Daddy Lessons

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “Why?”

  Hailey hesitated, then angled him a quick glance. “Today was not…not Natasha’s best day,” she said, deliberately keeping her comment vague in front of Adam, Natasha’s classmate.

  “At least she got out of the truck right away today,” Dan said, with a hopeful note in his voice. He shot a quick glance through the window in the classroom door at his daughter, who sat perched at the edge of a tiny chair, clutching her backpack.

  Hailey followed his glance and suppressed a sigh as she zipped up Adam’s coat.

  It was Friday afternoon and school was done for the week. As he had the past four days, Dan had come to pick Natasha up. Megan Tolsma had asked Hailey to tell Dan she needed to talk to him. However, Megan was still in a staff meeting, leaving Hailey to fill the awkward silence between her and Dan with idle chitchat.

  At one time Hailey could have regaled Dan with stories about people they knew. Passed on a bit of gossip. Talked about the snow conditions on the mountain.

  Now their history and the silence of the past seven years yawned like a chasm between them, and above that space floated memories of Austin’s death. The tragic event that pushed them apart. That sent Dan west to Vancouver and Hailey in the opposite direction.

  Dan drummed his fingers against his thigh, obviously also aware of the awkwardness trembling between them.

  Hailey dragged her attention back to Adam. “Are you still coming to the ranch next week?” Adam asked as Hailey tugged a toque on his head. “Mommy made your favorite chocolate cupcakes and put them in the freezer so me and Carter won’t eat them.”

  “I’m excited for cupcakes,” she said, hoping Dan didn’t hear the waver in her voice.

  Please, Lord, she prayed, help me get over this. I don’t want to feel so confused around him. This has to get easier.

  It’s that whole first love thing, she reminded herself. You never really forget the drama and emotions of that first love. She just had to try.

  Yet, as she wrapped Adam’s scarf around his neck, she knew her reaction to Dan was beyond that of former high school sweethearts. Dan had been part of her dreams and the promise of a settled and secure future—something she had lacked with a mother who always wanted to be anywhere but Hartley Creek. And a father who had left her and her sisters long ago.

  While she tied up the ends of the scarf, Adam turned his attention back to Dan.

  “Are you Natasha’s daddy?”

  “Yes. Are you friends with her?” Dan asked back.

  “I want to be, but she doesn’t play with me. She’s not fun.”

  Hailey tugged on Adam’s scarf to get his attention. “Remember? We only say good things about our friends,” she said, adding in a warning frown when Adam met her gaze.

  “She’s not my friend yet,” Adam protested. “She won’t play with me because all she does is cry.”

  She needed to work on the potency of her frown, Hailey thought. Obviously it had no effect on Adam. As Hailey glanced back at Dan she caught a shadow of pain cross his expression.

  All week she and Megan had tried to be diplomatic with Dan in their discussions about Natasha. Dan kept insisting Natasha only needed a few more days to get used to the routine.

  But Natasha needed more than a few more days to settle in. They hadn’t told him yet that Natasha had spent all of today hunched over her knapsack, her hair hanging over her face, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Megan was saving that information for the parent-teacher meeting this afternoon.

  Hailey pushed herself to her feet. “Out you go, buddy. Say hi to your mom and Carter for me,” she said, sending Adam out the door, watching to make sure he got to the bus. When she saw the principal of the school urging Adam on, she turned back to Dan.

  “So, how does that kid know your cousin Carter?” Dan asked.

  “His mother, Emma, and my cousin Carter are engaged.”

  “Glad to hear that,” Dan said, slipping his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. “Carter’s had it pretty rough the past few years. What with losing his wife and then his little boy.”

  Hailey tried not to read too much into his knowledge of her family. Carter was her cousin, but he was also a part of the Hartley Creek community. Dan’s mother and father would have kept Dan abreast of what was going on.

  “Carter’s happy now.”

  Dan nodded, then blew out a sigh. “What did that little guy mean when he said all Natasha does is cry?”

  “Today wasn’t a good day for Natasha.” That was all she felt comfortable telling him.

  “She’ll have her good and bad days, I guess,” Dan replied. The look he gave Hailey seemed to contain both challenge and hope.

  She swallowed, unable to look away, wondering if he ever thought of their last time together and the fight they had. Had he done the same thing as she had done in the months that followed? Relive that conversation over and over? Say things differently?

  After Austin died, Dan had pulled back. She had understood that and had given him room to grieve. Then, when he finally asked to get together again it was to tell her that he wanted to move away from Hartley Creek. When she asked him why he said only that he needed space.

  As she’d faced him down, Hailey had relived the pain she felt when she’d watched her father silently pack his suitcase, then walk past her and out of the house. She had been eight years old then and vividly remembered her helplessness.

  Added to the past memory was the reality that four months before Austin’s accident, when Hailey had just graduated from high school, her mother, Denise, decided her youngest daughter was old enough to fend for herself. Her sisters, Naomi and Shannon, were out of the house already, so Denise packed up and moved away from Hartley Creek, leaving Hailey behind.

  Then Dan wanted to leave her too?

  It was all too much. This time she would be in charge, Hailey had thought. This time she wasn’t going to be left behind. So she’d broken up with him.

  Part of her had hoped, even yearned, that he would plead with her not to break up. That he would change his mind and want to stay in Hartley Creek with her.

  But nothing.

  The first six months he was gone, she nurtured the faint hope he would return. When she heard about his marriage to Lydia she knew their relationship had ended.

  Though the sting of that betrayal had stayed with her a long time, the memory of the love she had held for him lingered.

  And now, looking into his eyes, that old memory grew stronger and she was reluctantly drawn into his gaze.

  She couldn’t do this. Not here. Not now.

  Relief flooded her when she saw Megan striding down the hall.

  “Here’s Miss Tolsma,” she said, reaching blindly for the handle of the classroom door. “I’ll sit with Natasha, until you’re finished.”

  Then she turned and retreated into the room, closing the door firmly on Dan and on the past.

  She’d found out the hard way the only way to stay in control of your own life was to stay in control of your plans.

  No way was Dan disrupting them.

  Chapter Two

  Natasha sat in the little chair in the corner, still clutching her knapsack, her chin resting on the top of it, her brown hair hiding her face.

  At least she wasn’t crying anymore.

  Hailey sat down beside her, perched awkwardly on a chair made for six-year-old bottoms. She folded her hands on her lap, saying nothing, simply being there for the little girl.

  As if finally sensing her presence, Natasha looked up. Her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks plucked at Hailey’s heartstrings.

  Natasha dragged her coat sleeve across her face, drying her eyes. “Is my daddy come yet?”

 
“He’s talking to Miss Tolsma for a few minutes. As soon as they’re done he’ll come to get you.”

  “I want to be with my daddy. I don’t want to be in this school.” Natasha looked down at her knapsack, fiddling with a tiny stuffed rabbit hanging from the zipper pull.

  “I’m sure your daddy wants to be with you too.” Hailey laid her hand on Natasha’s tiny shoulder.

  Natasha shook her head. Hailey heard her draw in a trembling breath and her shoulders shook with silent sorrow, as if she had no hope her cries would be acknowledged.

  Hailey’s heart broke for the little girl adrift without her mother and living in an unfamiliar place.

  “You know your daddy loves you very much,” Hailey said, giving the little girl’s hand a squeeze. “He wants to take very good care of you and he wants you to learn. That’s why he put you in school.”

  Natasha’s silent cries only increased. Hailey couldn’t stand watching her. She pulled the little girl onto her lap. Natasha made a token protest, then wilted against Hailey, her arms twined around her neck.

  Hailey wrapped her arms around the tiny, slender body, rocking slowly back and forth and making shushing noises. Natasha burrowed her head in Hailey’s neck.

  “I don’t want to be sad,” she murmured, sniffing.

  “I know you miss your mom and this place is different. It’s okay to be sad about that.”

  Natasha drew in a shuddering breath. “Daddy said I shouldn’t talk about my mommy,” she said. “Because it makes me cry.”

  Hailey felt torn. She didn’t want to go against Dan’s parenting, but she also wanted to look out for Natasha.

  “You can talk about your mommy to me, if you want,” Hailey said. “You can tell me anything you want about her.”

  Natasha considered this, then lay against Hailey again. “I really like you,” she whispered.

  “I like you too,” Hailey replied, stroking Natasha’s damp hair away from her face. She clung to the little girl. Dan’s little girl.

  What if Austin’s accident hadn’t happened? What if Dan had stayed in Hartley Creek? Would the little girl in her arms be her and Dan’s?

  The light touch of a hand on her shoulder made her jump. Hailey yanked herself back from her meandering thoughts, then just about fell off the chair when she turned and saw Dan pull his hand back from her.

  A frown pulled his eyebrows together as he looked down at her.

  “She was so upset…she was crying… I didn’t know what to do.” Hailey stumbled through her excuses, wondering why she felt she had to explain her behavior.

  But Dan’s direct gaze made her feel as if she had stepped over some invisible boundary.

  He bent over and lifted Natasha away from Hailey and the little girl tucked herself into his arms. He stroked her hair just as Hailey had, tucking Natasha’s head under his chin as he held her close.

  Just as Hailey had.

  “It’s okay, honey,” he murmured to his daughter. “We’re making this better for you.”

  Hailey glanced over to Megan standing by the front doorway to the class, one arm crossed over her chest, her other hand tucked under her chin while she watched Dan and his little girl.

  Hailey beat a retreat to her friend’s side.

  “Did you figure something out?” Hailey asked.

  Megan ran her forefinger across her chin, as if drawing out her thoughts. Then she turned to Hailey. “We’ve decided that Natasha would do better with a tutor who could work with her in her home.”

  Hailey looked back to Dan, now perched on the edge of the small table, still holding his daughter.

  “Good idea, but where will you find a tutor in Hartley Creek?” she asked, watching as Dan rocked slowly back and forth, comforting his daughter.

  As a father has compassion on his children…

  The Bible verse that had comforted her so often in the dark days following Austin’s accident slipped into her mind.

  Dan was a good father, so unlike her own.

  Megan turned away from Dan to Hailey, lowering her voice. “I’m thinking this might be a good job for you.”

  Hailey’s attention jerked away from Dan to her friend. “What, what?”

  “Shush. Use your church voice,” Megan whispered, holding her finger to her lips. “You and I both know that this little girl needs more help than any of the children in the classroom. When I saw you holding her on your lap, I knew you were exactly the right person for this job.”

  “I don’t think so.” She couldn’t see Dan on a regular basis. That would put too heavy a strain on her emotions.

  “But think of Natasha,” Megan urged. “That little girl is overwrought. She recently lost her mother. She needs some kind of direction and she has obviously formed an attachment to you.”

  Hailey pressed her lips together as her sympathy for Natasha swayed her reasoning.

  Megan sensed her wavering and put her hand on Hailey’s shoulder. “I think you’re exactly the right person for the job,” she said.

  Hailey shrugged, her reluctance battling with her sympathy for Natasha. “You can think all you want, but I’m sure Dan won’t go for your plan.”

  “We’ll see,” was all Megan would say.

  They walked over to where Dan sat, still holding Natasha. The little girl lay quietly in his arms.

  Dan looked up when they came close, a raw hope in his eyes.

  “I have a temporary solution to your problem.” Megan gave Dan a bright smile. “I’ve talked to Hailey about your situation and she is willing to tutor your daughter.”

  Dan’s gaze flicked over Hailey and then returned to Megan. “I don’t think that’s an option,” was his blunt response.

  “I feel it’s a reasonable solution,” Megan replied, brushing aside his objections. “Hailey and Natasha obviously have some kind of bond.”

  Dan’s only reply was to lift Natasha, stand up and settle her on his hip. Then he glanced over at Hailey. For a moment, as their eyes met, she caught a flicker of older emotions, a hearkening back to another time. Her heart faltered in response.

  “This won’t work,” he said, then turned and walked away.

  Hailey watched him leave, the definite tone in his voice cutting her to the core. Though Hailey had known Dan wouldn’t agree, she didn’t think he would be so adamant about it.

  She wondered why she cared. Her response to him showed her she wasn’t over Dan Morrow at all. And if she wasn’t over Dan, she certainly shouldn’t be teaching his daughter.

  “Natasha, don’t play with that, honey.” Dan took the cardboard-and-cellophane box holding the baby doll away from his daughter.

  It was Saturday afternoon and he and his mother had spent most of the day doing damage control, keeping his daughter from running up and down the aisles, fingering the china displays and playing with the toys in the store. Patricia, the store’s only employee, manned the register.

  “But it’s pretty and I don’t have a doll like that.” Natasha stuck out her lip in a classic pout as she dropped onto the wooden floor, her green fairy dress puddling around her in a mass of glittery chiffon and satin.

  Dan carefully closed the box and put it back up on the shelf with the rest of the toys. “Come with me to the front,” he said, taking his daughter’s hand. “Patricia said she has a game for you to play.”

  She jerked her hand away just as his cell phone rang out. Without bothering to check the caller, he pulled it from his pocket and answered it.

  “We’ve been trying to call you for the past two days,” a voice accused him.

  At the sound of the woman’s voice Dan’s heart sank. Lydia’s mother. Carla Anderson.

  “I want the doll,” Natasha called out, pulling away from Dan as he tr
ied to control her and use his phone. Thankfully the store had hit a lull and Dan didn’t have to deal with any customers right now.

  “Is that Natasha?” Carla asked, her voice raising an octave. “What is wrong with her?”

  “She’s fine.” The only thing wrong with her was she wasn’t getting what she wanted. “And what can I do for you, Carla?” he asked, forcing himself to smile. He’d read somewhere that if you smile even if you don’t feel like it, your voice sounds more pleasant. And he needed that pleasant tone right now. Every conversation with his mother-in-law since Lydia’s death had been a battle over who would take care of Natasha. He had custody, but Lydia’s parents brought it up at every turn.

  In the weeks after Lydia’s death Dan deliberately kept everyone out of his daughter’s life just so he could cement his relationship with Natasha. He wanted to give her stability, create a connection. He’d had such little time with his daughter when Lydia was alive. However, in Dan’s opinion that had meant keeping everyone, even his own parents, at arm’s length for those first critical weeks after Lydia’s death.

  Now he lived in Hartley Creek and Carla and Alfred were still in Vancouver, and they’d been pushing harder and harder with each phone call.

  “I want to talk to Natasha,” Carla was saying. “I haven’t talked to her for a couple of days.”

  Dan looked down at his sniffling daughter, then at the checkout counter. His mother was bagging some items for Miranda Klauer. The store was quiet, so he had time to supervise the phone call.

  “Okay. I’ll put her on,” Dan said, as he took Natasha’s hand and walked toward the door leading to his and Natasha’s apartment above the store. They stepped into the stairwell and closed the door, leaving it open a crack so he could give them some privacy and yet keep an eye on what was going on outside.

  “It’s your gramma,” he said to his daughter, lowering the phone and covering the mouthpiece. “She wants to talk to you. Do you want to talk to her?”