluctantly. Indie placed a hand on his shoulder and walked to the kitchen with his two helpers in tow.
This day felt good. The three people that he valued most were with him. He only hoped that his lawyer could beat down the case that was threatening to take him away from them. His family needed him. King had no one else left and was entering a stage in his life where a father was influential in shaping the type of man he would become. Skylar was his princess, and he had to pour as much love into her as he could. He didn’t want some boy coming around giving her love she lacked at home if he had to go to prison. YaYa was on the edge of leaving him, and he knew that if he had to lie down for an extended amount of time that he would lose her. She would try to remain by his side, but while time would stand still for him if he went away, it would go on for YaYa, and their love would become a thing of the past.
Indie moved around the kitchen with his children assisting him, and laughter filled the room. They made a huge mess, flipping pancakes, cracking eggs, cutting fruit, and frying bacon, until finally they had the perfect breakfast spread.
YaYa ventured down the stairs, and she gave a halfhearted smile when she saw them setting the table. This new version of her family would take some getting used to, but YaYa knew that to love Indie was to love his son. Still, she couldn’t get the picture of how things were supposed to be out of her mind.
You have to be strong for this family. King needs a woman to step in now that his mother can’t, and Skylar needs her dad here with her. This is the only way both of those babies get what they require, she thought.
She knew that God made her uncomfortable to inspire growth, and she hoped that she could live up to His expectation of her. “Smells good, guys! Since I know your daddy can’t cook, I have to give the credit to you and Skylar, huh, King?” she asked.
“He helped a little bit,” King replied proudly.
Indie walked over to her and kissed her forehead. Thank you, he mouthed silently.
She nodded and then took a seat. “Let’s eat.”
They sat down and ate together as Skylar entertained them all with an endless story about princesses and ballerinas. It was easy like Sunday morning, and YaYa looked across the table at Indie, feeling optimistic.
Their relationship was tumultuous lately, Indie knew. It was filled with ups and downs, but it was moments like this that made Indie hopeful that they would get through it all. When he and YaYa were rocky, life was unbearably painful, but when they were on the same page, the feeling was incomparable. To a black man, his woman was the sanctuary where he could retreat from the rest of the world. Her love could either make him or break him; he needed her more than she knew. She was responsible for the man he was and for the man he had yet to become. She don’t know how important she is to me. If she did, she could never measure my love for her against my love for anybody’s. Ever. The shit just don’t compare, he thought. He stood and began to clear the table.
“What? You’re washing dishes? Are you sick? You bumped your head? What has gotten into you?” she teased with a laugh.
“When a nigga fuck up, he got to do a little bit of wo
rk, that’s all. I ain’t scared of it,” he replied with a wink as he bent over to kiss her lips. “You can go take care of that funk breath while I’m doing this.”
King snickered and YaYa pouted. “I’m going to pay both of you Perkins men back for that,” she said, pointing between the two of them.
Indie rubbed the top of King’s head playfully. “I’ll help,” King said as he stood eagerly from the table.
“Me too!” Skylar shouted. She grabbed her cup and placed it on the counter, accidently knocking YaYa’s purse to the floor. The contents of it spilled all over.
“I’m sorry, Mommy,” Sky said.
“It’s okay, baby girl,” Indie said as he bent down to pick it up. The first thing his eyes fell on was an envelope with a business card stapled to it at the corner. A lump formed in his throat when he opened it.
The paperwork to the bank account she co-owned with Ethic was inside. His eyes scanned the document.
This nigga gave her thirty bands? he thought as he flipped through the pages. The notion of what she had done to get that amount of money had him vexed. Indie wasn’t green to the game; he knew a man wasn’t doling out that type of money on a woman he wasn’t involved with.
“What’s wrong?” YaYa asked as she frowned curiously. She could see an immediate change in him, and she was filled with worry before he even told her what had soured his vibe.
“King, take Sky upstairs while I speak with YaYa,” Indie said. YaYa frowned because she could tell by the tone of Indie’s voice that something had unnerved him.
He was trying so hard to contain his anger that his temple throbbed and he gritted his teeth. The last thing he wanted to do was fly off the handle while the kids were present. He watched his children race up the stairs until they disappeared from his sight.
“What is this?” Indie asked, as he placed the bank papers on the table.
YaYa gasped. She had meant to get rid of those. Although she had pledged to give things another try, every woman needed her shoe box money. If things didn’t work out, she would have the means to get herself out of a bad situation. She never thought Indie would discover her secret. The impending doom of their relationship filled her mind. She didn’t know how to answer him. Her mind fished for a reply. She needed a good lie to soften his discovery, but she came up empty. There was no justifying herself in the light of this. Not only would he not understand why she was hiding money from him, but also he would never forgive the fact that it had come from Ethic. No man liked to think about someone else taking care of his woman. She was about to lose her entire life. There was no avoiding it. This was the beginning of the end. YaYa was like a deer in headlights. She had no explanation ready because she never expected him to find out.
The Prada Plan 5 Page 20