Wishes to Burn

by Ellabee Andrews

  "I know what I want, Declan. It hasn't changed. The question you need to be asking yourself is, do you know what you want? Despite what society or anyone else tells me is right, I care for you all, and I don’t see that changing. If that’s not something you can deal with, or think you’ll ever be able to handle, then there can’t be anything more between us, and as much as that hurts me, I’m not willing to give up any of the others either. You each mean a lot to me, and if that makes me a horrible person, then so be it. If I have the chance to keep you all, then I’m going too. There’s still a lot we need to figure out with this bond, and that’s going to take practice, so you need to take some time and decide if you’re willing to put in the work with the rest of us. I need you to make a choice, Declan. No more of this in-between. It’s only going to hurt us both in the long run,” I tell him, laying all my cards out there for him to see before turning and leaving the bathroom.

  He doesn’t try to stop me again.

  I lean back my head and enjoy the way the sun warms my face, relishing in the brief moments when the gentle breeze blows by and provides just enough air to keep my body from growing too hot. We sit in a circle in a wide clearing with the view of the mountains on one side, and the thick line of trees on the other, and I think about how I could get used to such perfect weather. This thought is only made stronger as I feel the touch of my knees pressed against Maksim’s and Gavril’s where they sit on either side of me, and I’m able to look Satine and Declan in the eyes as they sit across from me. Surrounded by the four, I know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

  We’re all quiet as we try to focus, so I allow my mind to wander, and with the way the grass is tickling my palms, I’m reminded of my time with Gavril the night before, and the flight after. His hands had been everywhere as our wings kept us aloft, and with the wind blowing over our naked bodies, we–.

  I snap my eyes open when I hear the groans from Satine, Maksim, and Declan, and the satisfied male chuckle from Gavril, as they pick up my naughty thoughts. My cheeks feel flushed as I look into their faces, noting their expressions range from Satine's exasperation to Gavril's pride, and I instantly feel guilty. Smiling sheepishly at letting my mind stray while we're trying to figure out our bond, I mumble an apology. As I do, I feel the weight of their stares and the pressure to figure this out sitting heavily on my shoulders.

  Gavril clears his throat to get my attention. “You have to focus, Rhia. Believe me, I enjoyed last night too and I would love to do it again, but right now, I think broadcasting the details to everybody might be too much. If anything, it may cause them to subconsciously shut you out,” he says kindly, and I let that thought sink in.

  A sigh escapes me. He’s right, so I nod my head. “Sorry, you guys. I guess I’m just so used to blocking you all out that I’m having trouble with you being inside of my head now. For the past two months, it’s been the other way around, so this is new to me too. I’ll do better. I promise.”

  There’s no judgment on any of their faces and that just makes me feel worse about my inability to focus. We’ve been out here for two hours already, and haven’t gotten any further than opening up our minds to share our thoughts. Unfortunately, that means I’ve accidentally shared the more intimate parts they should have never seen. I don’t mean to do it, but every time my gaze catches Gavril’s, my mind flashes back to his strong body, bare save for the moonlight that caressed the curve of his ass, highlighting the dimples that–.

  “Rhia!”

  The thought dies as they all yell my name at once, the word coming out as one voice, and I can’t believe I’ve done it again. Cheeks blazing, I cover my face with my hands, hiding from them as I rest my head on my raised knees. At this rate, they’ll never need to watch HBO again. Not when I keep giving them a play-by-play of what me and Gavril did for free.

  "All right, I think we could all do with the break. How about you come inside with me and help me get some drinks ready, Rhia? The guys can just hang out and relax for a bit while we do," Satine says, and I immediately take the hand she holds out to me to help me off the ground.

  On my feet, I quickly walk toward the house, causing Satine to practically jog to keep up, and I don’t stop until I feel the press of the living room wall behind my back.

  Feeling the air stir around me, I meet Satine’s kind face and note the concern there. “I need to ask you a personal question, Rhia. I have a theory, and this will help me figure out if it’s right or not,” she says, getting straight to the reason she pulled me away from the others, and I consider what she’s asking. I could handle some personal questions if she can help. It’s a small price to pay.

  “Sure. What do you need to know?”

  “Last night with Gavril. Was that your first time? You know, ever?” she asks hesitantly, and I can tell talking about this isn’t high on her to-do list.

  Not ready to have the ‘how many partners have you had sex with talk’, I keep my response simple. “No, it wasn’t.”

  “Damn,” she mumbles under her breath, and I lift my brows. Seeing my look, she throws her hands up in what I guess is supposed to be a soothing gesture.

  "Sorry, Rhia. I didn't mean it like that. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me, but I needed to know. The way you're acting, your inability to focus and obsessing over sex with Gavril isn't like you at all. At first, I was hoping that it was because you were a virgin, and he was your first. But, if that's not the case, then I think it's something else…"

  She looks pained by whatever thought she’s come to, and I cup her face, enjoying how soft her skin is, while my eyes zero in on those juicy, red lips. If I just lean in a few inches, I’ll be able to taste them...

  "See, this isn't like you. Getting distracted and having all your thoughts turn to sex. Or, even if it is, you're normally better at hiding it than this. I think I know why though. Last night, I was able to feed through our bond. Not just you either, Gavril too. If I was able to physically gain something through our connection, like the energy that you built during your… flight. Then it stands to reason that you could get something from me as well," she says, no longer meeting my gaze, so I lean down into her line of sight.

  “Tell me, Satine. What do you think is going on?”

  With a groan, she answers in a soft voice, like she dreads what she has to say. With the my stomach turns from nerves, I’m grateful she doesn’t leave me guessing for long.

  “Meaning, I think that you’re experiencing my lust. The craving to have the feel of another person rubbing all over you until you come unglued beneath them. I’ve had years to manage it, but you’re acting like a teenage succubus not in control of her powers and self yet. And if that’s true, only one thing will help…” she looks down once more before she seems to gather herself, and in a voice so soft I almost miss it, she answers. “Sex.”

  When we rejoin the others, I reluctantly share with them Satine's theory and wait for their reactions about sex being what I need right now. They don't disappoint with their reactions.

  “Rhia, as difficult as this is to say, if you just have to have sex, I’m here for you. You’re my friend, and this is a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” Gavril says, feigned nonchalance in his words, but his tone tells a different story. He’s just a touch too eager to be anything but excited by the prospect of us having lots of sex.

  “Wow! Conceited much? Why assume she’d want to have sex with you again? Not to toot my own horn, but toot toot. I was basically created for one thing, and that is to give pleasure. Besides, I can do things with my tongue that you can’t even imagine,” Satine says back to him, and rather than get offended, I lean back on my palms and let them argue. I mean, they’re talking about bringing me pleasure. Call me curious, but I want to see where this goes.

  Gavril looks at her in disbelief and starts to gesture erratically with his hands. "Just because you're a woman, it doesn't mean you can please her more than anyone else. I'm a gargoyle. I can literally grow and harden parts of my
body at will. You may have some ‘magical' tongue, but I'm like a Duracell baby. I don't quit."

  Chuckling softly from his spot beside me, Maksim leans in to whisper quietly in my ear. “Are you okay with this?” His warm breath caresses my skin and causes a shiver to race down my spine.

  I think about the question, rather than answer immediately with some textbook response, but then shake my head. “Honestly? It’s kind of funny watching them argue,” I admit, but he gently cups my face to turn it toward him. Falling into those whiskey eyes, Satine and Gavril’s conversation fades away.

  “No, Rhia, not just this conversation about who can please you more. Though, if we’re throwing out our specs, I’d like to mention that I’m single, willing, and have this aggravating habit of not being able to stop until I know my girl has been thoroughly satisfied. This could mean hours in bed, screaming for more until your voice fails you while I worship your body like the goddess that you are. But more than that, more than the endless amounts of pleasure, my priority will always be making sure that you’re happy.”

  His voice has grown deeper as he talks, and by the time he finishes, I’m squeezing my legs against the heat that has pooled between them. It’s a struggle to find my voice with how dry my mouth has become.

  Seeing that he’s left me speechless, Maksim gives a sly smile before placing a soft kiss on the side of my neck, and as I lift my gaze, it locks with Declan where he sits across from me.

  Instead of the anger or hurt I’ve grown so accustomed to seeing, a new expression is written across his face, and as he leans in, moving between where Satine and Gavril are arguing over the finer points of how a strap on is just as efficient as a real erection, I find myself holding my breath in anticipation of what he’ll say.

  “We get it. Satine is a woman and knows what other women enjoy. Gavril can make his cock like a rock, and Maksim? Honestly, most of the shit that comes out of his mouth either terrifies or cracks me up, so I’m good not knowing what he can offer. But let me be clear. Leprechauns set the standard for making a woman’s dreams come true. You get lucky with one of us, and you’ll find more than just a pot of gold on the other side of my rainbow, sweetheart.”

  At his proclamation, my heart rate speeds up, but I try to quell my excitement until we can talk alone. After our disaster of a conversation in the bathroom earlier, I need more than just an afterthought. I need assurances that he’s really ready to try and make this work, and won’t bow out when things get tough. I also need to know if I can trust him fully again. He hurt me the last time I opened up, and I don’t think our friendship could survive that a second time.

  I try to show these doubts on my face, having been burned by him before, and when he gives a subtle nod, his eyes taking on a challenging look, I return one of my own. I may want him, but I also refuse to play this back and forth game. If he has decided to do this, then he has to be all in.

  The call from my mother finally comes two days later as I go to sit down for dinner with the others, and as much as I want to dive into the chicken parmigiana Maksim prepared, I rise from my seat with an apologetic smile, and make my way up to my room.

  “Hey, Mom! How are you? How’s Matt?” I ask in greeting, thinking about how my little brother must be driving her crazy during his summer break. Confirming my suspicions, she lets out a tired sigh.

  “Matt’s fine, honey. Though he’s started spending time with our new neighbor. He seems nice, but I don’t know… I think he’s been smoking. I asked him about it, but you know how he can be. He denied it and then spent the rest of the evening locked in his room.”

  Feeling guilty about not calling her enough, I try to lighten my tone. “Mom, Matt’s a smart kid. I’m sure he’s not doing anything stupid like that. Besides, he knows if he does I’ll magic all his clothes pink.”

  She laughs when I say that last part, knowing that I’ve done it before since my intent was to help him, and it makes me glad to have called. She’d been disappointed when I called her a month ago to tell her I wasn’t coming home for the summer. Which only made it worse when I couldn’t say it’s because it could put her and Matt in danger. Until we know for sure the threat has passed, I’m not willing to risk my family.

  “Rhia? Are you still there, honey?”

  Frowning at how often I find my thoughts straying, I force my focus back onto our conversation. We’ve already missed too many talks. The least I can do is pay attention when we do.

  “Yea, sorry. I just thought I heard Gavril call my name,” I lie, forgetting that I haven’t told her who all I’m with, and immediately cringe knowing I’ve just opened a can of worms I’m not ready to talk about yet. One day maybe.

  "Gavril? Honey, when you told me you were staying with friends this summer, I thought you meant Satine and some other girls. Are you seeing this Gavril?" she asks, her voice excited, and not wanting to lie, I settle on a half-truth.

  “Kind of. It’s complicated. I like him, but I have feelings for someone else too. I guess I just worry I’m not being fair to him when he’s not the only person that I like,” I say, telling her more than I intended to, and wait for the lecture the admission is sure to bring me.

  “You’re young, Rhia. I wouldn’t worry so much about it. The chances of Gavril, or even this other boy you like, being the ‘one’ are slim. Right now is a time for you to figure out who you are. When you do meet the right person, you’ll feel it to your very core. I wouldn’t worry so much until then,” she tells me, and my heart sinks.

  How do you explain to someone that there isn’t just a one for you, but four people that have grabbed your heart, wrapped it tightly within their arms, and refuse to let it go? I'm not sure, so I don't try. Instead, we spend the next fifteen minutes with her telling me about the people from back home, as I make the right noises in the right places, but all the while, I can't stop myself from thinking about the four downstairs and what they mean to me.

  I just know one thing for sure after our talk is over and we hang up. Mom is wrong. Feelings aren't assigned to a specific number, and I know for a fact, that a person is capable of loving more than one person. I may not be ready to tell her yet, but one day I will. And when that day comes, I can only hope that she'll see it my way, because if the four downstairs agrees to be mine, then I'm never letting them go.

  Grocery Stores And Pop Up Storms

  The day after my conversation with my mom, I’m lounging on the couch when Maksim walks into the room, brow furrowed.

  “Everything okay?” I ask as he stands there staring down at a piece of paper he holds. He looks up at my question and nods.

  “We need more food. I’ve gone through the stock that was left for us, and if we plan on eating tomorrow, someone will need to run to the store in town.

  Since I haven’t contributed much besides helping to keep the house clean, I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head. “I’ll go. Who’s coming with me?”

  I look around the room and see Gavril open his mouth like he’s about to respond, but before he can, Declan shoots up from his spot and joins me where I stand. “I’ll go with, Rhia. With only two of us, we’ll have space in the back for groceries if we run out of room in the trunk.”

  Gavril’s body tenses like he’s ready to argue, but after sharing a long look with Declan, he sighs. “Yea, you’re right. I’d hate for there not to be enough space for the groceries,” he says in a dry tone, and I look back and forth between the two of them. It’s a bad thought, but with how strange they’re acting, it would be a good time for their thoughts to seep through.

  Scolding myself for thinking that way, I walk toward the hallway, stopping only for a second when Maksim stretches out what I now see is a grocery list. I read over it for a second and put it in my pocket before facing Declan. "Let me grab my shoes, and I'll meet you outside."

  He nods, and I continue to my room as I try to ignore the nerves I feel at the upcoming car ride. We haven’t been alone since Satine figured out that I ma
y be picking up on some of her succubus traits, so I fear this may end up being a very awkward trip.

  Staring down at the directions on my phone, I make sure we’re taking the right road before I look up to direct Declan. When he said he wanted to drive, I’d been more than happy to comply. These curvy roads made me nervous to drive on.

  "Stay straight for five miles, and when you come to a four-way, you'll turn right. That should take us right to town," I say as I take in his profile.

  With his green-tinged skin and shock of red hair, he really is handsome. But the tension is thick between us. There’s still so much hanging in the air between us, and I don’t know where we stand.

  He must feel the same way because, after only another mile or so of driving, he pulls off into an old parking lot, the building in the middle long since closed, and turns off the car before running his hands through his hair.

  Unsure of what’s going through his mind, I keep my mouth closed as he works through whatever it is that’s bothering him.

  "I," he starts and snaps his mouth closed. Trying again, he turns to me and I'm taken aback by the naked pain he allows me to see etched across his handsome features. "I have to get married, Rhia. I'll be king one day, and tradition requires I have a wife before I can. I know you think I'm being difficult because of whatever it is that's going on with the others, and that was it, at first, but I had mostly worked through my issues with that…"

  “But?” I ask, sensing there’s more he needs to say, and he startles me by slamming his hand down onto the steering wheel. The blare of the horn disturbs the birds resting in the trees nearby. As they screech and fly away in alarm, I wait for him to say something. Anything to give me some clue about what’s going on with him.

  Leaning back and resting his head against his seat, he no longer looks at me. He just keeps his eyes closed and swallows hard. “The week before school released, my mom told me that her and my father decided I wasn’t actively trying to find a wife, and it was embarrassing them. They said that I have one year or they’ll choose for me, and I will have no say. I want to agree to this with you Rhia because I care about you. But, how can I? If I do this now, I'll only have to give you up in a year when you definitely won't be able to choose between me and the others. And I won't ever ask that of you again. Not after I almost lost you. So here I am, a slave to a tradition that is older than me, with no idea of what to do. Because no matter what I decide, I lose you in the end."